When Kuroo graduated, Kenma was relieved. A part of him was happy that his friend had managed to get into the university he wanted, but he was most looking forward to a full year of peace and quiet. And not faux peace and quiet like the third year of middle school. Back then they'd lived in the same neighborhood, so he still saw Kuroo every day. But now Kuroo was moving to the university dorms, and with the load of work he'd get, he wouldn't have any time to come and be noisy and invade his personal space.
It's not that he didn't like Kuroo. He was his best friend and they'd been together for a really long time. Twelve years, to be precise. Kuroo had invited him to play volleyball and helped him blend in with the team. Kuroo protected him from bullies and entitled senpais. One time, when they were little, the kids in their neighborhood had invited Kuroo to play with them, and he'd invited Kenma. The other kids had said that Kuroo could come, but Kenma couldn't. Kuroo had stayed with him instead and those kids never talked to either of them again. Kuroo was funny, smart and loyal, kind, caring and patient. It was no coincidence he had been made captain. In spite of his unpleasant, scheming personality, everyone trusted him to lead them to victory. In short, Kenma, much like everyone else, liked Kuroo and considered him an important friend.
But Kenma also liked having his personal space. He liked silence and being left alone, two concepts Kuroo was completely unfamiliar with. And being in the same school and the same team and living in the same neighbourhood meant Kuroo was always around, thus silence and personal space had become impossible to acquire. With Kuroo graduating, Kenma was certain that they would be able to maintain their friendship whilst having more peace and quiet in his life. Everything would be balanced and fine.
One month into his last year of high school, Kenma realized he had been disingenuous to believe that something as petty as college would keep Kuroo at a healthier distance. Their former captain would pop up during practice four times a week and prance around the gym, occasionally assisting in practicing. He spent a significant amount of that time asking Kenma for a toss too.
"It would be a lot more practical if I practiced tosses with people who will actually be in the team." He always responded curtly. He refused to add that Kuroo always hit his tosses perfectly anyway, so there was no need to practice them.
"So cold, Kenmaaaa." Kuroo would wail dramatically, slinging an arm around Kenma's back and resting his chin on his shoulder, a significant portion of his body weight leaning on Kenma's.
"Kuro, you're heavy." He would complain half-heartedly, and end up complying to his request.
Kuroo would also walk him home afterwards, bemoaning his heavy workload.
"You shouldn't be wasting time then." Kenma had said once.
"Ehhhh but Kenma would be lonely without me." Kuroo replied with a cheeky grin.
When Kuroo couldn't make it to practice, he'd drown Kenma's inbox with millions upon millions of text messages, of which Kenma only read about half. Kuroo would also call every night to ask about practice and Kenma's grades and talk about his classes, his teachers, his new volleyball team, his dorm room and everything related to his college life. And Kenma always fell asleep mid-call, even though in his dreams, he could still hear Kuroo's endless chattering.
Every Sunday, Kuroo would drop by in the mornings and spend hours at Kenma's place, watching him playing videogames. At night he'd go over to his parents' home and have dinner with them, then make one last quick stop to say goodbye to Kenma before going back to his dorm.
All in all, he was still seeing Kuroo pretty much every day of the week.
For the second month of Kenma's last year of high school, all the college work seemed to be catching up with Kuroo at last. Instead of four or five times, he only visited practice twice a week and most times, he didn't stay for long. Sometimes he only arrived after practice was over and walked Kenma home, bemoaning how busy he was and how demanding his assignments were.
"Why did I choose engineering? I should've gone for a social science instead."
"Social sciences are difficult and demanding too." Kenma replied, his eyes glued to his gaming console. "As are arts and humanities." He added before Kuroo could even think of it.
Kuroo moaned.
The amount of calls and texts was significantly lessened. The messages were still too many to read them all, but Kenma could tell there weren't as many as before, and most were a lot shorter than usual. Their nightly calls became shorter too, and Kuroo would not talk as much as usual, saying he was actually in the middle of doing an assignment, but he still wanted to hear Kenma's voice. Sometimes, it was Kuroo falling asleep in the midst of their call. Kenma didn't know how to feel about that.
