Summary:

Bella jumped off the cliff with Jacob and Alice didn't see her fall. Bella considers giving in to Jacob's advances knowing full well that she is not complete. Her world is shattered all over again and her life is yet again in danger. The person to pick up the pieces is the last person she would have ever expected. My first fan fic. Please be gentle!

Steph Meyer owns the Twilight world. The Twilight world owns all my free time. I own mis matched socks.

Chapter One: Give it a Shot

Bella. Please don't do this. This is reckless and stupid. Please. His velvety voice was still pure silk as it dripped of anger and longing. Well, this is the only way I can keep him with me. Why would he be angry anyway? He obviously had previous distractions to attend to. Why would he even be bothered with what I was doing?

It took me a few seconds to realize a hand was waving in front of my face and snapping to get my attention. My eyes refocused just in time to see said hands replaced by the deep russet skinned face of Jacob getting closer….and closer. I suddenly shook my head to clear my thoughts, and automatically stepped back to distance myself from Jacob. There was something in his eyes that said he was about to go for it. I just wasn't ready for that yet. To keep from hurting Jacob's feelings I grabbed his large hand and turned us to the cliff's edge. Taking a deep breath I asked, "You ready?" His very warm hand squeezed mine and in one last ditch effort he tried reasoning with me.

"You know it would be better to start lower down and work our way up. Are you sure? I'm not worried about me, ya know being a werewolf and all, but you? You're kinda breakable Bells, and sharp rocks tend to hurt."

The problem was, I didn't want to be reasoned with and by him reminding me of my fragility only twisted the gut wrenching knife in my stomach.

"Yep. It's now or never. Let's do this." How about Never? That is my vote.

Sorry but imaginary heartbreaking absentee voices of my lost love don't get a vote. And this is surely not a democracy.

Jacob gave a resigned sigh as we counted to three and stepped out onto the open air. The moments of pure weightlessness caused a joyous shriek to come out of my throat. It has been so long since I felt any sort of excitement that would warrant a smile on my face so the odd sounds coming from my chest baffled me. Jacob held tight to my hand as we hit the freezing cold water with great force that left me briefly stunned. Jacob never let go of my hand and felt physically like the anchor he metaphorically had been for months now. We surfaced from the frigid water and I felt like my wet clothes were weighing me down like fifty pound weights. Thank God Jake was such a good swimmer because I certainly wasn't contributing to us getting closer to the shoreline. Amazingly, Jacob's skin was still blazing and I couldn't stop myself from attaching myself close to his side as we trudged out of the water. Even so, my teeth started to chatter quite noisily. Jake gripped me tighter and ended up just carrying me to the truck and turning on the heat full blast. He slid me over to the passenger side and slid in behind the wheel. As the truck puttered along down the rainy highway, Jake drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the back of the seat.

"108 degrees over here Bell…" He left as an open invitation. My body was moving before my mind told it to do so. I wrapped myself up in a small cocoon and put my arms around his toned middle. Sure enough he was like a walking sauna.

"How is that even possible? The water was absolutely freezing!" I asked incredulously.

"It's a wolf thing."

"Huh. Weird. Although right now there is no way I'm complaining."

Jacob couldn't hide the smirk as he responded, "Me either."

As we rode back to my house I sat and contemplated what exactly was going on with us. Jake has been there from day one of my own personal hell and has been whatever I needed him to be. I told him from the beginning that I was damaged goods and he was still willing to take whatever I could give, which wasn't much. Though I would never feel completely right, sitting with Jake like this didn't exactly feel wrong either. Not as wrong as it did when we went on the triple date from hell with Mike. Were my feelings changing? I am such a shell of my former self and yet I feel change. I don't know how this is possible. From the moment He left I have felt the whole in my chest ache and rot. I would never be whole but Jacob seemed to be able to hold the shattered pieces of my heart. I realized that he was the only person that didn't necessarily take away the pain, but being around him at least numbed it enough to where I felt able to breathe again. If Jacob were to leave me, which I would not blame him for at all, I don't know if I would be able to handle it. How can you shatter pieces that have already been broken?

