First fic ever! And yes, I do ship Pru/Hun but this isn't a Pru/Hun fic, haha. Inspired by some fic I read one day which I can't remember the name of..
Enjoy!
With tears threatening to spill from her eyes, Hungary flopped over on her bed. Those tears had been caused by a self-proclaimed "awesome" Prussian. They were, like everything involving him, not happy tears. They weren't sad tears either (although admittedly the rare number of times she HAD cried, it had been caused by him). No, it was with angry sobs that she covered her face in the pillows on her bed. What, you might wonder, had just happened? Well, it was actually a very traumatic event. Hungary's trusty companion had just deceased. NO, NOT PRUSSIA! Her wonderful frying pan, friend and weapon of decades (scratch that, centuries) had just broken. The handle had just snapped. Of course, Hungary had had two other frying pans before it, but she was especially fond of this one. Her main dilemma, however, was not this. The main question going through her mind was this: "How the hell will I take out my anger on that stupid idiot now?!"
Hungary sat there thinking for ages until she finally got an idea. "I guess I could make a list of all the things about him that are annoying…Then I could read it and diss him mentally!" she thought reluctantly.
Quite satisfied with her idea, she pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen, wiped her eyes, and started writing.
List of reasons why Prussia sucks
By Hungary
His laughter. It's so annoying! Like,I don't even know how he makes that sound! I can't even imitate it, it's like, ksssessese or something, and it doesn't even sound like anything! And he does it the whole time, 'cause he finds everything funny! UGHHHH! Plus, he mainly uses it when he has some kind of evil scheme planned! It's really scary!
Him never being serious. I mean, really?! America and Denmark are pretty much the same, I admit it, but he's the THIRD ELDEST (ex)COUNTRY AROUND! He's so immature! Each time you tell him off, he just starts laughing! He's like, And I remember when he was still the "great Prussian Empire" and I'd have done all my paperwork and not him, and miraculously, he would hand it in at meetings, totally prepared and stuff! WHAT THE HECK?!
His hair. It's like, all white and stuff. Of course he had to have something unusual that everyone notices. And it's all messy the whole time and it looks really fluffy and soft and
Yeahhhhh. Kind of regretting writing in pen right now. Obviously, I do NOT find his hair fluffy or soft. NOPE.
His eyes. Again, he has to be not normal. And they're all dark red and mysterious and stuff. Plus, it looks like some weird demonic thing (ok that part suits him).SEE? And it's really annoying because I can usually read him like a book but his eyes are so weird and cryptic and if I look at them too long I get uncomfortable because he's like reading my thoughts or something like that. CREEP!
The way everything starts with him. My first battle won, my first battle lost, my first time knowing I was a girl, my first friend, my first enemy, my first cry, my first laugh, my first frying pan, my first EVERYTHING is with him. And it sucks because I hate him and I have so many bonds with him that I can't really hate him. Ah dammit forget that!
Everytime I've actually cried from being really hurt, he's been involved. The first time was when he had really badly bullied me and for once his insults had gotten under my skin and I'd ran home and bawled. Another time we fought and I dissed him really badly and he twisted my arm until I cried. Another time when I had just discovered I was a girl and was feeling really bad about it, he came to me and taunted me about it, calling me Elizaveta and saying girls couldn't be countries and stuff. I beat him up real bad and we really didn't talk for a while. And when I divorced Roderich I ran off one day feeling terrible and I broke my frying pan and it was just too much for me and I cried and he was there just sitting and I was sure he'd laugh but instead he left and when he came back he had a new frying pan with him. And then he just hugged me and I laughed and then he started the "I told you so" and I hit him and we were back to where we were before Austria.
How he was horrible to Austria AND STILL IS! We met him together and he beat him up. After that, he always bullied him worse than the others and called him a sissy and a girl and other stuff. And during the marriage-God! And poor Roderich never did ANYTHING to him! He was just the perfect gentleman!
Wait…Ok, so maybe he was a BIT snobby…and superior…and called him a barbarian…and looked down on him…And uh…Wait, why did I even defend this guy against Prussia?!
His reaction to the marriage. It was meant to be the happiest day of my life and I thought he'd be glad-or not really, knowing him. BUT I thought he'd at least be glad for me! And he just screamed at me and stormed off! And afterwards, at the wedding, I thought he was there because we were best friends AH WHY A PEN DAMMIT But anyway, when the priest was like, does anyone have any reasons to be against this marriage and blah blah, he jumps up and starts doing a speech about me deserving much better and how much Roderich sucked. Then Roddy asked him to leave (quite meanly, but he deserved it!), and Prussia SLAPPED HIM! ACROSS THE FACE! AT MY WEDDING! Then he left and didn't come back for like, sixteen years. (Sounds reaaaaally long but we're nations…)
How he can be CHARMING at times. AGH! I have no idea how I can even put those two words in the same sentence! But he is! When we were in trouble as kids, he would suddenly have a mature look and apologize to whoever it was while complimenting them, or just charmspeak his way out. Of course, it didn't always work but it sure softened down the punishment! And when I was in trouble he'd do he same to help me out and I'd just say thanks awkwardly afterwards and he'd laugh that weird laugh and shrug it off. Same thing happens when he's around girls (EXCEPT FOR ME)! He's all smiles (ok, he does have a nice smile WAIT WHAT?!) and flattery and they swoon like he's George Clooney. I guess his little accent helps because it sounds exotic or something as well and … Great. I am never buying pens again.
