Apology.
I can remember clearly what Emily said to me that day.
"Just remember to sharpen it. If I remembered, I'd already be in that casket, wouldn't I?" she laughs, sliding me her lucky razor. Little flecks of deep brown blood still speckle the tip of the sharpest corner. I feel the tears in my eyes, but I refuse to cry. Emily hated hospital criers. She had said they were too cliché for her, I guess. I nod and wiggle my nose. It prevents the tears, so Emily wouldn't get upset.
She looks weaker than normal, her skin pale from blood loss, her black and red hair in a pile on top her head. Her eyes sunken in. if she were asleep, I'd mistake her for dead. But as always, she's up till the moons gone. The heart monitor that's hooked up to her nose and wrists beeps softly, like a clock. Her life clock. The white wraps around each wrist is stained with brown. I can see the wounds clearly, like looking through a window that's been smeared with cleaner. She wants to die at sunrise, like her mom did six years ago.
"I'll honor her with
that, since I can't for anything else."
I stare out the window, seeing the moon slowly hide behind the horizon and the brilliant orange and yellow sun begin to burn against my skin. I shiver, stifling a cough. She stares out the window too, and smiles. Taking my hand with her icy frail one, she looks me in the eye.
"Get out, while you can. This," she points at the blade glinting on the table," Is your only way out." I try not to stare at her. I look intensely at the silver object that separates us from each other. The only thing that I will ever have left from her. i try not to cry.
"Maybe theres someone who will love me in heaven, or wherever im going." shes giving up, i can tell. shes letting herself die. her voice is so feint, i have to lean in to hear her.
"Theres someone who loves you here," i whisper to her.
"Who? you? you dont even love yourself, how could you love me?"
My eyes widened in shock. the air stung my tears but i couldnt care. how could she say i didnt love her? of course i loved her, she was like a sister to me! i did love her, didnt i?
Her deep grey eyes seemed to cloud over and her mouth formed into a small O shape. her body went limp, and the monitor made a high pitched hum. the sound seemed to fill up the whole of the room. her eyes closed.
"Emily?"