=Fudge =
It was raining.
It was surprising. The weatherman was always 99.99% wrong. But it seems like he was right this time, and he sounded rather surprised but smug as he flickered on the screen. "That's right folks," he said. "Just like I had predicted, stormy weather has come our way. It should last throughout the duration of the day, but you should be sure that the sun's going to come out tomorrow!" The weatherman shuffled his papers and nodded at no one in particular. "Back to you, Tim."
Toon Link crossly turned off the TV. He lay back on his bed and scowled at the cracked ceiling, angry about the crappy weather, angry about the freaking weatherman's prediction, angry about, well, everything. As he silently fumed, he could hear someone laughing outside.
Toon Link jumped up, yanked open the window, and stuck his head out. "Shut up!" he screamed at whoever was outside.
He was about to slam the window shut when a shrill voice screamed back, "Who's gonna make me?!"
Toon Link glared down. A blonde-haired kid covered entirely in mud staring defiantly back at him, hands on his hips. He recognized him as Lucas.
Toon Link hated Lucas.
"I am!" he shouted. "So get lost, nitwit!"
"Oh, and this is coming from the guy who makes Wario look smart!" Lucas retorted.
"I'll hit you so hard that by the time you come down, you'll need a passport and a plane ticket back!"
"When you were born, something terrible happened. You lived!"
"Butt cheddar!"
"Malmsey-nosed puttock!"
"Republican!"
Lucas's mouth open and closed, but no words came out. Toon Link stuck his tongue out at him and began to leave.
"You… just you wait!" Toon Link heard Lucas yell. "I'm going to think up such a great comeback tomorrow that you're… that you're…"
Toon Link rolled his eyes and closed the window, drowning out his annoying voice.
After Toon Link had changed out of his soggy clothes, he stomped down to the living room, starling Peach who was reading. He gave the princess a dirty look (he hated her more than Lucas) and threw himself onto the sofa across from her. "Today sucks."
"It does?" Peach asked calmly. She put her book on the table. "Why?"
"There's nothing to do."
"Really?"
"Nothing at all."
Peach gave a secret smile. "Oh, is that so?"
Toon Link suspiciously eyed her. Peach's smile grew a little wider. "All right, lady," he grumbled. "What boring chore do you have for me?"
"It's not that boring," Peach said cheerfully. "It's quite fun actually. Kirby's in the kitchen, and I think you should help him out with the cooking."
"You've got to be kidding me!" Toon Link groaned. "Cooking's for girls!"
Peach laughed. "Is that what you think?" She picked up her book again. "Well, unless you want to help Crazy Hand clean the bathroom stalls…"
Spending an afternoon 'cleaning' the stalls with Crazy was a job no one wanted to do, ever since Red supposedly went mad after helping him. The Pokemon Trainer always ran around babbling about mutants hiding in the toilets now. Toon Link shivered at the thought. "I'll cook with Kirby."
Peach turned a page in her book. "That's a good boy."
The kitchen was perhaps the second most hectic place in the entire Smash Mansion. Pots and pans were everywhere, egg yolks and flour smeared on the checkered floor (at least, Toon Link thought it was checkered), and R.O.B., who was, oddly enough, standing upside down on the ceiling, tossing towels at any passerby.
"Hi, Toon Link," R.O.B. greeted him. The robot threw a wet towel at him. "Sorry about that," he added when Toon Link cursed loudly. "My body circuits are malfunctioning today."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Toon Link looked around. "Where the heck is Kirby?"
"Pie explosion."
Toon Link turned around to see a blue hedgehog tapping his foot. Toon Link scowled for the billionth time today. He recognized him as Sonic. He really hated Sonic. "What?"
"Pie explosion," Sonic repeated, an annoyed expression on his face. He knew of Toon Link's resentment toward him. He loathed the cartoon Hero of Time as well. "Kirby was baking a pie, accidentally put popcorn in it, and stuck it in the microwave too, so…" He dismissively waved a hand. "Pie explosion."
A towel almost hit them. R.O.B. cheerily apologized.
Toon Link crossed his arms. "Who puts pie in a microwave?"
"Kirby, obviously." Sonic crossed his arms as well.
They glared at each other for a good minute or so.
"Well, what are we supposed to make?" Toon Link finally broke the silence.
"I thought Peach would've told you," Sonic said.
Toon Link threw his hands in the air. "Who am I? Chuck Norris?! I don't know what we're supposed to do!"
"Neither do I," replied Sonic coldly.
They glared at each other some more.
"Fudge," Toon Link said.
"What did you call me--?"
"No, I mean fudge, idiot. We should make fudge."
Sonic cocked an eyebrow. "And how're we going to make fudge, smart one?"
"Pssh, it's easy," Toon Link scoffed. "Anybody can make fudge. Get me that bowl, will you?"
Sonic pointed at a bowl on the floor. "That one?"
"No. That one."
"That one?"
"NO! That one!"
Sonic snickered as he brought the bowl over. Toon Link snatched it from him. His scowl deepened. "All right, we just need some butter, milk, and chocolate."
"Right." Sonic opened the fridge and took out a huge jug. He peered in and took out several sticks of butter. "We don't have any chocolate, unfortunately…"
"What?!"
"Hey, don't look at me. Pikachu ate all of it."
Toon Link swore. "Is there anything we can use…?"
Sonic took out a large jar. "Does 'Miraculously Sticky Taffy' work?"
"Yeah, give it here."
Toon Link dumped all the butter into the bowl, and then the taffy. He wrinkled his nose at the disgusting looking mixture. "Gross." He began to mercilessly beat it with a bat. Sonic looked on with alarm.
"Uh, aren't you supposed to use an egg beater or something?"