He still visited his family every Sunday, but he didn't spend as much time at Kenma's place, barely an hour or two, and instead of chattering, he sat quietly in the back, revising his notes or working on something school-related.
Kenma thought he was getting the ideal amount of Kuroo with this schedule. Not too much to be overbearing, but not too little to feel they were getting estranged. In spite of rationalizing that, there was something about Kuroo's silent presence that bothered him, but he couldn't really place his finger on it.
In June, with the Inter-High preliminaries approaching, and Kuroo's team getting ready for the summer tournament too, his visits became even less frequent. He would come once a week to greet everyone and watch them do some drills for maybe half an hour before the end of practice, then walk Kenma home and rush back to his dorms. He didn't talk much during their walk home either. He looked tired.
"Don't overwork yourself." Kenma said once, briefly glancing at the dark circles under Kuroo's eyes.
Kuroo grinned. "I'm taking care of myself properly. I wouldn't want to worry Kenma." He said with a wink. Kenma didn't reply.
His texts messages decreased even further, to around three of them a day. At least one of them was "sorry, I won't be able to drop by at practice today."
"You don't have to come to check on us, you know that, right?" Kenma commented.
"But I want to! I gotta make sure you guys are in good shape for the In-High!" Kuroo whined in reply. "'Sides, I can't really leave Kenma alone, can I?"
Kenma felt a bizarre heat bloom on his face, and didn't reply, instead focusing on his game.
Kuroo also stopped calling every night. He still did it around three times a week, but the calls were quick and succinct. When he didn't call, Kenma would receive a text the following morning, usually on the vein of "Sorry for not calling, fell asleep on my textbook."
"If you're so busy you shouldn't call." Kenma said over the phone while lying down on his bed. "You should try to sleep more instead."
Kuroo chuckled. "I know but… I really wanted to hear Kenma's voice."
Kenma didn't know how to answer that.
"Your exams are coming up, shouldn't you stop wasting time here?" Kenma asked at the start of July as they walked back home.
"I don't want to be completely consumed by school!" Kuroo whined in protest. "I did realize it was impossible to come every day, but I made a promise with myself about walking Kenma home at least once a week!" he declared with a grin and a peace sign.
Kenma didn't say anything.
Kuroo's promise lasted all the way to the second week of July. On Friday, he sent Kenma a message that said "Sorry, I thought I had the afternoon off today but coach wanted last minute practice."
His texts became even more scarce. He barely sent one a day, and sometimes not even that much. Kenma was slightly unsettled by how quiet his phone was. He received a call on Friday night, in which Kuroo apologized again for not showing up.
"I have an assignment due tomorrow, sorry I can't talk for long." He excused himself, his voice sounded tired.
"It's alright, I've been telling you all along to focus on your school and stop fooling around." Kenma replied, twirling a golden lock of hair in his finger. It had grown a little too long. He'd have to cut it soon. And dye it too.
"So cold, Kenma." He chuckled, but it didn't sound like his regular careless laughter in Kenma's ear. It was actually… kind of fake. "Sleep well."
"You too."
That Sunday, Kuroo didn't show up in the afternoon to watch him play. It was the first time it happened since he started college. At night, around nine o'clock, Kenma's phone rang and Kuroo's name lit the screen.
"Open the window?" Kuroo's low voice asked the moment he picked up. Kenma didn't need to be told twice. He dropped his console and went to open his bedroom window, finding Kuroo perched on the balcony.
"You know there's a front door." Kenma said, moving out of the way so Kuroo could come in.
Kuroo shook his head. "I didn't want to disturb your folks. 'Sides, I'm not staying long. Just wanted to say hi."
"Hi." Kenma replied quietly
There was a momentary twinkle of sadness in Kuroo's golden eyes, but Kenma wasn't sure if he was just imagining that.
"How's everyone doing?"
"Same as always. We have a practice match with Fukurodani next week."
