All In Vain

It was too late. She knew. KazxJun. One-shot.

Hello! I had an idea! Don't look at me like that, ideas are a rare thing for me you know. Anyway, I really do apologise for my very extended absence/hiding from the world thing but yeah. You know how the world sucks? Yeah.

This is quite different from my normal KazxJuns I think. Probably means it's crappier than usual but give it a go. :D

Disclaimer: I don't own it. If I did, I would still understand the plot.

"I hate you. I fucking hate you." I got a really perverse pleasure out of saying this shit. Somehow I could never get enough of seeing the hurt in her eyes and the way her shoulders would slump when I made her feel like dirt. It was addictive. Intoxicating. Right up there with sex.

You probably think I'm a bastard. You'd be correct, but not for the reasons you think.

I love seeing her pain because it makes me feel terrible because I'm the one hurting her. Seeing her like this makes my heart clench and my soul scream in anguish. Torturing my soul is my favourite way to pass time you know, ever since I sold it because if I don't, I honestly can't feel a damn thing.

Jun doesn't understand this and I have absolutely no intention of telling her either. I mean, how can I explain that I like hurting her because it gives me the capacity to truly love her? She'd probably give me some speech about saving my soul instead and how I should really free myself from devil. She's so optimistic, it's hilarious. Nothing can save me from devil because I am Devil and he is me. We are separate beings, yes, but we are also one. Contradictory but necessary. And in any case, it's been far too long already. We're bound together so tightly that I can't tell where one begins and the other ends.

So I crush Jun with my games, words and fists. And then, just when I think my soul will be torn apart by the grief, Jun sees the pain in my eyes and the struggle behind them. And then she once again misinterprets what exactly the struggle is and decides to stay to help poor old me fight with the devil. Honestly, I don't really get it. Even I wouldn't stay with me.

"You don't."

Jun was defiant. She wouldn't meet my gaze but she stood her ground, her hands unconsciously curling themselves into fist. She wasn't just optimistic, she was plain stupid. She had never beaten me physically and she never would. There were two of me and one of her. She was never a chance.

"You're lying. You're always fucking lying! Why can't you just admit it already?! You-!" She choked back her sobs and looked into my eyes, searching for the pain and confusion she knew she'd find. "You love me! Why can't you just fucking say it?! Stop doing this to us again and again and all fucking over again!"

I was quite thunderstruck. Jun never swore. Ever. But cursing aside, Jun had done something more serious than she could comprehend. She had disrupted the status quo. She loved me, that was simply the way it was. But I didn't love her. I didn't and it's that simple. She would sometimes timidly suggest such a thing and I would ignore it and that was how it was. But to accuse me outright and so vehemently of loving her after everything I continuously put her through...

It wouldn't do.

Jun can't know. If Jun knows then I can't hurt her. If I can't hurt her, I can't feel anything. If Jun knows that I love her, I can't love her. It was simply unfathomable. So I did the only thing I could think of to reverse the ugly realisation which Jun had had.

I left.

No note, no nothing. I broke off our relationship in the cruelest way I could, without exposing myself to more of her damning revelations. I expected her to be upset. I expected her to think she had been mistaken, that I had never and could never possibly love her.

But it was all in vain. It was far too late. She already knew.

I hope you liked it and it wasn't too vague or confusing. It's nothing to do with the rest of my fics. This is just a bit of a speculator on the KazxJun relationship and why they didn't work things out and Kazuya left. I like it better than the meaningless fling theory in any case, and I love twisted Kazuya.

Review! Please! :D