Suteki Da Ne
By GundamWingFanatic90
6-18-05
Kaze ga yoseta kotoba ni
Oyoida kokoro
Kumo ga hakobu ashita ni
Hazunda koe
The wind, like a heart that swam in the accumulated words
The clouds, a voice that was shot into the holding future
The wind blew by me, stirring my shaggy, golden-blonde locks of hair into restlessness as I attempted to sort out my thoughts in vain. Damnit, Yuna, what did I do? I know, I couldn't protect you. I couldn't protect you or our baby.
A heavy sigh escaped my slightly parted lips as I remembered...
Flashback
I watched as Yuna sat on a bench near the entrance of Bevelle's hospital, her hands resting on her well-swollen belly. We were here for a routine checkup with the doctors to make sure that the baby was alright. Suddenly her beautiful bi-colored eyes swiveled to rest on me, and a smile formed on her lips. I found the corners of my mouth tilting upwards, and I strode towards her to sit next to her on the stone bench. A shrill shriek from overhead suddenly made me look up, only to see Evrae, Bevelle's Guardian Wyrm, come careening down towards us, some kind of cords and debris trailing behind it.
"Yuna! Get down!" I shouted, dashing towards my wife. When she tried, and failed, to move in time, I tackled her off of the bench and to the ground, laying on top of her to protect her. With a great crash, Evrae came to a rest, only a meter or two away from where we lay. Soon, however, came the worst part. The debris trailing behind the wyrm came whistling down, splintered pieces of wood and metal spearing even the concrete. With a cry of agony, a metal pole pierced through my left shoulder and drove itself into the concrete below me, pinning me to the ground. A split second later, a splintered piece of wood grazed my right side as it ripped open a gaping hole in Yuna's chest.
"YUNA!" I screamed, not caring as more debris crashed down around me. I attempted to get up, but the pole kept me immobile, and I was only able to watch as the blood seeped out of her wound and soaked into her light pink shirt. She glanced down at her front, her eyes wide with shock before she looked up at me.
"Tidus, are you okay?" she breathed. I nodded frantically.
"Yeah, but we have to get you some help!" I responded. I gingerly lifted myself partially off of her, wincing as I pulled against my wound, and I tilted my head out to the side.
"SOMEBODY, HELP!" I shouted, grimacing painfully- my wound was in a spot that I couldn't do anything to ease the pain. An echoing shout came from over near the entrance to the hospital, and several seconds later, a doctor and several nurses rushed over to us, quickly investigating our wounds and situation. When they moved to attempt to free me first, I shook my head violently and tried to brush them off.
"Help Yuna first!" I ordered. The doctor nodded and swiftly they helped to lift me partially off of Yuna so that they could gently pull her out from under me. Then she was being taken inside to be treated, and I was being cut free from the metal rod. As they lifted me onto a stretcher, the world went black around me...
End Flashback
I had awoken a while later, only to find that my left arm was unserviceable. An orderly had come in, and when I asked how Yuna was, he had replied that she was in the operating room. They were trying to save both her and the baby. My stomach twisted in guilt that made me naseous when I heard this, and I asked for my clothes so that I could change. He nodded and brought them to me- they had been cleaned and mended while I was unconscious- and I quickly changed with his help before he put my arm in a sling and led me down the hall to the E.R.
When I had looked through the large bay windows into the room, I nearly passed out all over again from the shock. Yuna lay there, unconscious, blood seeping from the wound on her chest, which doctors and nurses were working to close with a needle and thread. Feeling rather sick with guilt again, I turned away and slumped down against the wall, alone in the hallway. I had buried my face in my useable hand, feeling the soft bandages around my forehead and a patch of gauze on my cheek, when I heard familiar, worried voices coming down the hall, their owners' footfalls rather loud to my pounding head. Oh, damn, please no... Not the others, not now... However, my pleas had not been heeded, as a second later, no less than Cid, Rikku, Auron, Braska, Kilina, Jecht, Shyuin, Lenne, Lulu, Wakka, and Kimahri came trotting down the hall.
"Oh, damn you, Fayth..." I whispered quietly, cursing the Fayth and any other higher powers that existed. I slowly got to my feet as they walked up to me, a sick feeling again twisting my guts as I turned to face the E.R. Yuna, I hope that you'll be okay, for everyone's sakes...