"Aaaaah, that's good, that's good! Keeping our relationships with other schools is important after all."
Kenma nodded.
"Look, these months have been a little hectic but… as soon as I get more used to my schedule, I'll be coming around more often, so don't go feeling lonely without me, 'kay?"
Kenma looked up. He wanted to say he wasn't feeling lonely, but he couldn't say it for some reason. A comfortable silence followed. Except that silence and Kuroo were two things that didn't really mesh well together, Kenma realized. Even if there was no tension in the air, there was a strange, awkward quality to their silence. Kenma felt like he wanted to say something, but he didn't know what it was. It was Kuroo's job to do most of the talking, and figuring out what Kenma wanted to say. That he was so quiet was unusual and unsettling.
"Gotta run back to the dorms, they've got this really strict curfew, it's ridiculous. See you around." Kuroo declared finally.
"Good night, Kuro." Kenma replied softly, watching as his friend climbed down from the balcony via the tall tree next to his window. Kuroo waved goodbye as he reached the ground and continued waving until he turned around the corner, away from Kenma's sight.
Kuroo didn't show up at all during the third week of July. He sent Kenma a message saying he'd have a rough week and wouldn't be able to see him. He didn't even visit his parents on Sunday.
"You should leave Kozume-kun alone, he's in a bad mood." He heard someone whispering in his classroom, but he paid them no mind. He didn't feel like he was in a bad mood, he had no reason to be. And how would they know anyway?
The following Wednesday, he received a call from Kuroo. He hadn't been sending any texts for the past three days, and he would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little worried.
"Oi, Kenma! Seems I'll have Friday afternoon off so I'll pick you up after practice okay? I might be a little bit late, but wait for me!" he said cheerfully.
"Don't you have exams this week?" Kenma asked. It was as if Kuroo sounded more and more tired every time they spoke.
"Just two of them, the bulk of my exams are next week." Kuroo replied. "Gotta go now, my Advanced Calculus class is about to start."
"Okay. I'll see you on Friday"
The line shut dead. Kenma felt a little bit warm in his belly. He wondered if he'd eaten something gone bad.
"Is something good happening?" Lev asked him with a cheeky grin as they changed clothes after practice.
Kenma quirked a fine eyebrow, confused. "Not particularly, why do you ask?"
"You seem to be in a really good mood today, that's all." Inuoka said, and the rest of the team nodded in agreement. Kenma looked at his fingers. He didn't feel particularly happier than usual today, and nothing special was happening. Just Kuroo picking him up after practice, but that was a rather normal thing. Everyone seemed to be trying to read too hard into his moods lately, he decided.
He said goodbye to everyone and waited by the school gate, glancing around in case he caught sight of the familiar mop of unruly ebony hair. His phone showed it was 6:15. The sky was starting to turn a pinkish hue and he could hear the chatter of other clubs ending their activities and going home. A couple of students passed him by, walking with their bicycles. When they were in middle school, Kuroo would ride him back and forth to school on his bike. They stopped doing it in high school because their homes were at walking distance from Nekoma and Kenma found it embarrassing anyway.
At 6:20 he sent Kuroo a message. Maybe he didn't know practice was over and he was still making time before coming. He didn't receive any reply.
The pink of the sky was quickly turning to orange. Kenma had never liked how quickly day turned into night. The color of sunset made him feel melancholic for some unknown reason. He pulled out his console and started a new game, although he knew he probably wouldn't make it too far before Kuroo arrived.
At 6:45 he sent Kuroo another message. "Are you still coming?". Maybe he'd gotten caught up in traffic. He had said he'd be a little bit late and Kenma didn't mind waiting. A grey stray cat walked past him. He paused his game and kneeled to pet its head for a minute. The cat meowed at him and continued on its way.
The sky was now blood red with streaks of purple and his phone showed 7:00. He dialed Kuroo's phone, but he didn't pick up. Perhaps something had happened? He worried a little. He thought that maybe he should walk home by himself, but knowing Kuroo, even if he was horribly late, he'd still show up. He'd promised to wait and Kuroo was a terrible worrywart some times. If he didn't find Kenma outside the school, he'd think he'd been kidnapped or something crazy like that.
