A Graceful Comedy
Hello and welcome to my first ever fanfiction. A Graceful Comedy is a sequel to the brilliant A Black Comedy by nonjon, set some 17 years after the events of the original. I give no promises of updating according to schedule nor necessarily of finishing the story any time soon. The story will be 10 chapters long and all chapters for the story are basically planned at this point. Writing them out is a whole other thing.
Usual disclaimers apply, I own nothing and I owe it all to J. K. Rowling and secondarily to nonjon for giving me fuel for my own creative fire. I hope to at least not put their names in shame with the quality of my writing.
Chapter 1: The Second Sorting Prank
Walking up to the Prefect's car Grace Lupin felt like on a pilgrimage with a bag full of stolen relics. She had gotten the letter early summer and wasn't the least bit surprised to learn she had been chosen Head Girl. After all, she had six years of impeccable grades, two years of experience as Slytherin Prefect and the implicit trust of Albus Dumbledore. Not to mention being a member of the House of Black and close to House of Slytherin.
What next to no one outside her closest friends knew, though, was that she also had six years worth of stealthy pranking experience. Some of the greatest pranks of the era were her handiwork and no one knew nor suspected what with her carefully wrought skill of deflecting the blame and forging false tracks.
Thus opening the door to the Prefect's car she felt both adulation and something that resembled a pang of guilt. Good thing her mother had drilled it into her that such feelings were for those weak of heart and could be dealt away with specific curses or dark rituals.
Sloughing off feelings that were better left to the younger students Grace looked at her underlings scurrying about inside the car. Three prefects from every house, one dedicated to taking care of the international students in their house. A smile hovered on her lips when her musings of power abuse were interrupted by the door.
A dark haired young man stepped inside the car, his respectable Head Boy badge badly in contrast with his Gryffindor colours, Grace thought as she took in his visage.
"John, nice to see you again." Grace offered to her colleague while trying to remember her mother's best curses. Why did it have to be the Solart boy, why not Professor Binns, he'd be much easier to deal with!
"Grace Lupin, I'd rather you call me by my full name." the boy replied in his trademark tone which left no questions about him being fully serious while still sounding absolutely ridiculous to everyone around him.
"If only I could remember the number..." Grace replied in earnest while a muscle twitched on her face.
"The eleventh." John replied, causing Grace to sigh and profess: "Well, John Solart the Eleventh, I hope to have a good year with you." Sincerity oozed out of her every orifice as if she was a punctured balloon. Thank Merlin for her mother.
After nodding to the boy she quickly made her way towards the end of the car where familiar faces had gathered. Her year younger second cousin Emma Black had succeeded her as Slytherin Prefect and was conversing with their childhood friend Helen Granger, now a sixth year Ravenclaw Prefect.
On Emma's other side sat Helen's friend and Ravenclaw's International Student Prefect, Chizuru Hashimoto, likewise a sixth year. The girl had been part of the first year of international students in Hogwarts and had quickly made friends with the three.
Grace made a beeline and plopped down next to Helen, interrupting her and Emma's conversation in turn and exclaimed: "Hey What! Hey Gaybaby! Good to see your grades didn't drop too low to get you booted out of the Prefects last year."
"Oh god, do you have to keep up with the nicknames, Rapebaby. And don't think for a moment that'd happen, even with your attempt to switch my exam papers with that parchment of troll writing. Where'd you even get it?" Helen replied in a normal voice. In the prefect's quarters, as long as no one was loudly giving orders, discussions were kept private by some pretty cool magic.
"Well, I had a bit of a trip with Uncle Harry during winter break and figured I might need it later." Grace quipped with a leery grin, knowing how Helen would react.
"What! And why wasn't I invited on this trip?"
Emma, who had turned to talk to Chizuru, whipped her head and asked: "What? Did you need something?"
Helen smacked herself on the forehead in exasperation: "No, What, I was just saying 'What' and you should really stop responding to that nickname, it's so confusing."
