Miko: This is my first attempt at writing Doctor Who. I've only seen a few episodes, but I'm working my way. This is set after Journey's End. Pairing is Rose/New Tenth Doctor(or Ten II or whatever you want to call him).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Promise Me Forever
Rose didn't know how long she stood there, looking at the spot where the TARDIS had been for such a brief time. That familiar hand was gripping hers, and it was the only real thing in the world. She knew that at some point her mother had walked away to find them somewhere to stay that night before they could get home.
She just couldn't process the fact that after all the time she had spent – all the sleepless nights and long days stuffed in a small room had come to nothing in the end. Her mother, Micky, everyone, had tried to pull her away from her pet project. She had turned them all away with an emotionless glare. The few times they had dragged her away from the machine, she protested by refusing food and sleep at all. They would never understand, and she never expected them to.
Her mother wondered what magic the Doctor had worked on her to make her so obsessive. Rose had given up trying to explain the Doctor to her family. How could she make anyone understand the places he had taken her – she had seen the end of the world, the past, the future, aliens – good and bad. He had taken her away from a dead-end life and shown her life in all its forms.
And in turn, she had given him a promise. She had promised him forever. None of his other companions had done that. Eventually they would want to go back to their normal lives. Rose had no normal life to return to. She missed her mother, but they could still talk on the phone between worlds. No, the only thing that she was afraid of losing was her Doctor, but she promised him forever, and he had accepted. Neither of them could have predicted that horrible moment, getting sucked into a different reality. But even that wouldn't keep Rose Tyler from keeping her promise. She would get back and have her forever. No one could stop that.
No one except the Doctor himself. He had stranded her here only hours after she had found him again. He had left her with a consolation prize – an imitation of himself. Even as she thought it she felt bad. She slipped her fingers out of the ones they were entwined with and looked up at the man she had. He looked just like the Doctor, that same hair, the half-crazed expression. But she couldn't believe the two had been one. It was easier to believe the first doctor she loved changed his appearance than to believe two of the same man could exist.
"Tell me what you're thinking, Rose." The Doctor said. He sounded frustrated. She smiled softly and stepped away from him. If she didn't look at him, then maybe she could think with her head and not her heart.
"I can't believe you're the same." She said. "That you have his memories. That you…that you feel that way about me." She looked at the sand by his feet, and not his face. He stood in silence for a moment before answering.
"I remember, Rose Tyler." He said. "I remember every moment of every day we were together. I remember when we met, and when we went to see the end of the world. And I remember the ghosts, and the cybermen. And I remember the worst day of my life. I also remember what it was like to live without you, to travel with someone who wasn't you. Someone who knew they could never replace what I'd lost."
"Then why did he leave again?" She asked. "If it was so horrible for him, why did he do it again? Why did he break my heart?" She had resorted to yelling, because she thought it might cover the quiver in her voice that gave away the tears behind her eyes.
"Rose Tyler. If I know myself, leaving you again was enough to break a hundred hearts. But what's worse would be to watch you die." He took a step forward and put an arm around her shoulder hesitantly. She leaned against him, listening to his single heart beating while he took a breath. "I don't have to. I can grow old with you. If you stayed on the TARDIS, you would grow old, and eventually want a family and a house, and as a Time Lord, I couldn't give you that."
"How do you know that? Why did he try to send me away to this reality, then? If it was so hard for him, why was he ready to send me away?" Rose asked. "I would have been happy to travel forever with the Doctor in the TARDIS. I never wanted any other life. I…I thought the Doctor knew that."
"I do know that." He said forcefully. "But I'm selfish. I'm the most selfish person alive. If I didn't keep pushing you away, I wouldn't survive when I lost you. When you live as long as I have, you learn to keep people an arm's length away. But somehow, you got too close. I was scared."
"I can't imagine you scared." She said laughing through the tears that had finally escaped.
"Oh, I was, Rose Tyler." He said. "Every time you were near me I panicked. For hundreds of years I managed to avoid becoming attached to my companions. I was happy to let them slide in and out of my life. Then…Then I met you. You stayed with me longer than I meant for you to. You managed to fit into my life so well that I couldn't bear to live without you."
"But you did!" She said. "I went back and saw all those people on the computer screen talking to you. Martha and Donna. You let them close, didn't you? Donna is getting my forever. Tell me, do you love her?" Now it was the Doctor's turn to laugh. He held her closer and rested his head on hers.
"Is that what's worrying you?" He asked. "Donna and Martha were never you. No one could ever replace you. Every moment I thought of you. And…He is going to lose Donna. That's who Darlek Caan saw. There can't be a Human Doctor metacrisis. Her brain would explode, like yours almost did before I regenerated."
" So…you are him, then? I mean, you're you?" She pulled away, keeping one hand on his chest while she took a moment to think through everything.
"Yes. I have all the same memories up to the point that I was created. Just as if I had regenerated." He shook his head and smiled sadly.
"Then you can tell me why you never said it." She looked determined now. "Why you never told me how you felt all those times you started to. I thought I was going crazy, Doctor. You were going to say it, right?"
"I never needed to." He said. "If I said it, then you would know that I could never deny you anything. And…And I was afraid of that. I already knew I needed you more than I needed anyone, but I didn't want anyone else to know that, even you. But now it doesn't matter anymore. Because now I don't have to worry about living forever."
"So that's it, then?" She asked. "You never would have told me if you weren't going to die eventually anyway?" The Doctor looked at her, and she hardened her resolve. She had to find all the answers she was searching for. She couldn't live without them.
"Time Lord's don't fall in love, Rose." He said. "Not with humans. It's too hard. Do you remember what I told you the first time you asked who I was? How I could feel time moving, how I could see everything? I could see your life ticking away, like sand in an hourglass. And it hurt worse than regenerating a million times."
"Do you still see it? And do you feel the Earth turning?" She looked up at him. Her eyes were dry, but tear tracks were still shining down her cheeks. She couldn't stop the small bubble of hope that was building in her chest with each moment.
"Not so bad." He said. "It's never bad when I'm with you. You keep me anchored, Rose. You're the only one who ever did that." He reached to take her hand, that was hanging at her side and she felt their fingers twine. She froze for a moment, and he followed her cue, before smiling. It was the smile that she reserved only for the Doctor. Her mother had remarked on it the first time she came back to visit. It was why she didn't strangle the Doctor for keeping her daughter away so long right then and there – he made her smile again.
"Don't leave me again, Doctor." Rose whispered. "I already promised you forever. I want you to promise me now." The doctor pulled her close, leaning over to whisper in her ear.
"I love you, Rose Tyler. I will love you for all of time. I will love you in every reality. I will love you forever."