I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
it's a cold and a broken hallelujah
'Hallelujah' by Leonard Cohen, performed by Jeff Buckley
She was floating.
How long she'd been contained, she didn't know and hadn't cared for longer. Everything had been taken from her: her family, her love, her life.
Her humanity.
She was subject 8-A-D-W-0-1-F now with only pain as a reminder of what she had been. Existence was one agonizing day after another until she'd given up. There was no one left to save her, so she had no will to try. Where would she go? There was nothing outside the tube-outside the lab for her.
Once, there had been more. She couldn't remember much now, but she knew she'd walked universes for him in the before time. What had happened?
The memory slipped away as fleeting as always, leaving her numb. Outside her tank, people entered the lab and began prepping their equipment. Soon, pain beyond comprehension ripped through her; her world narrowing to nothing but nerve-rending agony.
An eternity later, something pulled her from her unconscious state. Stirring, she half-heartedly strained to hear what had woken her. It was a golden song, desperately calling to her in a familiar tone. She knew this song. Mind focused, she struggled to remember why it was important. The song reached a crescendo, bringing with it a rush of memories and emotions.
The TARDIS was calling her.
The Doctor was alive.
She remembered.
Eyes snapping open, she let her awakened power flow through her being. Golden light blazed from her eyes as she snarled a warning at the helpless fools staring at her in disbelief.
"Run."
The Doctor's steps echoed off the halls of Demon's Run. Rory kept pace easily-both men set on finding Amy and the baby.
Abruptly, the intercom system crackled loudly enough to catch their attention. Music blared from it, pasting a multitude of songs together eerily.
"Hungry like a Wolf!" Skip. "Who's afraid of the big Bad Wolf, the big Bad Wolf, the big Bad Wolf?" It screeched and a slightly sinister song began playing. "You sure are looking good. You're everything a big Bad Wolf could want." The sound of wolves howling filled the air as the song kept going.
The Doctor had stopped suddenly, making Rory nearly crash into him. When he glanced back, all the blood had drained from the Time Lord's face.
"Doctor? What is it?"
Before he could answer, explosions rocked the compound, sending them crashing to the ground. A scream of unbridled rage carried over the chaos of explosions and haunting howls. It sent a bolt of fear through anyone who heard it.
"Kovarian!"
In a flash, the Doctor and Rory were on their feet and racing toward the scream. Rounding a corner, they skidded to a halt in a large round room that seemed to be centrally located to multiple corridors. Madam Kovarian was backing to one of the exits, but that wasn't what drew their eyes. On the opposite side of the room was a being resembling what Rory could only describe as an avenging angel: beautiful and terrible. Explosions erupted behind her as golden light burned blindingly in her eyes and licked down her body. Blonde hair floated with the strength of her power though she was clad only in grey scrubs.
It was her face that made Rory's stomach clench in apprehension, however. Her otherwise lovely features were twisted into a feral expression of divine retribution.
"Be not a fool. There is no place you can hide from me; no distance so great I will not follow," the blonde snarled at Kovarian.
The mad woman straightened and glared at her. "Experiment 8-A-D-W-0-1-F, go back to the lab," she ordered, sounding as though she actually expected that to happen.
Taking two steps forward, the blonde left a trail of blood behind. She was barefoot and had obviously walked across debris that had shredded her skin. In a flash of gold, she was across the room and holding Kovarian by her throat, off the ground.
"Only the Storm can leash the Wolf," she growled. "You are evil and would exploit his mercy."
She slung Kovarian into a wall. "I see all that is, all that was, all that ever could be, creature of Silence. I see your sins and I judge you. I will rip you from existence and hurl your followers into the Howling."
Stalking to the injured woman trying desperately to crawl away, she snatched up her hair and wrenched her head back.
"Who's afraid of the big Bad Wolf?" she spat and with a motion of her hand, Kovarian was gone.
Rory griped his sword tightly as she turned to face the two stunned men. Another wave of her hand and Amy appeared, blinking rapidly and confused. A baby materialized in her arms a moment later, making her sob and clutch the child to her chest. Heart pounding, Rory glanced to his friend, desperately wanting to go to them.
"Doctor?"
The Time Lord nodded and though his words were steady, fine tremors shook his body. "Go to them. She will not hurt you."
The Centurion didn't know about that, but he rushed to his family, pulling his girls to him as they cried.
