Good Parenting

Gamzee Makara was a peculiar troll. He spent most evenings staring off into the vastness of the ocean, as long as no sea dwellers were about. When he wasn't staring at the roving waves he was in his hive, worshipping his strange clown gods. But Makara wasn't always like this. He used to be quite normal, for a troll that is.

Gamzee loved his father; he still does to this day. Ever since he passed his trials and met Goatdad they have loved each other in the complicated way a troll can love a lusii and vice versa. Since the capricorn's lusus could travel much more agile in water the troll had built his hive near the ocean. Risking angering the sea dwellers, not that Gamzee cared much he thought all the sea dwellers just needed to sit back kick the wicked elixir and wait for the miracles.

Gamzee and his lusus played every single day not one morning was Gamzee left bored alone in his hive. All the games they played were different than most since Goatdad had no opposable thumbs, most lusii didn't. Gamzee would play ball with Goatdad. He'd throw the ball and his lusus would catch it in his mouth… then eat it. They played board games. Gamzee had to move his pieces and Goatdad's as well. They'd play tag and pretend and swim. Every night Gamzee would curl up against Goatdad resting his tired little head against his lusii's warm fur. Goatdad would bleat to him in a way that almost seemed like singing and he would drift off into a deep and peaceful sleep.

One morning Gamzee woke up to nothing. His lusus gone, disappeared. He was about three sweeps old and absolutely terrified. Had he done something wrong? Was his lusus bored of him? Did he go to find another grub? Had he feed his lusii correctly? These and many other questions repeated themselves in the young troll's mind. He had run around his hive looking for his lusus everywhere. Even locations he knew at that age to be ridiculous. He still remembered to this day looking out the window to see the sun rising over the horizon casting beautiful colors against the surface of the ocean. Gamzee always spent this time staring as the big ball in the sky made miracles. He had slept uneasy and on edge that night but in the morning his lusus was home. Gamzee hugged him first silently squeezing him tight.

Gamzee had thought that was going to be the only time. But it had gotten worse much, much worse. Goatdad didn't leave again for a good twenty rises and falls of the sun. But right when the moon was coming up of that twenty first day he was nowhere to be seen. Again Gamzee searched ruthlessly to no avail. But Goatdad returned the next morning, and again Gamzee was relieved. The time his lusus was away slowly became longer and quicker between. By the time Gamzee was four sweeps old it was a regular thing and he had grown to accept it. He still wept when his lusus was away and hugged him when he returned. The troll never slept with his Goatdad anymore. Instead he tried sleeping in his respiteblock. It was unnatural and not to mention uncomfortable but Gamzee handled.

One day when his lusus was gone and had been gone for quite a while Gamzee decided to taste the bright green slime he had adapted to sleeping in. At first he that it was disgusting and spit it out with a loud 'BLUH' making a particularly exaggerated face as he did so, but he soon discovered the after effects of eating slime. Gamzee's senses began to nullify. He could see multiple fingers on his hand that weren't there before and he laughed as the posters on his walls shifted from one clown to three then right back to one again. The young troll saw nothing wrong with it, since his lusus wasn't around to tell him it was dangerous. If Gamzee hadn't been of such a high-blood caste he would have surely died from his overdosing of slime. He began to make pies of the green goo, and take them out to the ocean.

He would sit and eat while on his laptop. He stared at the purplish waves as they crashed against each other and sometimes he swore that he saw a flash of white. Eventually he forgot why he went out to the ocean every day. He knew it was for a truly important cause. He just couldn't remember. By this point Goatdad had yet to return for at least one and half Earth years. After the first few months of this Gamzee started to draw pictures of his lusus. He would draw them together and happy, he only had two colors though. Green and… purple. Then he got angry with his lusus he'd throw fits of rage at unexplained and extremely random times and locations. He even woke in the middle of the night in one of his tantrums multiple times.

Gamzee was now five sweeps old and Goatdad had not returned. Gamzee had forgotten about his lusus. He had too many drugs in his system and he had a tendency to forget things. But he was fine, he had found friends. Good friends he had even found himself a morail and developed a flush-crush. One night he was staring out at sea as he usually did talking to a few chums when something seemed off. Gamzee set his laptop to the side and crawled over to the water. There was a stream of darker purple that was logically unexplainable for this ocean. Gamzee had watched this sea for sweeps and he has never seen this shade of purple in the water.

Then unexpectedly a huge white shape flopped out of the water and onto the land. Instantly Gamzee remembered. He stood paralyzed in shock and terror. He stared down at his lusus, his parent scared. He was scared and angry and happy and sad and everything in-between. Goatdad was breathing very slowly and Gamzee circled him uncertainly. He laid his hand on his lusii's nose and petted slowly his eyes still wide. His lusii's breath was warm and he let out little whining noises. Gamzee was unsure of what to say. His brain was trying to process the miracle, and as Gamzee likes to think you never try to process miracles. He wanted to yell at his lusus he wanted to cry to scream and punch and kick. But he also wanted to hug his lusus tight and beg him to never leave again.

A large puddle of deep purple was spreading across the beach leaking from the lusii's stomach. His eyes watered and his mouth lay open. He stood fathoming before he wrapped his hands around his enormous lusii's head and he nuzzled his face against the soft familiar fur. He grabbed the hair tightly as if when he let go his lusus would die.

Gamzee began to babble. He pleaded to his lusus not to die on him now. He said that he would be good that he would do anything to help Goatdad. Goatdad shook his head ever so lightly as to not shake the object of his affections. He tried to soothe his troll but the more he talked the more bothered and erratic Gamzee became. Goatdad felt his breath falling short and he could sense his time was not much longer. He worried for his son. Goatdad felt he had failed as a guardian. Slowly, painfully slow Goatdad's breath declined, till it was nothing. Once Gamzee stopped feeling the soft rise and fall of his lusii's great lungs he stopped embracing his lusus. He pulled his face away staring straight into the blank eyes. He shook his head and screamed 'NO!' over and over and over again. He gripped his lusus more tightly and shook him back and forth. He ran around the beach and paced in circles all the while shouting no in different tones and pitches. The sun was beginning to rise and Gamzee having somewhat calmed down curled himself in the chest fur of his lusus. He got purple blood on him but he didn't care. He took his hand and painted pictures in Goatdad's fur with his blood until his eyelids felt heavy and he fell asleep.

Goatdad had meant to teach Gamzee freedom. But instead he had taught him loneliness…