*I do not own the characters all rights to Brenda Hampton*

This chapter is mostly in Amy and Ricky's POV to give you some sort of background and so you can get in their mindset I made them darker and edgier. The next chapter will probably be in 3rd person. This may be slightly rated M when it gets to Ricky but I don't think it's too bad…

Secrets

AMY

I ran to the bathroom fast as I could, the taste of vomit crawling up my throat itching to get out. I had to purge it was fire in my throat and I had to extinguish it. I promised myself that yesterday was the last day I would ever do this again; but yesterday I had control…today I didn't.

"Amy…Amy open the door!" my dad said frantically.

"You promised!" I said thru tears. "You promised you would stop." I said now sobbing.

"Amy I'm sorry please open the door so we can discuss this, it isn't what it looks like." He said pleading.

"I hate you!" I screamed before I opened the door. I wanted him to see the hatred in my eyes; the pain in them that I've been carrying around the last 6 months because of his stupid secret.

"I'm sorry Amy I know I promised but believe me it was a goodbye." He said with as little faith as I had in him.

"I didn't know byes from mistresses consisted of SEX!" I spit out now angry.

"Mistresses?" a voice said from behind my father.

We both turned to see my mom standing by the stairs with my brother Robie. "Shit" I thought. Forgetting my mom and brother were on the way home.

"We should talk." He said to my mother with his head hung low. She had tears in her eyes at the realization that her suspicions were true and looked back at me and Robie signaling that this was the time we were to go to our rooms.

We always waited till their bedroom door closed to come back out.

"You just had to tell." My little brother said to me accusingly as I opened my bedroom door.

"I didn't mean to," was all I could get out before he laid into me.

"It wasn't your secret to tell Amy you just ruined our family." He said viciously.

"Don't you dare blame this on me if dad ruined this family not me." I said pointing my finger at him.

"Everyone isn't perfect Amy you of all people should know that." He said looking me up and down disgusted.

I slammed my door in his face and ran the window seat in my room and cried. Robie and I have always had a weird relationship, we always wanted what the other one had…attention. For twins you would think we would be like the kids on television always sharing secrets, teaming up, and having some sort of telepathy. Truth is we've been in competition since day one always trying to one up each other in everything imaginable. We were taught to be perfect in our family there was no room for failure or mistakes. I wish someone would have told my father that because obviously he didn't get the memo.

"I have my own secrets" I said looking in the mirror hating the image that was reflected.

I ate too much at dinner tonight and the venomous taste was coming back, but I had to so my mother wouldn't think I had relapsed back to my anorexia. All the pressure to be perfect had finally made me hit a breaking point last year. I wanted to have control over something in my life and my mom had already had me on diet anyway. She didn't want me and my brother to be overweight like she was when she was younger and neither did I. It had got so bad that I had blacked out in the middle of my volleyball tournament and was rushed to the hospital for dehydration and low blood pressure.

"Ugh dinner" I said thinking back to earlier.

We were out celebrating my brother making it on the 9th grade Jr. Varsity Basketball Team for next season when we enter our freshman year. Dad was supposed to meet us there but said he was caught up with work at the office. After I finished and looked at everyone else's plates and the sight of their food made me sick and I was ready to leave. Of course Robie wasn't having it on his night so I caught a cab back home. When I walked through the door I heard voices so I went to my dad's office at home and saw him there with his secretary. I screamed and ran upstairs with my dad close behind me and she must have left during the chaos.

"I hate him" I said still looking in the mirror. "And I hate Robie." I said with a little more emphasis.

Tears flooded my eyes and I sat down next to my bed. The truth was I hated myself too. If there was ever a time to relapse this would be it. I noticed my French horn over in the corner and remembered band camp starts Monday.

The perfect escape...

RICKY

"So how do you feel about going to band camp Ricky?" my shrink said in a matter I took as rhetoric.

"Are you listening Ricky?" Dr. Fields said noticing the blank look on Ricky's face.

"What do you mean how do I feel? I feel great about going there's a good selection of girls." I said smirking.

"So you're excited about band camp because there are more girls there that don't know you…or your reputation." Dr Fields said giving me a look I didn't like.

I reached over and grabbed one of the red pillows squeezing it into my chest I knew exactly where this conversation was heading.

"Ricky when are you going to take that step forward and stop using these girls to cover your pain. You know it isn't doing anything but making you feel worse." He said cautiously.

"I can't okay I CANT!" I said angrily feeling the tears building up behind my eyes. "It's the only way I can…" I stopped mid sentence my hands dropping the pillow and putting my hands over my ears not able to bear the memories that were coming.

"You can't make yourself not feel Ricky; you have to feel to have a healthy life. It's okay to have feelings of anger or sadness it's what helps us heal." Dr. Fields said reassuringly.

At this point I didn't want to hear anymore I had another appointment to get to before curfew.

"Well Dr. Fields that's our time it's been real but I have a date." I told him with a smirk and walking out the door.

I got to my car and my phone start buzzing Zoe.

"Hey Zoe I'm on my way just got out the shrinks office." I told her quickly

"Okay well hurry I'm at our spot and its dark out here." She said a little nervous.

"I'm coming give me 20 minutes." I said hanging up the phone and driving off.

Zoe was one of my best friends we grew up in the same neighborhood when I was younger. She's one of the few good memories of my childhood. The other is when social services saved me from my parents. We occasionally meet up by our old hide out to have sex. I know it's wrong because she loves me, but I can never love anyone and she knows that. I don't like how love feels.

I saw Zoe as I pulled up. I got out the car and ran to her I did miss her; she grabbed my face and pulled me in for a kiss.

"I thought you'd never get here" she said smiling putting her arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry I got here as fast as I could that guy loves to talk." I said giving her a half smile. The more times we had sex the guiltier I felt for using one of my oldest friends.

I walked her over to our childhood tree house and motioned for her to go up. When we got in we wasted no time taking each other's clothes off I kissed her roughly and laid her on the wooden floor. I grabbed her hands and put them over her head while I used the other to cup her left breast and kissed her ear down to her neck. It was our normal routine I would do what I want to her while she would lay and take it. I had to be in control in this moment she was my slave. Every stroke inside of her warmth was me proving to my father that I was a man I went deeper, faster, and harder I was in my zone.

She must have noticed the anger in my face because she pulled me close to her and kissed me. I kissed her back deepening it and sliding my tongue in letting her no I was still in control. I flipped her over and pulled her hair back as I rammed my dick into her cave. She started moaning and I knew it was almost time for her to come so I quickened my pace.

"Ricky" she said between breaths trying to keep her balance.

I pulled out and threw the condom out on the ground she turned around and sucked me dry.

"Unbelievable" she said with a smile looking up at me.

"Yea" I said emotionless putting back on my clothes and climbing down the ladder.

"Ricky wait you're not even gonna stay and talk to me." She said with tears building up in her eyes.

I told her no coldly and walked over to my car and drove off as she screamed my name. A tear snuck out my eye as I drove away from that old tree house and the end of my friendship.

Next chapter is band camp Ricky and Amy will finally meet up is it love at first sight guess we'll see.