Only When I Sleep

The line is drawn, but broken.
Icy splinters
within me.
The night and the day,
the good and the evil
become the perfect fusion.
Though I try to
force the darkness
back into its everlasting home:
Its home of flames –
Its place of reflected greys,
It penetrates me
And seems to make me whole.

Glittering echoes,
the shame of my seduction
all around me.
The golden strands of shining
magic,
blind me to any reason.
I gaze into the mismatched
stars, and they match
mine.
They fit into my gaze
as though they had always been the landscape.
The cold marble expression
tempts me to touch its smooth perfection.

The thoughts that come
when I rest deep and fast.
The ones that are lighter shades –
The ones that wake me smiling.
They could be my destiny.
They tempt
me like a snake.
And the true object of my dreams.
It is here: Temptation.
I want the god that offers such gifts -
Not a present of dreams - missed truths.
It seems that it could be.
It seems that he
could be a piece of my dreams
if I only wished it.

I wish it.

I wish it with my pulsing heartbeat.
It seems to be a part of this offering,
my heart rises to the skies
at the dream of it.

Could I have that?
Could I drown in those eyes,
Let them
see when I see?
Cry when I cry?
Forever?

But the harsh reality of the drawn line
returns –
Chases me like a wave of crystal water,
one-horned horses racing white.

It clears my head but
not my heart.
The imperfect beats will go on for him.
The harshly etched line
divides my heart from my head.
The dark and
the light.

But I know which way I must go.
I know there is only one path,
and it brings me tears,
Crystal,
to know that the dream -
The perfect dream of union
will never be with me.
Impossible destiny.
Torn apart – the world crashing,
the stars falling.
Unstoppable descent,
falling into his eyes to penetrate my soul.

I must deceive him now.

I must tell him that he does not mould my world,
that I am not completely his.
My body aches with the words I speak –
The most untruthful recitations.
Poison
as they pass through my lips.

But I must do it,
the line draws nearer.
And for a reason that I can't comprehend,
I know that it can never be ignored.
For the divide only truly
broke in my heart.
There, will remain a gateway for him.
And though I will not let him know the way in -
I am his.
But now and forever,
because my dreams can never truly be –

Only when I sleep.