Meanwhile, the Doctor gazed at the golden deity before him in horrified shock, his mind struggling to understand. She was supposed to be safe and having that one adventure he couldn't. She wasn't supposed to be here having been captured and apparently used as an experiment. Bile nearly choked him.
"Rose Tyler," he addressed her hoarsely. "Please, let it go. It'll burn you up."
She canted her head to the side. "I am she and she is me. We want you safe, our Doctor; protected from a false prophesy." Another flash and she was an arm's length away. "Would you like to see it before the Timelines shift?"
Slowly, he agreed. Taking his hand, she stepped to his side. The room rippled and rewound until he was watching what would have happened had Kovarian not managed to capture something beyond her ken. The Doctor certainly felt sick now as he saw who River was and how they used her. Rose showed him Kovarian collapsing Pete's world just to snatch her back to this universe; the false evidence of his death killing whatever was left of her hope. He saw the humiliation and torture she'd endured and the moment she woke to his TARDIS' song.
"Time has been rewritten," she told him. "River Song is no more."
Releasing him, she let the room settle to rights. "Does that sadden you, Doctor?" she asked apathetically.
Jerking his eyes to her, he furrowed his brows. "No, of course not! I'm glad she'll get the life she deserves."
With that, the Timeline shifted to edit out River. There was only Melody now and the Doctor could only feel relief that he hadn't failed Amy and Rory so utterly this time. He was relieved that Melody wouldn't be used as a weapon; that she would have the freedom to make her own choices.
Rose blinked and her light faded, leaving behind flat brown orbs. She released a shuddering breath and collapsed. The Doctor barely managed to catch her before she hit the floor. Sweeping her into his arms, he hurried over to the reunited family. They were looking between him and her in question.
"Get to the TARDIS! She's not keeping the place together now, so it's about to explode."
Setting their inquiry aside, they rushed after him and into the beloved blue box. Gently, he lay the woman down and flew around the console, putting them into the Vortex. Once that was done, he scooped the woman up again and made a bee line for the med bay. Cautiously, they followed after him, Amy holding tightly to her husband and daughter.
The Doctor had hooked up a multitude of gadgets to his patient and was running a complete diagnostic on her, muttering absently about doing the same to Amy next. He tenderly cleaned her feet and healed them before his shaking forced him into a chair beside her bed. While he waited for the results of the tests, he held the blonde's hand and stroked her hair away from her too pale face. Rory was startled to see tears on the man's cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Rose," he whispered to her. "I didn't know, I swear I didn't, else I would have come for you."
"Who is she?" Amy asked Rory lowly, not wanting to disturb the intimate scene.
Rory shrugged. "Dunno. She destroyed the base, Kovarian, and the Silence, though. Kovarian called her an experiment, but she knew the Doctor. I think she might have been a prisoner as well."
Shuddering, Amy instantly wondered what they could have done to such a powerful person. If they were evil enough to do what they'd done to her and Melody, there were no depths to their depravity.
With a jerk, the blonde woke and nearly killed herself trying to get away. The Doctor frantically tried to calm her as she fought against the machines.
"Rose! Rose, it's okay! You're safe now-on the TARDIS," he kept repeating.
Slowly, she stilled and watched him warily. Licking her dry lips, she touched the wall beside her and some of the wildness faded from her frightened eyes.
"You've regenerated," she rasped, her voice rough from disuse or something worse.
"Yes," he answered calmly, hands where she could see them. "A few years ago for me. I'm going to unhook you from the medical equipment, yeah? You collapsed and I was running a diagnostic on you to make sure you're all right."
Hesitantly, she nodded and held herself unnaturally still as he took off the devices.
"Do you remember anything?" he asked gently while he worked.
"I remember everything," she said, her voice devoid of emotion. When the last diode was removed, she scrambled back into the corner, knees pressed protectively to her chest. "What are you going to do with me?"
"I-what-Rose," he cut himself off, having been shocked by the question. "What do you want to do?"
Her brown eyes were guarded as she shrugged. "I have no home."
Anguish washed over the Doctor's face. Anguish and guilt, Rory recognized. Oh, yes, the Time Lord knew this woman very well.
"Why don't you start with a nice shower while Rory and I check on Amy and Melody? Your room is in the same place," he said with forced calm.
