Hey, I'm feeling tired
My time, is gone today
You flirt with suicide
Sometimes, that's ok >
After another long day of missions and the war Duo collapsed on the bed to a room he was staying in. He was supposed to be sharing the room with Heero. In their recent assignment Trowa and Wufei were sharing and Quatre had his own as they rotated the room shifts around. More often than not Duo had shared a room with Heero. It was a challenge trying to live with all the depression Heero posessed that radiated around him.
Yeah, it was definitely difficult. That energy made him undeniably attractive. Heero? Do you have any idea what you do to me? Duo thought as Heero entered the room. He took out his laptop and began to write about the successes and defeats of the latest mission. It had gone as planned. They'd destroyed the base. That was what the mission said to do.
They were all just so defenseless. Like me. No, not in a war, but what Heero does to me. Is this how Relena feels? But, sadly enough what made the matter worse was that I was a boy.
Boys aren't supposed to like other boys. That was plain and simple. But still Duo continued keeping all of his attention on him. Just praying to God that deep down he just might have feelings for him. I know it's a 1% chance that that could possibly happen, but like Lina said in that Slayers episode 'if you go into battle and convinced yourself that you are going to loose, then that 1% becomes 0%.' And then won against the Dark Lord Shabranigdo. But is Heero that tame?
All Heero seems to be doing is typing.
Typing.
Typing.
Typing.
K'so! Is that all he does?! Duo walked over and peered over his shoulder. And of course, he is working on a mission report. As always. "So what kind of a mission do they have planned for us next?" Duo asked, still peering over his shoulder. "More base destroying." He said in response not even looking up to see who it was. Of course he knows it is me. My voice is unmistakable and who else would have be in his room, well, our room than me?
Every time he says anything to me it only seems that he is pushing me away. Or maybe I'm just paranoid.
"Neh, Heero? I got a solo mission the other day," Duo began. I don't want to do it, but I wanthim to know. I'm not really looking forward to the whole idea. Professor G told me that I need to stage a fake suicide. He said it would throw off OZ and I could attack and they wouldn't have known who it was.
"And I was just going to tell you what it was because it's going to be hard for me…." Duo said feeling self-conscious. "Duo, missions are to remain a secret and I could honestly care less." He said.The frost in his voice stung Duo like a dozen poison arrows. Heero? Why are you so cold? He asked himself. He wanted to ask him, but hadn't the courage. He just wanted him to care a little. That was all. Duo turned around, morose, and sat on the edge of his bed with eyes staring at the floor. He hadn't a word to say. Then something purely unexpected and unplanned came out.
"Bet when this war is over your going to go crawling back to Relena with your tail between your legs, begging for her forgiveness." Duo suddenly spat, viscously hating him at the moment for no apparent reason. He wanted to pick a fight. It didn't matter whom it was with, he just had to get rid of the hate that was inside of him at the moment. Even if what I say does change that 1% chance to 0% I have to say something.
He turned around in the chair he was sitting in. At least he had his attention. "Nani?" He said. "You have no hearing problems, I doubt you heard me incorrectly or not at all. But for clarity is said: Bet when this war is over your going to go crawling back to Relena with your tail between your legs, begging for her forgiveness." He said in his trademark smart-aleck voice.
"Well, your guessing wrong." He said a little taken back by my sudden change of weather and my remark.
Hit a sore spot, huh? Now to dig a little deeper. Duo thought, thinking of what to say next. "Well you know, after all the crap you put the poor girl though I can almost guarantee that she with give you the cold shoulder. Or at least if she had a bone in her body she would. Why the heck is she after you? The Queen of the World after YOU! She should be after a nice, sweet, kind, non-suicidal gentleman who does have a good personality, good sense of humor, and a nice dog." Duo said and then drew out a breath. Where did that dog come from?
"You on the other hand, are none of those things!" He shot. He seemed a little shocked, but it only had shown as a slight tainting in cobalt orbs. "And I presume you think you are all of those things." He said turning back to his laptop. "Not at all! Well, maybe more than you do! Maybe I should go propose to Relena to keep her away from you and your damnation!" Duo shot. He looked a little hurt. Duo wasn't sure what comment it was from, but he was hurt.
"Hm. So you're in love with Relena is that it? That's why this discussion got started, is it not?" Heero presumed. That was the last straw, he wasn't going to assume that I was in love with Relena of all people! All Duo's fear had left him. "No you moron! I'm in love with YOU!" It wasn't a second later that he felt the world spin.
Heero's fist had connected with his jaw and the impact sent him crashing into the wall in back of him with the object that seemed to be a bed in between it. Duo dizzily got up and put a hand on his cheek. He could already feel it starting to bruise. Yeah, he was gonna have a nice shiner there tomorrow morning. That was assuming that he would make it through tonight.
The pain in Duo's cheek just urged him to continue with the pain he was causing Heero. I know it's pain, because the only reason you inflict pain is if you're feeling it yourself. He grinned, as Duo tasted the slight taste of blood forming in his mouth. The salty flavor was seasoning the moment. He didn't hesitate. "So Heero? Perfect Solider man lost his temper? Was it because I told you I loved you or because I insulted your girlfriend? You're pathetic! You're a coward! Just do what you are thinking! Don't hold back! Go ahead! I know you want to hurt me! I'm giving you permission! What else do you need?! Me gift-wrapped?!" Duo shouted at him.