"Tidus, what the hell is going on!" Rikku asked frantically. "If you've hurt Yunie in any way, I'll-!" I whipped my gaze over to rest on my cousin-in-law, my guilt eating at me from the inside as I listened to her accusation in silence, before I could not take any more.
"There... was an accident." I said quietly, turning away. "Something happened with Evrae..." My right hand, which was resting on the window ledge, tightened into a fist, and I bit my tongue hard enough that I drew blood.
"Is... is she going to be okay?" I vaguely heard Wakka and Lulu ask. I hesitantly shook my head where it rested against the cool glass.
"I don't know." I breathed. I gingerly pushed away from the window and brushed silently past my family and friends towards the exit door at the end of the hall. I exited the building without a word, leaving them all staring after me in confusion, worry, and- not surprisingly- anger. I made my solemn way through the streets of Bevelle and down to the docks, all the way to where I was now standing.
"Yuna, I'm so sorry." was all I said to the cold evening air.
Tsuki ga yureru kagami ni
Furueta kokoro
Hoshi ga nagare koboreta
Yawarakai namida
The moon, a shaking heart in an unsteady mirror
The stars, gentle tears in an overflowing stream
I shook as I stared out over the calm waters, my heart quaking just as badly as my body. I couldn't protect you, Yuna... It's my fault you got hurt... If the baby dies, and if you die, then it'll be because of me...
"DAMNIT!" I shouted to the heavens, turning my face upwards as the tears began to fall down my cheeks, mirroring the stars overhead, the moon's tears. I fell to my knees and looked down into the water, only to see my reflection wavering around the shadow of the dock. Oh, how I loathed that face at the moment. It was the face of the man whom had failed to protect the one he loved the most in the whole world, the face of someone who may as well have been a murderer. It was the face of myself. My overflowing stream of tears dripped down into the fluids before me, distorting the mirror-like surface and causing it to become unsteady. When the reflection became stable again, my image was not alone. My father's face looked at me with pity, pain, sadness, and sympathy from over my shoulder.
Suteki da ne
Futari te wo tori aruketa nara
Ikitai yo
KIMI no machi ie ude no naka
Isn't it beautiful, to walk together in each other's hands
I do so want to go,
To your city, your house, into your arms.
Jecht sat down next to me on the dock, silent in the darkness of the night, his red eyes glinting as they looked upon my quaking form. At one time, I never would have thought that I'd be grateful for his prescence, but this time, I proved myself wrong. I wept quietly as he watched, and after a while, I felt him carefully put one scarred arm around my shoulders.
"Tidus?" he asked in that gruff way of his. I drew a deep breath around my sobs, and attempted to dry my eyes before looking up at him.
"Y... Yeah?" I replied. My voice was hoarse from disuse, and clogged with the same tears that ran down the sides of my face. My father frowned, and turned to look out over the harbor.
"Did I ever tell you about your mother, Tidus?" he inquired of me. I blinked. My mom had died in childbirth with me and Shyuin, leaving us with my father.
"No..." I countered. He sighed.
"Your mother's name was Abigail." he began. "I met her after a Blitzball game in Zanarkand, when she bumped into me and accidentally fell over." He gave a short laugh. "She went on her way, but we met again, in the market one time, became friends, and eventually fell in love and got married. She became pregnant with you and Shyuin, but..." I looked up at him in confusion, wondering where he was going with this, as he continued: "About a week before she was due, we were in an accident. Some drunk decided to go out for a drive. He hit us on the broadside of the car. Your mother was able to hold onto her life long enough for the doctors to surgically remove you and Shyuin from her womb before she died." He hung his head, staring pensively down at the water as I digested the story of my birth.
"This is why I never had a real mother?" I asked incredulously before following his gaze down to the water. "The one I had didn't look like me and Shyuin at all, and she didn't treat us like her sons, either. She acted as though she were our older sister. We loved her like one, too, but..." I saw Jecht nod out of the corner of my eye.