Five minutes later, the school janitor came to chain the main gate and lock it. The man looked at him from head to toe, examining his uniform as if it were somehow suspicious. "Shouldn't you be home already?" he asked, focusing on his dyed hair. He was probably assuming he was a delinquent.
"I'm just waiting for someone. They'll be here soon."
The man harrumphed, not looking very convinced. "Just don't get in trouble." He said before walking away.
Kenma sighed. He was tired of standing up. He sat by the closed gate and hugged his knees to his chest. He thought of resuming his game, but he wasn't really in the mood for that, so he just sat in silence, his eyes fixed on his cellphone screen and how the minutes ticked away.
At 7:36 his phone rang and Kuroo's name appeared on screen. Kenma yelped and almost dropped the phone before picking it up.
"Kur-"
"Kenma?! Kenma oh my god, where are you?! I'm so sorry! I-I fell asleep and- I pulled an all-nighter and thought I had time to take a nap but my alarm didn't go off. I'm so sorry Kenma, I'm on my way to Nekoma now, I won't take long."
Kenma's chest clenched painfully. Maybe he was catching a cold. "No need to, I'm already home." He lied as he picked himself up from the floor and started walking home. "You should go back and get some sleep, you obviously need it."
Kuroo sighed unhappily. "I'm really sorry, Kenma, I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"It's okay, it couldn't be helped." Kenma didn't want to say anything about Kuroo's previously broken promise to visit once a week. It wouldn't be fair to throw that in his face, he knew. "You should rest, you have a lot to study." He added. He was passing Kuroo's house now. He hadn't been over in a while, he realized.
"Okay, yeah, I'll do that." Kuroo said. "I'm really, really sorry, Kenma." He repeated, clearly mortified.
"I understand, I'm not upset." Kenma said, and as the words left his mouth, he realized they were a lie. But he wasn't going to clarify that.
"You don't really sound not-upset"
He could always count on Kuroo being able to read his moods perfectly, but this time it was annoying.
"You shouldn't use double negatives." He replied, avoiding the issue. "I have a lot of math homework for tomorrow." Another lie. He wasn't even in his house yet.
Kuroo sighed. "Okay then. Don't go to sleep too late."
"I won't. Good night, Kuro."
"Sweet dreams, Kenma."
At three in the morning, Kenma's phone buzzed loudly, pulling him from his sleep with a jolt. He was about to shut it down when he saw Kuroo's number on the screen. Why would Kuroo call him at this hour? Had something happened? Kenma's gut wrenched with worry and he hurried to pick up.
"Kuro? Where are you?" he blabbered, uncharacteristic as it was for him to be the first to talk.
There was loud chattering and music in the background.
"Keeenmaaaa?" Kuroo answered, his voice strange and slurred.
"Are you okay? What's going on?"
Kuroo hiccupped and giggled. "I jus' like the soun'ov Kenma's vooooice." His voice was definitely slurred, but not drowsy. "I'm thinkin' I may hav' sum too much booze in mah blood too."
Kenma made the connection immediately. The loud noise in the background, the voice, the alcohol, the hour of the call, all indicated Kuroo was out in a club or something. "Kuro, you're a minor and you have finals next week, you're not supposed to be drinking." He admonished. His gut continued to twist and make weird angry noises. Maybe eating that apple pie while being upset hadn't been a good idea after all.
"'s ohhkaaay Kenma! Jus' a lil' fun b'fore exams!" He giggled again, and Kenma felt annoyance building up in his stomach. "'sides, the guys said I wouldn' dare make a drunk confession call. 'course I'd to prove'em wrong!"
Kenma seriously couldn't care less about it. He noticed he was gripping his phone too hard. "I'm hanging up. If you have time to waste fooling around you should be getting some sleep instead." So next time you don't fall asleep when you're supposed to meet me. The thought crossed his mind and only served to fuel his annoyance and morph it into anger.
