I have seen two delightful stories with this idea of 'rules'. They have both made me laugh so much highly reccomend you read them. I just had to have a go at this myself.
If an Autobot do NOT do the following by hummergrey
Things Sam and Will are not Allowed By Bloodredribbon
Autobot's Guide to Survival With Humans
Entry one: Rules 1-25
By Steph
ENTRY OPENED
1) Do not attempt to hide human's snacks, if they wish to put harmful chemicals into their body that is their own choice.
Ratchet, Wheeljack
2) Do not insult a human's physical appreance, it may damage their self esteam.
Ironhide, Sideswipe
3) Do not insult a human's mathematical ability, they have a limited capacity for such calculations and do not posses a calculator based processors.
Sideswipe, Wheeljack
4) Humans can be a force to reckon with when angered, do not attempt to wake them with loud music.
Bumblebee
5) Do not take part in or recruit any humans to do pranks, humans can be irresponsible. The least we can do is set them an example.
Sideswipe, Sunsteaker
6) No upgrading human's technology with cybertroian modifications. Espeacially after the incident with Sam and his exploding mobile phone.
Wheeljack
7)Human language is primitive, that does not excuse attempting to 'add' to their small range of vaccobulary by teaching them Cybertroian glitch words, such as;
Slag
Frag
Glitch
Pitspawn
Fragger
Slagger
Mainframe Reject
Cour
Decepti-creep
Motor-head
Ironhide, Bumblebee, Ratchet
8) Do not threaten to dissect a human for the sake of Cybertroian science.
Wheeljack, Ratchet
9) When celebrating human holidays, have respect for their customs but do not attempt to participate without prior knowledge of the such holiday.
Wheeljack- Blowing half the base up with fireworks on bonfire night.
Ironhide- Attempting to hunt down Santa Clause with cannons for trespassing on base after 'delivering' presents.
10) No allowing yourself to get wheel clamped and then scaring the human that comes to free you by threatening to blast them into atoms.
Ironhide, Jolt, Sideswipe
11) Do not practice combat techniques on humans in the dark.
Bumblebee, Jolt
12) Do not attempt to pick up Sam Witwicky without expressed permission from himself or/and Bumblebee.
Skidz, Mudflat
"My human, get your own." Bumblebee
13) When asked of our culture on the issues of reproduction, do not reply;
I came from Primus himself. Sideswipe
The pit spat me out, probably couldn't take me. Ironhide
Who am I? Ratchet. Prowl
Ask wrench thrower, but take a shield, just to be on the safe side. Mudflat
14) Do not encourage humans to participate in extreme sports and attempt to 'help' them succeed.
Breakaway, Jolt
15) Do not threaten to shoot, stamp on, squish or blast a human. Report them to Optimus Prime for the correct sanction procedure.
Ironhide, Sideswipe.
16) Do not allow dogs or any other type of pet near Ironhide, you may find a scorch mark on the ground.
Sam, Mika, Sideswipe
17) If stopped by the law enforcement, do not protray a naked, attractive female human, to stop said police officer issusing a ticket.
Bumblebee, Jolt
18) Do not 'test' the protectiveness of Bumblebee in his guardian duties by hiding Sam Witwicky in the energon cupboard, and watching as the said bot search franticly for his charge. May induce paranoia. (Bumblebee restricted Sam to being carried for over an earth week.)
Jazz, Ironhide
19) Do not question a female human's care of their sparkling, may result in dents, waking up a different colour after recharge.
Ironhide, Jolt, Sideswipe, Skidz
20) Do not attempt to run through the base in the middle of the night screaming 'The decepticons are attacking!' and then claim it was just a joke. Humans are fragile creatures, the last thing we need is for any of them to die prematurely from cardiac arrest.
Sideswipe, Sunny, Skidz, Mudflat, Jolt.
21) Do not spike human's coffee/tea with extra caffine, they will suffer mentally fits.
Bumblebee, Skidz
22) If you see a human who is unwell take them straight to CMO Ratchet for treatment, DO NOT attempt to diagnose and treat with medevil remedies such as sawing off limbs.
Red Alert
23) Do not tell humans that Ratchet is a sparkless, wrench thrower, this will make them afraid to approach him for treatment which may result in health issues, and Ratchet getting angry and hunting the said bot down.
Ironhide, Optimus Prime
24) Do not hesitate to declare an emergency if it is a REAL emergency, not
in the case of;
A human acting crazy
Ironhide going trigger happy
Ratchet throwing wrenches
Skidz, Mudflat
25) Do not attempt to buy human items over the internet and delivering them to senior officers as a prank.
Bumblebee- Pink booster seat for Ironhide.
Jolt- Cushion Plushie for Optimus's office.
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