"Yeah." he said, causing me to look up at him. "Your stepmother was a girl around the age of your real mother, but I could never love her like I did Abigail. I became more of a drunk than a father, so I married Evelyn to give you a mother-figure and to take care of you." He sighed heavily. "I drank because I could never forgive myself for failing to protect Abigail, when it wasn't even my fault in the first place. I only stopped drinking when Sin took me to Spira and I met Braska and Auron." He looked up at me, and I was shocked to see tears shimmering in his maroon-colored eyes. "I regained my senses, and my hope, when I met those two. I began to live for Abbey, and for you and Shyuin. I wanted to get back home to Zanarkand so that I could be the father you had never really had. But as you know, I became Sin and never came back." He chuckled lowly. "You are my eldest son, Tidus. And you've done a better job of protecting your wife and family than I ever did." My eyes widened with hope.
"Then, Yuna's...!" I whispered. He nodded.
"She's going to be alright." he said with a small smirk. "I daresay she'll be waking up soon, so you'd better get your little ass back up to that city right away if you want to be there when she wakes up." I smiled, a new-found hope blossoming in my heart, and I rose to my feet, running back to the city, to my Yuna.
Sono mune
Karada azuke
Yoi ni magire
Yumemiru
That heart,
held within your body
In those confusing nights
I dream
My heart was beating a mile a minute inside my ribcage as I dashed through the doors, my father at my heels. In a brief flash of confusion, I wondered which way to go- I hadn't exactly been watching where I was going the last two times I'd been through there- but my father cleared it up for me when he took off down a hall to my left, and I darted after him, racing towards the E.R. at the end of the hall. Soon all of the others came into my sight, and I slowed down, the familiar feeling of guilt and weariness beginning to overtake me. A stabbing twinge shot through my shoulder, but I merely grunted at it, and pushed all of the sensations and emotions to the side as I skidded to a stop behind my dad and peered through the glass into the room beyond.
"How's she doing?" I asked the nearest person, who happened to be Auron. He turned a cold gaze onto me, and, seeing only genuine concern in my own eyes, turned back to watching Yuna.
"She's alright, but she hasn't woken up yet." he replied before looking at me again. "You should go in. She might wake up if she senses you near." My hopes plummeted like a rock, but I nodded, fighting down the bile in my throat born of guilt and fear.
"Alright." was all I said before taking a deep breath and entering the room.
It was like a dream, or nightmare, whichever would be better suited. White walls enclosed us on three sides, glass on the fourth. Various tools and medical supplies were scattered around the room, all surrounding a plain bed, upon which lay Yuna, my Yuna, dressed in a hospital gown, her beautiful bi-colored eyes closed in unconsciousness. I hovered hesitantly in the doorway for only a couple of seconds before striding across the room to stand next to the bed, my back unconsciously to the windows so that I could reach down with my working right hand and gently trace the contour of her face. She didn't respond in the slightest, even with the doctors hovering around the room going about their own business. However, when I traced her face and let my fingertips rest on her eyelashes, her expression scrunched and she mumbled something before her eyes fluttered open. I smiled down at her, taking my hand away, and she turned her gaze onto mine.
"Tidus?" she asked softly, and I nodded.
"Yeah. How're you feeling?" I asked. Her features twisted themselves into what surprisingly resembled one of my own pouts- I arched an amused eyebrow at this- and she sighed heavily.
"I feel like I have been run over by a drunken shoopuf." she replied, and I chuckled lightly before my eyes caught sight of a bandage resting across her right shoulder under the hospital gown. The remorse reared its ugly head again, and I dropped my gaze down to my right, suddenly becoming interested in a strangely-shaped spot on the floor.
"Tidus?" came her voice, and I bit my tongue to keep from crying again. I know that dad said that it wasn't my fault that you got hurt, Yuna, but I still wasn't able to protect you. I failed in my job as a Guardian, as a husband, as a friend. I let you get hurt.
"Tidus, look at me." she commanded, and I obeyed, blinking away my tears, though I could not blink away the deep contrition that had filled part of my soul. Her brow creased as my eyes met hers, and she held up a hand and gingerly touched the bandages around my forehead and the gauze on my cheek. Her eyes quested down towards my left shoulder before meeting up with mine again, silently asking if I was alright.