Grace just laughed: "Oh the trip was just a little something to celebrate the Sorting Prank last year, bit late but still. No reason to invite a goddaughter who can barely prank her father. I mean godfather." she quickly added as Helen's face went thunderous and her red hair frizzled to something resembling a lion's mane. "Better that than your mum!" the Ravenclaw replied, setting off yet another inter family fight.
With Emma and Chizuru refereeing it was over quickly and with little hustle. Some prefects were looking at their new Head Girl a little oddly and John Solart the 11th certainly did not look approving.
As a way to dissolve pressure, Grace leaned over to Chizuru while stroking her black hair back into order: "So how was your summer back with your family, Chii?"
"Way too hot for my liking. Japanese summer is a pain. So, Head Girl, what's your plan to out-do last year's Sorting Prank? You've got to have something planned." The Japanese girl gave a predatory grin as if prior knowledge of a prank was the juiciest piece of information she could imagine.
"Oh, nothing too extravagant. I wish I knew Confunding the firsties worked so well, I would've Confunded them all this year instead of just Mark Weasley last year... But that was a necessary trial. Too bad Dumbledore spelled the hat to remove undue influences after that." Grace let her head drop in shame.
"Yeah, but it definitely was worth it to see everyone's faces when a Weasley was sorted to Slytherin and cried tears of joy for it." Helen comforted only to flush a bright red of anger when Emma responded by pointing out that she had been less than happy about her cousin on her father's side being sorted to Slytherin.
Chizuru saved the situation by continuing "So what are you going to do this year? You have got to do something even greater or we'll be sorely disappointed." while Helen angrily barked that Harry wouldn't even think of her again if she couldn't out-do her previous prank.
"Oh save your jealousy, Gaybaby. I did some brainstorming with Emma and lets say that although the students may be safe from Confunding, not everyone else is..." Grace trailed off with a grin. Noticing the time she then got up, calling to the whole car: "Time for first rounds, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor start from the rear. Remember to be on your best behaviour, we don't want any first years to be scared of you."
A mumble of 'Yes Head Girl' accompanied Grace as she walked to the door to have a short chat with John Solart the 11th, beaming inside with the power she wielded.
A few hours later they were walking up to the castle in soft rain. They were to be inside and prepare for the Sorting before the other students arrived.
"It's ridiculous that I have to go to London just to ride the Express when I live in the Auxiliary..." Helen grumbled to no one in particular. Emma found it prudent to explain in a condescending tone: "It is because you're a prefect and expected to be there for the younger students."
"Agh, I know that but... Just forget it."
Chizuru looked at Grace and asked: "So when are you going to do it?" prompting the older girl to look back with a rather strict gaze and proudly proclaim: "Who says I haven't already done it many times?"
The exchange student blanched a little but quickly caught the unsaid 'shut up' hidden in the deflection. Besides it was a well known fact that the Prefect's lounge sofas were very comfortable.
Grace just winked at her. When they got to the castle Grace and John Solart 11th made their way to the Great Hall while the prefects were turned over to their Heads of House to be bossed around.
The Great Hall was empty, the ceiling showing the gloomy weather and but a few candles lit up. Going around the Hall in opposite order the two of them lit candles, arranged the tables after the summer and finally levitated a small chair in front of the Headmaster's throne.
"Hey John, is the chair correct here?" Grace called out to the stoic young man.
"Oh god, no. It's way off centre! Here, I'll set it. Everto the dust or something."
Grace huffed a little but did just that seeing as there was very little left to do and plenty of time before even the staff would enter the hall. She went around steadily vanishing specks of dust from corners, nooks and the floating candles as John concentrated on making sure the chair for the Sorting Hat was just perfect.
"Okay, I think that's correct." the man exhaled and Grace went to examine.
"Yeah, that looks really good. Here, I'll dust it." She pointed her wand at the chair but then thought better of it and simply wiped it clean of dust with the sleeve of her robe. "Much better."
"Nothing to do but wait now. Fancy a game of exploding snap, John?"
"No thank you, and I'd much prefer if you called me John Solart the 11th." he responded, devoid of mirth as always.
