Here's something I did while trying to type the worlds longest essay on the worlds most boring topic one sad, stressful midnight. Also, many, many thanks to everyone who helped me out with my kinks question. You'll be pleased to know that I have several stories in the works ;]

A quick shout out to Yaoi-Ojou-Sama who is probably my favorite reviewer ever :D

Disclaimer: The only thing i'm proud of is my fierce loyalty to this ship. They are canon. You just didn't read the books right :P

Just a Wank

Remus had never wanted to just crawl into bed and sleep for the rest of his life.

It's not a sentiment that he would willingly admit and it was obvious how much of Sirius' dramatics were rubbing off on him. Tonight was one of the worst he'd ever had in his entire life.

It was an overstatement but a damn good one. Sweet Alice Jones had treated him quite fairly during their disastrous trip to a secluded section around Hogwarts. She smiled and told Remus she didn't think any less of him. Remus just wanted to get back to his room, crawl into bed, and…

'Hello, my recently shagged werewolf!' Sirius couldn't care less if the other boys were sleeping. He talked as if it wasn't midnight.

'Pads, I'm tired. Can we leave this for the morning?' The truth was that Remus didn't want to talk about it at all. Right now he just was wanted to get rid of Sirius. Maybe if he began to undress and laid down, he'd get the point.

'Come on!' Sirius flopped onto Remus' bed, ignoring the other boys' glare. 'How far did you get?'

'Padfoot. I-'

'Did you stick your hand down her knickers?' Sirius practically trembled with excitement, eyes loosing all trace of sleep.

'Sirius!' Remus dropped his head in his hands, sighing long and loud in order to get rid of his headache. He felt the bed dip slightly and knew Sirius had gotten his message.

'Remus? Mate, what happened?' Very few people actually had the chance to hear that concerned tone in Sirius' voice.

'I said it's nothing,' Remus climbed onto his bed, back resting on the headboard. 'I swear I'll tell you in the morning.'

Sirius looked confused. What could possibly be so horrible that Remus Lupin, the one person who always said that talking was better than keeping it all in, didn't want Sirius to know. Decision made, Sirius pulled the curtains closed, deciding whether or not he should a Silencing charm. It Remus cried, he didn't want him to be embarrassed by having the other boys wake up. The charm was placed and Sirius was ready to be of good use.

'Right. What really happened?' Sirius sat cross legged on the bed, eyes intently focused on the werewolf.

After a while, Remus mumbled something under his breath that Sirius couldn't understand. It was like when he was eating and tried to scold Sirius at the same time, words sounding like a drunk mountain troll.

'Uh, didn't catch that.' Sirius dragged himself closer to Remus when he saw his face scrunch up in disgust.

'I couldn't get off,' Remus whispered the words with so much contempt, Sirius backed up a bit.

'Oh,' Sirius tried to think of something, anything to fill in the silence, to help his friend.

'It was probably Alice. She's too curvy, you know.' Yes, that's it. Sirius was a genius. 'Maybe you like them a little more…narrow. That's how I like them.'

Remus shook his head and looked straight into Sirius' eyes. 'What if it's my condition? What if I can ever get off again? Ever? What if-oomph!' Remus was cut off by Sirius' hand, which had been clamped over his mouth mid-tirade.

'There's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect.' Sirius didn't quite understand why he said it with so much emotion. He just knew Remus needed to be reassured, that's all. 'It's not the condition. According to your books, werewolves have brilliant stamina. You probably just needed something more…stimulating.'

Remus was really confused now. He had no time to think about it any further. Sirius began to move and he sat himself right next to Remus, bunching up the duvet to cushion his back.

'Stimulation, Moony. What were you think about?' Sirius scratched his stomach unconsciously and it was then that Remus noticed he didn't have a shirt on.

'I think this is rather personal,' said Remus as he shifted uncomfortably under Sirius' stare. The last thing he needed was to spill his sexual fantasies to the one boy who lived on sexual fantasies.