"I still can't move it." I replied to her unspoken inquiry. "But I'm sure I'll be okay. I'm more worried about you right now." I offered her a small smile, which she returned. Suddenly, a doctor walked over to us.
"Lady Yuna, Sir Tidus?" he asked with a bow before straightening. His expression was stony and solemn, and I was instantly worried, as was Yuna.
"Yeah, what's up?" I countered, frowning. He nodded before speaking. And it turned out, my worry was for quite a good reason.
"Lady Yuna, as you know, has sustained a serious injury." he began. A bad feeling began to form in the pit of my stomach, and as I well knew, my premonitions usually turn out to be correct.
"What has happened?" Yuna asked quietly. "Is it the baby?" The doctor nodded.
"Yes." he answered. "The placenta has ruptured, and the baby will die if we do not get it out soon. We can induce you, or we can surgically remove the baby. Either way, if you want your child to live, we have to get it out of the womb." It only took a glance between Yuna and me to make the descision.
"Induce me." she said, and that was that. I was quickly shepherded out of the room, and as I was shoved out the door, I was bombarded with questions from my family and friends.
"What's happening!"
"What's wrong with Yuna!"
"Is it the baby!" I held up my hands to stem the flow of questions with a frown, and they all quieted speedily.
"The baby's placenta has ruptured." I explained solemnly. "They have to get it out of there soon, otherwise it will die. They're inducing her now."
Kaze wa tomari kotoba wa
Yasashii maboroshi
Kumo wa yabure ashita wa
Tooku no koe
The wind, its halting words are a gentle illusion
The clouds, the broken future like a distant voice
The hours passed slowly after they broke Yuna's water. I soon found myself sitting outside on one of the undamaged benches, staring up at the slowly-lightening sky as I contemplated all that had come to pass in the last twenty-four hours, my thoughts a whirlwind in my mind. EvraecrashingdownYunawoundedPaininmyshoulderBlacknesssurroundingmeCryingonthepierYunaI'msorryIcouldn'tprotectyouFatherattempting tohelpcomfortmeComingbackYunaawakeThebabywilldieInducingYuna... Yuna, I'm so sorry that all of this happened... Suddenly, a feeling manifested itself deep in the pit of my stomach, and my head whipped around toward the hospital.
"Yuna..." I breathed. I'd only been outside about five minutes, but I dashed back in as if the hounds of hell were at my heels, rushing down the corridor towards the E.R. Towards my Yuna, just as what could have been a bleak future shattered. As I skidded to a halt outside of the large bay windows, my chest heaving and my head spinning from exertion, blood loss, and weariness, I was only vaguely aware of the others around me. Almost my whole attention was riveted on the sight of Yuna falling back onto the bed as a doctor gently lifted a newborn infant from between her legs. Not much time had passed- just enough for the doctor to cut the baby's umbilical cord and hand the foundling to a nearby nurse- before Yuna arched her back yet again. Only a mere three minutes later, another squalling babe was being lifted from Yuna's blood- and sweat-covered body. Twins. Yuna, we have twins! Two beautiful babies that are all our own, our own children! I was blind to everything but my wife and children as I leaned against the glass, pressing my serviceable hand to the clear surface. The nurses and doctors bustled about, cleaning up the newborns and whisking away the afterbirth when Yuna produced it, then proceeding to clean her up, as well. My head felt light, the world was spinning around me. I felt something collide with my shoulder, but I couldn't move, couldn't concentrate on whatever it was. My wounds had finally caught up with me, and the last thing I knew before I fell to the side was that Yuna had turned to look at me. I'm so proud of you, my Yuna...
Tsuki ga nijimu kagami wo
Nagareta kokoro
Hoshi ga yurete koboreta
Kakusenai namida
The moon, a heart flowing in the clouded mirror
The stars, broken and swaying, like tears unable to be hidden.
I drifted in an out of consciousness over the course of the next two hours. I was aware of people hovering over me worriedly, watching me as I attempted to recover from everything that had happened in the past day. I had lost far too much blood to be up and moving around so much without rest. I had dug my own grave in that way. Oh, man, am I going to catch it from Yuna when we're both well again...
