Dumb one-shot crossover fic. Warning: Ash-bashing, Serena-bashing and a lot of gigglicious ghey James.
Sailor Rocket
It's another gloriously sunny day in Pokémon World. The Twerp Trio have decided to go to a nearby city so that Ash can win a badge (wow, I've never heard that story-line before). Topaz Town is a beautiful little village near the sea and Ash can't wait to battle the Topaz gym leader (how exciting. Is it any wonder that there are so few Ash fans, and so many Rocket fans?). But just as they reach the city, Misty notices a sign outside it. (Don't worry; the Rocket Gang will arrive shortly). "What does it say?" asks the fountain of knowledge named Ash. Misty doesn't realise how stupid he is and leaves him to figure it out for himself. Ash painfully reads through the sign, saying every word as carefully as he can, as if the viewers knew neither Japanese nor English. "To-paz…Town…On-ly…cit-i-zens…all-ow-ed…dur-ing…Stant-ler…sea-son. Gee, I wonder why?" So do we, Ash. So do we.
Meanwhile, the real heroes of the show are on the other side of Topaz Town, reading a similar sign, but much quicker. "Looks like we'll just have to invite ourselves," Jesse laughs. James giggles in agreement. The three of them scamper (yes, scamper. Come on, this is James. Of course he'd scamper) through the bushes and sneak inside. They are immediately ambushed! Four young girls in weird Brownies (girl guides) uniforms attack them. "I am Sailor Venus!" shouts the one with long blonde hair.
James squeals. "Eeeeeek! It's the Sailor Scouts! I love you guys!" He immediately whips out the Team Rocket Disguise chest and shows them his mock Sailor Scout costume. A huge sweat drop is on everyone's head. Jesse scowls, "Do you know these people?" James nods enthusiastically. Each girl introduces her self. Only Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Mercury are there. James is pleased at this. "I can't stand that meatball-headed leader of yours. I mean…that hairstyle!" He shudders. "If only you all had the Rocket flair for style." Jesse nods in agreement.
"Prepare for no more clothing trouble."
"We'll keep good taste out of stone-age rubble."
"To bring the world the best of fashion."
"To make sure style isn't rationed."
"To denounce the evil of suede and false leather."
"To find the best clothes for every weather"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Roquet helps you with your fashion plight"
"Surrender your doubts because our taste is right"
"Afta Labour Day, don't wear white! (Youse guyz are embarrassing!)"
The Scouts look on in fear as Jesse begins kicking Meowth. "Come on," says Amy (the biggest smeg-head this side of Tokyo). "We'll take you to see Serena."
"Oh yippee (!)" James grumbles.
Back on the other side of Topaz Town, the twerps have found themselves an easy ride somehow and are being allowed into the city. Ash has also won an MTV award and two Nobel prizes, as luck would have it. The girl taking them to the gym has suspicious long green hair (don't say Officer Jenny, her hair is shortish). As usual the fat-assed Pikachu cannot be bothered to walk and has hitched a ride on the thoughtful/less Ash.
Jesse, James, Meowth and the Inner Senshi stop outside a huge arena. James giggles at the rhyme, "Serena's arena!" (I sometimes wonder about his sexuality, I really do) Amazingly enough, the twerps are entering on the other side. Oh, what a coincidence. Let's see what Ash says when he sees them…
"It's Team Rocket!"
Oh god, give the boy a medal. He did it before the motto for once. Misty is blinded by love and doesn't see that what he just said, was incredibly thick. She simply says, "What are you three doing here?" Squinty-eyes, er…I mean Brock, says, "Yeah!" Mr Stuart, I know you play two characters, but you could put some effort into it. Hint to the writers. Please.
Almost as stupid, Jesse cries, "It's the twerps!" How does she do it? She could be Team Rocket all by herself. The Scouts are shocked at this development. Raye asks Sailor Neptune who these kids are (don't tell me you didn't know who the green haired girl was!). She explains that she found them wandering around, desperate and hungry (and horny, she adds glancing at Brock). A huge shadow suddenly looms over them. Is it a koala bear? Is it an overweight Snorlax that thinks it's a koala bear? No it's the podgiest Scout of all, Sailor Moon. James huffs in annoyance, knowing full well that he'd be a better Scout than her. He looks much better in dresses than she does. She drawls, "Hey guys! Like, who are they?" Never, ever say that in front of Ash, Serena. Wait for it…
"I am Ash Ketchum, a Pokémon Trainer from Pallet Town. My goal is to become a Pokémon Master and to win a badge from you." How inspiring! Lincoln couldn't have done better. But his speech is wasted on the clueless moon princess. She has spotted Pikachu and is happily squeezing the life out of its fat, jaundiced body. "Oooh, a bunny! Usagi kawaii!"
Misty, Brock and Ash look on in horror as Serena crushes the Ickis-wannabe. Togepi however is thrilled as it cackles in its shrill little voice. "Tooki-prrrrriiii! *
*Translation: Alas, fat mouse. You will soon be no more, and I, Togepi will take over the toy shelves and all will cower under the immense power of the evil that is me!
Misty doesn't understand and comforts the little egg. "Don't worry Togepi. Pikachu will be all right." Brock goes over to Serena and tries to be macho and charming. "Er, excuse me Miss. If I told you, you had an amazing body, would you hold it against me?"
"Like, where are your eyes?" she gasps. A rose zooms past Brock's ear. James squeals. "It's my hero and my inspiration! Tuxedo Mask!" Yes, it is the perverted, 14-year-old-loving, older boyfriend of Serena's, come to rescue her again. Can't she do anything alone? The show should be named after him. "That's it!" Jesse shouts. "All of you leave! I've been through almost 200 episodes of this ridiculous programme, and nothing changes!" All of them look at the floor in shame. "No more Sailor Scouts!" At Jesse's angry words they leave. "Twerp and Twerpette, admit you love each other and make out like teenagers. Older Twerp, either give up on women, or go back to that drug addict, Professor Ivy. James, decide whether you're gay or madly in love with me." James whimpers.
"That's not much of a choice. Hey, where's Meowth?"
"Oh, he went off with two cats, one black, one white. He said they were his bitches or something. Well, are you gay or not?"
"Give me a minute." Suddenly a huge spaceship crashes into the arena. James squeals. "Its…its…!" Vegeta, Trunks, Tenchi, Heero, Akira and Allen Schezar climb out from the ruins. Vegeta shouts, "Who's idea was it to let the Gundam pilot drive Ryo-ohki?"
James' eyes glimmer in admiration. "How does his hair do that? How does he fit into those spandex? What shampoo does Allen use?" He scampers (we've been through this already) over to them. "Oh well," sighs Jesse, "I can always make him drunk."
Well, I'm sure Ash and his friends learnt an important lesson today. James likes sailors, and Jesse hates showbiz.