ONE FIST MAN

Written by Christopher Rangel

It was Saitama's first day in the porn industry and he could not be more excited. He sat on the couch, twidling his thumbs as he waited for the director to enter the room. Then, all of a sudden, the director entered the room.

"Hello", said the director. "My name is Solidus Snake, and I will be your director today". He extended he hand, which Saitama was all too willing to shake.

"Thanks, sir!" said Saitama. He sat back on the couch and Solidus took a suit at his desk.

"So, tell me Saitama; what made you interested in joining the porn industry?" Solidus asked.

"Well", said Saitama, "I'm very good at putting my fists into faces, but that has gotten boring, so I decided why not put them in vaginas and buttholes instead?"

"Ah", said Solidus, "So you're into fisting then?"

"Yes", said Saitama. "Very much so", said Saitama.

"I admit", said Solidus, "we have not put out many fisting videos here on , so I would be honored to be the first person you fist on camera."

"Sounds good", said Saitama.

"Can we just get a close up of your fist?" asked Solidus.

"Certainly", said Saitama, and he showed off his fist for the camera.

"Holy shit", said Solidus. "My butthole is ready. Let's go for it!"

"Alright", said Saitama. Solidus took off his pants and underwear, revealing a very fit looking bottom. He bent over, revealing a beautiful open butthole to Saitama.

"Fist me!" screamed Solidus. "DO IT NOW!"

Saitama brought back his fist, said "Regular normal fist!", and plunged his fist all the way up Solidus's butthole. Solidus screamed in ecstasy as Saitama went elbow deep, then slowly and steadily removed his arm from Solidus's butthole. His fist came out with a "pop", and a little dung came out as well.

"Holy shit", said Solidus. "This'll be a short video, but the people will bust loads upon loads watching it". Solidus was panting. He put his pants back on and shook Saitama's hand. "It was a pleasure doing business with you. You should receive your check in the mail soon. I look forward to your future endeavors here at ".

"Me too", said Saitama, and he picked up his bag and exited the room.

"Hello Sensei", Genos the Cyborg said to Saitama the Baldman. "How was your first day?"

"Pretty good", said Saitama. "I think I may have found my true calling." He went to the sink to wash Solidus Snake's butthole off of his hand. "Have they uploaded the video yet?"

"I will go check that now", said Genos. He went onto and looked up "Saitama". "Sensei, I have found you", said Genos. He opened a video entitled "One Fist Man", and they watched it. "Wow, Sensei, you are very good at fisting! Would you mind showing me how you do that?"

"Sure thing", said Saitama. "First of all, let's see what you got." Saitama removed his own pants and bent over for Genos.

"I will do my best!" yelled Genos. He raised his fist, and the rocket thrusters engaged, and, with a yell, he plunged his fist up in Saitama's butthole. Saitama moaned a little; Genos's metallic arm felt good in his rear.

"Not bad", said Saitama as Genos removed his fist from Saitama's butthole. "You just need to polish your technique a little. Here, let me demonstrate what I can do."

"Do away", said Genos. Saitama raised his fist and plunged it up Genos's butthole, but instead of moaning or yelling, Genos fell completely silent.

"Uh, Genos?" said Saitama. "You alright, buddy?"

"Systems malfunction", said Genos. "Pleasure over...load." Saitama began to feel concerned. "Goodbye... Sensei".

"What?! No!" screamed Saitama as Genos exploded into billions of atomic pieces.

Saitama was on his hands and knees in his ruined apartment. "Genos", he said. "Genos, I'm so sorry. Dammit, I never should have fisted a cyborg" He sat down and tried to collect his thoughts. "Shit", he said. "I fucking straight up killed an S-rank hero!" He sighed. "No one can ever know about this. This is a secret that I must keep, for my own sake." He stood up and walked for the door. He looked back one more time. "I'm sorry... Genos."

As Saitama walked down the streets of London, people, both dudes and dudettes and everything in between, looked at Saitama with a blush. In the span of a day, his fist had become the ultimate sexual fantasy of the world, but now he knew that that power came with a cost.

"Hey, Saitama", said Jon Snow. "I hear that you've built up quite a reputation!"

"I guess", said Saitama. He tried to keep his composure; Jon Snow was a Class S hero, like Genos was.

"If I knew that fisting was such a popular fetish, I probably would have put my sword down years ago!" Jon Snow laughed.

"Yup", said Saitama. "Fists are the way of the future." Jon Snow's Direwolf, Ghost, stood to Saitama's other side, and he seemed somewhat uneasy about Saitama.

"Say", said Jon Snow, "Have you seen Genos anywhere? We were supposed to meet for tea about a half hour ago, but he never showed up at the cafe."

Saitama shrugged, trying to keep his composure. "Last I saw him, he said he was on his way to meet up with you", Saitama said. "He probably had something else to do, though."

"Yeah, probably", said Jon Snow. "But still..."

"SAITAMA!" screamed the voice of a girl. All of a sudden they were surrounded by screaming fangirls. "Please please please fist us Saitama Senpai!" they all screamed in unison.