In my dreams, I looked into clouded waters, the waters of the ruins of Zanarkand. My heart went out to all those that lay dead at the bottom of those dirty pools that barely reflected the light of the moon and stars overhead. I may have been able to see them, but they could not. They would never see the heavens again, never see their loved ones again. In my dreams, I saw my mother, my real mother, in the pool in front of me, and I dove down to try to grab her out. Blackness engulfed me, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, taste, smell, hear, or feel anything, nothing except for the mind-numbing blackness of the depths of the darkest sea. I could only picture Yuna in my mind as I attempted to find the surface again, but I was slowly drowning, my hope vanishing as a candle would be blown out. Yuna... Suddenly she was beside me, and reached out to embrace me. I could feel again, see again, everything was fresh as a newborn babe as I was encircled in her arms. We broke the surface, and I opened my eyes to see that we were floating above a white room. I could see myself lying on a bed in the middle of the room, hooked up to a heart monitor and a drip bag or two. A doctor was working on me, orderlies were bustling about. He was trying to revive me. I could see him pump my chest up and down as he tried to make my heart beat again. I felt Yuna disappear from my side, and when I looked around, I found that I was alone. My friends were standing off to one side, and Rikku and Lenne were sobbing openly. The doctor gave one last half-hearted press on my body's sternum, and slowly shook his head as he stepped away from me. No! I'm not dead! Can't anyone see that! I ran- or fell- towards my own lifeless body and beat against my own chest, but it was no use. Someone opened the door, and I saw Braska rush a very tired-looking, worry-worn Yuna into the room in a wheelchair.
The first emotion that played on their faces was shock. The next was disbelief, and finally, Yuna began to cry. Her sobs were heart-wrenching, soul-deep cries, and I felt myself being tugged at in my spirit, being pulled back towards my body. I quickly complied. Her powers were working, her long-dormant Summoner's magic prompting my body to breathe again, my still heart to beat once more. The flatline note was ringing dully in my ears beneath the echoes of her weeping, and I watched as everyone gathered about my bed, my wife wheeling herself up to take my hand in hers. She pressed it to her trembling lips, kissed it, and then pressed it against her cheek. My body was unresponsive.
'NO!' I shouted. 'NO! I'M GOING BACK!' I ran at my body and fly-tackled it just as Yuna bitterly pounded a fist against my chest. In a flash and a confusing whirlwind of thoughts and memories, my body gave a violent jerk as my heart began beating once more, and I coughed terribly to get air back into my lungs, seven minutes since the small group had first heard the macabre flatline note. I heard someone scream, and suddenly, I was engulfed in a very real, very tight, very painful embrace.
"TIDUS!" someone screamed, but it was in joy, tear-choked, but relieved as well. We had defied fate once more. Again, I had been spared, not once, but many times, from a premature demise, by my angel, my wife, my Yuna.
Suteki da ne
Futari te wo tori aruketa nara
Ikitai yo
KIMI no machi ie ude no naka
Isn't it beautiful, to walk together in each other's hands
I do so want to go,
To your city, your house, into your arms.
I sat up in the hospital bed, still weak from my close encounter with death. Yuna was resting nearby in her own bed, our twin son and daughter asleep in their small cribs between the beds. We had still not managed to explain anything to anyone else about what had happened when Yuna brought me back from the other side, but I had gathered from them that I had passed out from blood loss, and they had gotten a doctor, who had quickly hooked me up to a monitor before taking some x-rays. I had supposedly been fine, but I had overworked my already weary and injured body to the breaking point, and I had shattered like fragile glass. I had flatlined for seven minutes before miraculously springing back to life. I had truely died for a short amount of time, but God above had had other plans for me, it seemed. I sent up another prayer of thanksgiving to Him before I turned my gaze to our baby boy, who was beginning to stir in his crib. His bi-colored sapphire and green eyes opened and looked straight at me, though they would never truely see me. He was born blind because of the accident. I sighed and reached over to pick him up when he began to fuss, and I cradled him gently against my chest as I leaned back against my pillow, slowly rocking back and forth as I firmly patted his tiny thigh in a slow, rythmic motion. Within moments, he was back asleep, and I found myself falling into the grasp of blissful unconsciousness, as well, as I glanced over to see Yuna smiling softly at me. Yes, life is truely beautiful... was my last thought before I followed my son into the realms of the dreams I had once been a very real part of.
