OK! Welcome to The Misadventures of Link! This is what REALLY happened during Ocarina of Time, it just got edited to make Link look, well... cooler, I guess. Oh well, I say play the tape! But first, I must get a goron to do the disclaimer, because I just LOVE those gorons! So adorable! Plus, this is the reason why Link can't talk!
Goron: The Legend of Zelda belongs to its creator, whom is not this Goron lover right here.
Me: Ah, thank you Goron! If I DID own the Legend of Zelda, more of the main characters would be gorons! Heck, Link would probably be a goron too if I had it my way!
Link: thank god you don't.
Chapter 1: The Deku Tree
Deku Tree: Navi, go fetch a Kokiri for me.
Navi: Aye Aye, Great Deku Tree! On my way!
Me: Navi flies away, and soon flies into Link's hut. After missing the window and hitting the wall, of course, and cursing loudly. So loudly, in fact, that it woke Link up.
Navi: Ah, your awake! Well get up and let's go, the Great Deku Tree needs you!
Me: Link gets up, without complaint, and follows Navi back to the Great Deku Tree, who looked puzzled at Link's presence.
Deku Tree: Navi, I didn't mean the kid without a fairy! I meant a kid WITH a fairy! Oh well, he'll have to do.
Me: The Deku Tree explains about Ganondorf and tells Link to rid him of the evil inside, and Link enters the Deku Tree. While I'm stuck being the narrator! Well, its long and very accident-filled, like how Link runs into about 8 skulltulas and screams and nearly leaves the Deku Tree, but sadly, I will not narrate that. I will, however narrate the boss fight, against Gohma.
Me: Link entered the room, of course rushing. Gohma dropped from the ceiling, and landed on Link. Navi just sighed and poked Gohma in the eye. Pathetically, Gohma screamed and died. Link jumped up with a thumbs up.
Link: I did it!
Navi: Right, Link, you really beat Gohma for sure...
Me: Link stepped onto the portal that appeared, but had to rush through the Deku Tree again because he forgot Navi. When he was back in front of the Deku Tree, WITH Navi, the Tree gave him the Kokiri Emerald. Of course, Navi decided to joke with him, because she was still sore about being left behind.
Navi: Hey, Link! You know that Emerald's made out of frozen kokiri snot, right?
Me: Link dropped the emerald and refused to touch it again, even after Navi told him she was joking.
Deku Tree: PICK UP THE EFFING EMERALD ALREADY, YOU IMBECILE!
Me: That made Link pick up the emerald. Link skipped away, and the Deku Tree sighed.
Deku Tree: Oh, for the record, I'm dead. Don't tell anyone otherwise!
Me: I agreed, and he gave me 50 rupees. Yes, I was bribed not to tell anyone he was still alive, even though it was clearly obvious. I mean, Kokiri children still went to talk to him, and I think he must've found out that, for another 50 rupees, I told Mido he wasn't dead. Yes, I sold him out. I'm not fond of that tree, or of Kokiri children, actually. Zoras are okay because they look funny, but the most adorable beings ever are gorons...
Navi: HEY! Back to the story already! Bring the Gorons up when they are actually in this!
Me: Shut up, annoying fairy!
Me: I put Navi in a bottle. Well, that's all for now! Next chapter: Chapter 2: Hyrule Castle: Breaking and Entering!