He's a bully. Ok, not a typical one, cause he was my friend and stuff, but just cause he was bigger, stronger, better at fighting, etc, he ALWAYS won and got our stuff as a prize! And even when we tried to trick him, it failed! (though I guess trying to trick the master of pranks isn't a brilliant idea…)
How he ALWAYS SAYS AWESOME! I swear he can't put two words in a row without saying it! Seriously, we get it! You're awesome! Oh no no no no I didn't just say that OK NEVER LET HIM SEE THIS HE IS NOT AWESOME DON'T GET ME WRONG! Like, even when he was preparing for war, he would be like: "Kesesese, the awesome I am so going to win against the totally unawesome you because my awesomeness can beat anything hahaha I'm so awesome!" DAT FACE!
His ego. See above. If I try to diss him, he'll just laugh. His attitude it all like, "sticks and stones", and nothing gets him down! If I insult him as bad as I can, I'm "jealous". If I don't try too hard, I "secretly-not-so-secretly love him". If I beat him up with my frying pan (RIP FRYING PAN!) he just runs off then comes back. He's so convinced of his own awesomeness even I sometimes start to wonder if he is actually awesomer than us! (NB: NEVER LET HIM SEE THIS!)
How he always manages to annoy me. I can be doing ANY peaceful activity, and just hearing the sound of his annoying laughter or seeing his annoying smirk will put me off. AGH!
The "Bad Touch Trio". Ok, they're the three eldest countries so they're best friends. Spain, France and Prussia. OK. (Why anyone would be friends with that creepy perv France beats me.) And ok, Antonio isn't THAT bad. But when they're together! UGGGGH! Incessantly pranking people, doing suspicious stuff and then bursting out laughing when they look at each other, walking into places and being all like, "Yeah, the party don't start till we walk in", having mysterious swag (especially Prussi DAMN.) WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?! Looking all cool and blah blah. Ugh.
Gilbird. Ok, number one, NARCISSIST MUCH? He's called Gilbert,and he calls it Gilbird?! That's like if I called a bird Elizabirda or something! (Ok, Gilbird does sound better than that, though.) Number, two, it is fricking ADORABLE! LOOK AT IT! And Prussia is always so nice to it! Prussia+nice+adorable=BRAIN EXPLODES! These things should not be together! UGH!
My frying pan broke cause of HIM! Ok, I do use it on him the WHOLE time, but still! I'm sure it didn't break of old age! It broke cause of his thick head. Yeah.
His cocky smile. He's just there like, Kesesesese, I own this place and I am SO much better than all of you, heheh. And he nearly never wipes it off.
He never says thanks or sorry. When he says thank you, he says is mockingly like he doesn't mean it or drawls it like, "I have so much better to do". And he never says sorry, he just avoids the subject or mumbles something or whatever but he has too much damn pride to actually apologize. UGGGGh.
His walk. Scratch that, his STRUT. He walks with an annoying swagger, like "I'm fabulous so I don't care". And it looks like he's so assured or something and uggggh. Worse, sometimes, he walks military like, for example when he was still a country and he'd command his army and he'd walk like that and, hell, I'd be SCARED. He walked with a purpose, y'know? And it doesn't suit him, the seriousness, because he's Prussia, and my Prussia (YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) is NOT serious.
It feels like I'm always thinking about him! I mean, I hate him, right? So, naturally I do think about him being an idiot a lot. But this is frankly insane! I can't relax for two mili-seconds (ok, maybe twenty minutes) before I think, "oh, yeah, stupid Prussia would say blahblah" or, "huh, why the hell did Prussia do blablah" AND SO ON. And it really pisses me off cause it's not like we're FRIENDS or something ridiculous like that! Hahahaha! Us friends! HAHAHA! Haha…ha…ha. Uh…Damn it.
Hungary slammed her pen down with an annoyed snarl. This list was not going well. Rereading it, it sounded like she was complaining about her best friend after a fight or something, not her worst enemy. "This is not working." She told herself angrily. What was wrong with her? Obviously, she wasn't FRIENDS with him! Ok, she had kind of been his slight friend-maybe good friend-okay, BEST friend for a while when they were kids but they had still been frenemies, and now he was just unbearable. Then why...?
Hungary huffed, still moody, making a strand of her hair float in the air before falling back in her face. "I gotta do something to make me HAPPY," she thought, "I can't be like this for my date with Austria!" She had agreed eagerly to go and meet up with the aristocratic nation, having nothing better to do. "Besides, it'll be fun!" Hungary said out loud a pitch too cheerfully. Searching for something "happy" to do, she had an idea. She grabbed a piece of paper and started writing frantically.
