Disclaimer: This fanfiction has nothing to do with continuity of the Little House books, or Ms. Wilder's real life, or the Beyond the Prairie movies. It follows the continuity of the TV show only! I do not own 'Little House on the Prairie' or its characters. I do own this story. Do I make money of this story? Nope! Please don't sue. Besides, you wouldn't get anything anyways.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Set during the eighth Season.

Summary: How does James deal with being back in the Ingalls Home?

Carry Me Home by PeaceJaw

Cassandra and I have found a permanent home with the Ingalls family –thank God! There was one couple who had wanted to adopt us, but that didn't work out … and it was by the grace of God that we were allowed to go back to the Ingalls. It's for the best anyways. Before the couple came along, I was beginning to feel like I belonged to a family again … that everything would eventually be okay. Now that we are living with the Ingalls once again, though, I understand that feeling even better … and that we are truly blessed to be apart of another family once more.

It was no big surprise that there were issues to deal with upon our return, though. One of the issues was the fact that we had to adjust to living with a big family in a small house. Albert had it fairly easy when he first staying with the Ingalls. He had been on his own for quite awhile before moving in with them and he had not lost both of his parents shortly before his arrival into the family. Because of that, the adjustment period wasn't as difficult for him to deal with. For Cassandra and I, however, it was just the opposite. We were still adjusting to the fact that our own parents were dead and that we were living with a new family. We wouldn't have known how to survive on our own … which is something we would have had to learn to do had we gone to the group home.

Cassandra and I don't talk about our parents all that much anymore. I guess we are starting to grieve for our parents in our own way … and I think that's a good thing. Still, it hurts to know that we don't talk that often about them. Maybe in time we will. I often wonder if she thinks about our parents … as I know I still do. Their death is still so fresh in my memory and the pain is still so great. I must admit, though, that I'm able to grieve in a safe and caring environment … which does help matters. I do know that life does go on … and there are still blessings going on in my life even though my parents are no longer alive.

But please tell me how to stop missing my parents.

And please tell me how to stop the pain that's lodged deep in my heart.

Can someone please tell me if there is someone out there who understands what I'm feeling?

Is there someone out there that can tell me its okay to be feeling what I'm feeling?

Can't someone tell me that I don't have to forget my parents…?

Please let me talk about my parents, as I want to know if my parents are okay.

Maybe the Ingalls family can help me with these things. But can they truly help me move on with my life…? Isn't that what family is all about –helping someone survive the loss of a loved one? I think in time I can see the Ingalls as my own family, but I'm not quite ready yet. So, for now I think that I'll stick to honoring my parents in my prayers and be thankful that Cassandra and I are alive and together.

The End! October 2002; Updated September 2004