"Oh booger, John, we're comrades, allies, even friends! It's way too much to call you by your full name every time. Here, you can just call me Rapebaby." Grace offered, hoping to get him to show some emotion, preferably something negative.
"No thank you, Grace Lupin, I believe that particularly because of our relationship as Head Boy and Head Girl we ought to show proper conduct to one another, including full names or titles."
"God I hate this guy. Is he so freaking family-centred as to require his full name every time? Who on earth is so crazy about family!" Grace pondered sourly, waiting for time to pass.
First years were standing in a row at the entrance of the Great Hall. Most of them were obviously scared witless. On either side of the Hall the Head Boy and Girl stood watch over the flock of students while at the end of the Hall the Professors loomed over them. In the midst stood a simple stool upon which a hat spoke.
This years song had been a little more than a ridiculous mumbo-jumbo of words mashed together but it was definitely the hat's handiwork and still more refined and understandable than Headmaster Dumbledore. Professor MacGonagall stepped forwards to stand level with the hat. In hand she held a parchment scroll, a list of names to be called out to be sorted. It had definitely grown longer over the years as Hogwarts started taking foreign students and the fame spread. Not to mention the still relatively new Dumbledore Graduate School of Magical Research, most of the time called just Dogsmore boosting the renown of the school.
As MacGonagall unfurled the scroll there were three pairs of eyes watching every single movement in the Hall. Dumbledore, John Solart the 11th and Grace "Rapebaby" Lupin scanned slowly over the hall to see if any sort of prank would occur.
"Aplom, Valeri!" The little boy started forwards with all eyes on him except the three. To the left, above the Ravenclaw table a single candle swayed a little more to the right than was usual and something seemed to drop off of it. John's eyes darted first towards Dumbledore, who nodded, and then to Grace. She turned to face Dumbledore and await any commands but the old man simply took out a large, spotty handkerchief decades old and gave a sneeze. The candle seemed to dim out of existence and was quickly replaced by a new one while the students in Ravenclaw table felt a welcome breeze.
It was all over before Valeri Aplom had reached the hat. MacGonagall picked up the hat and laid it on the young boys head as he sat down on the stool. The boy's eyes went wide and after a few seconds the hat screamed out: "Slytherin!"
The Slytherin table started applauding with most other students joining in as well as the embarrassed little boy staggered to his new house, eyes fuming a little.
Dazed and a little overwhelmed first year student after the other got sorted without a hitch and the three people scanning the Hall started to relax a little. This year there would be no prank like last year.
"MacNair, Edward!" MacGonagall called out and a starkly black haired boy walked forwards with a strong step, no hesitation in his eyes. As the hat was laid on his head it called out instantly: "Gryffindor!"
Some of the Slytherin and Gryffindor table audibly gasped. Sure, after Harry Black had become Lord Slytherin the house had lost some of the hard-liners to Ravenclaw and occasionally even to Hufflepuff but never Gryffindor and MacNair was a sure bet for Slytherin. The hesitation that had been absent a moment before was overwhelming as the boy walked with a broken step, eyes downcast and streaming with tears towards the Gryffindor table. Few people were clapping.
Even MacGonagall was hesitating to call the next name but after a short silence went ahead: "Mayfly, Julia!" The whole room gasped. Everyone knew the name as the first ever illegitimate son that Lord Slytherin had acknowledged only a few years prior. The timid girl with unruly black hair walked up, sat and had the hat placed on her head.
A moment passed and turned to two, soon to be a minute. Finally the hat moved, opened it's leathery mouth and called out: "Headmaster!"
"What is it?" Albus responded, wide-eyed at being called upon. "No, no, I've sorted her. She's sorted to be Headmaster!" the hat retorted, clearly annoyed at having it's authority undermined.
A silence enveloped the Hall as a thousand minds tried to process the words, the meaning and the previous half an hour of sorting with the downcast looks, dazed first years and some surprising house choices.
The silence was finally broken by Dumbledore jumping up from his seat, yelling: "It happened again!"
