I do not own the characters…..whatever:)

Zell sat stern upright in the cafeteria inhaling the somewhat musky fumes of summer vacation. Blossoms seductively wandering the corridors of Garden were waiting in anticipation for a wandering knight to pluck them and deflower them. They say the heat ignites the flames of passion but this was ridiculous.

"Ughhhh!! 23 years old and still a virgin!" he sighed while noticing a young brunette veraciously impaling her boyfriend's mouth with her tongue. Even more depressing was the fact that this brunette beast looked no older than 16.

Zell sighed again, his head dejectedly dropping to the hard cold metal table. That's what he was cold and lonely. He didn't really have that many friends. What he found extremely funny was that despite fighting alongside a team of Seeds against Ultimecia, he didn't really know them that well and they in turn didn't take the opportunity to know him. He was mamma's little boy. Ma Dincht would smother her son with affection, which was depressing when that was the only love he was receiving. Damn Valentines!

Behind his effervescent façade lay an emotionally defeated boy who yearned companionship and perhaps a good roll in the hay. He previously hooked up with the library girl only to find she was a vindictive cow who was only using the blonde beauty to stab her lesbian mate in the back.

"ZELLLLLLLLLLLLLY!!" a vivacious neon yellowed brunette shrilled, her voice reverberating in the cafeteria bringing Zell to a startled shock. She was always like this. In fact her cutesy nature was really a well-planned strategy employed to conscript unsuspecting victims into her web of garden festivities.

"Oh…..Hi Selphie." His eyes were adjusting to the sudden intake of light. Squall eyed him curiously but thought nothing of it. He had been callous at some stage but talking was a real head fuck for him so he avoided it. He sat down with Rinoa who was in the middle of some random banter with Irvine. Zell plastered his 'I LOVE HOTDOG' face and wolfed them down. To Zell hotdogs were a way for him to escape reality or at least pretend that everything was alright. It became obvious that Zell had an affinity to processed meat and thus the pair could not be separated. A Zell with hot dog in hand was a happy Zell. At least that's what everyone thought.

Zell was aghast at the emotions playing across Squall's face. His eyes were illuminated by the cheap fluorescent light in the cafeteria make them softer than usual. His hand gracefully cupped Rinoa's chin as he planted a kiss on her lips while whispering what Zell thought to be words of affection.

Oh NO its Selphie's THE END! Shit get me outta here before I cry!!

It was Valentine's Day, another pointless holiday invented for people to have free sex. To think that women swooned with adoration at the sight of a poor rose who had unceremoniously lost its life for the frivolous actions of lovesick larrikins. Or what about chocolate? The gesture may have seemed innocent at the time, but a damsel in distress would only be digging her own grave what with all the fat laden calories in it. Who could forget the boys. Like drones they would feast in the riches of physical pleasure while setting themselves up for a serious dumping.

Yes, Zell Dincht, a young man with an 8-pack and throbbing member in need of attention hated Valentine's Day….with utmost passion.

Selphie's mouth at that moment closed over Irvine's passing him the grape she had previously plucked. Irvine could only moan with satisfaction.

"How disgusting….." he scowled silently, only to magically conjure images of his tongue serenading whoever's (he was desperate) seductively passing a ripe….engorged…cherry!?

"Oh Hyne…what am I thinking?" he blushed, becoming slightly aroused at the prospect of such a delicious act. To his dismay he soon hit reality with a loud and somewhat un-Zell-like revulsion.

"Since when does Squall…..coo?"

"I must be losing it…is he nuzzling her?

His eyes probed the couple! "Oh my fucking Hyne….of all the things…cooing?"

He couldn't take it anymore. It was rising in him. His body writhed with emotions. His hands clasped the table firmly. He let out a boom of laughter echoing in the cafeteria. All chatter stopped as beady eyes shifted towards the source. He felt like a mouse cornered by a mangy moggy. Stopping his cackling immediately, he rose and simply walked casually out before frantically bolting for his sanctuary- his dorm.

It was a lazy 40 degree day (this is in Celsius for all you imperialists). Headmaster Cid had given the order for a sort of 'mufti' day where students could wear whatever as long as it was appropriate. All classes were cancelled for the entire summer due to the high incidence of sun strokes. Zell's choice in clothing really hadn't changed that much. With each year his pants slightly got tighter and shorter until they finally fit into the category of short pants. It managed to accentuate his petite frame. Despite being a marital artist he had the lean legs of a swimmer and a waist to compete with any southern belle. The only major problem with his slightly different clothing arrangement was his speed impediment. Tight pants made him scamper instead of run and that unfortunately was the prime target of public enemy number 1……Seifer Almasy.

"Hey chicken run!" Oh damn its him. "Piss off mut face before I call the kennel" That oughta shut him up. Anything canine related was almost definite to stop the tirade of the blonde knight. Unfortunately Seifer was immune to Zell's words…..after all chickens don't know any better.

"I'm impressed chicken wuss" clapping his hands in mock delight.

"For fuck sake Seifer piss off" Zell spat. Unfortunately this only stoked Seifer's amusement in the little blonde.

"You know chicken, I should rip your tongue out for saying those despicable words to a person of such high esteem and calibre" he pouted with a puppy dog face. What annoyed Zell the most was his baritone voice. At times Seifer could downright appear savvy and highly intelligent and this annoyed Zell to no end.

"Whatever" Zell replied out of sheer desperation. He was so close to his dorm yet so entangled in Seifer's little comeback duel.

"Look Seifer….?" He didn't mean to make it sound like he was shocked as his eyes slowly drifted. He realised it was a searing hot day, but the casual attire Seifer wore was much too 'different'. Zell never realised Seifer even had a body. He had always cocooned himself in that monstrosity of crepe he called a trench coat afraid that some unsuspecting vixen would pounce upon his cruel physique and fondle his 8-pack.

"8-pack? " he thought gazing at the skimpy singlet he wore so lovingly tight around his sweaty…

"It's the weather Zell, you are merely having a heat stroke!" trying to refocus.

It was quite fortunate for Zell that Seifer did not notice his gaze. He was too busy gulping a bottle of iced water. The action caused a cascade of sweat to drip down his well-defined arm much like the condensation falling freshly off a cool beer he thought.

The heat was getting to him. He fell to the ground with a plop.

"His feet are so……bony?" glaring at his ankles. It was strange to see a man of such strength and size have such pin like legs. In fact taking a closer look at Seifer, Zell couldn't help notice the leaner and slightly tired look Seifer had attained.

"Damn this" he scowled crushing the bottle in his hands. The heat was getting to him and he was desperately searching for a way to quell his insatiable thirst. "I'm not in the mood for poultry" he said with an evil smirk.

"But I'll be back to continue our little conversation." He yelled as he ran towards the cafeteria.