Trees.
He would have been twenty one this year. Ginny thought quietly to herself as she walked along the wooded paths to Godric's Hollow, where he was buried. She sighed and stroked her hands along some wet leaves and gave herself a quiet smile. The sky rumbled again, it was periodically breaking her from her thoughts, and she unconsciously hugged her coat closer. Her hair was spiralled into tendrils and licking at her face, it was impairing her vision and catching in her mouth where the ends were wet. She had a flower clutched in one hand, ready for a peace offering. She could see the grave from where she was, she passed the telegraph pole that had been struck by lightning, and the piece of the wall that had crumbled.
It was on that stretch that she always started to cry, when it became real. Just after the telegraph pole, her tears started a in a quiet drip, then a stream, then a torrent. If it weren't for the landmarks her tears would have obstructed her way to the grave altogether.
"Hello Harry" she said quietly, her voice cracking from a mixture of not having spoken for hours, and the tears. "Sorry, hello Lily and James too" she laughed to herself. "I mustn't forget my manners". The mud was thick black clay around her wellies, but she knelt anyway, at her altar for forgiveness.
"I'm sorry Harry" she stated. "I did love you…I promise…I still do, even. It's very hard Harry" She sighed, the tears not easing. "I wish you were here, even for this one thing just to tell me it's ok or not. I can't live with not knowing. I love her, and I love you." She was crying and clutching her heart. She shook her head to clear her thoughts.
"I see your tree's growing". She sighed. On the day of his funeral they had planted a Mountain Ash tree, it was his favourite tree. He always had a sprig stapled to his door, they all laughed at his silly superstition: he claimed it warded off snakes. It obviously wasn't true, but it seemed wrong not to honour it. The tree stood no taller than six inches, barely even a sapling, with tiny green leaves.
It began to rain, soaking her almost instantly. She felt a cold hand on her shoulder and fell straight into the thick black mud in shock.
"What are you doing here?" Ginny spluttered, wiping mud from her face and hands onto her sleeve.
"I come on his birthday every year, to check on the tree we planted". She smiled calmly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you" She said, extending her hand to pull Ginny from the mud. Ginny stood next to her in silence.
The pair had had their fair share of silences over the years. Any silence following a birth a marriage or a death had become standard fare, sometimes lasting weeks. This was different, an aborted silence, once full of purpose but now gone. They both felt they should say something, but it was neither the time nor the place, and neither of them were sure what it would be that they said.
Ginny began crying her tears splashing over his grave, and Hermione began to cry too. They held each other for an incredibly long time.
"Sometimes I think it's the most unreasonable thing in the world, us tiptoeing around like this" Hermione sighed. "But then I come here, and I see he won't be giving me his blessing any time soon".
"Hermione" Ginny cautioned.
"No, Ginny. We haven't done anything wrong" Hermione stated rather more firmly this time,
"Kissing at his funeral, is wrong" Ginny said sadly.
"I needed you and you needed me. I wasn't setting about to put a dagger in his back, I just needed some comfort and so did you." Hermione reasoned, scratching the back of her head and performing a full spin on the spot of frustration.
"Hermione, you know perfectly well that the feelings we have for each other are much more than just "A need to be comforted". If I wanted to be comforted Hermione, I would have hugged you, and that is all" She said, with the faintest trace of a smile on her lips from remembering the kiss.
"Well, you've got me there. I don't think our feelings have ever had anything to do with pure comfort. Though I must say…"
"Stop." Ginny cut Hermione off. "It can't happen. Don't go in to detail about it please. I've already spent too long waking up alone" Ginny sighed.
"Alone?" Hermione enquired, a smirk evident on her face. "I thought you had a boyfriend now?"
"That's a lie" Ginny said quietly. "I didn't sleep with him. He was too drunk so I said he could stay on my sofa. We didn't even kiss. So don't go thinking anything otherwise" Ginny snarled, her eyebrows pointed sinisterly. Hermione raised both of her hands and opened her palms to show surrender. Ginny giggled. "Sorry, but Ron's been on at me to find a boyfriend. And he's telling everyone it's entirely different." Ginny smiled apologetically, the light sparkling on her eyes as the storm clouds showed a slight break in their behaviour.
"I'm surprised you haven't had a boy-fr, erm, relationship. To be honest" Hermione said quietly.
"I don't want one." Ginny stated. "I only want one person" She smiled with such melancholy etched on her features Hermione felt as though she would cry.
"I know the feeling" Hermione sighed. "What if there is only one person for everyone?".
"Herm," Ginny cautioned.
