Chapter 1
It's the first day of winter semester of my freshman year at the University of Washington. The fall semester was so boring I ended up spending most of my time playing video games with my roommates and I still managed to ace every class.
I lucked out and got two guys who I got along with, but third I couldn't fucking stand, Mike Newton.
Newton and I went to school in a small shit-town called Forks, Washington. The guy has always hated my guts, and I've hated his.
I'm the first one back into our dorm which consists of two sets of bunk beds, a small kitchen—which is only a mini-fridge, microwave, and a small cabinet—and the little 20' inch TV that Mike brought in. He thought it would earn him some brownie points with his new roommates, but it did the exact opposite.
Instead, the other guys, Jasper and Emmett, and I would go out to use the big screen in the communal area for when we wanted to watch TV or play video games. Newton would tag-along sometimes, but would wonder away to follow some girl walking by.
He would always come back to the dorm late looking disheveled, although, it was easy to tell if he messed up his own hair and clothes to make it look like he had a hot night.
Fucking loser.
It's dangerous for me to be in the room alone with nothing to do. Newton wised up and took his small-ass TV home over break—hopefully it would stay there. But there was no homework to do or anyone here to hang out with. I couldn't pick up a book or else my heart would feel like it would explode out of my chest.
It does seem like a pussy way of putting it, but it's true. In fact, looking at a book reminds me of her; would she read this? What would be her opinion be? Those were questions I'd unconsciously ask myself then and now and the book would usually end up on the floor while I tried to keep the fucking tears away.
I only pick up a book if it was required reading for class, and I can't even listen or play music anymore because it reminds me all of her. Every note or lyric has a particular memory of her in some way; I don't want to be reminded of the pain, the emptiness in my chest from when she was taken from me.
Thankfully, I didn't have to wait for too long before Jasper came strolling into the room with his pixie girlfriend tagging along.
"Hey, Edward, did you have a nice Christmas? Did you spend New Year's with anyone special?" Alice had so much energy for such a little thing that it takes time to understand everything she says.
"Yeah, I did have a nice Christmas with my dad, and we went to his office party for New Year's." I didn't tell her that I snuck into a closet with a bottle of Jack when the ball dropped; I just couldn't handle all the couples at the party kissing their significant other to celebrate the New Year. My dad had a similar experience with a glass of scotch at the bar.
"Oh, that's too bad. I really wished you and your father came over to my parents' party. I saw a few girls you would love. They're sisters so you can have your pick, first there's Amber…." She just went on and on while I tuned her out.
It's hard not to like Alice as a friend; though, there are times when she gets on my fucking nerves just like now with the blind dates. Jasper's explained to me numerous times that it's in Alice's nature to try to help out everyone she knows.
I get that she wants to help me find my significant other, but what she doesn't understand is that I have found her, but she's lost.
Only Jasper and Emmett know about my lost love and that's because they got me drunk after our first week of school started. Emmett claimed that I was a "moody motherfucker" then brought out the alcohol.
Of course, I couldn't say no when I saw my old friend Jack and started chugging away. A few hours later, I was crying like a fucking baby in the corner spilling my guts out about my sad fairytale life. Thankfully, Mike was gone for the whole weekend and didn't get to witness my break down.
From then on, the guys stopped bugging me about my love-life and I stopped being so moody…a little.
Their girlfriends are a different matter. I think the guys have tried to explain to them a little of my situation, but that still hasn't stopped Alice from trying to ease my pain.
She just doesn't understand that my pain will never be lifted.
"Yo, yo, yo, peeps," Emmett burst through the door, "Who missed me?"
I just rolled my eyes, but Emmett was like Alice, how can you not like him? He always tries to make everyone in the room laugh even though he is a giant beast of a man. He was 250 pounds of pure muscle, but had the heart and face of a kid.
"I did!" Alice bounded into his arms.
She and Emmett got along great because of their playful personalities and huge tanks of energy.
"Rosalie." I nodded in her direction as a sort of greeting.
Rosalie Hale had the body of a hot model, and was majoring in pre-med, and yet she had this ice queen exterior which would melt only around her closest friends. Her childhood wasn't that happy despite being from a rich family, so the bitchiness was just a protection detail giving her the confidence to make her believe the world bowed to her.
It amazed me that childish Emmett would put up with Rosalie, but they balanced each other out like Jazz and Alice. Em could melt down Rose's exterior and she, in return, can calm him down when he's too hyped up.
It was relatively the same for Jasper and Alice, he could simmer down her perkiness and she can get him to be more outgoing.
