This is probably the weirdest non-serious thing I've ever written. This story has no plot whatsoever, and mainly just a bunch of random stupidity squeezed into one word document.

You've been warned.

"Hey, lazybrains! Wake up!"

Ratchet shook Clank rapidly, trying to wake him up from his robotic slumber (lol, what?). Ratchet was about to get the matches to light him on fire so that propane Clank had been guzzling would become useful, when a metal arm bitch-slapped him away and then grew 9 more fingers. Clank opened his eyes and hopped to his little feet. He was a little midget with big, giant hands. "For your information, I don't have brains. I'm just a toaster with a bunch of junk in my memory."

Clank weeped and started to walked towards his little emo corner, where he would cry all day about his long-lost love from a faraway planet. She was so beautiful. Her nuts and bolts were rusty and falling loose, and she didn't even look like a robot anymore. In fact, she wasn't even a robot. She was a potato with bolts jammed into her lovely, smooth body. You can't get anything sexier than that.

"I want to go back to where her and I were the bestest of buddies. You're no use at all, Ratchet. I mean, who were your parents anyway? Come on." He snorted. "Who names their child 'Ratchet'?"

Ratchet rubbed his sore face in anger; tears streaming down his cheeks. "But Clank . . . I thought you LOVED ME!" He picked up a nearby weapon and threw it at Clank.

Clank, with ninja reflexes and super-strength, held up his hand to catch it but it was too heavy, and the weapon flew right past Clank, hitting his arm and ripping it off.

"Oh noes, there goes another one!" Clank sobbed and looked at his missing arm. "How am I supposed to masturbate with only one upper limb?"

Ratchet rolled his eyes. "See, you never mentioned doing that! All you do is think about your slutty potato girlfriend and you never do anything for me!" He bit on his tail and slowly ate it, furry segment by furry segment. "Why don't you dig a hole and die?"

Clank nodded and retorted, "I think I will!"

"Fine!"

Clank got out his rockets and shot himself into Ratchet's asshole. He self-destructed, sending Ratchet's guts and everything flying all over the place.

The television screen in the corner of the room buzzed on.

"Commando Ratchet and Clank, we've got a mission for yo-. . ."

The man on the screen squinted and saw bits of fur and blood stuck on the screen. "OH, WHAT FRESH HELL HAPPENED?!"