Something flickered in her eyes at that before they flattened out again. She stood with inhuman grace and edged toward the door, her back to the wall. Briefly, she spared a look at Rory's family before returning her haunted gaze to the Time Lord. Hurt registered on his youthful face.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Rose," he stated, offended that she could think that.
"Rule number one, Doctor," she countered blandly and was out the door in a flash.
Fury tightened his features and spinning, he vehemently knocked aside a tray stand and the tools there. Cursing, he ran a hand over his face as his other curled into a white knuckled fist. Trading looks with his wife, Rory stepped forward.
"Doctor?"
His shoulders slumped in a defeated manner. As he rotated to face them, there was an old and very deep pain in his green eyes.
"Come here, Pond. Let me check you and your baby."
Smiling, she pushed away her confusion and held her daughter so he could see her slumbering face. Rory beamed and aided the Doctor in his tests.
"Her name is Rose Tyler," the Time Lord spoke as the diagnostics were running. "She used to travel with me a long time ago."
"Is she human?"
The Doctor flinched. "She was, once. I got into a situation I wasn't likely to get out of again. She did something extremely dangerous to save me and it changed her; though I didn't know how much until now." He returned Melody to Amy and tucked a blanket around the two. "She was the most compassionate person I'd ever met."
A vision of the blonde as some sort of Greek Fury flashed through Rory's mind. He wondered what had happened to her. There was no compassion in her eyes or actions in the time he'd seen her. Though, she had brought Amy and Melody back to him.
The machines beeped their results, making the Doctor frown. Rummaging through a cabinet, he came back with an odd wand device.
"They weren't careful with your uterus, Amy. We're lucky we ran these tests now while I can still heal it. Too much longer and it would have scarred over."
Rory squeezed her hand and tried not to think about what might have happened. Ten minutes later, the Doctor declared her and her daughter well.
"Why did they want her?"
Grinding his teeth, he took a minute to answer. Haltingly, he told them of the Silence's plan that would now never come to pass thanks to Rose. He gently touched one of Melody's tiny hands.
"And Rose fixed her DNA back to what it should be. She's completely human now."
Amy breathed a sigh of relief and let Rory hold his daughter for the first time. Seeing the family together and whole, the Doctor smiled and left them to themselves.
The Doctor came to Rose's door and pressed his forehead to it. Rassilon, he'd screwed everything up. Rose was a broken, distrusting shell now and possibly beyond his reach. His hearts twisted painfully at that thought. Even the last time on Bad Wolf Bay, she'd not looked at him with such contempt and wariness. She was the one thing he'd thought he'd done right by and to see her like this was acid to his insides. All this time and he still would move galaxies for her. He'd cut himself open and pour himself into all of her wounds if it meant she would smile again.
Steeling himself, he turned the knob and tried to push open the door. It wouldn't budge. Confused, he tried again with the same result. The TARDIS hummed and another door appeared a meter down the hall.
"Thanks, old girl," he acknowledged.
That door opened, allowing him entrance to Rose's room. Shock settled over him when he saw inside. She'd barricaded her original door with her dresser and vanity. Her bed, she'd broken to make a sort of protective blockade. She was huddled in the corner behind it, a sharp spike of wood griped in her hand. The day's events must have caught up with her, however, as she'd fallen asleep.
A myriad of emotions whipped through him at the sight. She'd showered and changed into a black turtle neck sweater, cargo pants, and boots. Black gloves molded her hands and her hair was pulled back severely. She looked anything but at peace, her face screwed into a grimace.
He must have made a noise, because her eyes snapped open to bore into his. Recognizing him, she glanced at the second door, a dark look passing over her face before she turned her attention back to him.
"I would like to go to Bannerman Road, 2009."
That was unexpected and it took him a moment to connect the dots. "You want to visit Sarah Jane?" he asked, bewildered. "Why?"
Rising fluidly, she tilted her chin up defiantly. "She invited me when we said goodbye. As I have no home and am officially dead on Earth, she is my best option. Her contacts at UNIT can get me an identity."
Crossing his arms, he dropped his eyes and wondered when things had become so difficult between them. He wondered if he was hurting Rose more by letting her go, or by being selfish and asking her to stay. He'd played the self-sacrificing idiot before, however, and look where it'd gotten them.
"You could always stay here," he offered lowly, his hearts in his throat.