These guys are the closest friends that I've had in a long time, but it still hurts to see the love they have for each other.
"Eeeek, Rose, when did you get here? Did you have a nice break? What did you do? Where did you go? Don't give me all the details about you and Emmett, but just tell me you had a good time."
"I did, did you?" Short and sweet, that's how you work with Alice sometimes.
"Oh my God, I did. My mom got me these…" I tuned her out and apparently so did Emmett, but Jasper kept watching the little firecracker like she was giving a life-changing speech for world peace.
"Hello, are you guys listening to me?" She finally called out to two of us as we were unpacking our bags.
"You were just telling us about all the toys, clothes, bags, and shit that Santa left you for Christmas." Emmett retorted.
"Yeah, but I wanted to tell you guys that I got a new job right here on campus. I'm working at the front desk of the housing department, and I met this new girl who says she'll be starting in the summer—because she got held back a bit with something personal and that something personal was a baby. I mean, she came into the office yesterday—my first day by the way—pushing an old, worn-out stroller carrying the cutest little baby I've ever seen." She gushed.
"Is there a point to this, Alice?" I asked not bothering to look in her direction.
"Yeah, that girl is a single mother of a sweet little baby who just moved into town. I asked her where she lived and if we could help her settle in, but she refused then turned in her paperwork and left." She finished.
"How rude," Rose said while expecting her already perfectly manicured nails.
"Well, to be fair, her cutie pie was starting to get fussy. Maybe she was hungry or something, after that I was excused to go get my lunch and let me tell you…" And she was off again.
Our group was crammed in this little room for the rest of the day with Alice talking nonstop about everything and anything. Jasper listened the entire time while Emmett would only engage occasionally, but that was usually a smart-ass comment about something Alice said earning him a slap on the head from his girl who was off in Rosalie Land. Me, I stayed on my computer for the rest of the time torturing myself by looking at pictures of a familiar brown-eyed, dark-hair girl.
For some reason, my heart kept thinking that she's out there somewhere searching for me. Afterall, it wasn't her idea to dump me on my fucking ass. Her family conspired against her and I can't think of a good fucking reason why.
I came from a good family minus a mother who died when I was a kid, but my dad and I were tight.
The only time I got in trouble was when I just defended my girl's honor and ended up in detention for a week while the other fucker was suspended. You'd think that would earn me some credit from her father, but nope. The Chief was convinced that I was a bad seed who would land his daughter down a road of destruction.
Who did he think he was? The man only met me for the first time, officially, when he pulled me off of Tyler Crowley. He didn't see Tyler grab his daughter's ass roughly and then laugh with his friends at her humiliation. He also didn't see Tyler throw the first punch—which missed me, by the way. Finally, he didn't listen to his daughter when she tried to defend me hoping to get him to see I wasn't the fucking city-scum he thought I was. It didn't work, but we still kept us a secret.
When our relationship was found out, it blew up in our faces and my other half was forcibly taken from my side. I will never forget the sadness I saw in her chocolate, doe eyes when her father dragged her out of my house.
I got my goodbye later that night—it was her birthday—but I didn't want to say goodbye. If only she had left with me that night.
"Edward, Edward," Jasper was calling my name shaking me out of my memories.
"Sorry. What?" I asked.
"We're going out for some grub, you coming?" He asked.
"Please, Edward, I know a waitress at the restaurant that…"
"No thanks, Alice." I said in a low voice that sounded a little harsher than I meant to be, but everyone was use to my snappiness.
"Speaking of restaurants," Emmett jumped up, "I'm hungry; let's go eat."
"That's a shocker." Rosalie replied sarcastically, but grabbed her purse anyways.
Wordlessly, everyone left the room except me. They don't even have to ask anymore. If I wanted to go, I would follow them. Today, though, I didn't feel like being a fifth wheel.
About five minutes after they left, my mind was going into the danger zone again. I couldn't let that happen, so I decided to go to the bookstore to get the required books for this semester's classes figuring that I could review the shit to keep the memories at bay.
Unfortunately, my new books did not fulfill their job requirement; they only made my mood sourer.
All my classes this semester had something to do with my past and the memories torturously followed. The only book that didn't remind me of anything was for my basic computer class and that was difficult to read after a while.
It was only 6:30, but there was nothing else for me to do and I didn't feel like hanging out with anyone. I was glad that Mike wasn't back yet; his mere presence annoys the shit out of me just like in high school.
As I got into bed, the flood of memories was going out of control. I tried to focus on the positive, the happy memories, even though they always made the hole in my chest throb like hell.
I was going to be one bitchy son of a bitch tomorrow.