Broken Hearts, Shattered Dreams
No one wants a broken heart.
No one wants their dreams to die.
But it happens.
One day you're in love.
The next it's all over.
Nothing you can do about it.
Life goes on.
But sometimes broken hearts never mend.
Captain Jack Harkness walked around the back of the small, white Norwegian Church at Cardiff Bay. He often went walking when he couldn't sleep. Sometimes the night air helped to relax him. Chase away all the ghosts and demons that came out at night to haunt him. He had lived so many lifetimes and had collected so may demons and ghosts that they appeared to him nearly every time he closed his eyes.
It was late. No one else was around.
Jack spent most of his nights wandering around Cardiff. He couldn't sleep again tonight and didn't want to be cooped up in the Hub. It wasn't any fun. So, here he was, alone in the middle of the night, prowling like a Tom cat. Not looking for anything in particular, just walking. Taking in the night air.
As he walked passed the newly built Visitors Centre, he spied a dark form out of the corner of his eye. His eyes narrowed as he moved closer. It was a man. A young man, just standing by the waters edge, staring into the murky liquid.
Jack moved closer to get a better view. Young, around 20 or so. Slim. Maybe 5'11" or 6" tall. Dark hair. Definitely all male.
He approached the man and stood just behind him.
"I haven't got any money, if that's what you're after." He told Jack, not turning around.
Jack moved beside him. "I'm not here to rob you."
The young man turned to look at him. "Oh." Then he turned to look back out over the Bay.
"No planning' on jumpin' in, are you?"
The young man laughed. "No." He looked at the Bay, then whispered softly to himself, "Not this time."
"Are you up later or early?"
The young man shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. Thought the fresh air would help."
"Has it?"
He smiled and shook his head. "No."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Jack leaned against the railing. "I can't sleep either. I'm out here most nights, just walking."
" I think I've seen you before. Earlier this week."
Jack frowned. "I didn't see you."
"Why should you. I'm….insignificant. No one, really."
"Every one is someone."
"Not me."
The young man went to walk away.
"I'm Jack, by the way."
He turned. "Ianto."
"Ianto. Good to meet you."
They didn't shake hands.
Ianto just smiled sadly.
"W…would you like a coffee or something a little stronger?"
Ianto looked around. "I think all the shops are closed, Jack, unless you have a flask or two hidden in that coat of yours." A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Nice coat, by the way."
Jack smiled. "Thanks. So, drink?"
Ianto sighed. "Okay."
They began to walk back around the Bay towards the Tourist Office. When they reached it, Ianto was surprised when Jack took out a key and unlocked the door. Following Jack inside, Ianto looked around at all the leaflets and brochures.
"Do you work in here?"
"No," said Jack, pushing a button on the back wall, "I work down here."
A little nervous, Ianto followed after Jack down a lite corridor that led to a lift. Once inside the lift, it descended a few floors before coming to a stop. Once outside they walked down another short corridor to a sliding door and a gate. Going through then both, Ianto's mouth dropped open, as he took in what was before him.
The Hub in all it's magnificent glory. Lights flashing, the sound of water falling down the outside of the tower. Different smells and sounds. He looked around in awe. Computers. Workstations. A lab.
"What is this place?"
"Ever heard of Torchwood?"He turned to Jack. "Hasn't everyone? They fight aliens."
"Welcome to Torchwood HQ." Jack spread his arms.
"Wow!"
Jack started to climb the stairs up to his office. Ianto followed, turning to look at everything as he climbed higher. His eyes were bright with wonderment.
"You drink Scotch?"
Ianto nodded, entering the office.
"Good."
Jack opened his top drawer and took out a good malt Scotch and two glasses. He set the glasses on the table a poured the amber nectar into each one. He then handed a glass to Ianto.
"Cheers."
"Cheers."
"So," said Jack, sitting down. "Do you live near here?"
"St Mary Street, actually."
"Oh, noisy round there this time of the week."
It was early Saturday morning.
"Tell me about it. About a dozen nightclubs, all throbbing with party goers."
"No wonder you can't sleep. You just moved here?"
Ianto took a sip of his drink. "No. For some reason, it just started to affect me."
"Did you drive down?"
"Mmm, car's out in the Plass."
"The Mercedes is yours?"
"Yes. Parked next to a black SUV."
"That'll be a Torchwood car."
"Nice."
"Thanks."
Jack sipped his drink, watching Ianto carefully, his brow slightly furrowed.
