Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the song "Secret Agent Man" By Johnny Rivers, but it is cool song and hey, that's what it sounds like he's saying! XD
Secret "Asian" Man!
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, QUATRE!" Everyone shouted as Quatre Winner entered his friend Duo Maxwell's apartment. He about fell over with a heart attack as he stared wide-eyed at everyone attending his 16th birthday party.
"Oh my! Why didn't anyone tell me they were throwing me a birthday party!" Quatre asked as Relena and Noin escorted him into the room.
"Because, it wouldn't be much of a surprise party if you knew about it, now would it? HERE! So everyone knows who you are. . ." Duo said as he walked up to him, giving him a wink as he slapped a nametag on his chest. Music played on in the background as Quatre became the social butterfly and danced from one conversation circle to another saying hellos and thank yous to everyone present for around an hour, enjoying a good laugh now and then until finally, the music died down and Duo ran up to the microphone and tapped it.
"Hello, is this thing on? Hey, everyone out there!" Duo took the mic in his hand and stepped up onto a chair to get above the crowd. Everyone turned their attention to him as he continued talking.
"I'm sure everyone's well aware that it's Quatre's 16th b-day, Sweet 16, never been kissed I'm sure. . ." Duo winked at Quatre who blushed in return as the girls giggled, "And I was thinking, what's something outrageous but yet suiting to the young master of etiquette and Gundam piloting? And then, it hit me!"
"No, I did. . ." Wufei shouted from the back of the room.
"That too. . .I thought, 'He should have song! A song that's his life story and yet. . .not!' so, here it is, Quatre, your theme song! Hit it!" Duo pointed to the DJ of the evening, Trowa, and music began to play. Duo jumped up onto a table and began to dance, looking like some swinger from the 60's as he began to sing.
"There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger. . ."
"Are you sure this isn't a song about Heero?" Quatre said shyly, recognizing the tone already and trying to shrink into the crowd. The girls pushed him back to the front to witness the scary sight getting down on the refreshment table.
"With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow."
"Oh no. . .he didn't. . ." Quatre shook his head. With a grin, Duo sang on with all his might.
"Secret 'Asian' man, secret 'Asian' man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!"
Relena handed him a raffle ticket and pulled his nametag off with a grin.
"Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide an evil mind. . ."
Quatre snuck a side-glance at Dorothy who grinned and winked back. He gulped and blushed, turning his eyes back to the braided fool dancing around the punch bowl.
"Ah, be careful what you say
Or you'll give yourself away
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow!
Secret 'Asian' man, secret 'Asian' man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!
Duo starts to play air guitar as the musical interlude plays, wildly picking at nothingness and winking at the girls in the crowd who screamed and reached to him mockingly. Finally, he continued with the song.
"Secret 'Asian' man, secret 'Asian' man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!
Swingin' on the Riviera one day
And then layin' in the Bombay alley next day. . ."
"I've never even been there before. . ." Quatre said in confusion as Wufei rolls his eyes.
"Oh no, you let the wrong word slip
While kissing persuasive lips. . ."
Suddenly, Dorothy snuck up behind Quatre and swung him around, pulling him into a deep and quite hot kiss, tongue included. Quatre melted to the floor into a puddle of blonde goo.
"The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow!
Secret 'Asian' man, secret 'Asian' man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!
Secret 'Asian' man!"
"HAPPY BIRTH-day? What happened?" Duo blinked and stared at the mess of a soldier on the floor, confused since he missed the whole thing while getting into the music and looking like an idiot.
"I guess he was just. . .BLOWN away by your performance, Duo. . ." Noin shook her head at the pathetic sight.
"His performance?" Dorothy grinned slyly.
The End.