He stood there. Duo could tell he was angry. He was boiling. And Duo was just waiting for more pain. Duo was too much and he seized the opportunity. He came down on him. Hard. Duo never should have underestimated him and his strength. He shoved him against the wall by his throat and held him there, hanging. He let out a choked chuckle and stared at him. "Yep, deep down, Heero Yuy, you are poor excuse for a human bastard." He said and began to black out. Before he only saw raven hecould feel him throw him onto the floor and go back to typing on his laptop.
Hear what others say
I'm here, standing hollow
Falling away from me
Falling away from me >
'That idiot!' Heero thought fiercely in his head as Duo Maxwell fell in a heap to the ground. He turned to the pile of flesh and bone and picked him up, none too gently. "Hmm, with your attitude you should be glad that I haven't killed you by now." But deep down Heero knew he would never bring himself to kill him.
He hated Duo for that. It was his only weakness in combat.
But what made Heero even angrier was the fact he couldn't truly hate him.
"Dammit." He muttered between clenched teeth. After laying Duo down on the bed he looked to him and just watched him sleep. He always did so in that matter. He felt he had a duty to protect him. Bizarre.
Duo curled up into a little ball and shivered ever so slightly. It was incredibly cute; in it's own way. Heero exhaled and went back to typing. Duo would hate him in the morning, of that he was certain. But why did Duo just burst out like that? That was a question that was tugging at Heero's mind in the most irritating fashion.
Why?
"Shimatta." Heero said slowly. It was probably that mission he tried to tell him about. It seemed rather important to him. That had to be it. When Duo had awakened he would see to that. He would bring up the subject nonchalantly and carry out what was bugging him.
That was if Duo would talk to him. He didn't want to stress anything at this point. Everything was bound to work out anyway. Better not to force anything. "Baka." He muttered to no one in particular. When he said that he loved me it was probably something to get my attention. Duo, even you shouldn't toss a phrase like that around randomly. It could really hurt people, especially the ones who weren't supposed to feel things.
Heero then picked up a pen and stretched the spandex on his pants up a little so he could write something on his thigh. The pen tip dug into his skin a little but it didn't hurt. It would be pointless to get hurt at something like this. The pen moved slowly as he wrote the one word. After he was finished he flipped the pen cap back on and the spandex down. He looked back to his computer and took a deep breath.
He honestly hated paper work, no matter what it was and what it seemed like. He hated it.
Heero had had a hard day and was just too tired to type. His body was stick from sweat and dirt. He wanted a shower. He honestly didn't care about the temperature of place but he wanted to get cleaned up. Heero stood to his feet and walked to the shower that was in their room.
His wrist flicked the shower on and he didn't even bother to take his cloths off. He slipped off his shoes and socks and stepped foot into the shower. The cold spray came down in a torrential mist and soaked his body. Working his hands through his hair he added the shampoo and as he rinsed some of the white foam was caught in his shirt. That was slightly aggravating so he torn the piece of green, wet fabric off his body and wrung it out a little and threw it out of the shower.
Heero swung his head from side to side, hearing the placed in his neck crack in release and just let himself be caught up in the feeling of the water running over his body. The mood would have gone great and stayed great if it wasn't for a pounding on the door.
"Heero Yuy you son of a bi…" the voice outside was drowned out from the water but everyone knew how that sentence was going to end. It wasn't a moment later did the door from the room to the bathroom swing open and the figure of someone all too familiar walk in. "Heero I am fed up with the way to treat me! This is it!" Duo said and lunged at Heero, swinging wild punches. Heero was caught a little off guard but dodged the first one but the second came in direct contact with his abdomen. The air was knocked out of him and he was bend over a little holding his rubbery skin.
"Now you know how I feel Heero. But this is not even close to over!" Duo shouted once more and was held to his word.
Day, is here fading
That's when, I would say
I flirt with suicide
Sometimes kill the pain >
Duo made another attempt to lunge at Heero, but missed as Heero easily dodged the punch. Heero grabbed a hold of Duo's arms and then held him by the wrists. Looking at Heero, Duo felt the anger he'd felt begin washed away with the water. Now ashamed of his actions, he hung his head so Heero couldn't see his face. Backing away from Duo, Heero let go of Duo's wrists. Walking back into the room Heero was left to watch Duo's back as he left, soaking wet.
He didn't seem to mind it at all. It just seemed to him to be a fact of the situation. Heero continued to take his shower and Duo found himself in the hall, since that was where his feet were taking him. He dropped down onto his knees outside the door and sat there. He was so confused about what was happening and how to confront the feelings that were nested into his heart.
He heard Heero come out of the shower so he leaned back to look into the room, that's door was open. Duo reached up for the door handle from the position he was in and shut the door completely, cutting himself off from that world. To him, it was an entire world that existed inside that room. Not connected by a porthole or gateway, but connected through people and feelings. Duo stood up once again and looked out into the hallway.
The walls were blank, just like his face. His expression was one of someone in shock, the blank, empty look that he hadn't worn in years. The only thing he could seem to grasp from his scattered thoughts was that he should be in pain, but he wasn't. He was dead to the world, in both mind and body.
He heard Heero from the other side of door. He opened it and looked to find Duo standing outside the door, unmoving. "Duo, why don't you just come back inside."
There was no answer.
"Duo, please come back inside."
