Natsume felt the gnawing feeling in his chest come again.
He prayed silently. Not here, please...
He tried to concentrate on the lesson- even though he couldn't stand Narumi- but instead, he felt the pen fall from his trembling fingers.
Natsume struggled to make his voice sound normal as the rabbit bounded down to retrieve it. "Thanks."
Ruka glanced at him in concern. What was wrong with Natsume?
He whispered, "Hey, are you alright? You look-" "I'm okay," Natsume mumbled, avoiding his friend's eyes.
He quickly turned the page and pretended to read, but he could still feel Ruka's gaze on him. He remembered that last time he had cried in front of Ruka- Ruka's tears as he promised Natsume that if he didn't smile...
He forced himself to smile a little, and gave Ruka a mock punch.
"I'm alright, stupid. I'm just feeling a bit tired, that's all."
Natsume was relieved to see Ruka relax a little and smile back. That had been close.
He stared down at his textbook, trying to breathe normally and suppress the pain. He should have been more careful... Where could he have dropped it? Never mind, he would pop into the clinic later on.
He shifted restlessly on his seat. Finally, the wave passed and Natsume felt his racing heart rate return to normal. The miasma now cleared, he looked properly at his book.
And realised that nothing he had written made any sense.
But then again, he thought bitterly, nothing in his life made any sense.
The bell rang.
"Ruka, I'll be going back to my room, I need to get something before lunch." Natsume hurriedly packed and got up.
"I'll come too."
"No."
Natsume stiffened. Had he said that a little too quickly? "It's nothing much. I'll only be ten minutes."
He walked off, both hands stashed deep in his pockets, trying not to let his exterior crumble. He knew that Ruka was staring, surprised and hurt, after him.
He walked the length of the corridor and turned the corner. Behind him, he could hear his classmates streaming out the door noisily.
"I'm hungry!"
"Are we supposed to do page six or seven?"
"I heard that yesterday, Narumi..."
"Nonoko-chan, are you going to your lab first?"
"Ruka-pyon! Are you free later?"
Feeling suddenly weak, he leant against the wall. It was hard... so hard...
Natsume felt his eyes moisten- and furiously wiped them on his sleeves. That hadn't happened in a long time, and shouldn't happen again. He kicked himself and continued on to the hospital.
That Natsume... Ruka looked sadly down at his rabbit.
"Ruka-pyon!"
He jumped.
"I asked you what you were staring at."
"Huh? Um, nothing." He stole a last quick glance down the corridor. Natsume...
"Where's Natsume? Shouldn't he be with you?"
Ruka thought: Should I be with him?
"He... he left to get something."
"Oh, later then. Anyway, we're going to have tea with Kaname-senpai. You'll come too, right?"
"Me...? Why?"
"Kaname-senpai said he'll like to see all of us again since he'll be out of hospital- for almost a whole week! He said he finished making the stuffed toys already, wouldn't you like to see yours?"
Ruka's rabbit clung tightly to him and looked up pleadingly: I don't want you to have a stuffed toy! I'm not going to share you!
"Wouldn't you, Ruka-pyon?" Ruka felt torn. He looked down at his rabbit, then at his expectant classmates.
"Well... okay then."
"That's great!" Mikan's eyes lit up and Ruka felt almost ashamed.
"Kaname-senpai said that he made one for me even though I didn't want any. You'll help me tell Natsume to come too, okay? It'll be a waste of Kaname-senpai's effort if I don't take it, so I want Natsume to have it."
Ruka stared down at the floor. Why did he suddenly feel uncomfortable? A waste of Kaname-senpai's effort... that's right, he has that Alice form...
"Natsume to have it?" Ruka echoed, without really thinking.
"You don't think he'll like it?"
Mikan looked worried.
"Huh? Oh. I don't mean that, I mean... I mean..." Ruka struggled to find the right words.
What did he mean?
Mikan didn't notice.
"I hope he'll like it. I think that Natsume has a really soft heart on the inside- you said that before too, didn't you, Ruka-pyon? In that way, he's just like Hotaru..."
Mikan sighed dreamily and flung her arms around her best friend.
"...a bit cold on the outside sometimes, but inside, she really cares about-"
BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!
Mikan rubbed her head and turned angrily to her friend.
"Hotaruuu! What did you do that for?"
"I don't know about you, but I'm going for lunch. If you like, you may continue but please don't hold me back."
Hotaru waved Mikan away and sailed out the door without a single backward glance.
"HOTARUUU..."
Mikan clenched her fists.
"You...!"
"Mi...Mikan-chan, Hotaru-chan is just feeling a bit hungry, that's all..."
Something that Iinchou said stirred Ruka's memory. Feeling a bit tired, that's all...
Oh, right, he promised Sakura to ask Natsume along, and Natsume should be in the dining hall by now. He quietly left and headed down the corridor, feeling very much alone.