There was something about him, but Jack couldn't put his finger on what it was. But Ianto fascinated him.
After finishing his drink, Ianto put the glass down beside the bottle.
"Another?" asked Jack.
"I really shouldn't. I'm driving."
"There's a couch downstairs, you're more than welcome to stay Beats all that noise back at your place."Ianto smiled.
Jack's heart leapt.
"Okay, maybe just one more."Jack poured two more Scotch's.
"Can I ask where you work?"
"I don't."
"Only that car is brand new."
"My father is quite well to do. I took over a very lucrative business from him when he retired a few years ago. Medical grounds, you see."
"Good for you. You have a good business head, then."
It wasn't a question.
"Mmm, money spent well on college. See those boats out in the Bay? We made most of them. We build sail boats."
"Arh."
"Your coat. Are you…were you in the Navy?"
"No," Jack chuckled. "It's an Air Force greatcoat."
"Opps. Sorry."
"That's okay."
"So…you're a Captain, right."
Jack nodded. "Yeah."
"Cool."
Jack was getting warm, so he took off his waistcoat.
"So, you sleep and work here."
"Yeah," Jack pointed to the ladder and porthole in the office floor. "Down there."
Getting up, Ianto walked over and looked down. "Looks kind of…cosy."
"It's small but it's okay…for me."
Ianto came back to sit opposite Jack. "Is there no Mrs Jack Harkness?"
Jack smiled. "No."
"You must get lonely. You're out nearly every night, just walking around."
"Yeah, sometimes." Jack nodded.
Ianto looked around, feeling foolish for bringing up the subject. He could see how sad it made the Captain.
"Do…many others work here?"
"Three."
"Right." Ianto took a sip of his drink. "Catching aliens. Must be hard work."
"It can be."
Their eyes met and held for a long moment, neither speaking. Then Jack said,
"I don't usually bring strangers in here. But, there's something about you…"
"Trusting face?" Ianto smiled.
"No, it's more than that." Jack studied Ianto's youthful face. "It's like, I feel I've known you a lifetime. In just a short space of time."
"We both know that can't be," said Ianto. "But…I feel it too."
Jack was out of his chair and kissing Ianto before either man knew what was really happening. Jack encased the younger man in his arms, smothering his lips and cheeks in kisses.
Ianto stiffened and then relaxed into Jack's embrace, wrapping his arms around the older man's neck, pulling him closer, returning his kisses.
When they parted, there were unshed tears in the young Welshman's eyes.
"I'm falling in love with you." He told Jack. "I…I have never, ever thought of being with another man. I…don't understand…"
Jack kissed him again.
"Sshh. It's okay. It's gonna be alright."
Ianto pulled away and stood up.
"How can it be okay? I'm in love with another man!"
Jack stood his ground.
"No," Ianto shook his head. "This can't be happening. What did you put in my drink?"
Jack shook his head. "Nothing. You saw me pour them."
That was true.
Ianto sat down again and Jack knelt beside him, taking his hand in both of his. Ianto didn't pull away.
"I love you, too." Jack shook his head. "I know, if feels…strange to you right now."
Ianto laughed nervously. "Mmm, very."
"But just think about it for a second, please. Listen to your heart. I know it feels….strange, but, it feels so right to me."
Ianto looked to the heavens and closed his eyes.
"Don't let this chance for happiness pass you by, Ianto. Grab hold of it with both hands." Jack squeezed his hand gently. "I want you beside me." He shook his head. "I have never wanted someone as much as I want you right now. Stay with me, Ianto. Please."
"You want me to sleep with you?"
Jack shook his head. "No, not like that. I want to hold you. Be with you. Want you close to me."
"I…don't know. This is all so new to me. I don't…"
Jack let go of his hand and stood. "It's okay. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. You're free to leave whenever you want to. I won't try and stop you."
Jack went to stand by the window, his back to Ianto.
Standing up, Ianto approached Jack, wrapping his arms around Jack's waist.
"I don't want to leave. I'm just...scared."
Jack turned in Ianto's arms and faced the younger man. "Don't be. I would never hurt you."
They kissed
"I…want to stay with you," Ianto said, shyly. "I just…don't know what to do." He turned trusting eyes on Jack. "Show me, please?"
Jack's heart filled with love for this beautiful man in front of him. Taking Ianto's hand he led him to the ladder leading down to Jack's quarters.
When they both reached the bottom, Jack kissed Ianto and tried to put his mind at ease.