"Bat's work fine," Toon Link said. "Go get another bowl, will you? Pour all the milk into that and as much sugar as you can."
"Do it yourself." Still, Sonic began to search through the cabinets. He felt around before grabbing two, unmarked white bottles. "Hmm… I guess this is the sugar… wait, there's another one." With three bottles in hand, and the milk jug, he zoomed over to the island and set them all out. "Okay, milk goes first…"
He poured all the milk into the bowl, causing it to overflow. Sonic looked at it with little alarm. "Well, more's better, I guess. Erm… the sugar now." He unscrewed the cap of one of the bottles and dumped the contents into the milk.
R.O.B. was humming a little ditty as he tossed some more towels this way and that. Toon Link glanced at Sonic. "You're supposed to let the milk boil before putting the sugar in, dolt." He looked down at his own work. He had managed to successfully beat the butter and taffy into a light grey mixture. "I don't think it's supposed to be grey," Toon Link said thoughtfully. "Ah, screw it. It'll probably taste the same."
Sonic slammed his bowl over the stove and turned it up to the max. The milk instantly began to boil and soon caught on fire. Sonic gave a yelp of surprise and he frantically turned the stove off.
He looked at it tensely. "Well, it's hot already," Sonic said. "That's for sure." He looked at the remaining two bottles. "Better pour all of them in." He did so. "There. That looks good to me…"
"Hey! Sonic! Bring your lazy butt over here! We need to mix the two together!"
"Why don't you walk around for a change?" Sonic shouted. He came over anyway, carrying his still hot bowl. Toon Link watched him impatiently.
"C'mon, c'mon, hurry it up," Toon Link said as the hedgehog poured. "It's gonna take all day!"
"I can't help it," Sonic snapped. "It's just like that!"
It was true. The milk mixture moved with agonizing slowness as if it was a fat slug. When it finally joined the taffy-butter mix, it did so with a wet 'plop'.
"Geez." Toon Link took up the bat and began to mash it. Sonic resisted the urge to kick him.
R.O.B. threw another towel at them. "Are you sure that's fudge?"
"What does it look like?" Sonic answered in irritation.
R.O.B. was more than happy to answer. "Crud."
Ten seconds later the robot found himself locked out of the kitchen, tied up in the towels he had been throwing around the past few hours. "What did I do wrong?!" he cried.
"It's ready!" Toon Link announced. He tried to lift the bat up but found it stuck to the fudge. "Rats. Give me a hand will you?" He pulled harder. The fudge clung on like a stubborn barnacle.
"Uh… Toon Link?" Sonic hesitantly tapped him on the shoulder.
"What?"
"I think we screwed up on the fudge."
Toon Link stopped pulling. He faced Sonic, a wary tone in his voice. "Why?"
Sonic held out two bottles in response. He had peeled away their white labels, revealing two words that made Toon Link's heart sink.
SUPER GLUE.
"You have got to be freaking kidding me!" Toon Link screamed. He was going to kill Sonic for this! He raised the bat.
Unfortunately, he had forgotten that the bat was stuck to the super-sticky fudge. As he swung it, he bat jerked out of his hands and the bowl, with the bat still attached, went flying toward Sonic.
The hedgehog skillfully dodged it, only to see it hit the stove. Columns of flame shot out from it, setting the wooden bat on fire. The two gaped at the sight.
Toon Link grabbed a random bucket and began to fill it with water. Sonic dove for the fire extinguisher.
"This is all your fault!" Sonic shouted as he tried in vain to quell the fire. The fire extinguisher suddenly gave a hoarse cough. It was empty. He tossed the useless tool at the fire. The blaze grew bigger.
"My fault?! Who put the super glue in the milk, then, huh?!" Toon Link ran over and threw his bucketful of water at it. The water merely vanished in a puff of steam. "We're so screwed!"
"Thank you so much, Captain Obvious!"
Just then, R.O.B. burst in, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. "I'm not going to stand for the treatment you're giving me!" he declared. "I don't deserve to be treated like some random ornament or gizmo…"
"R.O.B.! Great timing!" Sonic exclaimed.
They picked up the puzzled robot."Wha--?"
R.O.B. never got to finish his sentence. He was tossed into the flames, where he wildly flailed and screamed. "OMIGOSH! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!"
"Stop, drop, and roll, R.O.B.!" Toon Link shouted. "C'mon, just do it!"
R.O.B. hysterically began to roll around. The fire quietly diminished away, no match for R.O.B.'s powerful fire-proof casing (not to mention rolling).
Toon Link and Sonic sunk to the floor in relief, coughing from the thick smoke lingering in the air.
"Well…" Sonic coughed. "That was fun…"
"Well folks," the weatherman said. He sighed as he continued."It seems like the rain's going to continue after all, and from what I can tell, it's going to continue on throughout the weekend. But you can sure count on sunshine next week! Back to you, Tim…"
"Hey! Toon Link!" a familiar shrill voice shouted.
Toon Link turned off the TV and looked out the window. Lucas was standing there in the downpour, a determined look on his face. Toon Link sighed and stuck his head out. "What do you want?"
"You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother!"
Toon Link rolled his eyes and disappeared back into his room. Lucas didn't seem to notice.
"And you're so fat," Lucas continued, "that if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! And your mom's so fat that when she jumped in the air, she got stuck!" He raised his voice. "And--!"
Before Lucas could finish his sentence a huge glob of super-sticky fudge hit his face. He clawed at it and began to run around screaming. Toon Link smirked as he watched.
"Hey, Lucas!" Toon Link shouted. "I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you were dead!"
Lucas continued to scream. Toon Link snickered as he closed the window.
It was turning out to be a wonderful day.
A/N: This happens to be a fic requested by my friend. You know who you are, girl. -Tips hat- Rate and review, if you may.