Disclaimer: I own myself and that's it.
A/N: This is a result of watching LOTR too much and being bored in Algebra. I put this up to see if anyone likes it. Enjoy!
FOTR Bloopers
*cheesy music*
Lolly: Welcome! I'm Lolly and I'm the host of Funniest Middle-earth Videos!
Audience: *claps*
Lolly: By now everyone has seen the Fellowship of the Ring. But has everyone seen the funny bloopers of the movie? Tonight, we're going to show those bloopers to you. Roll clip!
****The Sword is STILL Sharp!****
Boromir: The shards of Narsil. *cuts finger off with shards of Narsil* AHHHHHH!!! My finger!!!
Aragorn: I told you not to play with sharp objects but nooo.
Boromir: But it was shiny!!!
Aragorn: You have a point. That sword has a reputation for cutting off fingers.
Arwen: *walks in* Am I too ear- Dear Valar, Boromir! Your finger!
Boromir: You think I don't know that?!
********
Half the audience: *claps and laughs*
Other half of audience: Ewwwwwww!
Lolly: *sickened by Boromir's finger being cut off* That was only the beginning of Boromir's accidents.
****'Dead' Man Floating****
Boromir: *in boat about to go down waterfall* *wakes up* Wait, I'm not dead! *goes down falls* AHHHHH!!!
Aragorn: At least I got his gloves...
********
Lolly: Enough about Boromir, what about everyone's favorite Elf?
****Council of Freaky Eyebrow Guy****
Boromir: And what would a mere ranger know of this matter?
Everyone: ...
Elrond: Legolas? It's your line.
Legolas: NOW I get a line! It's about time!
********
Lolly: And again our poor Elf is mistreated.
****Outside the Mines of Moria****
Frodo: What's the Elvish word for 'friend'?
Legolas: I don't know. Why don't you ask the freakin' Elf?!
Gandalf: *mutters* Touchy...
Legolas: I heard that! I'm an Elf you know!
********
Lolly: But troubles still didn't end there for our poor, limelight deprived Elf.
****Lament for Old, Dead Wizard Dude****
Legolas: A lament for Gandalf.
Merry: What do they say about him?
Legolas: NOW you need a translator! Take that Gandalf!
********
Lolly: That's all fine and dandy but I know what you're thinking: What about the Isildur's heir and his troubles?
Audience member: Actually, I was thinking when does this show end?
****Prologue Whatchamacallit****
Galadriel: The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Wait, that's Aragorn. *chokes on smell* For the love of Eru, take a bath!
Aragorn: You're so heartless! *cries*
********
Lolly: Poor smelly ranger. But the insults didn't stop there.
****Into the Wild, Blue Yonder!****
Frodo: A servant of the enemy would look fairer and feel fouler.
Merry: He sure smells foul enough.
Aragorn: I heard that!
********
Lolly: And the insults didn't stop there.
****On the Pretty Bridge****
Arwen: And to that I hold.
Aragorn: And...
Arwen: And what?
Aragorn: Aren't you going to give up your immortality for me?
Arwen: Hell no! Why be with you for one lifetime when I can live forever? I can have any guy I want! *thinks* Why do I even like you? You smell funny. *walks off*
********
Lolly: Still, Aragorn was insulted.
****Woods Near the Home of Radioactive Elf-Witch****
Haldir: *holds nose* Aragorn smells so bad we could have shot him in the dark.
********
Lolly: Basically, Aragorn was insulted about how he smelled through out the whole movie. I'm sick of talking. Just roll the clips!
****Walking Somewhere****
Pippin: Where are we going again?
Gandalf: Mordor.
Pippin: Are we there yet?
Gandalf: No.
Pippin: How about now?
Gandalf: No.
Pippin: Now?
Gandalf: NO!
Pippin: Okay... how about now?
********
****Pippin's Still Being Annoying Except Now on the Really Big Mountain****
Pippin: Boromir, can I go sledding down the hill with your shield?
Boromir: No.
Pippin: Please?
Boromir: No.
Pippin: Come on!
Boromir: No!
Pippin: *mutters* Stupid Boromir.
********
****In the Mines of Moria****
Frodo: There's something down there.
Gandalf: It's the fangirls. They've been stalking Legolas for three days.
********
****Still in the Mines****
Gandalf: Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo?
Frodo: You aren't serious with that question, are you? I'm just a hobbit!
Gandalf: *sighs*
********
****Yet Again in the Mines****
Gimli: No body tosses a dwarf. *jumps*
Legolas: *grabs his beard*
Gimli: Not the beard!
Legolas: Fine with me. *lets go*
Gimli: *falls* AHHHHHH!!!
********
****By Now the Fellowship Wonders If They'll Ever Get Out of the Mines of Moria****
Gandalf: Fly you fools. *falls*
Aragorn: He should speak for himself. You'd think being a wizard he could fly.
Boromir: Did he just call us fools?
********
****The Watcher of Moria****
Boromir: *hacking at Watcher* I am King of the Calamari!
********
****Council of Mr. Smith... I Mean Elrond****
Legolas: You have my bow.
Gimli: And my axe!
Boromir: If this indeed is the will of the council then Gondor will see it done.
Frodo: You're no going to offer me a weapon?
Boromir: I've got a giant shield?
Legolas: *mutters* Pathetic.
********
****A Hunting We Will Go!****
Aragorn: We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Let us hunt some fangirls!
********
****A Little Lost****
Frodo: Mordor Gandalf. Is it left or right?
Gandalf: I don't know. Maybe we should have asked for directions before we left.
********
****Death By Fruit****
Merry: I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip. *catches apple thrown at him*
Pippin: *apple hits him in head* *passes out*
Sam: Pippin?
Pippin: ...
Frodo: I always thought food would be the end of him.
********
****On the Big Mountain Again****
Legolas: *dancing on snow* I can walk on snow and you can't! HA! I laugh in your face! Ha ha HA! HA! And another HA!
Aragorn: Are you done bragging yet?
Legolas: No. HA! Ha HA! Okay, now I'm done.
********
****Will Bilbo Ever Get That Line Right?****
Bilbo: I don't like half like you- Wait, I like more like half- I mean, I like half like you more- Almost got it...
********
****The Part Where Arwen Stole Glorfindel's Part****
Arwen: There are five wraiths behind you. Where the other four are, I do not know.
Aragorn: That's real comforting.
********
Lolly: *flipping through magazine* We're done.
Camera person: Introduce the next set of videos.
Lolly: Oh yeah... What's the next set of videos? *gets handed a card* *reads card* It makes one wonder; is Sam gay? *stops reading* Yeah, and so is whoever wrote this lame card!
****Proof?****
Sam: Here! Mister Frodo's not going anywhere with out me!
Elrond: *cough* Gay *cough*
********
****And What About Frodo?****
Frodo: *stabbed by Nazgûl* AHHHHHHHH!!!
Sam: Frodo!
Frodo: Oh, Sam!
Merry: *to Pippin* Told you they were gay.
********
****Maybe Even Aragorn?!****
Aragorn: Be at peace Son of Gondor. *kisses Boromir's head*
Boromir: *wakes up* EWEWEWEWEW! Get away from me you sick-o!
Aragorn: Aren't you suppose to be dead now?
Boromir: Oh yeah. *dies*
********
Lolly: That's all for today. Join me tomorrow as we watch clips of members of the Fellowship as children!
*cheesy music*