"Okay, okay, we get it, you're talented blah blah blah. Now tell us the juicy details! How did you fool Dumbledore and Solart? And how did you get the Hat go crazy?!"
The four of them were sitting in the Head Girl's private room. The evening had stretched long into the night as the first half of the sorting had to be redone from scratch after the spell on the hat had been undone. Most everyone had found it baffling that the hat had still sung the same, nonsensical song even without being charmed. Afterwards the Feast had stretched beyond breaking point as everyone was too busy trying to figure out the prank and finally a Prefect's meeting with the staff had pushed the day well into the next.
"Well, it was relatively simple. I just had to figure out how to Confund the Hat without casting a single spell, then how to throw off Dumbledore and the Head Boy."
"So you just redid your prank from last year, only this time you Confunded the actual Hat? Nice one, Grace. But you're not getting off that easy, how did you actually do it?" Chizuru tore into her.
"Okay, okay. So this summer I worked quite a bit with my dad for the WWW and I found this really snappy way of making the Confunding charm into a potion." She gave a small stop to let the information sink in.
"Merlin's tits! That's sweet!"
"Now the question was how to get the Confundus Potion on the Hat, 'cause Dumbledore would be watching it like a hawk the whole time." Nods all around, pranking had become more and more common especially with the change Lord Slytherin had wrought in his house over the years.
"So I transfigured a thin film of the potion and laid it on the stool, set to expire about as the sorting started. That way Dumbledore wouldn't even be there to see that something was about. Rest was elementary, just have a small distraction but make it seem like the candle was the instigator."
"Don't call it elementary, both the film and the candle were my ideas." Emma voiced as both Helen and Chizuru were left wide-eyed at the trick.
"You realise your Confundus Potion is worth quite a bit of money to the Weasleys?" Helen said after finally coming back to her senses.
"Yeah, but I don't think dad realised I had created the potion so I thought I'd keep it a secret for now. You know, the pranking potential is just too great, don't you think, Chii?"
"Oh definitely. Can you control the confunding like with the charm? What about making other charm-based potions?" the foreign girl's deep dark eyes were gleaming with obviously unhealthy thoughts.
"To a certain degree, yes. Why, do you have some ideas? Actually it doesn't matter, I already have an idea." Grace smiled at Chizuru, obviously evading the latter question.
"What's the false lead then?" Helen asked, her face blanching at Grace's terrible smile, reminiscent of her mother.
"I'm not the false lead. Am I, Grace?" Emma asked, confused.
"Oh no, but I figured Uncle Harry wouldn't mind getting some respite from his duties as Chief Warlock."
Emma jumped up: "What?! Why must you drag the House of Black into your game!"
"Relax What. I had a copy of a note that Harry has used previously when pranking the Headmaster, so I attached that to the candle. I expect Uncle to be up in the office right now, both of them fuming at each other for wasting their time."
As if called upon the dim sound of a faraway explosion reached the room, followed by some choice curses yelled at the top of Harry's lungs.
"Sounds like they're having a blast." Grace meekly added while Emma stared at him, absolutely livid.
"Should we go see him, since he's here?" Helen asked quickly, cheeks a little red.
"Oh come on Gaybaby, stop being such a suck-up to Harry! He's not going to become your daddy." Grace spat, prompting Helen to respond: "Oh look at you Rapebaby! Who's the suck-up here, pranking as if it's your family tradition. Well it isn't, your tradition is being a rabid Death Eater bitch!"
"You dare!" Grace yelled, whipping out her wand. In a second Helen's wand was out as well and the two proceeded to a duel of slapping each other.
"I don't know about you three but I'm tired." Emma said over the din of Grace and Helen rolling around on the floor, slapping each other.
"I think I'll go with you, not much to see here." Chizuru agreed and the two left, leaving Grace and Helen in a vicious wrestling and hair-pulling match. "I suppose those two will take their time."
And so ended the first day of Grace's last year in Hogwarts. Outside the castle the sun was already rising above the treetops. Laying down on her bed in the Slytherin dorms, her cheeks, butt, sides and scalp aching she smiled to herself and thought: "Worth it."