The night was dark, and Mary Crawley couldn't get to sleep. The shadows under her hazel brown eyes showed that the previous nights were all the same : sleepless. The sheets of this bed now too big for her were cold since Matthew's death, six months ago. Her whole life could be summarised in one word : cursed. Yes, that was how she felt. She had all these months of happiness with her husband, and yet she felt cheated by life. How could she have believed that this joyful life could last forever? Being with the man she loved more than anything and carry his child was too perfect, did it blind her? She was not made for any kind of happiness, and she will never be. No matter how hard she tried, or how she changed to be with Matthew, there will always be one moment where everything she had will disappear.

The only remain of this wonderful past life was the son she had with Matthew, George. But months passed, and she still couldn't feel close to him. Did she love him? Of course, how could a mother not love her child? However, she was unable to be here for him, and even when she tried, it was painful. His blue eyes were here to remember her of what she had lost, and she couldn't stand it. And she was feeling guilty, because she knew that she was losing the only thing that remained beautiful in her life. Instead of clinging to George, she was letting him go, hoping this would make her feel better. But it wasn't.

What would Matthew think of her selfish behaviour? And what would he see in it, except that she was abandoning their son? The cold and hard woman he met a few years ago had replaced once more this sweet and loving human being she had became with him. In her darkest moments, she came to think that these happy times only existed in order to destroy her once everything has vanished. And it worked. Oh God, it worked so well.

The memories of their past life were everywhere : in Downton Village, where they met. In the Church, where they married. In this room, which saw them closer than ever, and which now was plunged into a permanent darkness. Mary sighed. All these thoughts made her more morose, and made her unable to move on, to face the future, this stranger she forbade herself to meet.

Lost in her thoughts, she suddenly heard a soft cry coming from the room next to hers. The nursery. And before she realized what she was doing, she got out of her bed, and moved to the door. When her fingers touched the door handle, the cries became louder.

Mary rushed to the room next to hers, and observed what was going on. George's nurse was carrying him, and was trying to calm him down by cradling him, unsuccessfully. At this moment, Mary realised one thing : if she did nothing to get closer to her son, he will one day forget about her, and will think that his real mother is actually his nurse. And thinking about it was painful, nearly unbearable. But this was happening right now, under her eyes, and she wasn't doing anything to change that. It was scaring her, and she began thinking about George's first steps, which will be with his nanny. The boy's first word would not be 'mummy' like every other child, it will be 'nanny'.

And, for the first time, Mary decided that she wouldn't let this happen. She moved forward the woman who was holding her son, and once she was in front of her, she stopped.

"Can I hold him?" she asked in a low, hesitant voice. Yes, she was feeling ashamed. A mother shouldn't have to ask a nurse to get her child, except if she was a bad one. And she was.

The nurse seemed surprised by Mary's request. But she didn't say anything, and placed the child in his mothers' arms. Then, she left the room, after giving one last look at Lady Mary and George, who may after all this time have deserved some privacy. They needed it.

Mary started to awkwardly cradle her son, obviously lacking of experience. She was feeling a bit ill at ease, but as the minutes pass, she felt better. The child seemed happy, and after a few seconds in his mother's arms, he stopped crying. It was like he waited for this moment for months.

"Here we are, little man," she said, looking into her son's eyes. Into Matthew's eyes. "We have to learn to live together, just the two of us. And… we have to let your father go."

The last sentence was hard to say, but it was true. When she said 'we', she thought 'I'. The idea of letting Matthew go was painful, however she had to. The hole in her heart was more present than ever, but instead of running away and hiding her agony by locking herself in her room to cry, she held George closer to her. It was now time for her to open the curtains, and to let the sun shine in her life.

THE END.

Hi!

This was my first Downton Abbey one-shot, I hope you enjoyed it! I had the idea of a Mary/George story for a long time, I wanted to publish it before series 3 start, and here it is, just one day before the first episode ^^.

Thanks for reading it, and I'm sorry if there are mistakes, but English isn't my mother tongue, I'm sure you noticed it ;)

And, for tomorrow, enjoy the show! :)