Authors Note: Me+Sickness+a computer+the internet twilight fanfiction= This!
Disclaimer: Today I had an argument with my feet; do you honestly think I'm smart enough to write twilight, new moon, eclipse and/or breaking dawn? On second thought don't answer that!
"Hi I'm Emmett! And this my show" said Emmett, sparkling under the stage lights (Stupid humans, they think it's makeup used for a gimmick)
Just then a sign comes up over the screen, it says "Cooking with Emmett"
"And now it's time for a word from our spongers" said a mysterious female voice.
"Who are you?" asked Emmett looking wildly at the ceiling.
"I'm head of the Sponcers Advertisement and Loony Leprechauns Yard sales committee, but you can call me Sally for short" said the voice "NOW a word from our sponcers.
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"Oh dear! I must go away for two days and leave my plants all alone!" Said a girl that looked remarkably like a Barbie doll.
Barbie girls friend of unimportant description and gender walked in.
"Oh noes Lynda" she said to his friend "why don't you call 1800-look-after-my-plants-or-I-will-kill you? Yes that's right! Call, 1800-5665-23837-69-752687-67-4-9455-5455-968"
"OMG! If you weren't a girl I'd kiss you!" says Lynda the Barbie girl.
"I'm a guy" said nameless and faceless.
"Oh, sorry, I couldn't tell" said Lynda
"Yeah, I get that a lot" said nameless
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"You loved his hit song 'butterfly' you enjoyed his album 'why the hell is abbreviation such a long word?' you were mildly annoyed by his music video 'lovin' my gym socks' now get ready to chuck your wii out the window when he releases his new dance-along game 'I'm too hot and you're not'"
"Urm, who are you talking about?" asked a voice off screen.
"I'm talking about none other than the heart holder, unforgettable… Oh god, I forgot his name…"
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Bella and Emmett are standing behind a counter.
"And that's all for today folks" said Bella.
"But we haven't done anything yet!" yelled Emmett.
Cue fake laughter