Again, only the deafening silence out-weighed the command.
"Heero...?"
"Hai."
"What are you thinking about?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean what I ask, so answer me honestly. What are you thinking about?"
Heero looked at Duo strangely, but decided to answer his request. After all, what harm could it do? Opening his mouth to speak he realized that it would only be to Duo's back. "Duo, if you want me to answer your question you could at least turn around." Duo did as he was told and looked up to Heero who was taken back a little bit form the features spread across Duo's face. "Well? I did as you asked so do as I asked. Tell me what you're thinking."
"I was wondering what your mission is."
"Oh," Was all Duo said in response.
Heero noticed again how indifferent his voice sounded.
I can always say
'It's gonna be better tomorrow'
Falling away from me
Falling away from me >
"Come back inside Duo. Someone might walk by and see you." Heero said yet again, hoping he wouldn't ignore his command a second time. His luck had run out though. Duo had returned to his silence. " I said come inside." Heero ordered for a third time. He was met yet again with silence. This time, however he decided to try a new tactic.
"What are you thinking about Duo?" Heero asked the almost lifeless boy in front of him. Duo's eyes seemed to focus for a brief second, but then even that was lost . Heero tried again. "What are you thinking about Duo?" He asked while looking around the hallway for any people, no matter their age.
"Why?" Duo asked. Heero stared at him for a second.
"I want to know because you look like something is bothering you." Duo shook his head, his wet hair had not dried, along with his wet cloths. "Nothing. Nothing." Heero placed his hands on Duo's shoulder. His eyes widened as he realized how cold the boy was. "Duo, let's go inside, now." Duo remained still, quiet. Heero took the control this time and pulled Duo inside. If he wouldn't move by himself, he needed to use force. Duo stumbled along the floor as Heero pulled him inside. Catching him, he set Duo down on the couch. Heero placed the back of his had across Duo's forehead and checked for a fever.
There wasn't one to be discovered, however he felt like he was frozen. "Duo, say something." Duo looked up with lifeless eyes. "Why?" Heero took in a deep breath. "Duo, you need to get out of those wet cloths." Duo let his head fall down and rest on his own shoulder. Sinking with the movement, Duo let his eyes close. Heero was feeling a little worried and shook his body. Duo eyes opened and he looked at Heero once again. "What is it?"
Heero noticed that his face was beginning to drain of color and he started to get worried about it. Looking down at the boy, he began to untie his braid and he rushed to the bathroom and pulled out a towel. Wrapping Duo in the towel, he took another one and dried his hair with it. "Duo, tell me how you're feeling."
"Why, it's not as if you would care." Heero shook his head. At least he was saying more then what he was. "Duo, I care, just let me know how you're feeling." Duo looked back up at Heero with a tortured expression. "No, you won't and never will." Duo shook his head and pushed Heero away from him. Heero took a step back, but left his eyes on Duo to see what he was going to do. Duo unbuttoned his top and let it fall, in a wet mass to the floor. Moving to unzip his pants, he looked at Heero. He stood up and walked away into his room.
Heero watched him leave, but knew that he shouldn't leave Duo alone. He followed and as he did Duo turned around. "Where are you heading to?" Heero pointed to the room that Duo was going to. "Why?" Heero knew the answer to this one. "Because you shouldn't be alone in the state you're in." Duo took the towel that Heero had given him and let it slide to the floor. Looking back up to Heero, he didn't do anything else. He walked to the door and locked it before Heero could come in.
Jogging over to the door, Heero twisted the handle but couldn't open it. Duo didn't take the pants off, but looked at the ladder that lead to the roof of the apartment and advanced towards it. Heero knocked on the door a couple of tries, but at the same time noticed that he could hear Duo's foot steps leading to the roof. He propelled his body into the door a couple of times, but it wasn't of any use.
Finally, he took out his gun and shot the door
handle and the door cracked open. Just as he thought, the ladder
had been brought down and Duo was on the roof. Running up the ladder
he found Duo at the very top. The look still glistened in his eyes,
the moon reflecting upon them. The darkened sky moved the breeze
to look obsidian. The night air was damp, it would bring a frost
in the morning. Heero's eyes widened as he found out the answer to
the question he had asked Duo. To the question, "What are you
thinking about, Duo?"
Beating me down
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground >
"Duo! Stop!" Heero shouted and ran to the edge of the roof where Duo was standing. Duo looked back at Heero, the wind tossing his loose hair. Heero muttered a phrase under his breath, "Dammit." Looking still to Heero, Duo's feet wandered to the back of the roof. "Heero, what are you thinking now...? Tell me. Are you thinking about cowardly, helpless Duo? I would like to know." Duo's eyes wandered back to the edge of the roof top for a moment. Heero answered on a condition.
"Stop Duo, if you stop then I will tell you." Duo shook his head. His feet stumbled back yet another step. "Duo, stop."
"Why?"
"Why do you need that question answered so many times?"
"..."
"Duo, why?"
Duo ignored Heero and walked backwards further, no more then a meter away from the edge. "Duo, I truly mean it. I'll answer if you stop." Heero called to him. Duo took another step. Heero eyed the remaining distance that Duo had left. Three steps, four at max. "Why should I stop Heero?" Duo asked idly, looking over his shoulder to the ledge. "You have a mission. You should stop because of the mission." Heero replied.
