"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself because I've fallen in love with you and I have to figure out how to let that go."
Lindsay sighed as she recalled the conversation that had taken place between her and Danny the previous day, feeling foolish at her confession. Danny had not said it back. Did he really not feel the same about her as she did about him? She thought things had been going so great between them. It was true that since Rubin's death he'd become distant, but she thought he just needed some time, then they would go back to normal. She would get back the kind, sweet and funny Danny that she had fallen in love with.
She turned on her car radio, hoping that the music would distract her. But it was no use. She couldn't just leave things up in the air like they were. That was it. She decided that their talk couldn't wait. She did a U turn, changing her course from towards the crime lab and instead towards Danny's apartment.
Ten minutes later Lindsay pulled up outside Danny's building and got out of the car.
As she neared the door to the building someone was coming out. She hurried forward catching the door so she wouldn't have to buzz through for Danny to let her in. She made her was up to his apartment, all the while trying to plan what she was about to say. She was desperately hoping that he would just tell her that he loved her, and that everything was ok. After what seemed like hours Lindsay reached the door to Danny's apartment. She heard playing softly inside, which told her that he must be in. She took a deep breath in and knocked lightly; she was nervous. After a minute there was still no answer, so she knocked again. Still no answer. She reached for the door handle and turned it, and the door opened. Lindsay walked tentatively inside.
"Danny?" She called out softly, looking around. That's when she heard it: sweet, high-pitched laughter coming from Danny's bedroom. Lindsay felt as though she had been doused with cold water. Then she heard the voice again.
"Danny, stop it!"
Lindsay crept towards the half closed bedroom door. There must be some simple explanation, she told herself. She reached the door, and looked through the gap of the half open door. Deep down she knew what she would find before she saw it.
Being a CSI she was used to seeing a lot of gruesome and gut-wrenching things. But nothing could have prepared her for the sight before her. Danny was lying there, propped up on his elbow, looking into the eyes of the blonde woman that lay next to him. They were talking but Lindsay couldn't hear what they were saying; all she could here was a deafening nothing that filled her head. Unable to avert her eyes she just stared, and a minute later Danny planted a gentle kiss on the woman's forehead.
Lindsay's head was filled with a scene from not two weeks ago.
"Danny, stop it!" Lindsay squealed, trying to catch her breath as Danny tickled her.
Danny laughed himself, "Ok Montana I'll stop." Danny propped himself up on his elbow, staring at Lindsay lying next to him. He leant down and softly kissed her forehead. "That better?" Danny asked. "Much." Lindsay smiled back at him.
The scene dissolved and Lindsay was back to reality. She felt sick, she couldn't breath. In silence she took one last look at the man she had loved so much and ran from the apartment. She ran through the corridor and down the stairs and didn't stop. She burst through the door of the building and stood in the street breathing heavily. She put her hands up to her face, and looked around, not knowing what to say or do. She scrabbled around in her purse in search of her car keys and pulled them out. She went to put the key in the lock and the keys fell from her hand.
"Damn it," she cried, her voice shaking. She bent down to pick up the keys and after managing to successfully unlock it she got into her car. Feeling the tears sting her eyes, she leant forward to rest her head on the steering wheel, feeling the cool leather against her forehead. Before she had a chance to process what she had just seen any further, her phone rang from inside her purse. Lindsay sat up and took the phone from her purse. It was Mac. She cleared her throat several times in an attempt to rid the emotion from her voice, and answered.
"Hey Mac. I'm really sorry I'm running late. I uhh, I had to make a stop on the way."
"That's ok. Its just usually you're the most on-time of us all, so I just wanted to check everything was ok?" Mac said on the other end of the line.
"Oh yeah I'm fine," Lindsay replied, hoping that her voice would hold out.
"Ok then. I'll see you soon."
"I'll see you soon Mac." Lindsay put the phone down. She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath in. She couldn't think about this now. She had work to do today, and her work was important, she couldn't be distracted. So with one last look up at Danny's building, she turned her engine on and drove away.
Lindsay walked out of the lab with Stella and Mac, checking the corridor for any sign of Danny before she preceded any further. The coast was clear. She'd managed to go the whole day without running into him. To be honest, she was relieved. Until she confronted him it was as though the heartache wasn't quite real yet.
" Lindsay, you ok?" Lindsay was snapped back to reality at the sound of Stella's voice.
"Yeah, it's just been a long day, I'm exhausted," she replied feigning a weak smile.
"Well, you've done good work today. Go home and relax, you deserve it," Mac smiled at her.
"Are you seeing Danny tonight?" Stella asked innocently.
Linday felt her heart break as the scene from earlier entered her head.
"Umm, I don't know, I…"
And as if on cue she heard the sound of his voice echo down the corridor.
"Hey guys!"
"Talk of the devil." Stella said smiling at Danny.
"Hey Mac, Stell!"
Linday took a deep breath, and mustering all the strength she had left in her she turned to face him.
"Hey Montana," he said cheerily, as though nothing was wrong. She felt sick hearing him call her that.
"Hey," she said, forcing another smile. But she couldn't hep herself.
"So, I stopped be your apartment this morning. I thought we could have that talk but there was no answer."
"Yeah I'm sorry about that. I had to take my bike to the shop early," he replied, appearing perfectly sincere.
"Oh, right." She choked. She had wanted desperately to avoid doing this here, at work surrounded by her co-workers.
"Lindsay I'm sorry, you know how much you mean to me. I really do want to talk, its just I had a load of errands to run this morning." He lied again.
That was it.
"You know Danny, it hurt enough seeing you in bed with another woman…"
Danny felt his heart sink.
"…but the fact that you can lie to my face about it, that really shows how little respect you have for me…" Her voice cracked as the first tears escaped her eyes.
Mac and Stella looked at each other with a mixture of awkwardness and sadness at being witness to the scene playing out before them.
"Lindsay…" Danny said, desperation in his voice. "Please let me explain."
"Explain! What, explain why you felt the need to have sex with another woman?" She was angry now.
Danny didn't respond.
"Is it me? Am I not good enough you? Not wild enough for you? Not pretty enough? Not outgoing enough?" She cried. She could feel her whole body shaking.
""No, god no. What…what I did, its got nothing to do with you. It's me, I'm screwed up, I…Lindsay I am so sorry..."
"You're sorry?" Her tears were falling freely now. "I loved you Danny, so much. I gave you everything I had…my heart, my soul…and the fact that that wasn't enough for you…" She knew people were staring and listening but at that moment she didn't care.
"Lindsay, please..." He leant forward to take her hand.
"No, don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me," Lindsay sobbed, backing away.
Danny was overcome with guilt as he looked at her standing in front of him, the tears running down her face and the heartbreak visible in her eyes; she was broken. He knew there was nothing he could do or say. He had lost her, lost the only woman he had ever truly loved.
"Lindsay," Stella said stepping towards her. "Come on sweetie, let's go." Stella put her arm around Lindsay and pulled her with her away from Danny and towards the elevator.
"Lindsay please," Danny cried after her. "I am so sorry, I never ever wanted to hurt you…"
"Leave it Danny, you've done enough don't you think? " Stella shot back at him furiously, and he got one last look at Lindsay as the elevator doors closed behind them.
Danny just stood staring at the elevator for what seemed like a lifetime.
"Ok folks, shows over." He heard Mac say sternly. Danny looked up; he hadn't even noticed the audience they'd had. He looked up at Mac he was walking towards him.
"Mac," Danny said, his voice cracking.
Mac looked at him for a moment and then walked on past him.
Danny leant against the wall and slid down it until he reached the floor, letting out a cry of both upset and anger. What have I done, he thought to himself.