"Noooo Kenmaaaa. Why're you always so cold? 'm jus' tryin' to tell you that I'm in love with you, be nicer with mah feelin's" Kuroo hiccupped again and Kenma could hear people cheering in the background. His nostrils flared.
"Good night, Kuro." He responded curtly and hung up. He shut his phone down too, in case Kuroo decided to try and call him again.
For the following three weeks, Kenma didn't hear a single word from Kuroo. At first he didn't think much of it. He was in finals week and probably had a lot of work to do, especially if he spent his Friday nights getting drunk with his new friends, whoever they were, instead of studying like he was supposed to. He had kind of expected an apology message at some point, but it never came. He figured Kuroo would come back home for the summer break and Obon and would apologize then.
But Obon came and went, and before Kenma knew it, it was already September without getting any signs of Kuroo. Even if he was still upset about Kuroo's reckless behavior, he was also mildly concerned by his prolonged silence. It just wasn't like him. One day he passed by Kuroo's house and saw his mother outside. She greeted him cheerfully.
"Oh, hi Ken-kun, how nice seeing you!"
"Good afternoon, Oba-san" he replied politely. He used to spend a lot of time at Kuroo's place when they were younger and had a good relationship with both of his parents. They always thanked him for setting their incorrigible son straight.
"Say, Ken-kun." She said just as he was about to continue on his way back home. "Have you heard from Tetsurou at all? He hasn't been around for almost a month and he barely calls anymore."
Kenma was surprised to hear that. Kuroo had an intimidating appearance, but deep down he was what one could call a 'momma's boy' who did everything to keep his mother happy. It was unusual that he would stop communicating like this.
"No, I'm sorry, I haven't heard from him in a while either." He admitted, growing a little bit worried. Wasn't he supposed to still be on break? Universities' semester started until October.
"Hmmm, I see. You boys used to be joined at the hip back in the day, I thought he'd stay in touch with you." She said, apparently concerned. "Well, I guess he's busy with his new life now. I'm sure Ken-kun will be the same when you fly out of the nest."
He nodded quietly, not really knowing how to answer to that and continued on his way back home. Before going around the corner, he picked up his phone and dialed Kuroo's number. He'd previously decided to wait for Kuroo to get in touch and apologize for that ridiculous call, but if even his mother was worried, maybe something had happened.
"Hello?"
"Kuro, are yo—"
"Oh! K-k-kenma! I-I'm sorry I can't really talk right now." He sounded troubled, flustered.
"Kuro-chan, hurry up!" a voice said from the background. Kenma shuddered at the nickname. It made him feel icky.
"I'm really sorry Kenma, talk to you later, 'kay?" and he hung up before Kenma could even reply.
Kenma put his phone away. At least Kuroo hadn't 'promised', like he had before, to come visit once a week or to make it up to him for standing him up that time in July, two promises he hadn't been able to keep.
On the last week of September, they held a practice match with Fukurodani. Kenma still hadn't heard a word from Kuroo, except for those ten or so that he gave as an excuse three weeks ago before hanging up on him. He hadn't tried to call him again or text him either. It had always been Kuroo calling him, Kenma had never liked initiating any sort of communication, and he hadn't started liking it any better in the past half year.
After their practice match, which they lost, Keiji came to him.
"Kozume-san, is everything alright? You're not acting like your usual self."
Kenma's eyes widened at the question. Was he really acting out of the ordinary? He didn't feel like he was. The guys in the team hadn't mentioned anything either. He shook his head as an answer.
"Well, if you say so…" Keiji sighed, although he didn't look convinced. "Just make sure you guys are at the top of your game for Haru-Kou, we'd be disappointed otherwise."
"We will be." Kenma replied, annoyed by the challenge. "You won't be disappointed."
Keiji sighed and turned to pick up his belongings.