Sono kao
Sotto furete
Asa ni tokeru
Yumemiru
That face,
A soft touch,
Dissolving into morning,
I dream.
I look up at Yuna from where I am playing on the bed with our son and daughter. My wife is smiling down at me and our children with a kind of maternal glow to her face. I know that she has forgiven me for the accident- she never blamed me in the first place. I have also forgiven myself. Now we can live in peace and be happy.
"Tidus, what are we going to call these two?" she asks happily as our daughter flails her legs and arms around. I grin.
"I'll name the girl. You can name the boy, ok?" I say cheerily before stating what our daughter's name shall be. "How about Anne? 'Full of grace and fourtune'." Yuna nods with a smile and gestures to the boy while gurgles next to him.
"Yokio." my wife says. I look down at our son and mull the name over in my mind for a few seconds before grinning widely and tickling his small belly.
"'Boy who goes his own way'? I like the sound of it." I reply with a lopsided smirk. "Yokio it is, then."
The day fades into night, and the night dissolves into morning, and finally, we are able to be released from the hospital, our wounds healed for the most part- I still can't move my left arm- and we board a ship to go back to Besaid Island. I gently carry Anne in the crook of my right arm, and Yuna carries Yokio. Shyuin follows close behind, carrying our single small bag. Lenne is here, also. We are the only ones that are on this boat- everyone else decided to take the airship due to time constraints. We head into our cabin, and Shyuin and I leave the girls alone as they put the babies to sleep, walking out of the room and up to the deck. Once up there, my own twin brother and I lean against the railing, me with my back outwards, him leaning on his forearms.
"Tidus?" he asks. I turn to look at him.
"Yeah, Shyu?" I counter. "What's up?" He glances at me, and I can see that his face is solemn as he turns back to stare out at the sun, which is setting out over the ocean on the horizon.
"... I was wondering..." he begins hesitantly. He is trying to find the words to ask what I know has been bugging him since he got the call about the accident. "... What happened... to wound you and Yuna so badly?" I shrug in reply before formulating a vocal answer.
"I honestly don't know." I say. "One second, I am walking over to sit with Yuna on a bench, and the next, Evrae is coming down towards us. He was all tangled in cords and debris of some kind. I tackled Yuna to the ground when she couldn't move in time, and then I got pinned to the ground via a metal pole through my shoulder." I gesture to my inert left arm as I say this, and he nods in understanding. "A sharp piece of wood grazed my right side and slashed Yuna across the chest, and then I don't remember much- I was too worried about Yuna. I guess I got cut on my cheek and forehead, though, judging by the bandages. The doctors came out and brought Yuna inside- I made them take her before getting me loose- and then they cut me free. The last thing I remember is blackness before I woke up in the hospital's E.R."
"Oh..." he murmurs. I put my hand on his own right shoulder, and when he looks up at me again, I offer a reassuring smile.
"I blamed myself for it at first, but then dad had a little chat with me about mom and him." I say, attempting to comfort my twin. "Don't feel bad, Shyu. If you feel bad, I'll have to go kill a fiend or something similar!" He and I laugh at the inside joke, and suddenly, Yuna and Lenne are standing in front of us with raised eyebrows.
"What's so funny?" Lenne inquires skeptically, and then raises her hand when Shyuin goes to answer. "Nevermind, do I even want to know?" I shake my head.
"You probably don't, Lenne- it has to do with Shyu and me and a certain... expedition, I'll call it..." I reply. Shyuin blanches when I begin to tell the tale.
"Tidus, you wouldn't... would you!" he exclaims. I nod, an evil smirk twisting the corners of my mouth.
"What if I do?" comes my retort. My brother pales even more than he already has before beginning to turn red in what I recognize as anger. I gulp and run away laughing, Shyuin chasing me at my heels randomly cursing my existance as we zip around the deck of the ship, much to the amusement of our wives. Yes, life is just a beautiful dream. A wonderful fantasy that I pray will not end at all soon.
Well, I hope you liked it. It took me about 4 days to type it up! (then again, I was procrastinating for some reason) Epilogue is coming soon, but please Read and Review, anyways! Thanks so much!
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