Rated: K
I do not own this game. It's my very first post so... enjoy!
Ganondorf's Boss Interviews Ganondorf's Boss Interviews: Part One
Narrator: All was peaceful in the land of Hyrule. Everyone was joyful and happy with their lives. Especially a gerudo named Ganondorf. He was sitting in his lair, smiling deviously with pride. Why was he so happy? Let's find out.
Ganondorf: Yes! The plan is perfect! The king has appointed me as right-hand man. Now I, the Great Ganondorf, the King of the Gerudos, and the Lord of Evil, shall continue in my plot for domination. Servant! SERVANT!
Narrator: The door behind him opened and in walked a man in rags.
Servant: Yes, sir?
Ganondorf: Bring me some coffee…Black with cream.
Servant: Yes, sir.
Narrator: Ganondorf chuckled to himself as the servant left the room. Next he picked up a bowl of chocolate and ate a few handfuls. When he set it down, the servant had returned with his coffee.
Servant: Black coffee with cream, sir.
Ganondorf: Thank you. (Takes a sip) Perfect!
Servant: Oh, sir, there are some creatures at the front door saying they have an…interview with you.
Ganondorf: Oh, yes! Bring them in one at a time.
Narrator: The servant left the room as Ganondorf reached for his clipboard and pen. He wrote at the top: Boss Interviews. Then he grabbed his glasses and…
Ganondorf: Since when do I wear glasses?
Narrator: (Hides the sharpie and the picture of Ganondorf with glasses) Since I said so.
Ganondorf: Why should I look like a dork?
Servant: Ganondork! Hehehehe…
Ganondorf: Your fired.
Servant: (Running away) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Narrator: Great! Now you need a new servant. Ganondorf hired a new servant and his name was Bob.
Ganondorf: Why Bob?
Narrator: BECAUSE I'M THE NARRATOR AND WHAT I SAY GOES!
Ganondorf: FINE! Continue!
Narrator: Thank you! Anyway, he took his glasses and stared at the door.
Ganondorf: First boss…Queen Gohma.
Narrator: Just then, a huge spider crawled in. She had a hairy green body with one solid eye and her four legs were longer than a six-foot pole.
Gohma: (In a hissing, raspy voice) Well, hello Ganondorf.
Ganondorf: Hello, your majesty. Tell me what your ability is.
Gohma: I can lay eggs.
Ganondorf: …uh…I'm still waiting for an answer.
Gohma: I just told you. I lay eggs.
Ganondorf: What does that do?
Narrator: Suddenly, three eggs popped out before him. Then, they all cracked and out came three baby spiders that leaped up and attacked him.
Ganondorf: AUGH! GET THEM OFF! GET…THEM…OFF!
Gohma: That's enough, children.
Children: Yes, mother. (They jumped off)
Ganondorf: I'm convinced. Do you like trees?
Gohma: Yes I do. I make the most beautiful webs on them.
Ganondorf: Good. There is a huge tree in the Kokeri Forest. It has lots of room inside for you and your…lovely children.
Gohma: Thank you, Ganondorf. Come along, children.
Narrator: So the spider queen and her baby spiders went off to live in their new home…The Deku Tree.
Ganondorf: Hehehe. I warned that tree. Now he will suffer the true curse. Next up…Dodongo.
Narrator: A huge, gray ball rolled into the room. When it unfurled, it was a gigantic lizard with a huge mouth and teeth.
Dodongo: (In a deep, growling voice) Me Dodongo. Dodongo like rock.
Ganondorf: …Okay. What can you do?
Dodongo: Dodongo eat rock!
Ganondorf: I get that! What is your…
Dodongo: DODONGO…EAT…ROCK!
Narrator: It was just then that a huge flame came out of his mouth and melted Ganondorf's chocolate.
Ganondorf: You just melted my chocolate! Cool! I know the perfect place for you. Do you like rocks?
Dodongo: Me told you. Dodongo like rock.
Ganondorf: Wonderful. You can live in the cavern in Death Mountain Crater. I'm sure that you will have plenty of rocks there.
Dodongo: Oooooo! Rocks. Dodongo like!
Narrator: When Dodongo entered the cave, Ganondorf used his power to seal the entrance.
Ganondorf: That way those Gorons have no choice but to give me the stone of fire. Next…Barinade?
Narrator: In came some kind of muscle that looked very ugly to Ganondorf.
Barinade: (In robotic voice) I am Barinade. I posses anything electrical. My mission…destruction.
Ganondorf: Electric? You mean like lightning?
Narrator: Barinade squirmed and out came jellyfish that attached to his body.
Ganondorf: Oh, like jellyfish. That works. How do you feel about water?
Barinade: I am unaffected by water. I am a virus.
Ganondorf: A virus? Even better. You will be perfect for Lord Jabu Jabu. I detest that fish. He can't tell the difference between fish food and seaweed. He's too stupid to be called stupid.
Barinade: I shall do your bidding.
Narrator: Barinade became comfortable in his new realm. After many weeks, Ganondorf had asked questions and eavesdropped on many conversations to find anything on the Ocarina of Time and waited for the Deku Tree, the Gorons, and the Zoras to give him the three spiritual stones. So far…Nothing!
Ganondorf: I'm board. I haven't heard a thing of the Ocarina or the stones. Maybe I should munch on some chocolate.
Narrator: Suddenly, Queen Gohma stormed in, wailing in sorrow. She was holding her eye as tears poured out.
Gohma: Oh hooooooooooo…
Ganondorf: What's wrong?