"Keiji." Kenma called impulsively. Keiji turned to look at him, curiosity lighting his dark green eyes. "Are you and…" He shook his head. What did he even want to ask? Was Keiji still in touch with Bokuto? They seemed to get along really well last year. Bokuto was always clinging to Keiji. When Kenma looked at them, it sort of reminded him of Kuroo. But Bokuto and Keiji weren't neighbours or childhood friends. And even if they still saw each other, that didn't really mean anything in terms of Kuroo's drifting away.
His mind froze around that last thought. It was the first time the thought crossed his mind, but when it did, his chest twisted very painfully. He'd probably over-exerted his lungs for that practice match.
Was Kuroo drifting away? Was their friendship going to slowly fade away just like this, after so many years? Just because he'd wanted some peace and quiet in his life didn't mean he wanted Kuroo to not be part of it at all. Maybe his new friends were more fun to hang out with. He sure sounded like he was having fun that time he called him at three in the morning. Maybe he'd gotten himself a girlfriend and was spending his summer break with her. That would explain why he didn't come to visit his parents at all. Maybe that time Kenma called and Kuroo hung up right away it was because he'd interrupted him when he was with his new friends or his girlfriend.
The pain in his chest intensified. He placed his hand on the left side of his chest and took a deep breathe, hoping it would go away if he filled his lungs with oxygen. He didn't need chest pain to top his worries about whatever it was that was increasing the distance between him and Kuroo. A single year had never seemed like a lot. It just meant Kuroo got to give him a tour of the school and show him the cool secret spots that no one else knew about, because he'd discovered them in that one year of difference. But now a single year felt like an insurmountable distance. A single year was pushing Kuroo further and further away from him, and he suddenly feared he would never be able to compensate for that gap that kept growing larger and larger.
"Kozume-san?" Keiji called to him, concern darkening his eyes and scrunching his brow. "Are you sure you're okay? You look like you're in pain."
Kenma shook his head. He was overthinking this. It was like Kuroo said before, his new schedule was weird and hectic. Once he got used to it, everything would go back to normal. He had no reason to be this upset about something so small.
"Keiji?" he asked again. "You and Bokuto used to get along a lot, right?"
Keiji may have looked a little bit embarrassed, but Kenma wasn't sure about that. Keiji was very hard to read. "Yeah, you could say that." He replied simply, scratching his pink cheek.
Bokuto was in the same program as Kuroo, surely he'd have the same messy schedule and was still trying to work around it.
"Are you two still in touch?" He just needed confirmation. Something to tell him his worries were unfounded.
Keiji cocked his head, apparently confused. "Yes, he comes by quite often. Especially now that he's in break. It's actually strange that he's not around today."
That was not the answer Kenma had expected. If Bokuto could somehow work around his schedule and still show up at Fukurodani's practice frequently, why was it different for Kuroo? He chewed on his lip briefly.
"Why?" Keiji asked.
Kenma shook his head again. "Nothing. It's nothing. Just curious".
As he walked back home, he browsed his call records on his phone. He had calls from almost everyone in the team, a few from his parents and a couple from Shouyou. He actually had to scroll down quite a bit before he found the last call he'd received from Kuroo, back in late July. He scrunched his brows and looked at today's date: September 27th. His birthday was a little under three weeks away. Kuroo would probably call him then. Kuroo had never missed a single one of Kenma's birthdays since they first met.
Unless he forgets about it. A little voice whispered in his mind. Kenma shook his head. The thought was unpleasant, it made his stomach and chest hurt. His eyes stung a little. Maybe Akaashi's concern had not been misplaced. Perhaps he was coming down with a cold or something of the sorts.
He noticed how quiet the street was. Everyone had gone their own separate ways outside the train station. In the past, even if the street was deserted, he'd always have Kuroo's voice making noise constantly. But now it was different. A cold autumn breeze passed by and made him shiver. The cold and the quiet made this familiar street seem strange and unwelcoming. Not the street he'd lived in for the past twelve years. He wondered why it felt like that. He'd always liked silence, but now it was making him uneasy.
"Kenma would be lonely without me."
