A/N: This is the first in a series of song fics I'll be writing based on the relationships of a grown up Hermione and a grown up Ginny. Each song will have a different story and guy (I think.) Anyway, this is also my first song fic I've ever written so, please, no flames but constructive criticism is very welcome. The coupling in this fic is a bit of an odd one but I like it! :-)
Disclaimer: JKR owns the characters and I dunno who owns the song but it ain't me! :-(
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Torn!
Hermione sat on her bed, waiting for him to come home. Her bags were packed and she was ready to go. She couldn't stay any longer. She reached over to her bedside table and turned on the wireless radio that sat on it, one of the many muggle devices she had insisted on keeping when they moved in together. She allowed a small smile to play on her lips as the DJ announced her favourite song.
"I thought I saw a man brought to life,
He was warm; he came around like he was dignified,
He showed me what it was to cry."
She couldn't help but think how well that described the early days of their relationship. As a child, she had always been brought up to believe that one did not show their emotions and that one did not cry in public. At the tender age of 9, her grandmother had died. She had attended the funeral but she hadn't cried, as much as she had wanted to. She didn't want anyone, especially her parents, to know she was weak. But then, she met him and her whole world had changed. He took it upon himself to teach her all about the world around them as well as about herself. And pretty soon, the once closed off Hermione Granger knew how to care, how to worry, how to feel, how to love and how to express herself when she needed to the most. With him she would laugh, she would shout, she would whine and she would cry. Of course, she had cried when back in first year but never in front of anyone. But now, she didn't feel ashamed to cry in front of him.
"Well, you couldn't be that man I adored.
You don't seem to know, seem to care, what your heart is for,
But I don't know him anymore."
That was something that bothered Hermione. Did she know him? Sometimes it felt that they knew each other better than ever and yet…he was a completely different person. They were older and wiser than when they had first gotten together; they had grown up, and seemingly, grown apart as well so much so that sometimes she felt so incredibly lonely.
"There's nothing where he used to lie,
My conversation has run dry,
That's what's goin' on. Nothing's fine I'm torn...
I'm all out of faith,
This is how I feel,
I'm cold and I am shamed,
Lying naked on the floor.
Illusion never changed,
Into something real,
I'm wide-awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn,
You're a little late; I'm already torn."
Torn, that described how she felt right now. She knew she had to leave but she couldn't help but want to stay. He still held a part of her heart and he always would. Your first love kinda does that to you. But, things had gotten to a point that she knew she couldn't stay. She felt so empty, like a part of her was missing. And, come to think about it, without him, a part of her was. They rarely spent any time together and it wasn't as though his work was getting in the way, after all, neither of them worked, they didn't have to what with Hermione's book sales and the money he earned from his Dark Arts Lectures he performed the past couple of years they gave up work to be together. Funny, it didn't work out that way. And now, she was torn between sticking with a dull relationship that lacked any passion or leaving behind the man she loved.
"So I guess the fortune teller's right,
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light."
Those two lines suddenly reminded her of the last words Professor Trelawney ever said to her. "My dear, do not fall so readily for the man that you desire for I will only bring you heartache when you fall into the mundane." At the time Hermione just dismissed it as the old fraud prattling on again but now…? No! This was just coincidence.
"But you crawled beneath my veins and now,
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much,
There's just so many things,
That I can't touch I'm torn.
I'm all out of faith,
This is how I feel,
I'm cold and I am shamed,
Lying naked on the floor.
Illusion never changed,
Into something real,
I'm wide-awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.
You're a little late; I'm already torn.
Torn!"
She sat and marvelled at how accurate one song could be about her life. It felt as though someone had found her diary and simply reworded her entries. She felt torn, alone and shamed. Shamed that the once straight thinking Hermione Granger could come to a decision about her future, a simple yet crucial decision. She tried to think back to when her life had changed, when the misery started. It had to be two years ago, on her birthday. That was when she realised how out of touch they were. She had wanted him to buy her a gift that he knew she would love, something from the heart, and she had told him so. But, he bought her books. Had it been anyone else she wouldn't have minded, in fact, she might have even laughed but it wasn't anyone else. It was him and he didn't know what to buy. He didn't think about her when he bought the gift, about what she wanted. He simply bought the first thing he could that he thought wouldn't disappoint her. But, he was wrong. After she open his gift she went to her room and cried. That put a dampener on the party so all the guest went home. After all, there can't be a birthday party without the birthday girl, can there? The thing that upset her most was that when she explained what upset her so much, he couldn't understand. He didn't see the problem and therefore couldn't see a solution. So, they had decided to spend the next year with each other, without the distraction of work, to get to know each other again. Renew their relationship, so to speak.
"There's nothing where he used to lie,
My inspiration has run dry,
That's what's goin' on ... nothing's right I'm torn.
I'm all out of faith,
This is how I feel,
I'm cold and I'm ashamed,
Lying naked on the floor.
Illusion never changed,
Into something real,
I'm wide-awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.
I'm all out of faith,
This is how I feel,
I'm cold and I'm ashamed,
Bound and broken on the floor.
You're a little late; I'm already torn.
Torn!"
As the song ended, Hermione wiped the tears away she didn't know had been shed. She heard a 'pop' from the kitchen and knew he had come home. He came into their bedroom and smiled at her, that handsome smile that won her over in the first place. She smiled sadly at him, but he didn't notice. He was too busy taking of his jacket and shirt.
"Hi, babe. Had a good day?" he asked.
"I've been doing some thinking…" she replied.
"Oh, what about?"
"Us. Honey, we need to talk," she said quietly. He turned to look at her, still shirtless, and noticed the bags that stood neatly by the bed.
"Herm, what's wrong?" he asked as he sat beside her.
She took a deep breath, deciding that if she didn't do this now then she never would. She turned to face him. "I think we need to spend some time apart. We've been together too long. The love's gone, the passion left a long time ago. We aren't happy and we can't keep fooling ourselves anymore. So, I've made a decision. I'm leaving."
He sat there for a few moments, shocked. She waited patiently for him to find his voice again. "But, Herm, we can work it out. We always do."
She looked down at her hands, which were twisting, nervously in her lap. "We don't. We just forget about the problem for a little while but it's still there. I really think we need this. I need this."
She looked up at him and saw the unshed tears in his eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was shaking slightly. "Herm, if this is the age thing then it's never been a problem before."
She shook her head and he sighed. "It's not the age thing. So, what? You're leaving me?"
She nodded sadly and fought the tears that threatened to fall. His battle wasn't won though and he started to cry. She kissed him one last time; all the emotion that had been lacking in their lives was shown in that one last kiss. She picked up her backs and walked out the door, out of their house, out of his life, possibly forever.
He sat there on the bed, unable to move, crying silently. He whispered to no one in particular the words he knew now she had needed to hear all this time. "I love you Hermione. I always have and I always will."
In her taxi, Hermione shut her eyes to stop the flow of tears. "I love you too, Sirius, my Snuffles."