"Do I look stupid?" she spat. "I'm not the teenager panting after you anymore, Doctor. You made it abundantly clear when we last parted that I wasn't welcome to come with you. Don't do me any favors; I don't want your pity and I'm not going to assuage your guilt." She didn't know where the words came from, but once she'd started, she found that she couldn't stop. She wasn't a girl anymore and she wasn't going to back down from the hard conversations now.
"You made your decisions, so you suck it up and deal with it like the rest of us have to. You're so quick to take responsibility for the universe's problems and mistakes and yet you can't even face your own. I made my choices, too and yeah, you fucked them over but I took what was left and I made a life for myself. It wasn't what you wanted-you bastard-and it sure as Hell wasn't what I would have picked if I'd had my 'druthers' but it was mine. And all I have left is myself, so you can't have any more of me. Sarah Jane said that some things were worth getting your heart broken for. Well, I did that, but getting it broken again? No, thank you. Thrice you've sent me away. I think it finally sank in the last time."
Horrified, he raised wide, wet eyes to hers and took an unconscious step forward. "No, Rose, oh-I never sent you away because I didn't want you! How can-how can you possibly think that? I wanted to protect you, my pink and yellow girl. And, I didn't ask you to stay to assuage my guilt or because I pity you. I asked because you're Rose Tyler and I have never met another person who completes me the way you do. I've missed you, so much," he raised his hand as if to touch her face, but she jerked back sharply, eyes widening in fear.
"Don't."
Slightly hurt, but mostly confused, he paused and held out his hand, palm up in offering. Shuffling back, she pressed herself into the corner, away from him. Concerned, he dropped his appendage and furrowed his brows at her reaction.
"Rose?"
Releasing the wooden stake, she clutched at her head and shrank in on herself. Worry skyrocketing, he cautiously stepped over the barricade and hovered unsurely at her side.
"What's wrong? Tell me what to do," he pleaded.
Moaning, she held her mouth and scrambled for the bin. A moment later, she was tossing up her accounts rather violently into it. Sobbing, she held the rim and dry heaved when there was nothing left.
"Oh, God, I want to die," she whimpered. "I wish I was never born." Her fingers clenched on the bin as she pressed her forehead into the rim, a bitter, horrific laugh ripped from her. "But I can't die. She won't let me, even when I begged." Shoving the waste aside, she collapsed onto the floor as if her strength was gone. "I begged for death. I prayed and pleaded and promised anything if only I could just die already."
The Doctor could only look on in helpless agony as she wept-her shock wearing off and her body shaking violently. She'd lost everything-had given up the will to live and he knew that hearts-ache all too well. It came with a kind of emptiness that never really left you and for his fantastic, precious Rose to experience that gave him a fury that he'd never known.
But, that wouldn't help her now-he wasn't sure if anything would help her now. His own face was wet with tears as he carefully slid to sit beside her. It didn't matter, he wouldn't leave her again.
"I was four hundred and twenty three when I first borrowed the TARDIS," he told her softly.
Hiccupping, Rose flopped onto her side and curled into a ball. She made no noise, so he slowly began telling her of his life on Gallifrey and his first misadventures. The TARDIS took away the bin and destroyed bed while he spoke of Susan and her concerned school teachers. Gently, and with a healthy dose of caution, he released her hair after a few hours. She said nothing, only shifted to rest her head on his thigh; making some of the tension in his shoulders unwind.
He recounted Jamie and Zoe, chuckled over Bessie and the Brigadier.
"She was a marvelous shade of yellow, Rose," he said with fondness, stroking her hair lightly. "I was quite dramatic that incarnation, with an opera cape and everything. At one point, I had the entire TARDIS console pulled out, trying to fix her up and get off Earth. She actually handled better after that, you know…"
Rose's breathing had relaxed into a normal rhythm that only slightly hitched when he took her hand. He made no overt moves, but an hour later, both of her gloves were off and she hadn't tensed when he'd rested his hand on her shoulder. He spun her stories up until his fifth life, but let his voice trail off just before that regeneration. They sat in silence for a long while.
Finally, Rose's small voice broke through the air. "They told me you were dead; showed me footage of the astronaut killing you. I didn't have control over Bad Wolf at first, so she couldn't show me any differently."