"The mission doesn't matter." Duo said and gave a dry laugh. He took a second step backwards. "There isn't much of a different anyway." Duo said. "Duo stop. I'll do the damn mission." Heero replied to the suicidal pilot.
"Missions don't matter."
"Then what does matter?"
"Exactly that is what I'm saying... good-bye Heero." Duo took the last step to heart and fell from the ledge. The scene played out in slow motion like in a movie. As Duo fell and let his body slip backwards Heero flew to the edge, hoping to reach him in time to pull him back up. Duo dropped like a lead weight and as Heero finally got over he only caught a touch of the boy's finger tips, not enough to hold onto.
Lunging forward, Heero pushed his body over the ledge as well. As the ground came up upon them, Heero grabbed Duo and pushed the limp body into a position so Heero would hit the ground first. Falling, the impact knocked Heero out completely. Duo looked down at Heero slowly, wishing the impact had killed him. A pool of blood was slowly forming around his arm as well, where the white of the bone could be seen outside the pale skin of his arm. Duo pushed himself up and winced at the pain in his side.
He looked to the unconscious boy and kissed him gently and then wiped the blood away from his eyes. He laid down again and stayed next to Heero, not caring about the blood that surrounded them. Still leaning into Heero, Duo began to cry. His tears fell to Heero's battered body and mixed with the surrounding blood. He wrapped his arms around Heero, embracing him.
He kissed his forehead, the tears still flowing. "Why? Heero? Why did you start caring now? Was it just because of the mission? Why?" Duo shook his head viciously, "Just don't die, Heero, just promise me that you won't die! Just don't die!" That was all of Duo's now silent plea that could be heard. Duo picked up one of Heero's hand, the one that was not broken. He pulled it to his face and kissed the blood away.
"You're not going, at least not before me." Duo said and could feel Heero's body stiffen under his own. Duo laid back on top of him and fell asleep.
Screamings of sound
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground >
At once, the vision was coming back to him. The reds became whites and the blacks became grays. Heero looked to see what had happen after the fall. He knew that he was sore, so he took a moment to close his eyes and pinpoint the exact location. As he did, a hiss came from the breath blowing through his clenched teeth, it was everywhere.
He felt a warmth next to him and tried to push himself up. As he did an even worse pain raced up his arm. He looked at it and saw the bone that was sticking out of it.
He winced at the sight of it, but looked back to the warmth that was tempting him. The first thing that he saw was chestnut hair matted in the red that was everywhere. On him, and on Duo. Yes, it was Duo that was on top of him, he was that warmth. Heero reached up the arm that was not broken and checked for a pulse.
Good, one was there. Heero let his breathing go back to normal despite the pain, the the thing that was eating him was the worry. He could hardly move, with all the pain that was coursing through his body, but he could worry. Worry about the boy beside him, the one covered in his blood. Or he hoped it was his blood.
Heero moved his hand over to touch Duo, to shake him and get him up. The blood on both of their bodies was either dry or new, probably from the time difference. As Heero looked up it was still night, so the timing wasn't that obscure. Heero shook Duo and the other stirred.
He sleepily opened his eyes, and looked at Heero. His eyes widened as he realized that Heero was awake and sitting up. "Why did you do that Heero?" He asked quietly.
Heero doubled over in pain for a moment, but then regained his composure. "Because I didn't want you to die. Not here, not like this." Duo shook his head. "But why? I can't think of a reason for you to want me to live. Since we met, all I have ever done for you is shot you twice and help you win in a game of basketball, why would you save me?"
"You've helped me with missions Duo. I couldn't let you die." Heero said slowly, trying to keep the pain from getting worse. "Is that all Heero? The only reason you can think of to throw yourself off of a building after a useless creature like me?" Duo asked.
"Duo, you're not worthless, you have saved me more than the times you have put me in danger, never forget that." Duo shook his head, "No, you're not answering the question, is that all you jumped off that building for? For some damn mission?!" Duo's meekness faded as he regained complete consciousness.
"No." Heero said quietly. "That isn't the only reason." Duo looked at him disbelieving. "Then tell me why Heero. Why the hell did you do that?! Why?"
"Duo you're special." Duo looked at him sideways. "What do you mean?" Heero stopped for a second and turned back to him, "You're special, not like anyone I have ever met, I can't let you die. I can't let that light die!" Heero coughed and covered his mouth, noting the blood. Duo was a little shocked. "So I take it that all the blood over you is mine?"
"Yeah, it um, is." Duo said shakily. "Maybe we should go back inside and clean you up." Duo suggested looking at Heero's injuries. He winced as he looked at Heero's arm. "I'm sorry," Duo muttered under his breath and looked up to Heero to see if he had caught it. "It's okay." Duo knew that he had and tried to look back into his eyes, but found that he could. "Duo," Heero started again.
"Yeah?" Duo asked the bloody pilot. "We need to talk." Heero said, still talking slowly to avoid any extra pain. "Yeah Heero. You're right. So go ahead."
"I just want you to know that..." he started, being overwhelmed with that feeling that had been haunting him since when he woke up. Duo looked to him expectantly. "What?" Heero started again, "I just want you to know that whatever happens, it's not something to kill yourself over." Duo looked at him sideways. "You are telling me that?" Heero nodded, "I won't die, if you won't."