Nice stuff other nations do for me
By Hungary
When Austria plays a piece on the piano just for me. So sweet!
When Swiss lets me babysit Lili. Ok, so this only happened eight times, but most of the others will NEVER do this!
When Italy makes pasta for me! He is just so cute and happy!
When Kiku sends me blackmail pics. Mwahahaha.
When…
After a while, Hungary ran out of ideas. Smiling victoriously, she noted that there was not one single mention of the Prussian retard on her list. Well, this certainly proved that he was her enemy! She sat back and stretched. After a while, though she felt bad. Surely there must be ONE nice thing he had done for her? Groaning mentally, she sat up and grabbed the pen.
When Prussia…
Ugh. It was useless. There was nothing nice he had ever done. A sudden illumination hit her.
When Prussia was my ally. He was stronger and better than I was, so there was nothing in it for him. He was just being nice. (Is this even possible?)
Hungary grinned. Success. But more ideas were flowing, and she started noting them down.
When he saved me from the others. He would just come up, knock them off, and his reasons were that he was awesome and that he needed to borrow something.
How he always helped me out if we were in trouble. He would carry me over rivers when I couldn't swim as well as him, teach me fighting methods, help me hide when we were caught pranking, and so on.
How he doesn't stifle me. He's not forcing me to be some lady, he just wants my company. With him I can just be Eli, just Hungary, not Ee-li-za-veh-tah like with Roderich. I can relax and have fun and let out my anger, haha!
He's not prejudiced, in a way. He dissed Roddy most of all, and he's the snobbiest around, and barely touched people like Latvia, who's a poor little sod. And he teases me the most 'cause he enjoys it, not because I'm poor or something.
He makes me laugh. He can be such an idiot sometimes, it's hilarious, and he does make frankly funny comments at times. Also he has a mind filled with strategies equally useful for battlefields and enemies(AKA PRANKS)! Like, when he died and I broke down he came back, and afterwards I asked him how he was back since he had to represent SOMETHING and Preussen was gone, and he just said "Vell OBVIOUSLY I represent my awesomeness, and zat's vhy I'm back, cause it can't die!"
He always cheered me up. Idiot.
He…
Hungary looked down at the list, with a heart full of dread. She came to the horrible realisation that three quarters of her list were all PRUSSIA! Groaning, she sank to her knees. "NO! NOOOOOOO!" she despaired, but it was true. Prussia was….
INSERT DRAMATIC DRUMROLL HERE
Her Best Friend Forever. With emphasis on the Forever part.
At that convenient moment, there was a loud crash as a certain scarlet eyed man jumped through the window (God know how, Hungary's room was on the top floor) and landed on her bed, with a yellow chick flying in after him. "HEY BIOTCHES THE AWESOME PRUSSIA IS HERE!" he exclaimed triumphantly, as Hungary, horrified, turned around. Too late.
Prussia bounced off the bed, having landed too hard on it, and fell across the room, smashing Hungary into the wall. "I totally planned that!" Prussia said overly loudly, as he stood up. Somehow failing to notice the evil aura surrounding her, he grinned at Hungary. "The awesome me brought you something!" he exclaimed. Hungary's evil aura immediately snapped off, as she was filled with curiosity. "Ooh! What is it? What is it?" she demanded excitedly.
Then paused. "This isn't a prank, is it?" she asked the still grinning Prussian. "Nope!"He laughed. "Good, because if it is I will-" she stopped, groping the air as she remembered her frying pan was gone. Prussia's smirk grew and Hungary thought bitterly of adding that to the "cocky smirk" part of her list.
She was brought back to reality as Prussia swung something large in front of her face. "AHHHHHHHHH! A FRYING PAN!" she yelped. Prussia cackled his trademark laugh. "Kesesesesese~You happy know?" he asked the still fangirling nation. "THANK YOU!" Hungary shrieked.
"See, the awesome me is truly awesome!" Prussia declared. Then something caught his eye. "Hey, what're those two list thingies over there?" he said, grabbing the top one. Hungary, still squealing happily, failed to notice. "Nice stuff other people do for me…Hey! They're's my name! When Prussia-OOMPH!" The former nation was harshly interrupted as a frying pan made hard contact with his head. "Leave that!" Hungary yelled at him. The Prussian laughed and, arms on his head as protection, ran out of the room chased by an indignant Hungarian with a frying pan.
From afar, an exasperated nation watched them. "Well, those two imbeciles are back to normal?" he said to himself. "Although I do wonder how she'll react when she finds the "Given by the awesome Prussia to the unawesome Hungary" inscription…" he muttered. "Better go load my rifle just in case one of those idiots attempts to come here." With that, Switzerland left his guardtower, unsensitive to the shrieks of laughter coming from the other nation's home.