'It matters quite a lot,' said Sirius with a shrug. 'If you're not thinking about the right thing, there's no way you'll get your cock up.'

Maybe if Remus used his pillow to smother himself it would all end…

'If you can't get your cock up, how do you expect to fuck anyone?' Sirius continued, oblivious to his friends' discomfort.

'Alright! I was thinking about her doing, you know…' Remus moved his hand up and down in the air to explain what he was too shy to say out loud. He wasn't a prude. He just didn't like the way Sirius' eyes brightened when he mentioned the one thing Sirius was so used to doing himself. If all those midnight wanks Remus had to listen to were anything to go by, Sirius was an expert.

That made Remus laugh.

'I know you're laughing at me, so stop it. Alright, this is going nowhere.' Sirius looked pensive for a moment before he sat up, giving Remus a sidelong glance. 'There's another way but you can't be embarrassed to do it.'

'What are you babbling about, Black?' Instead of a verbal response, Remus watched as Sirius began untying his pajama bottoms. 'Sirius, what the bloody hell are you doing?'

'Get your kit off.' Sirius leaned back to raise his ships and pulls off his pants, as if getting naked in front of your best friend was the most normal thing in the world. 'While I'm still young and attractive!'

Remus thought about it for a moment. He could take off his clothes and do whatever Sirius wanted to see if he actually would be able to feel something down there again. He could shove Sirius off the bed, make fun of how freakishly long his cock was, and simply go to sleep. He could do that and never find out if there was something wrong with him. Sirius did know more about these things, anyway…

'Don't look.' Remus tried to intimidate Sirius with a glare but failed when the animagus laughed.

'Let's see that glistening member, Moony,' laughed Sirius as Remus undid his trousers. 'I crave to see your throbbing manhood!' Raucous laughter filled the small space and annoyed Remus to the point of yanking everything off in a swift movement.

Sirius laughter slowly calmed down to a chuckle, his eyes fixed on Remus' cock. Sirius titled his head to the side and Remus saw the way his eyes narrowed and widened.

'It's really pink.' To say that Sirius was an eloquent being was a huge lie. 'It's nice. As far as cocks go, I guess.' Finally having looked away from Remus, Sirius realized he sounded like a fucking virgin.

'Um, thanks?' Remus was at lost as to what would happen next. He just really, really wanted to go to sleep.

'One way we can see if you'll ever blow a load is a good wank fantasy.' Remus didn't know what the fuck was happening. 'Think about the filthiest thing that little brain of yours can come up with, then wank.'

Sirius gave him an encouraging nod and for some reason, Remus had felt like he had to listen. For some sick reason, he didn't feel embarrassed at all either. What's the worst thing that could happen? He thought about some girl sucking him off in a classroom. Yes, Remus thought, that's filthy enough. He chose not to imagine a face, that would be disrespectful. His hand was touching his cock lightly, barely even stroking. He imagined how it would feel to have a throat around his cock, to have it completely swallowed-

''No, no, Remus. Is that really how you do it? No wonder it refuses to get hard.' Sirius let out a suffering sigh, moving closer to Remus so that their thighs touched, making Remus blush unexpectedly. 'Look at how I do it. Move your hand up, then squeeze it a bit on the top.'

Remus stared at how Sirius' hand moved up the length of his cock. He found it interesting how it wasn't completely flaccid. He watched as Sirius' fingers closed tighter, thumb barely touching the tip. He continued watching, unaware that his breathing had quickened and that Sirius had turned to look at him.

'You do it now.' Sirius' voice sounded breathless and his eyes were starting to look glazed. Watching Remus watch him didn't make him feel uncomfortable in the least. He tightened his grip on his cock a little bit harder.

Remus closed his fingers around himself, imitating the way Sirius had done with his. He thought it was strange how fast he felt aroused, as if he'd been thinking about something sexy for the last ten minutes. Without thinking, he glance quickly at Sirius' cock again and turned away just as fast.