He remembered Kuroo saying that back in April. It was only five months ago, but it felt like a lifetime. Everything was so different now. But the mere thought of feeling lonely, him who had never even liked interacting with other people, was ridiculous beyond reason. He shook his head for the millionth time that day and fished for his keys inside his pocket.
There was no way he was lonely
On the day he turned 18, Kenma met Kuroo's mother as she passed by his house.
"Oh, Ken-kun, happy birthday!" she greeted with a smile
Kenma wasn't sure of why she knew today was his birthday, but he didn't ask. "Thanks Oba-san."
"Has Tetsurou called you yet?"
His nostrils flared. He didn't want to think about that, so he shook his head.
"Hmmm, how strange. He came home last week and I told him to give you a call…" she mused. "Maybe he's getting used to his new semester, I'm sure he'll call you when he's free." She waved goodbye "Have a wonderful day, Ken-kun!" she said as she walked away.
Kenma grabbed his phone and stared at it intently. Kuroo's semester had just started, his mother was probably right, he'd call when he was free. He would call. He definitely would call.
Kenma had heard of the "phantom cellphone syndrome". People who forgot their cellphone at home and still felt it vibrate in their pockets. Kenma hadn't forgotten his cellphone, but he still could feel it vibrate every fifteen minutes or so, and every time, he would quickly fish it out of his pocket, only to find the screen blank. No new messages, no missed calls. It was driving him crazy.
"Are you expecting a call?" Lev asked while he took a break from practice, prying over his shoulder.
Kenma turned to look at him, his fine eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Not particularly." He lied.
"You've been staring at your phone for ages though."
He felt the phone vibrate and he jolted, his eyes darted towards the screen. Nothing.
"You're just imagining things." He said, not sure if he was talking to himself or to Lev. Probably both.
At 7:30 his phone buzzed for real. Kenma almost jumped out of his bed to pick it up and press it to his ear, not even checking the caller ID.
"Kur—"
"Kenma! I heard today's your birthday! Congrats!"
"Ah, thank you Shouyou."
His stomach twisted in pain. Maybe Mom overdid it with that giant apple pie she got him to celebrate.
"Got any special plans?"
He sighed. "No, not really. I had cake with my parents, that's all."
Normally, Kuroo would take him out to town to a new dessert shop and buy him a lot of apple pie and random weird trinkets. Last year, Kuroo had bought them matching cat cellphone straps.
"My birthday's in one month, so it's perfect, right?" he'd asked, grinning.
He fingered the strap absentmindedly. After eating dessert, they'd usually go back to Kenma's home and play videogames for hours. Sometimes Kuroo would just let him sit between his legs and watch him play, his pointy chin resting on top of Kenma's hair. Kenma wasn't a big fan of so much physicality, but October was a cold month and the heater in his bedroom wasn't very good, so he didn't complain.
Not this year though. No midnight phone call, no exaggerated celebratory gestures, no apple pie and useless trinkets, no videogames, no Kuroo. It didn't even feel like it was really his birthday.
"Huh, that sounds cool too. Hope you have a great year! Let's have fun tomorrow!"
"Thank you, I'll look forward to it."
He hung up and sighed. Shouyou's enthusiasm made him feel a lot better, yet he couldn't completely fight off the disappointment that was curling in the pit of his stomach.
His phone buzzed again, but this time, it was text message from Inuoka, wishing him a happy birthday. In the following four hours his phone buzzed about a dozen more times with messages from Lev, Tora, and everyone in the team. He also got texts from Akaashi and guys from Shizen and Ubugawa and even Karasuno's Kageyama. He also got texts from Yaku and Kai who had already graduated. As the minutes ticked by, his inbox was flooded with congratulations and good wishes. He smiled a little every time he read one of them, but it was short-lived. The call he was actually waiting for still didn't come.