"I guess that's fair." Duo muttered. Heero began coughing again and an alarming amount of blood was added to the pool around them. Duo looked at Heero concerned, who couldn't seem to stop coughing.
"Heero, we need to get you inside." Duo said as a statement. Heero kept it up, and Duo was growing more and more worried, "Dammit, this is all my fault!" Duo stood up and helped Heero to his feet. Heero stopped for a moment and looked at Duo, "No, we can't go inside through the front door, someone might see us."
"How the hell are we supposed to get in then?!" Duo yelled. "We can-" Heero started to say, but he began to cough again. They racked his body and Duo had to hold him up so he wouldn't fall back down.
"Heero, we can't do any stunts, like jumping from building to building! You're not in the condition to do that! Heero, we are going to the front door!" Heero took a moment but did disagreed. "Duo, listen to me-"
"No, Heero, I know what's right in this case!" Heero turned his head, but he knew how he was going to get Duo to pay attention to him. "Duo listen to me! We will climb up the fire ladders, they are all over the building and lead directly into our room." Heero said. Duo looked at him as if he was crazy. "Are you nuts?! You can't climb in your condition! We are using the front doors!"
"No we aren't. We will get caught. They will try to get me to a hospital and then Oz will get us. There is no way we can go through those front doors." Duo shook his head viciously. "No Heero! You're not getting hurt anymore then you already are!" Heero cocked his head, "Duo, I was born for these impossible missions, this one isn't even impossible. Just difficult. Are you going to come up with me or not?"
(Falling away from me)
It's spinning round and round
(Falling away from me)
It's lost and can't be found >
"Fine, I need to help you if you're going to go up there, you're not going to be able to make it without me." Duo sighed as he gave in. Reaching for the first part of the ladder, he helped Heero up. As soon as they made it to the first platform he looked over at Heero who looked as if he was going to give any moments. "One down," he looked up to the rest. "Five to go."
Heero tried to push Duo away from him. "More climbing, less talk." He ordered. Duo sighed and helped Heero up to the next ladder, this one taking longer then the last. Duo almost slipped a few times because the rungs were covered in Heero's blood. When Duo reached the balcony that connect the second ladder with the third he looked at Heero more closely. "What is it?" Heero looked right back at him. Duo's blush would have been seen if there hadn't been blood smudged on his face. He didn't realize how close the two were until the saw him there.
"Well? Are you going to back out of the climb? I don't think I will be able to stay conscious for much longer." Heero said simply. He wasn't enforcing the fact, merely stating it. "I'm sorry." Duo reached for the next bar when he helped Heero up as well, Heero being higher then him. The weight of the other bar was surprisingly minute to Duo.
Heero wasn't that much of a hassle to carry, but even so it would be hard to carry himself and Heero up the next couple ladders. If Heero did loose consciousness Duo wouldn't feel right carrying such a delicate package. Duo reached for the next rung and Heero's grip loosened around the metal pole. As his hand let go, Duo caught Heero in his arm and held on. Heero was reaching to re-grip the other bar when Duo felt something.
The bleeding had stopped. Heero was weak and couldn't reach the other bar. Duo tightened his grip around Heero's waist, trying to make it up the ladder. Heero tried again to reach the rung and failed again. Duo could feel Heero slipping from consciousness. "Heero you've got to stay awake." Duo said, hoping that Heero wasn't too far gone to hear him. His head was dropping and his limbs were going limp.
"No Heero! Stay awake!" Heero declined his request. Falling into the darkness completely, Duo continued his journey up the ladder as fast as he could. Duo finally reached the roof and had to think twice before he went down stairs into their apartment. Laying Heero down on the couch, Duo began to treat all the wounds. Duo started to look over his own wounds as well. They were nothing in comparison to Heero's at all. He felt guilty, the feeling in his stomach nearly engulfed him whole. Again, Duo bent down to Heero and kissed him as a silent apology.
He froze as he realized that Heero was awake.
Duo drew back and looked at Heero who was looking at him.
(Falling away from me)
It's spinning round and round
(Falling away from me)
Slow it down >
They stared at each other for a few minutes before Heero spoke. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He demanded struggling to sit up. He failed miserably and fell to the couch. "I-I don't need to explain anything to you." Duo said defiantly. Heero looked at him in what you would describe as disbelief on his face. "You were touching me. No one touches me without my permission."
"Fine Heero! You know what? I'll never touch you again, okay?! Never!" Duo shouted and exited the room, heading back to his own room. He laid down on his bed and sobbed quietly to himself. "Why is he so nice and then such and asshole?" He laid down and then curled up into a little ball for comfort. Duo knew that Heero's arms would never be around him so they might as well be his own. He looked at the blank wall and shook his head. He looked at what remained of he clothes and removed them.
He didn't want to sleep in Heero's blood. He was down to his boxers, the only thing that wasn't soaked on him. He then stripped the outer cover of the bed off, since that too was covered in the Wing pilot's blood. He then took to curling up in that ball again. He looked out his window at the top of a tree that was barely visible. 'Slowing dying.' Duo thought. 'It's the same as me.' Duo curled up smaller and shivered. "I'll just feed Heero tomorrow when he can't get up." Duo thought to himself.
He then realized that he was cold and the covers
weren't enough so he looked at the closet. Everything was Heero's.
He grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over his head, "It's not like he's
going to wear it anyway." He murmured. He gave himself another
self-conscious hug and smelled Heero's scent on the sweater. He felt
a tear come to his eyes and he felt himself beginning to sob unwillingly.
He didn't care if Heero heard him, he should know what he caused.
Beating me down
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground >
Heero lay looking at the ceiling. He knew he should try to rest but he couldn't. He could hear moving around in the bedroom and suddenly all was quiet. Duo was making no noise whatsoever. Heero strained his ears and it was then he heard a sound that he never thought he would hear from Duo.
Sobbing.
Duo was sobbing.
Heero tried to figure out what was wrong with Duo, but his mind came out blank. What could it have been? Heero tried to move his body, he wanted to see how Duo was face to face. His legs were working but only if he was willing to get up and push himself into pain. "Damn..." Heero trailed off and started to walk to the room where Duo was. The floor boards creaked as he inched his way across the floor. As he came close the sobbing sound became easily heard, he no longer had to strain his ears.
He opened the door and walked in, unnoticed by Duo. Heero walked closer and that was when Duo got up and noticed his presents in the room. looking to Heero, Duo backed up to the headboard of the bed. "What do you want now?" Heero sat on the edge of the bed. "Why are you crying?" Duo tried to press himself as far away from Heero as he could. "Why do you give a shit?" Duo demanded and looked away. As Heero tried to get Duo to talk Duo ignored him. Heero reached to grasp him and force him to pay attention.
He was surprised, however Duo jumped off the bed. "Don't you dare touch me." Duo said. Heero looked at him for a minute and then nodded slowly. "That's fair, I don't touch you, you don't touch me."
"Fine, now get the hell out of here and away from me!" Heero shook his head. "No, not until you tell me what's going on with you."
"What is there to know?!"
"Why are you crying?"
"Just get away."
Heero then reinforced him grip on Duo's shoulders and forced him to look at him. "What about the 'no touch' policy?!" Duo struggled, but despite his efforts and Heero's broken arm, he couldn't seem to get loose or away. "Listen, I just want to forget about this and go to sleep, okay? I don't want to deal with this, or you, now." Heero shook his head yet again. "If you just try to put it away now it'll catch up with you in the future, do you really want to risk that? It's not going to work."
"Why not? I don't want to remember!"
"You have to."
"Why?!"
"Because if you forget before you tell me why you kissed me I'm not going to forgive myself."
"What if I don't want to tell you?!" Heero looked at Duo determined. "I don't care if you want to tell me or not. You will tell me."
"Like hell I will!" Duo screamed at him, twisting, trying to get away from Heero's grip. "Stop, you're not helping yourself. Now tell me." Heero ordered and dug some of his fingers into Duo's shoulder. However, Duo chose to ignore those orders and persisted to twist, hurting himself even more in the process. "Duo, if you stop so will the pain."
"This is the only way you know how to get it out of me, huh?" Heero let go as soon as the reality and harshness in Duo's voice hit him. "Fine, but I want to know what you felt when you kissed me. Why did you?"
"I did it because I wanted to, okay?! That's all!"
"Why?"
"Why aren't you satisfied with what I give you?!"
"Because it's never enough..." Heero looked up and abruptly kissed Duo softly, just as Duo's kisses where to him. Maybe it was another apology. Duo wrapped his arms around the back of Heero's neck and laced his fingers through his hair. Pulling away after a moment, Duo looked up to Heero. "When will it be enough?" Heero looked at Duo for a few long moments before tearing his eyes away. "I don't know." He said quietly. Duo looked at Heero and then down as well. He dealt with the overpowering sense of grief as he realized that Heero was still bleeding, neither of them had taken the care to tend to all of the wounds.
Duo left the room without saying another word. Heero watched him go confused. What did I do? Heero wondered. Duo walked back into the room shortly after. He cried out internally at the sight of Heero so bloody. "Here, we need to take care of those." Duo said cautiously. Heero nodded and let it go on. Duo paused, "Can I touch you?"
Screamings of sound
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground >
Heero's face flushed as he realized that the words Duo had spoken leased a double meaning. Heero nodded slowly, as Duo looked at the bone. Heero clenched his teeth as he let a sharp breath out. "How much does it hurt?" Duo asked in a voice full of kindness. Heero couldn't help but fight a blush that was forming on his face. Duo noticed a pink tint to Heero's face and smiled. Duo felt good that he had some effect on a perfect solider. "Duo," he looked up after he began to sterilize Heero's wounds. "Hai?"
Heero backed away slightly. "That sweater looks nice on you, keep it. But you might want to take it off." Duo smiled in appreciation. "Why would I want to take it off?" Duo asked. "If you don't then you will get it ruined from my blood." Duo nodded. "I see your point." He said as he stripped the shirt off and dropped it to the floor besides the bed. "We have to take care of your arms first." Duo instructed and Heero nodded. Duo took a jack knife out of the pile of medical supplies and handed it to Heero. Heero opened the knife and cut.
Duo winced and looked in another direction as the blood flow momentary increased. After the cut, Heero was able to set the bone which made Duo cringe. Heero then wiped the blade off and handed it back to Duo. Accepting the blade, Duo stuck it back into the kit. As Duo looked back he noticed that Heero's eyes were scanning every inch of his body. Duo gave him a questioning look and Heero abruptly stopped.