Swallowing thickly against his rage and guilt, he lightly squeezed her shoulder. "I know."
He could lecture on her giving up, or argue with her over her choices in Pete's World, but that didn't matter now. Besides, he understood. Nothing he could do or say could make up for what she'd gone through and he'd been at the point where life wasn't worth living himself. If not for a tongue touched smile, he would have blown himself up with the Nestene Consciousness.
Wiping her eyes, Rose sat up beside him, eyes on her plush carpet. She thought the ship might have made it even softer for her, which made some of her anger at the second door abate.
"I only ever wanted you to be happy," he told her softly, regret coloring his words.
"I don't fault you for your intentions, Doctor, just the way you went about them. David-your duplicate-told me about the discussion you two had before you left us on the beach. He told me about meeting River as well. I don't know if you were trying to protect me, preserving the Timelines, or what, but I know that played a part in your decision. I know that it wouldn't have mattered if I'd plastered myself to your side that day; you would have still left me there because you thought it was best. I didn't appreciate not being a part of the planning of my future."
Her eyes met his, two hard chips of brown that used to be warm honey. "It was one of many reasons David and I didn't work."
Flinching, he dropped his eyes. "I knew there was something far more dangerous than anything we'd faced coming for me. I am a selfish man, Rose. I was trying to keep you safe and happy the only way I could."
"You liked the idea of me having a fairytale ending that you could think on with satisfaction. 'See this? I did that.' You liked the nice neat ending with no loose strings when you left me," she cut through to the crux of the matter.
"That was part of it, yes," he admitted, but met her gaze again, this time just as fiercely as she. "But don't you think for one instant that it was an easy decision or that I loved you less. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Had I know you were in this universe, nothing could have stopped me from coming for you."
The Oncoming Storm flashed in his eyes, sealing the words with a truth she could not doubt. They were ardent, ferocious in their candor and some warm, near-forgotten feeling unfurled in her heart.
Seeing the thawing emotion creep into her eyes, the Doctor hesitantly took her hand. He hardly dared to breathe until she gingerly laced her fingers with his. Rose gave a tremulous smile, reluctantly releasing the bitterness she'd harbored for so many years towards him. It was exhausting and she didn't like the person she'd become because of it. He was all she'd ever wanted and even after so very long, that had not changed. She missed being happy. She missed who she used to be when he'd laid the stars at her feet and invited her to choose them all.
Tears filled her orbs again as she studied him, which was odd since she would have sworn she didn't have any left.
"They hurt me," she choked out.
This time, he didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. Rose went easily, allowing him to curl around her and feeling safe for the first time since Canary Wharf. The double thrum of his hearts steadied her as she clutched his shirt. He held her while she broke apart, weathering her rage and devastation in comforting silence. When she was finally spent and emotionally drained, the Doctor swept her up as he stood.
Another door appeared in a wall and when he stepped through, he found himself in his room. Tenderly, he settled Rose on his bed, moving to unlace her boots and slide them off her feet.
"Get some rest, precious girl," he urged, pushing back her hair gently.
"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" she asked, because even her dreams were a cage.
A smile lit his features. "Of course."
Shedding his shoes, jacket, and braces, he climbed in behind her. Rolling into him, she felt comforted when he immediately wrapped his arms around her. He smelled of Time, making her eyes heavy with contentment.
"Did I ever tell you about meeting Queen Elizabeth I? She shows up at the Globe Theatre shortly after I helped Shakespeare dispose of some Carrionites. As I recall, she was requesting rather vigorously the removal of my head…"
Rose permitted herself to be carried away in the story, his fond voice easing her into an untroubled sleep. The Doctor buried his face in her hair as her breathing evened out and sent up prayers that she would continue to allow him to heal her. She was here, in his arms and on his TARDIS and nothing would take her away again; even Rose herself.
When her fingers tightened on his shirt, a small, hopeful smile touched his mouth. He'd spend the rest of his forever making sure that she was happy and creating memories that would eclipse this horrific time into nothing but a nightmare.
A Wolf howled, merging with the raging of an Oncoming Storm. Time's Champion stepped into his complete role and demanded the Valiant Child as payment. When the Lines around them converged completely, his hopeful smile turned sharp and predatory.
She was his.
AN: Little bit darker than what I usually go for, but Eleven was bugging my muse and this is what she spat out. Please let me know what you think! :)