My inner monologue had me so out of it that it took me a moment to realize that we were sitting in my driveway and the truck was turned off. I was still wrapped around Jacob's torso and he continued to rub soothing circles on my back and he leaned his head on top of mine. I could see his massive grin in the side mirror. I got to see the Jacob that I first met. I was finally able to see the happy go lucky boy that was there before the hardness and mask of calm that had taken over his features since his change. I loved seeing Jake smile like this. Though he most likely wanted to see this go further, I realized that as long as I got to see him happy like this then I would no longer try to stop him. He has been fully warned that I could not give him my heart right now because it felt non existent. Jacob caught me staring at his reflection and proceeded to tickle me. The raucous giggles coming out of my mouth in duet with his deep chuckles proceeded to lighten my heart. While trying to wiggle away from his torture, he proceeded to pull me onto his lap. We both realized at the same time that may have not been the best decision. Jacob went stone still and his eyes were wide with panic. We both stopped breathing at the same time. He then had the nerve to smirk arrogantly. Jacob was certainly not a 16 year old boy physically. And his prominent erection was not going anywhere. I could literally feel the blood rushing towards my cheeks and deftly moved away from him to my own seat. As I got out of the truck I gave a nervous chuckle to hide my embarrassment and said, "See you tomorrow Jake. Thanks for jumping."

Jacob then responded with "Anytime, although let's not make a habit out of that particular event." And the smug idiot was still sporting his cocky smirk. I couldn't help but smile at his amazing confidence even though I knew it was mostly bravado. Jacob got out of the truck and with a wave he started walking towards LaPush. I didn't have to guess why he wasn't running. I'm sure it can't be comfortable for someone in his current condition to run. I'm not quite sure if the same situation applies if he phases. That must be why he was heading towards the woods. The chilly air made me shiver and miss the heat of my own personal sun as I made my way back into the empty house and hopefully to warmth and dry clothes. I'm glad Charlie was working today. I'm not sure how I would have explained my wet clothes. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that if I had told him I was with Jake he wouldn't have questioned it. Honestly I think he is just happy to see me acting somewhat human these days and it is all thanks to Jake.

EPOV

It has taken me nearly 100 years to perfect the calm façade that I am now struggling to keep up. There is literally a war going on inside my head and it has nothing to do with the thirty or so thoughts of others around me right now. My own inner monologue is drowning them out. If this plane doesn't land soon I cannot be held responsible for my actions. I had no problem pulling off the nervous habits of most humans. I was wound so tight that my leg was actually bouncing without my permission. The grave determination on my face and my posture kept the annoying humans from coming too close. Hell, even the stewardess only came by once which was fine with me. The facts have not changed. I cannot give her a life. I cannot give her a family. And I cannot give her enough protection. I promised her that she would never see me again and I plan on keeping that promise. I have managed to keep that promise for over 6 months now and it has been the hardest promise I have ever had to keep. But I have realized that no matter how many miles I put between us, I will forever be tied to her and want to make sure she is okay. That is why I am giving into my more selfish nature and going to check on her. I have been on a wild goose chase trying to find Victoria. If there was anything that I am definitely lacking it would be my tracking abilities. I have been a complete failure and don't feel any closer to tracking her than when I initially had to give myself the mission of finding her to keep from going back to Bella. And what am I doing now? Yea, total fail. I kept telling myself that I would just be checking on her. I can't let her see me. I am merely going back to make sure she is safe and has moved on like I had planned. The selfish side of me that was growing by the second cringed at that thought. Could I really be okay if she has moved on? My heart hasn't beat in over 90 years but I feel it was left in the woods that day. As the war raged inside my head I continued to get closer and closer to the place I last felt whole. Who knows what I would find when I got there.