Gohma: My babies! My poor babies! Oh, ho, ho, ho, hooooooo!
Ganondorf: What about them?
Gohma: That green boy with a bug…it killed by babies! Then it stabbed me in the eye with its tiny sword. Oooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooo…
Ganondorf: (To himself) Green boy? Bug? What is up with this? (To Gohma) Uh…why don't you make yourself something to drink? Like green tea! It calms the nerves.
Gohma: That sounds nice. (Walks off)
Ganondorf: Poor spider. A green kid and a bug, eh? I better keep an eye out for this one.
Narrator: Then in rolled Dodongo who appeared very upset also.
Dodongo: Dodongo don't like exploding rock!
Ganondorf: Exploding rocks? What on earth are you saying?
Dodongo: Green boy with bug gave Dodongo exploding rock and it hurt Dodongo! Green boy slash mouth and Dodongo fall in lava.
Ganondorf: The green kid again! Go somewhere and blow some steam.
Dodongo: Dodongo hate little gerudo!
Ganondorf: O.o
Narrator: Dodongo rolled outside in fury. A few seconds later, Barinade entered the room looking…well I couldn't tell you how he looked. Ganondorf sighed.
Ganondorf: What's your complaint?
Barinade: I was destroyed.
Ganondorf: By who?
Barinade: A little green boy with a bug. It had a boomerang and a sword. It completely destroyed me.
Ganondorf: (Standing up) That's IT! I'm not going to keep hearing about this green kid and not know who it is! I'm going to search for him!
Narrator: He walked over to his computer…
Ganondorf: What's a computer?
Narrator: It's a box with a screen that gives you information.
Ganondorf: Cool! (To himself) Better than a dictionary.
Narrator: He walked over to his computer and typed in Wikipedia to look up green boy with bug. When he did, a picture of an alien and a UFO appeared on the screen.
Ganondorf: Oops! Wrong one! …Okay here we go. A kokeri and a fairy? Why it's just a kid! I'm worried over a kid who kills babies, who throws bombs into people's mouths, and… stabs them with…OH CRAP! It was THAT kid! I saw him with Princess Zelda in the palace garden. He was probably working for her, which means…No! He couldn't have… Does he have the three spiritual stones? Why that confounded…it could only mean that the princess has the Ocarina. Now I shall obtain it!
Narrator: Ganondorf ran quickly to Zelda's room, but when he snuck in it was empty. He heard the sound of hooves and looked out the window to see Impa and Princess Zelda herself escaping on a white horse. He rushed to the stable to grab his black steed and galloped after them. He was on the bridge outside of town when the white horse had disappeared into the dark, rainy night.
Ganondorf: Darn! I lost her! I was so close!
Narrator: He looked to his left and noticed a familiar face. A little boy wearing a green tunic and a cap stood there before him. He had a little deku shield and a kokeri sword on his back and a fairy floated nearby.
Ganondorf: (To himself) Oh no! It's that kokeri kid! Act tough, Ganondorf! You're bigger and stronger than he is. (To kid) Hey you! Have you seen a white horse gallop by?
Link:…? (Steps away)
Ganondorf: (To himself) Oh…the strong, silent type! (To kid) If you saw them, them tell me where they went.
Link: …
Ganondorf: You're trying to protect them, are you? You know you can't beat me.
Link:…(Draws sword)
Ganondorf: Hehehe…you got guts kid…but my magic is stronger than your puny sword. Nya nya.
Narrator: Ganondorf charged all of his power and aimed it at the kokeri. He gave a yell (a girly yell)…
Link: Hey!
Narrator: Silent type!
Link: X (
Narrator: He gave a yell at the force and fell down to the ground.
Ganondorf: Do you know who I am? I am Ganondorf and soon I will rule the world!
Narrator: Ganondorf galloped away, but far enough to where he thought that the kokeri knew he was gone. He took out a potion that he received from the Twinova sisters. He drank it and he turned invisible. He returned quietly to follow the kokeri. He even hummed a song that he knew.
Ganondorf: Do mi so…do mi so…do mi so ti la fa so fa mi do…ti do re do…do mi so…do mi…oh there he is. He's in the moat. Gasp! It's the Ocarina of Time! I knew he was no good. He's disappearing? Where is that music coming from? Okay, he's back.
Narrator: He follows the kokeri into the town and to a chapel. It was then he realized that he was within the Light Temple. He watched as he set the stones in place and played the ocarina. Then to his surprise, the Door of Time opens.
Ganondorf: YES! (Realizes what he did and covers his mouth)
Link: ? (Shrugs and walks through)
Ganondorf: Phew! That was close. Have to be more careful.
Narrator: He knew the potion was fading so he hid behind the wall to the entrance and watched as the kokeri pulled out the Master Sword and a ray of light surrounds him.
Ganondorf: It's time for my cue. (Jumps into light) SURPRISE!
Link: O.o
Ganondorf: I win! I win! And it's your fault! You're gonna be locked up in the Sacred Realm while I have control over Hyrule. Ha, ha! The Triforce is mine, thanks to you!
Narrator: The kokeri (I will now call him Link for the rest of this fanfic) faded away with the light as Ganondorf reached for the Triforce. Unfortunately, it broke into three pieces and all he gained was the Triforce of Power.
Ganondorf: Drat! Oh, well. I can always find the other two later. Now I will take over Hyrule! Mwahahahahah!
Narrator: And so he did. He became the King of Evil, ruled Hyrule, and lived happily ever after until seven years later…
Ganondorf: What! You mean it's not over?
End of part one. The other will be posted asap once it's set up. Please reply.