"Would you like to wear one of my tank tops?" Duo questioned what Heero was implying but then looked down at what he was wearing. Only a pair of boxers. "Sorry!" Duo suddenly spat out and noted that Heero was shaking his head. "I don't mind." Duo took a moment to think about Heero's statement. Heero then turned away when he realized that he had been thinking out loud. "What?"
"Nothing. Do you want a tank top?" Was Heero's hasty response. Duo looked to him curiously, but then nodded.
"Where are they?"
"In the closet."
Duo stood up and walked to the closet, glad to be on the other side of the room as Heero worked on his arm. He opened the closet and then picked out a tank top which he put on. Duo then turned around and walked back to the bedside where he helped Heero wrap his ribs. He noticed with a small smile that when ever he came close, Heero would blush.
"Thanks." Heero said quietly, and Duo looked at him in surprise. "What the hell for? You're the one that saved my life!"
"No, but thanks for everything."
"What did I do?"
"Just for... being there."
Pressing me, they won't go away
So I pray, go away >
Duo nodded, he was hoping for something different. "I should be thanking you," the pilot of Deathscythe started again. Heero lifted his gaze to Duo with the same anticipation. "Well, if you weren't there to save me then I would have died. Even if that was my intent..." he trailed off. Waiting for Heero to say something, Duo added something in addition. Heero waited quietly as Duo spoke up.
"Heero, could you kiss me again?"
"Nani? Why?" Heero asked suspiciously. "I want you to..." Duo trailed off uncertainly. "Why do you want me to do that is what I meant."
"Oh, because I kinda like it." Duo said quietly. He lifted his head from where it hung just in time to see Heero nod uncertainly. He then leaned over and kissed the braided pilot almost shyly. Duo leaned into the kiss and began to kiss back shyly as well. Heero pulled away suddenly and began to cough. He grabbed one of the bandages and covered his mouth with the cloth.
"Heero! Oh god... this is my fault again! I am so sorry!" Heero shook his his head. "No, it's getting better, the blood is going down." Heero looked over to Duo who's face was cloaked in worry. "Duo, it's not your fault. I was prepared for the consequences as soon as I flew over that ledge. All this is because I chose that. You didn't push me, I jumped." Heero wrapped his arms around Duo's waist. "It was my decision and I'm going to make better on your request right now."
Heero closed his eyes and pulled timidly into another kiss. As Heero began to melt, his fear did as well and he deepened the kiss. Duo was a little surprise but decided to gently gauge Heero's reaction with his tongue. Heero welcomed it and began to get more involved. Duo made sure not to hurt Heero any more, he entwined his fingers in Heero's hair.
Heero, in return, grabbed a fistful of Duo's hair and held onto it tightly. Duo was the first to gently pull away, he didn't want to hurt Heero after all. Heero sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed and looked to Duo, as if trying to judge his reaction. Duo looked back to him, imagining that the injured pilot was doing the same. The two looked at each other for a moment longer and that was when Duo sat down on the bed as well.
"Heero, I think we might want to talk." Heero nodded and Duo inched closer. "I guess we should give our explanations, right?" Heero nodded again, waiting for Duo to say something more. "Heero, I love you." Heero's eyes widened slightly. "I guess I should have told you that sooner, but now I don't want to hurt you." Heero's body stiffened and Duo saw it visibly, he also wanted to know what Heero was going to say next.
"I'll let you know if I get hurt. But for now do what you would have done if I was well right now." Duo took a moment. "You're sure?" Heero nodded. "Okay, if you're sure." Duo looked to Heero and received a nod of acceptance. He leaned over and kissed Heero, and lost all of his senses. All he could grasp was the kiss. They broke apart again when Duo felt Heero stiffen from the pressure on one of his wounds. The two remained sitting and Duo decided to ask a question. "Why did you kiss me, Heero?" Duo asked hesitantly, not wanting to distance Heero from him again.
It's falling away from me >
Heero thought for a moment before replying slowly to Duo's question. "I feel the same way, " Duo smiled, "that's all I needed." Heero tried to smile but his body was aching, he still wanted Duo. Watching out for his wounds, Duo wrapped his arms around Heero, embracing him once again. Resting his head in the crook of Heero's neck, Duo took a moment to listen to his heart beat. After a moment of rest, Duo found strong arms embracing him and the same body began to flutter kissed down his neck.
Duo smiled and closed his eyes, never wanting to let go of the moment. It was just too perfect. "Heero, am I dead?"
In between kisses Heero shook his head. "I won't ever let you go." Duo smiled. It was real. The warmth he was feeling, the words he was hearing were all the honest to goodness truth. Duo moved his face from its resting place toward Heero's. Heero was reaching for his mouth once again and their kisses started again.
After a while Heero began to feel more dead then alive. His body craved sleep, and so did Duo's. Heero had asked him if he was tired, and Duo had replied no. However, Duo hadn't been able to stop the tell-a-tale yawns that he wasn't able to surpass.
Beating me down
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground >
The next morning, Heero cursed the pain in the wounds that stretched across his body, and in his body. He looked up, nowhere in sight was the braided pilot. He looked around and saw no one, still. Looking to the dresser he noticed a small note.
Left on the mission
-Duo
Heero wracked his brain as he tried to remember what Duo's mission was. He cursed as he remembered that Duo had wanted to tell him something about it, but hadn't gotten the chance to. Heero sighed as he laid back down, he'd have to ask him about it later. Heero closed his eyes and looked to the left, where Duo had been sleeping previously. There was a mark where his body had laid and that was when he noticed something else. A bottle of pain killers along with a water bottle. "Thanks Duo." Heero said, taking the two objects into his hand.