"Trust me," said Jack.
Ianto smiled back at him. "I do."
They sat on the small bed. Jack touched Ianto's face and Ianto closed his eyes, leaning into Jack's hand.
"Mmm," Ianto murmured.
Jack smiled, and put his hand against Ianto's chest, starting to ease off his jacket. Ianto flinched, but only for a second. Jack continued to remove it. He gave Ianto time to adjust to his surroundings and the feelings he had whizzing around in his heart and head. After a few minutes, Jack pulled back and just looked at the man before him. He marvelled at his innocent beauty. His naivety. Let the younger man's love wash over him and drowned him until he felt he just couldn't breathe. He closed his eyes and smelt the scent that was Ianto. Filling his nostrils. Awakening his senses. Making him feel alive for the first him in so many lonely years.
Ianto let himself be loved. Let this man before him, undress him and lay him naked on the bed. Let him touch him where no man had ever touched him before. Wallowed in the love that was being spread over him with every kiss, every touch. At last he lay in Jack's arms. Protected. Cherished. Loved.
Jack slowly got off the bed and undressed, getting back beside Ianto. They embraced.
"I never knew love could feel this good," said Ianto, yawning.
Jack kissed the top of his head. "Sleep."
"Mmm, I think I could, with you."
The night flew by and soon it was morning. Jack awake with his precious love still curled in his arms. He looked down at the sleeping Ianto and wondered what the day would bring.
Would Ianto feel differently about their relationship in the glare of daylight? Would he regret letting Jack touch him so intimately? Jack's heart began to beat faster. From pure love?
From fear?
He wasn't sure which.
He was brought back to the present by Ianto stirring in his arms.
"Morning, gorgeous," said Jack, kissing him.
Ianto turned his head before their lips met and Jack's world came tumbling down.
"I…I shouldn't still be here." Ianto said, moving away from Jack.
"Ianto, wait, please."
Ianto got off the bed and started to dress.
"What about us?"
"I'm sorry…I'm…" Ianto couldn't face Jack. "This was a mistake. I can't do this. I just can't. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it to go this far."
"What do you mean? Go this far."
Ianto continued to get dressed. As he was putting his shirt on, Jack grabbed his arm and turned Ianto to him.
"What do you mean?"
"When I saw you the other night. That was when I fell in love with you. I didn't expect to meet you again."
"So, what am I, your fantasy?"
Ianto didn't answer.
"That's it, isn't it?"
Ianto shook his head. "No, it isn't."
"Then what," Jack was getting angry. "Tell, me I want to know."
As Ianto put on his shoes, Jack stood in front of him, still naked.
"You're not goin' anywhere until I get some answers."
"Please, just let me leave."
"No." Jack put his hands on Ianto's shoulders. "Talk to me. Please. You say you love me."
"I do."
"Then stay."
"I can't. I have to go." Ianto started to climb the ladder.
Jack grabbed his arms, pulling him around and into his arms. "I love you, Ianto. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
Ianto melted into his arms, crying against his shoulder. "Please, just let me go."
"I can't. I have waited too long for you to come into my life. I can't just let you walk out of it again. I can't." Jack began to cry as well.
Ianto put his hand behind Jack's head. Please, don't cry. I'll stay for a while longer."
Jack held him tighter. "I need you."
They sat back down on the bed and Ianto drew the sheet around Jack's shoulder. He was the protector now. The roles had reversed. Ianto was comforting Jack.
They stayed like that for an hour or more, not speaking, until Ianto held Jack at arms length.
"I need to go now."
"But…"
Ianto put a finger against Jack's lips. "Sshh."
He replaced his finger with his lips.
"I'll return again, one day. When you least expect it. But I have to go now. My time is up."
"Time? I don't…"
"You didn't see me last week because I didn't allow you to."
Jack looked puzzled.
"I did jump, you see. In the Bay…three years ago this morning. I drowned."
"But you're…"
"Here? Yes, for now."
Jack heard the sliding door go back and then the gate open out in the Hub.
"Your friends are arriving for work."
Ianto stood and brought Jack with him. "Goodbye, my love."
"Ianto…"
"I told you I was insignificant. I don't exist, Jack. Not in this world, not anymore."
"But last night, we, I…"
Ianto smiled and began to fade slowly.
"I have always loved you, Jack Harkness. Remember me as I was, not as I am now. Dead."
"I will never forget you."
Ianto smiled, and was gone.