Sirius' cock was stiff and hard, his hand moving slowly still. Sirius suddenly let go and raised his hand towards his mouth, licking a stripe up the entire length of his palm before bringing it back down again.

'Don't chafe yourself, Pads,' Remus joked, feeling the tension ease a bit from his body. When Sirius laughed, Remus knew this wasn't so bad as he thought it was.

'Yeah.' Sirius shook himself, remembering he had a mission to complete. 'Now go faster, like me.'

Sirius reclined lower on the bed, his hand picking up more speed than before. He sighed shakily and closed his eyes as he began to lose himself in what Remus thought to be his own fantasy. His right leg kicked out suddenly, and Remus watched the whole thing with unabashed interest.

When Sirius opened his eyes to look at him, Remus tightened his grip instantly, which earned him a soft moan. He couldn't help it. Those normally grey eyes were blown out and, for some reason Remus couldn't explain, he thought it was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.

'Come on, Moony. Go faster.' Sirius whispered the words, yet they held so much arousal that Remus didn't feel bad for feeling the same thing. He obeyed and was amazed at how quickly he had gotten a hard-on. No girl he'd ever gone out with had been able to make him hard so fast.

Remus' hand moved in time with Sirius'. Their eyes were closed and they tried not to noticed how much louder their breathing sounded. Sirius ignored Remus and how he moaned really quietly, as if he was trying extremely hard not too make any loud noises. Remus ignored the way Sirius shifted and moved his legs reflexively, sometimes hearing a soft thud whenever Sirius dropped his head back.

'Now reach down, touch your balls.' Sirius sounded so breathless that Remus, for a moment, thought he should stop it all now. He should tell Sirius this was a mistake. They should have never…

'Fuck…' Remus jerked back to reality when a hand that definitely wasn't his cupped him. He turned, ready to tell Sirius to stop when he noticed how Sirius was still stroking himself and touching Remus at the same time. He forgot what he was going to say.

Sirius sat up again, face so close to Remus' that he was able to see the tiny wrinkles of Remus' scrunched forehead. For a moment, they stared and panted and stroked each other. Remus liked how Sirius' mouth was open, tongue licking his lips when he twisted his hand on the down stroke.

Remus had never felt anything like it. Sirius' hand had moved to Remus' thigh, which made Remus suddenly want to see Sirius come and moan loader than he was right now.

'Sirius…' Remus was cut short when he felt Sirius' tongue lick the side of his jaw, hips flexing forward into his hand as he pulled back to look at the other boy.

'Come…together, yeah?' said Sirius, grinning wide when he received a quick nod from Remus. The boy was flustered, his eyes were half shut and his lip was caught between his teeth and bloody fucking shit his cock was huge.

'Oh sh-shit! Coming! Sirius…' Sirius didn't know why he thought it was a good idea. But that look Remus gave him was enough for Sirius to move forward, to place his mouth unto Remus' lips. He missed, or course. He only caught Remus' top lip in his mouth but he still sucked it in, tongue sliding along it.

Remus came and his entire body moved along with his orgasm. His hips undulated towards his still blurring hand and he moaned right onto Sirius' face as the other boy pushed back as his orgasm hit him as well. Sirius went completely stiff, his stomach completely soiled but his hand stroked until it actually hurt. Still, however, they didn't move away and kept their foreheads touching as they regained the ability to breathe again.

'You passed the test, Moony. You're not a freak,' Sirius finally opened his eyes and Remus was glad to see him smile, not to turn away in regret.

Remus only managed to nod as he laid back down on the bed. Sirius cleaned them up and began to put on his pants when Remus said, 'Thank you, Sirius. I guess I'm not a freak.' Sirius snorted and Remus chuckled as if nothing had happened. Because really, nothing happened.

But as they rested in their own beds, wide awake, they tried to convince themselves that it was just a wank. A quick, brilliant, hot wank.

Was it?

It has the potential to be a two-shot, right? I'll just say that this event needs closure :]

R/R please and thank you!