"Oh my God, I just lost my job, found out my wife has been cheating on me with my best friend, and stubbed my toe on this door! Fuck my life! Fuck Paris! Fuck everything!" A particularly angry and misfortunate man screamed in public, before Lieutenant Roger tackled him and beat his ass for disturbing the public and being a loser.
"Hmm, this looks promising." Hawkmoth mused, quickly hiding his laptop with the erotic visual novel he was playing, and standing up before the window in his dark butterfly room opened. He had to look cool at all costs.
One of the many petit papillons flew into his hand, and he charged it with his brooding and edgy thoughts.
"Show him what for it mean to be, super sand lesbian." He directed, and so the butterfly flew away and the window closed.
The akuma landed on its target, a crying little monkey who had dropped his ice cream because Chloe had startled him, and whose zookeeper refused to buy him another. The zookeeper, Otis, was far too busy fornicating with his panther, who is indeed faster than Kim, in more ways than one or perhaps even two.
"Hello, Furious George, I am Hawkmoth. Are you tired of throwing your own shit at people when what you truly want to throw is your life? Do you have problems with not being able to beat the arrogance out of children tapping the glass? Do you like ice cream? Introducing the new evilization, with increases in strength, speed, and sentience, and for just the price of the Miraculouses of Ladybug and Cat Noir. Call now and I'll even throw in this free gun." Hawkmoth advertised in infomercial format that even a monkey could understand.
The gross purple stuff enveloped the simian and transformed him. He looked exactly the same, except angrier and with a gun in his hand.
Furious George screeched in response, shot out the lock on the door to his enclosure with his new revolver, and escaped the zoo, but not before punching a zoo attendant in the face.
At school, both Adrien and Marinette stood up suddenly and declared that they both had to go to the bathroom, and simultaneously rushed outside.
"Not this shit again." Everyone else in Miss Bustier's class thought to themselves, except for sweet little tomato-chan Nathanaël, who seemed aroused by the thought of Marinette and Adrien enjoying a quickie in the women's bathroom, which is probably far more clean than the men's lavatories. He only hoped that Miss Bustier would not catch him drawing porn in class again.
"Tikki, transform me!" Marinette ordered, and Tikki did, generating the skintight spandex around her charge whilst she did a cool hero pose, as if she were about to call out her Stand or something. In another area, Adrien did the same thing, except it took longer and involved cheese because Plagg was being a useless piece of lazy ass shit again.
Ladybug and Cat Noir ran into each other as they were exiting the building, neither questioning the identity of the other or these reoccurring coincidences as usual. They found Furious George robbing Chloe of the ice cream she had at gunpoint.
Both the heroes died inside a little more as they realized they would have to save the worst human being on the planet yet again, and rushed at the akumatized monkey, but not before he shot a hole into Chloe's foot and ran off with the frozen treat.
As Chloe screamed in cathartic (at least for everyone else) agony, the two superheroes realized that they would be facing the most powerful supervillain power of all, the modern firearm.
"Cat Noir, please be safe, don't do anything reckless, okay?" Ladybug said, pulling her partner close and expressing tender concern. Cat Noir appeared to be paying attention and reciprocating Ladybug's worry for their safety, but he was actually mortified and desperately trying to hide his boner while his crush had her hands on his shoulders.
They leaped and swung across the buildings, away into the city as the police arrived, ready to waste valuable tax dollars on taking Chloe to the hospital and treating her. As the heroes disappeared into the city, ready to confront their foe, Alya had managed to catch some choice shots on her camera of the Ladybooty and Catbutt for her new NSFW blog. Her meth addiction wasn't going to pay for itself, after all.
In the distance, the heroes could hear Furious George shooting at random, bellowing in rage, and vomiting so hard like the world's fattest raccoon getting kicked in the dick by an Australian with high blood pressure. The ice cream the mad monkey had stolen from Chloe was like acid in his mouth, absolute sacrilegious ass droppings, it was gluten free, nonfat, sugar free, synthetic vanilla bullshit, and George would not stand for this mockery. So he sat down. Then he screamed some more.
"I guess he's going bananas, m'lady?" Cat Noir smugly asked, making Ladybug's aneurysm a little bigger.
It was time for the ultimate showdown to begin, and all of Paris would suffer.
To be continued