Authors Note: So I was listening to this song because i love it. It's one of my faves from 'Chicago'. So this is my version of it. I also included one of my friends in this. You'll know who you are right away. I promise. So i have the lyrics to the actual song at the end. I also have who everyone is under the title. Please let me know what you think. I had fun writing this. It's been in my head for weeks and I just had to write it. Please let me know what you thought of this okay?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The Cell Block Tango:
Pop- Donna
Six- Brooke
Squish- Laurie
Uh Uh- Kitty
Cicero- Midge
Lipchitz- Jackie
The girls walked into the cafeteria and looked at each other as they sat down.
Donna sat down at the table first, followed by Brooke then Laurie. Kitty was the fourth to sit down followed by Midge who threw her food down on the table in a fit of anger and finally Jackie took her seat beside the new girl.
"So it's Ashley right?" Donna asked as the girl nodded.
"Yes." She said as she stared at Donna.
"What are you in for?" Laurie asked as Ashley turned to her.
"Uh well they think I killed my husband."
"They think? So does that mean you did it?"
"I didn't kill him." Ashley defended herself.
"Well that's a new one." Brooke said as she looked at Donna who was laughing.
"What?" Ashley asked.
"We all did it. Well all but one of us did."
"What?"
"Oh but he had it coming." Jackie said as Ashley looked at her.
"What? Why are you guys in here?"
"We all killed our husbands or our boyfriends." Midge said as Ashley scooted slightly away from them.
"Should we tell her our story?" Donna asked as the girls all nodded.
Donna stood up and walked over to Ashley.
"My story is pretty easy. You know how people have these little habits? Those kinds of habits that really get you down, like Eric. Eric liked to chew gum, no not chew…pop!" Donna said as she walked away from Ashley and sat down on the table across from her. "I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, looking for a bit of sympathy and there's Eric, laying on the couch chewin', no not chewin', poppin. So I said to him, I said, 'you pop that gum one more time,' and he did." Donna walked over to Ashley and smiled. "So I took a shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots…into his head." Donna said as she took her seat again.
Ashley cringed slightly as Brooke laughed.
Brooke stood up and walked over to Ashley. "I met Michael Kelso about two years ago and he told me he was single and we hit if off right away, so we started living together." Brooke said as she sat on the same table that Donna had been sitting on. "He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, and we'd have dinner. Then I found out, single he told me, single my ass. Not only was he married, oh no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons you know." Brooke walked over to Ashley and put her hands on each side of the table till her face was right in front of Ashley's. "So that night when he came home. I fixed him his drink as usual. You know some guys just cant hold their arsenic." Brooke laughed then walked back to her seat. Ashley stared at the two girls as they turned to Laurie. Laurie smiled before she got up.
"Now I'm standing in the kitchen, carving up a chicken for dinner, minding my own business and in storms my husband Fez in a jealous rage. 'You've been screwing the milkman' he says. He was crazy and he kept screaming 'you been screwing the milkman.'" Laurie smiled put her hands on her hips. "And he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times…" Laurie laughed as Ashley gasped.
"That's horrible."
"He had it coming." Laurie said as she walked away and back to her seat.
Kitty stood up and walked over to Ashley. The only problem with her story was that no one really understood her. See Kitty was so catatonic from the incident that she'd stopped speaking English all together. No one had any idea what she was saying but they all knew she wasn't guilty.
Kitty took Ashley's hands into hers and told her story.
"Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. Probaltam"
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg..."
Laurie smiled at Kitty, "Yeah but did you do it?"
Kitty shook her head and let go of Ashley's hands. "Uh, uh, not guilty!" She yelled before she ran back to her seat and Midge stood up.
Midge walked over to Ashley and smiled. "My sister Veronica and I did this double act and my husband, Bob, used to travel around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row." Midge walked away from Ashley and started performing the tricks.
"One, two, three, four, five…splits, spread eagles, back flips, flips flops, one right after the other." She said as she sat down on the table across from Ashley.
" So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozing, having a few laughs and we ran out of ice. So I got out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Bob doing number seventeen…the spread eagle." She stood up and walked towards Ashley.
"Well I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until late, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead." She said as she walked back to her seat and Ashley turned to Jackie.
"What about you?" Ashley asked as Jackie smiled.
"My story is simple." She said as she looked down.
"I loved Steven Hyde more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy…sensitive…a painter. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving. I guess you can say we broke up because of our artistic differences. He saw himself as alive….and I saw him dead." She said as Ashley stared at her.
All the girls turned to each other and shared as smile as Ashley stood up and ran away.
"Well looks like we scared another one girls." Laurie said as they all laughed then left the room.
A/N: Ashley i had to include you. I had to also make you run away because...well you would freak out if they all told you that. LOL. I hope you guys enjoyed this. Let me know what you thought.
The lyrics are below this.
And now the 6 marry murderesses of the cook county
Jail in their rendition of the cell block tango
[LIZ]
Pop!
[ANNIE]
Six!
[JUNE]
Squish!
[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]
Cicero (Smoke puffs)
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[LIZ]
Pop!
[ANNIE]
Six!
[JUNE]
Squish!
[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[LIZ]
Pop!
[ANNIE]
Six!
[JUNE]
Squish!
[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[LIZ]
Pop!
[ANNIE]
Six!
[JUNE]
Squish!
[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[LIZ]
Pop!
[ANNIE]
Six!
[JUNE]
Squish!
[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!
[LIZ]
Pop!
[ANNIE]
Six!
[JUNE]
Squish!
[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace
[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie like to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
So I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and I'm
looking for a bit of sympathy
and there's Bernie layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "you pop that
gum one more time..."
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.
[GIRLS]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
[ANNIE (Spoken)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd
fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
night, when he came home, I fixed him
his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their arsenic.
[LIZ,ANNIE,JUNE,MONA]
Hah! He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
[VELMA AND HUNYAK]
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh
Cicero, Lipschitz
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"
he says. He was crazy
and he kept screamin',
"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times.."
[ALL]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. Probaltam"
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but did you do it?
[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!
[VELMA]
My sister, Veronica and
I had this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
traveled around with us.
Now, for the last number in
our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks
one two three four,five...splits, spread eagles,
back flips,flip flops,
one right after the other.
Well, this one night we were in the hotel Cicero,
the three of us,
boozin' and
havin' a few laughs
when we run out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door
and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen-
the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out.I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They took a flower
[VELMA]
All along
[GIRLS]
In its prime
[VELMA]
I didn't do it
[GIRLS]
And then they used it
[VELMA]
But if I'd done it
[GIRLS]
And they abused it
[VELMA]
How could you tell me
[GIRLS]
It was a murder
[VELMA]
That I was wrong?
[GIRLS]
But not a crime!
[MONA]
I loved Alvin Lipschitz
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...
sensitive... a painter.
But
He was always trying
to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself
and on the way
he found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.
[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
All along
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us And they abused us
And they abused us
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
How could you tell us
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
How could you tell us That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!
[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!
[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.
[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.
[LIZ]
Pop!
[ANNIE]
Six!
[JUNE]
Squish!
[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]
Lipschitz!