Saitama shrugged. "Alright, alright", said Saitama. "Knickers off." They all squealed and removed their knickers, then Saitama released a flurry of fists. Then he stood completely still, and all the girls fell to the ground, mouths moaning and cooters trembling. Saitama thought of Genos and felt numb.

"Holy fuck", said Jon Snow. "That really is impressive."

"Eh, whatever", said Saitama as he continued walking forward. Ghost sniffed one of the girls to make sure she was still alive, and Jon Snow chased after Saitama.

Saitama and Jon Snow arrived at the Hero Association. Standing before everyone was Captain Falcon.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you here", said Captain Falcon. "I've received word from a secret informant that he is on the verge of returning."

"You don't mean... him?" said Tatsumaki.

"I'm afraid I do", said Captain Falcon.

"But he's BEYOND a God Level threat!" exclaimed Puri-Puri Prisoner.

"I know", said Captain Falcon. "But I think we still have time to prepare. And we have to prepare. We must take this warning seriously, or an end could come to the world itself. The second order or business: congratulations to Saitama for becoming number one pornstar in the world. Sir, your fists put my Falcon Punches to shame." Everyone applauded, and Saitama only nodded.

"Hey, where the fuck is Genos?!" someone yelled.

"Holy shit!" said Captain Falcon, noticing that Genos wasn't there. "Where the fuck is he?!"

"He's gone missing", said Jon Snow.

"Well, who was the last person to see him?" asked Captain Falcon. Everyone looked at Saitama.

"Pfft", said Saitama. "He's not missing. Just nobody has any idea where he is!"

"Well, we need to find him", said Captain Falcon. "The Villain, the Bane of Christmas is returning, and we need all the heroes we can get! Did he say anything about where he was going?"

"I..." Saitama started to sweat.

"There's something he's not telling us!" yelled Batman.

"He is surrounded by darkness!" exclaimed Chirrut Imwe from Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. "Lock him the fuck up!"

"Saitama!" yelled Jon Snow.

"I..." Saitama stammered "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, BUT HE'S DEAD! I KILLED HIM! I FISTED HIM TO DEATH!" Saitama started to cry.

"Saitama..." said Captain Falcon. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid this cannot be tolerated. You'll have to be locked up for a while, at least until we need you in the fight against him. Superman! Batman! Take him away!"

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Saitama yelled, and he punched Superman in the gut, sending him flying backwards, through a wall, and he was impaled on a flagpole. Dead.

"Fuck!" said Saitama. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!"

"Everyone!" yelled Captain Falcon. "Get him!" And all of the heroes erupted onto Saitama. In a fight of epic proportions, he fended them all off, and the Hero Association HQ fell into ruins, as Saitama punched them all. Many died, others were seriously injured. The building was completely fucked, however.

On top of the rubble, Saitama faced an injured but still standing Captain Falcon. Jon Snow put his hand on Captain Falcon's shoulder.

"I can handle this", said Jon Snow. Captain Falcon nodded and stood back as Jon Snow drew his sword.

"Stand down, Jon Snow!" yelled Saitama. "Its over! I've won, and I just don't want any trouble."

"NO!" yelled Jon Snow. "I considered you a friend. Now, here; we fight to the end!" So Jon Snow and Saitama charged at each other, and Saitama's fist collided with Jon Snow's sword.

"Impossible!" said Saitama as his fist grinded against the sword. "Why isn't this sword breaking?!"

"Valyrian Steel, motherfucker", said Jon Snow, and with that he brought back his sword and slashed it down in an instant. Saitama screamed as he saw his right hand separate from his body and fall to the ground.

"Now", said Jon Snow, "It appears that I have w..." Saitama grabbed Jon Snow by the throat with his left hand and picked him up off the ground. Saitama was furious; he wanted to kill him. But when he looked into Jon Snow's eyes, he remembered that they had been friends. So instead, he flung Jon Snow far, far away. Ghost barked at Saitama angrily, but then chased after his flying master. Saitama held his bleeding stump. He started walking away when Captain Falcon yelled at him.

"And what now?!" yelled Captain Falcon. "His return is imminent, and you've single-handedly put many of the world's best heroes out of commission. You've fucked over the world Saitama! FUCKED IT OVER!"

"I know", said Saitama. "But you know as well as I do that I didn't want any of this." And with that he walked away.

A defeated Captain Falcon put a finger to his ear, to better hear his Comm link, and he stood there, mouth open, heart beating.

Captain Falcon stood over the burning wreckage below. "He has returned..." (To be Continued in "Winter Leaves like a Son in a Parade")

Saitama staggered away from the wreckage behind him, still holding onto his stump. He had to make it to the hospital fast; he was bleeding out.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Solidus Snake!

"I heard about what happened", said Solidus. "Well, saw it too." He looked out in the distance. "Well, don't worry about it kid. You know, heroes are temporary; many of them turn to evil once faced with the right circumstances. But porn, on the other hand..." dramatic pause, "Porn is forever. And you've still got one fist."

(Title song plays) ONE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!

FIN