He took two of the pain killers and drank the water. His laptop beeped annoyingly and Heero groaned quietly. He winced as he stood and slowly made his way to the active machine. He pressed the button and waited for the mission to come through. J came up on the screen and looked at Heero with an expression that was defined as shocked, "Heero?! What happened? I haven't given you any missions that would injury you this much!"
"I tried to stop Duo from committing suicide." Heero explained, sitting down gingerly. J looked at him, not believing his words. "02? Are you serious?" Heero nodded silently in agreement. "Why would he try something like that?" Heero shrugged, "I'm not too sure about that myself. Maybe he felt inferior. Could you pass that on to G? He needs to take extra precautions when it comes to things like that." J looked to Heero troubled, "then he shouldn't be doing his mission today..."
"What is his mission today?"
"His missions have nothing to do with you, they're confidential." Heero drew in a breath, "why does that sound so familiar?" J questioned the look on his face, "what were you mumbling?" Heero shook his head and then tried to sit at attention. "It's nothing sir. What is it?" J chuckled, "do you think that I would give you the mission now that I know you're this injured?" Heero didn't say anything to the man.
"Heero, You shouldn't be worried about it now. I know I ask a lot out of you, but if I were to put you out in the middle of an OZ base I would loose you. You are too valuable to waste! I'm not that old to not know where my boundaries are!"
"Hai."
"Now Heero, work on getting better."
"Hai."
The transmission ended and Heero was left to wonder what Duo shouldn't have been doing. What was that mission? He searched his head for the answer desperately, he found nothing at all. "Ch." Heero stood up, a bit wobbly at first but then felt he could make it. Walking over to the bathroom he sat down at the edge of the tub.
He began to unwrap the wound on his arm to see if anything was infected. Looking at the wounds, he questioned the reason of even dressing it at all. He would just have to re-bandage it. Still, common sense won him over and he looked back at the bandages laying on the floor. Picking them all up, he dumped the used ones in the trash can and pulled out some new ones to re-dress it. As well as getting something for himself to eat, Heero turned on the TV to see what was happening at the current time. He didn't want to be that far behind with progressions in the war.
Flipping channels until he reached one that dealt with news, as opposed to soap operas and game shows, he reached channel 47. The anchor woman turned the scene and explained the events that were happening outside the dome. "Right now we are witnessing an event that might turn the war around in the colonies favor! You all have heard of the Gundams? Well here is one of the rebels in action!"
That got Heero's attention. "A Gundam...? Who would do that at a time like-" his question was cut short as the image of Deathscythe appeared on the screen. "Duo...? What is the..." He stopped again and his eyes faded out as the Gundam blew up from a self destruction sequence. "Duo..."
"Duo..." Heero's face fell and he calmly reached over for the controls to turn the TV off. When the controls reached his hands he gripped it tightly and threw it hard against the screen. The glass TV shattered and sparked for a second as Heero took a moment to sit down. "Now, why did I do this... is he was only going to die like this..." he trailed off and tried to get a grip on himself.
"No, it's not true, it can't be true. Duo wouldn't just go off and die like that, he wouldn't..." the pain was too much and Heero continued to shake his head in disbelief. "He isn't. He promised that he wouldn't die, it was a promise. He never would break a promise..."
"He never lies, he swore." Heero said to himself, as he stopped shaking his head. "Why... Why the hell would he do something like this?" Heero asked quietly.
He looked back to the broken TV and shut his eyes
tightly, this wasn't real. It couldn't have been. It was just
a dream that he hadn't woken up from. That was what it was.
"If this is just a dream then why does it hurt so damn much?"
Screamings of sound
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground >
Heero lifted his head and looked blankly to the television where the hole he had made was a black void surrounded by shimmering pieces of ragged glass. Heero then silently picked himself up and walked into his and Duo's room, where he picked up Duo's discarded, blood-soaked clothes from the night before. He then walked slowly to the trash and buried the clothes beneath the garbage already located there; after all, it wouldn't do for the curious neighbors to find them and be suspicious.
The tired pilot then sat down at his laptop and began to go through his daily routine trying to block out the images that threatened to invade his tortured memory. Images of a self-proclaimed Shinigami, and it worked until he checked his e-mail.
All that remained in his memory were the faded images of him. Washed away to the plateau of denial that reality and fantasy mixed. He read the old mission statistics and glared to the device that laid on the desk in front of him. It was the machine that Duo despised. Heero slammed down the top and stormed to the bathroom, momentarily forgetting about the wounds that spread themselves across his body.
He flipped on the faucet and cupped his hands under the running water. Bending down, he splashed the cool water across his face. As the water dripped down, beads formed grabbing hold of the corners instead of falling freely. He splashed the water once more, wondering if he had waken from the dream yet.
He grabbed the towel to his side and dried his face and hands.
He heard a ringing coming from the living room. He was hesitant to pick it up. Even so, he walked back into the middle room and picked the black phone, pressing the 'talk' button. He spoke into the phone gently.
"Moshi moshi?"
A familiar voice filled his ears as the other side began to talk. Heero found himself breathing again.
"Mission accomplished."