A/N : This takes place after Tamwar leaves Chryed's flat (and probably after some madhardrhumba as well). Syed continues where he left off and explains to Christian just how he feels.
Listen to 'Now and Forever' by Richard Marx : it inspired this fic.
Disclaimer: Chryed are not my invention (thanks BBC) but the story is.
The Most Important Thing in the World To Me
Breathless but blissfully happy, Syed lies wrapped in Christian's arms with his lover kissing his hair and nibbling that spot just at the bottom of his earlobe.
"Darling, I need to say this, I need to tell you why you are the most important thing in the world to me"
Sy, baby, there's no need. All that matters is that we're together now and always will be. All that stuff is in the past, it's over and..."
"Please, I need to, I need to do this. You don't have to say anything, just listen, let me ramble but I need to tell you this."
Christian let his free hand push Syed's chin up and kissed him softly and tenderly. "I'm here honey, I'm listening. Let it out then but remember, none of it makes any difference. Nothing you've done ever has. Well, except for making me fall in love with you – it made a difference of the best kind."
Syed smiled and snuggled into Christian's chest.
"That's exactly it, darling. The bottom line is that you were there for me throughout it all. Knowing that was the only thing that kept me going, kept me sane. It was madness, I battled every day. My head told me that I didn't want to see you or talk to you or even think of you. But deep down, in my heart, I knew that it was only knowing that I loved you and that you loved me, it was only being able to think about you that gave me the strength to get up every day and face the whole sorry mess. Now, looking back, I think I always knew what the outcome would be – but I guess I held out so long because I knew that finding myself would mean losing my family. I had to learn to accept that first and it was hard. Most of the time my head was battling my heart and I was tired, so tired of it all by the end."
Christian wiped a tear from Syed's eye and kissed it.
"Oh Christian, what have done to deserve you? All the lies, the deception, the crying, the arguing. You stood there and took it all. All that time, I let you hold me and make love to me knowing I would sneak off back to Amira and leave you. I couldn't say no to you, you were...you ARE my oxygen. God, I was selfish. I was so wrapped up in myself, in how I felt and what I wanted, that I never gave a thought to how it all affected you. I knew you loved me – you told me often enough -and I took it for granted. I feel ashamed now.
And I'm ashamed about how I treated you when it all came out and that you suffered Quadim and his henchmen because of it. I will regret that to my dying day honey. Head and heart battle again here, my love. In my heart, I wanted it to come out, I was glad you did it, I wanted to stop living the lie but my head damned you for doing it, for making it public and for the pain and misery it caused.
Even in the darkest days, when I made myself think I hated you for what you'd done, I knew that it wasn't really true. I sat for hours in that awful flat in the dark thinking I hated you. But hatred or not, you were still there in my thoughts, I couldn't get you out of my mind. Even thinking about you like that was better than not thinking about you at all. When I took the vodka and pills I really did think it was the only way to get rid of you but I survived and I know now that somewhere deep inside me, I got the strength from knowing you loved me. My heart won through. I owe my life to you, Christian."
Syed stopped, looked up at his lover and saw tears streaming from Christian's eyes. He cupped Christian's hand against his heart and held it there for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually he found his voice again
"Then all this therapy stuff. It was nonsense really but I so wanted to get you out of my mind that I was prepared to try anything. But it was no good. All we did was talk about you and the things I could do to get over you. It made matters worse.
But that's the point. Throughout everything, it's always been YOU. At then end of it all, when everything else was stripped bare, there you were still in my mind, still smiling at me, still kissing me, still holding me, still loving me. When I let myself think about the moments when I have been truly happy, they have ALL been with you.
They say that a parent's love for its child is above everything else. Well, it wasn't above this was it? I love mum and dad, you know I do, but they are willing to cut me out of their lives, their own flesh and blood. And for what? Because I fell in love? Because I wanted to be happy and not live in misery all my life? But you on the other hand, I knew your love that was unconditional. You'd taken everything I'd thrown at you, seen the worst of me, got beaten up twice because of me, been publicly humiliated by me and yet there you were telling my dad in the Vic that you loved me. I can't tell you how my heart leapt when I heard that. I hated that dad hit you but I loved it too. Is that bad? That was the moment when it all became clear to me."
Syed sat up. He knelt on his knees and looked at Christian directly. He switched on the light at the side of the bed because he wanted Christian to see his face. He took both of his hands in his
"Christian, I love you. You are IT for me, I can't breathe without you. Knowing that I can hold you and love you freely now is the greatest joy in the world. I'm here now because you never gave up on me – ever. Allah has given me a gift from heaven and I'll praise him for that gift every day. I want you to know that as long as the sun rises and falls, I'm yours. I know we'll have off days and I know I'll sometimes find it hard but it won't change how I feel. I can survive anything because I have you."
They sat in silence for minutes, just looking into each other's eyes. Christian smiled and stroked Syed's face, wiping away the tears. Syed returned the smile and placed both hands on Christian's heart.
Eventually, Christian lay down and pulled Syed down beside him so that his head was lying on his chest. As they entwined their legs, Syed leaned up and kissed his Superman. Christian drew his arms round him and the lovers fell into a deep and contented sleep.