At 11:55 he was fighting to keep his eyes open. He wasn't sure of how long he'd been staring at his phone (probably since the last message he got, another one from Shouyou, at around 11:15). His eyes hurt from glaring at the bright screen for so long. But he couldn't sleep. Not yet. His birthday wasn't over, Kuroo could still call. He'd definitely call, he couldn't possibly forget. Even if it was just to wish him a happy birthday and then go back to sleep, or to work or to whatever party. Just a five-second call, that was all he was hoping for.
Tightly wrapped under his blankets, he stared at the numbers on the screen, watching every second tick by. He recalled what Kuroo's mother had said in the morning, that Kuroo had come by last week. Why didn't he drop in, at least to say hi like last time? Was Kuroo avoiding him? And why would he do that? He rubbed his eyes energetically, trying to blink the sleepiness away. The time was 11:58. Two minutes was plenty enough time to make a quick call. He wouldn't have minded if Kuroo would talk his ears off until three in the morning either. It'd been so long since they'd last had a proper conversation, after all. Probably since early July. Back then the weather was still warm, not cold like right now.
The clock changed to 11:59. His chest tightened painfully. This seemed to be happening a lot lately. Pain in his chest, his stomach curling and twisting, his eyes stinging, having problems to breathe properly. Maybe he should get himself checked, he could be catching some sort of lowkey flu that had long-lasting symptoms. Maybe he'd ask Kuroo when he called. Kuroo would probably get exaggeratedly worried and drag him all the way to the doctor. Soon. Kuroo would call soon. Because if he didn't his birthday would be over and then… Kenma didn't know what that would mean.
His phone buzzed and beeped. Kenma's fumbled to bring his eyes back to focus, already expecting to see Kuroo's name on the screen. He didn't, though. The screen lit up with the message "Reminder: Practice with Fukurodani group on Sunday." Why did he have a reminder set today? And at this time of the night to boot, it was ridiculous. He ignored it. Kuroo's call would come soon and he was too sleepy to bother with anything else. How many seconds of today were left anyway?
The screen showed 12:02.
Kenma's eyes widened. How had he lost three minutes? Had he fallen asleep? Kuroo may have called and he may have not noticed. His heart thumped loud and hard as he rushed to check his call records. No missed calls. The inbox then. No new messages.
He dropped his phone. His birthday was over and Kuroo hadn't called. He felt a chill climb up his spine. He was definitely getting sick. He pulled the covers closer and curled into himself, hoping to keep some warmth, but it didn't seem to be working. His eyes grew teary, probably from pointlessly staring at that damned screen for so long. He was going to go blind and it was all Kuroo's fault. He buried his head under the covers and sniffled, his chest hurt so much he wasn't sure he'd be able to fall asleep. He rubbed the tears from his eyes, but more kept pooling at the corners. He shut his eyes tight and hugged himself, trying to chase the cold away. And the sadness and disappointment. As his mind grew foggy with sleep, he remembered what Kuroo had said the last time they'd walked home together, more than three months ago.
"I can't really leave Kenma alone, can I?"
Apparently he could.
To be continued
In Japan, the legal age for drinking is 20, so technically, Kuroo's still underage.
Welcome to my KuroKen angstfest. I'm having lots of super strong KuroKen feels lately and after making that post, this idea came to me and I just couldn't resist. I actually wanted to get it out for Kenma's birthday, but it was impossible. But I promise part two will be up for Kuroo's birthday next month.
This was really difficult to write because trying to make introspections into Kenma's growing feelings took me forever. Is he in character? Kenma's hard to write. What do you guys think? I also wasn't sure about how Akaashi calls Kenma, does anyone know? I know most call him "Kenma" or "Kenma-san", but Akaashi strikes me as the type to be last-name-basis strictly. Since Bokuto and Kuroo are pretty much bros, I can totally imagine Kenma and Akaashi getting along pretty well
Because I major in History, I had Kenma lowkey standing up for us in the non-STEM disciplines because fuck everyone who says nonSTEM stuff is easier.
Anyway, I hope you've liked it. I'm still slowly venturing into HQ! fanfiction, so please let me know what you think. All comments and feedback is appreciated and please look forward to part two!