Title: Teardrops

Genre: NCIS

Pairing: Tony and Ziva with some EJ.

Rating: T.

Timeline: 8X16.

Spoilers: Some referred to, vaguely. You will note them if you've watched, if not, they'll go over your head.

A/N: I'm humouring the muse here, before she strikes on Love Bites… Here's a nice tiva vid to go with the song. .com/watch?v=symcPB6AMms&feature=related

Summery: So How does Ziva really feel about EJ and Tony?

Disclaimer: *SIGH* So not mine, If they were - I wouldn't be writing depressing things like this.

Word Count: 1 085 (excl lyrics)

Lyrics: Randomly selected from the song Tear Drops (I think) by Taylor Swift. I don't own that either, but wouldn't mind it's a nice song.

Edited: June 2011

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So I'll drive home alone, as I turn out the light,
I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight.
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart.
He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do.
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough, he's all I need to fall into.

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She knows that it shouldn't get to her, but it does. She knows that he's available and that she has no hold on him, but that still does not stop the pain that she's experiencing in the region where her heart should be. She will not cry, she refuses to.

She now knew that he could overlook rule twelve… It may not be advisable to date a co-worker, but somehow she'd come to believe that if they did, they could make it work. They'd been close more than once, and she now had proof that he could cross that line. Maybe she should have pushed harder before. She knew that he at least felt something for her. They know each other, they could read one another… and still he looks elsewhere.

Maybe he was never that attracted to her at all. Maybe the feelings he's always had were akin to those one would have for one's family, for that is what the team was her, family, and he was a substantial part of that. Once upon a time there had been more, she'd been sure of that, but lately he's been more fulfilling the role of big brother that potential lover.

He had not even tried to touch her in Paris. He'd lain next to her all night, whist she was the one hoping, almost expecting his touch, but it never came. Then the following morning he was cheery, like he had enjoyed the evening with her. It had caused her to hope, to hope that her presence alone could do that. That he could be happy with her… Then on their return he put rule twelve between them again, which caused her even greater frustration.

And then Ray walked into her life, another field agent and nomad. He was fun to spend time with, but not someone she could see herself with. That image was exclusively limited to him, Tony, and it had been for some time now. Ray had helped her over a difficult patch. He had been the first after then… It had been easier with him, because there had been no pressure or emotional commitment involved. It had been a purely physical act, where she had been in control. After which both of them had realized that more than friends they were unlikely to be.

She had tried to forget about what had happened back then. That she may even be considered tainted. Tony had never treated her as such, but she couldn't help wonder if that may not be part of it. How could she be provocative, when she was unwilling to undress where someone could see her? She took comfort in the darkness, when her scars could not be seen. That's why Tony needed to choose her, not give into her. He had to choose to take her the way she was, scarred, and be at peace with it. But Tony was drawn to beautiful women. Provocative women with flawless skin who were physically available and sexually confidant, she was no longer one of those.

EJ was his type. Attractive, tall, she complemented him and they looked good together. Ziva also knew that her body would not be marred with scares, not like hers. She had seen and heard the woman coming onto him. It hurt that he had fallen for her meagre attempts.

EJ was not to be trusted. Not in work and certainly not with Tony's heart. She'd already caused discord within the team. Gibbs did not like her and Ziva's intuition said that she is not to be trusted. She also knew that Tony did not need a woman like her. He was no longer the careless playboy he used to be. Love had touched him and he would in all likelihood seek it again, and Ziva knew intuitively that EJ was not the type of woman who would provide it. She was cold and callous, she had yet to see any real warmth from the woman. She feared that EJ may only be using Tony, and that angered her more than she was willing to admit... Tony was a wonderful person, who appeared shallow on meeting but had more depth than most people gave him credit for. Tony deserved to be loved… He deserved someone who would give him her everything… her love, her heart, her soul even and if needed, her life.

Ziva had promised herself she would be happy for him if he once again found love, even if it wasn't with her. She wanted to see him happy. He deserved it after everything he'd done for the team, and her. But not with EJ, she will crush his spirit. Ziva knew that he would be adversely affected, even by a casual relationship between the two of them. She wanted to do or say something to stop him, but she knew if she were to do that, he would not listen. She would once again have to be there to pick up the pieces, to put him back together and hope he would drop his eyes from the horizon for once, and see that she's been patiently waiting for him.

Ziva playing provocative to draw his attention from EJ was not an option either. She had hoped that by subtlety she could win him over, because Tony enjoyed the chase. He'd chased Jeanne, he'd loved Jeanne, and Ziva was not willing to settle for anything less than his all. He will never know how hard it had been to look at him and to see him so heartbroken after Jeanne. To know that he'd allowed himself to fall in love with her, against his better judgement and his orders. To know that inside that playboy exterior he needed to be loved. Even then the discovery that he'd been on assignment had not in any way eased the pain she had felt, he'd fallen in love, and it hadn't been with her.

Tony could hide little from her. She could read him too well, which had made it even harder when he's asked if she'd ever lied to anyone she loved. To look at him knowing it was him that she'd lied to. That everyday she lied to herself, telling herself that she could be content with things the way they were, that she could live with this. When all she wanted was to love him, and wanted him to love her in return, but she didn't know if he could, or even would anymore.

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