Title: Goodbye: the Past is Gone, The Future Stinks

Author: ScifiRogue Kane
Rating: K
Warnings: angst
Spoilers: Huge one's for the season two finally, and the season three opener, plus a few other episodes ae mentioned.

Summary: Tim O'Neil writes a final letter to his best friend, Miguel, after losing him on Hyperion.

Setting: This letter was written about mid-season. Before Brody dies.

Distribution: ask first
Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. If the show belonged to me, I would do things waaayy differently, Tim would have been used a lot more and Miguel would not have died, for starters.

Dedication: To anyone who has ever lost a best friends or family member to tragic circumstances, especially my close friends who have lost people close to them lately. Dedicated especially to the memories of BT, and RR.

Author's notes: I was appalled by the fact that in the beginning of the third season Miguel Ortiz was just gone and no one seemed to remember he was there, not even his best friend. I also wasn't fond of some of the characterizations I saw emerging in the third season, the characters changed too quickly. Also recently People I care about have had to bury people they love and so that made me feel like writing something sad and retrospective, so here it is. We must always remember those who have passed on, for then they never actualy left.

Dear Miguel

I don't know why I'm writing this to you, after all you're dead, so you'll never read this, or anything ever again. You were a casualty of a war that wasn't even ours, far away from our home. I miss you so much! I guess It hasn't really sunk in for me that you're dead, I still want to talk to you whenever I hear a great joke, or a juicy piece of gossip or I'm feeling down and need my best friend. I need you so much, I don't have anyone anymore. I'm lost left adrift in a whole new world without my best friend. When I woke up in that bar with just Tony and Jim, and you weren't there I knew you were gone. You know me better then anyone, so you know bars aren't really my scene. I prefer hanging with a few good friends, with my best friend. I can't really connect with anyone anymore, anyone who wasn't on seaQuest has lived with this world. These last ten years exist for them, they don't understand what we went through. The people we were close with have grieved us, family and friends feel awkward around us now, especially mine. I didn't have that many friends outside of seaQuest anyway, and I wasn't that close with my family, seaQuest was my family, but it still hurts, being completely cut off from the world outside of this boat. Even inside it's not the same, Bridger is gone, and in his place, I'm forced to deal with Hudson, a man who sees me as a liability, and has none of Bridger's love and compassion for this crew. Hudson threw me out of my chair , in front of the whole bridge crew! He has no respect for me, mind you most of the new crew treats us like fossils. I think even your optimistic attitude would be strained in this environment, we were thrown from a war we don't remember to one that we have no clue about. Even the people that went through Hyperion with me are not that close to me anymore. It's like we lost some kind of glue, when you and Wendy died, and Bridger left, it's so different Mig. Lucas and Dagwood both enlisted, Tony is going for his officers exams, Brody is dealing with something, he's just not the same guy, and Ford and Lonnie are in this weird on off relationship thing. Lucas is a grown up now and I can't help missing the kid that he was, a lot of Tony's happy-go-lucky personality is gone, I know we wanted him to grow up but it just feels so weird. Even Dagwood is withdrawing, I mean he's still Dagwood, still loves everyone but something is different. We aren't the same people, we make the motions of friendship, but we don't reach out anymore. I know why I don't, I'm afraid. You were the only person who got me Mig, you made me feel worth something, you were more then my best friend, you were my brother, kept me sane through all the crap we've gone through. I don't think I can open myself up like that again because when I lost you, I lost a part of myself. We had a memorial service for those who didn't return, just us, everyone else had already grieved. I was going to get in touch with your family, but I can't, for them the grief is ten years old, for me it's fresh, I'd just be tearing open old wounds, and it would be uncomfortable. I know your in heaven, looking down at me, I have to, because it's my faith that keeps me going through this new world. I miss you Mig, look out for me ok, I hope I'll see you again someday.

Goodbye

Your best friend, Tim