"If I leave before you darling, don't you waste me in the ground."
It was my greatest fear to die and rot inside a wooden box. I knew the day would come and it would come soon. The doctors have said it and I've told you Shikamaru. My time is coming to a close.
As I hear you running around Shikamaru with our children in the yard. There's no sadness. Not for me because I'm the one leaving you, I'm sorry Shikamaru. I'll leave you behind and go somewhere I don't know. I know that I don't fear that place anymore. I don't fear what is to come. I'm just sorry I'm leaving you behind.
Autumn is coming and the birds are leaving. The two of us used to hate this time of year. Everything around us was dying and the cold was coming. It was too cold to make anything grow and too cold to spend lazy days outside. Not until now have I've noticed the beauty of the cold winds and sudden rain showers. How beautiful isn't leaves falling, do you agree Shikamaru? Nothing is as beautiful as a red leaf making its way to the ground with the bright September sun shining through it. Nothing is as beautiful as passing when it's time.
I hear a thud followed by crying. Tear filled eyes will perhaps enter our bedroom crawling in bed with me but you don't allow it anymore Shikamaru. Mommy is too sick you say, but I'm not Shika. I will never be too sick to love our child. Still you deny me out of care. You say I need rest to regain my strength and focus on getting better. I know you do it out of love, but for once in your life you're wrong.
"Wake up, it's no use pretending."
You never listen to me when I say this is how it'll end, but it will Shika. I get up and out of bed. I stumble over to the window. From there I can see you down on your knees speaking words of comfort to our daughter. I see the red stain on her knee growing. You need to take her inside and clean it. You'll need to remember these things on your own Shikamaru and soon because I won't be here to remind you.
I see you pick her up and carry her inside. Our sons engage in a football match alone. They're so much alike you Shika and I hope you see that but they are stubborn as me. They'll do great with your wit and my spirit. We are the perfect team you and me Shikamaru, the perfect match.
Small steps run down the hall. I hear the knob turn around and I see her clutching to the knob running in. I try to lift her. I'm too weak and fall to my knees. It doesn't matter because I'm still close to her. I hear you standing in the door, why don't you come in anymore Shikamaru? You'll suggest that you should go outside and play again. I won't let you. I don't care what it cost I want to make the most out of my last time with you all.
I kiss her knee and take her hand. I want to go outside with you all. You both help me toward the staircase. You don't allow me to go down alone. Not since I fell. It must hurt you Shikamaru, seeing me so weak. You place me in your strong and secure hands. It feels safe and I'm lighter than ever, as light as air. I wish we were and that we could just fly away from all our problems. I'm slowly fading and you don't want to talk about it. It's not real to you yet.
It's not real too you that I'll die soon and leave you alone with our children.
It's not real too you that my last wish will be for you to spread my ashes in the yard where our children will play and flowers will bloom, where you'll spend lazy days on your back, hopefully with someone new by your side in time.
I won't be around for much longer Shikamaru and you don't want to talk about it.
COCOCOCOCOCOCO
I don't know what happened. I had finally decided who "you" was and therefore updated and revised the story. I must have uploaded the wrong chapter and not have noticed it when I added my authors note. It should be updated now and thank you for the reviews suggesting that I should add names, well I just added one name. I still hope it's better now!