"No, no. There's eight billion people in the world. Not to mention all of the dead people. If there's only one person" She paused and nodded and smiled at Ginny, "You, naturally. Then what if I can't be with you? Do I spend my life battling odds to find someone remotely like you? That's four billion of each sex. What if I'm trying to find the perfect guy when the right one for me is a Woman? Ruling out age. Those too young, those too old. And I'm only going to live for fifty-ish more years, that's not even enough time." Hermione paused for a breath, and Ginny slapped her hand around Hermione's mouth, silencing her.
"That's enough Hermione" Ginny stated. Her voice unreadable. "It's not a bloody walk in the park for me either. I had a boyfriend. I loved him. He dumped me, then died a few months later. So I just kiss his best friend, who is subsequently my Brother's girlfriend. Look at me! I am completely morally corrupt" Ginny said, with a self deprecating laugh.
"Gin, You loved him. We all did. I wish he was here too. Every day. I miss laughing with him." Hermione began to cry again. "He died," She paused to choke back tears. "He died to save us all." Hermione cried harder, and took hold of Ginny's hand. "How do you think he would feel if we weren't even living?" A tear rolled down her cheek as she finished.
"It's not that easy" She sighed.
"Why not?" Hermione inquired.
"Because I loved you when I was with him." Ginny sighed. Hermione's mouth formed a wavy line, and she lost some colour in her cheeks. "I mean, I loved him, and when we first started going out I really fancied him. But there was things he didn't understand. Like rationing his time. Quidditch took his mind of everything else. I felt like a happy coincidence. If I hadn't have been on the team he probably wouldn't have noticed me." Ginny sighed.
"You know that's not true. You always treated him like a normal seventeen year old boy. I wish I could have done that. Me and Ron were friends. But we were also his task force. He was our captain, and we were soldiers. I wish I wasn't guilty of that." Hermione sighed.
"You know what the hardest part is?" Ginny sighed, and crouched on the balls of her feet to pick a daisy. "I hated him for having a saving people thing. And in the end. If it wasn't for him I'd be dead." Ginny laughed at the irony.
"Ginny. We all did." Hermione sighed.
"It wasn't enough though. I craved to be with someone who understood me. He always treated me more like a man than a woman. I needed to be with a woman, because you could understand" Ginny squeezed Hermione's hand, who was now crouched next to her.
"You loved him though. You cared about him, he knew that. We knew that. You can't help your feelings Ginny." Hermione smiled.
"That's the thing Hermione. We don't know that. He's not here to say, 'Oh that's fine. Carry on' We can't be together Hermione. You know that. I know that. End of discussion" Ginny sighed. Hermione stiffened and let her hand drop to her side.
"Ginny?" She smiled, but continued crying.
"Yeah?" Ginny nodded gravely.
"Do you love me?" Hermione closed her eyes and looked away.
"I loved him, I did. I swear" Ginny started crying again.
"Ginny! That's not what I asked." Hermione stood up then began to pace.
"Ok, ok. I do." Ginny paused. "I do, I love you" Ginny smiled.
"I just needed to know." Hermione stated. Then started to walk away.
"Wait! Hermione!" Ginny got up quickly, losing her balance, and stumbling towards Hermione in an awkward lopsided sprint. Hermione turned and stalled. She just raised her eyebrows waiting. "I need to know, do you love me?" Ginny smiled.
"Why, so you can avoid me for the rest of the year, then hide from me next time I come and visit him?" Ginny looked taken aback for a minute. "I've seen you Ginny. Every year I'm here without fail, and you hide in the trees until I'm gone. You don't even have the guts to come and talk to me, and you say you love me?" Hermione spat.
"I don't like doing this…In front of him." She said, gesturing her head to Harry's grave.
"Well it didn't stop you today" Hermione snapped, crossing her arms. "What's so different about today? Why this year?" Hermione now shouting.
"Because I don't think I can live another year without being with you!" She screamed. Shaking. With her eyes spurting tears. Hermione closed the distance between them and hugged Ginny tightly. She held her, and then kissed her. This could be their last kiss, and they were making the most of it.
"I have to be with you. I really, really have to be with you." Ginny sighed, breaking the kiss. She was shaking. "That's it. I can't do this anymore." Ginny turned to Harry's grave.
"Harry! Harry! I love you ok? But you're not here. And I know this isn't your fault, and I can't help who I fall in love with. I always cared for you. Know that I always cared for you. I'm not doing this to get back at you. I'm doing this because I love her. I hope you understand." She cried. "I wish you understood" She whispered. "Hermione?" She sighed. Hermione came to her side, and linked her arms.
"Harry?" Hermione said. "I know you're not here. I wish you could say that this is ok. I love her. I know you always had a saving people thing. It's my turn. I'll look after her. I promise. I love you Harry. Always have. Always will." Hermione sighed. "C'mon Gin. Let's go home" She said wrapping an arm around Ginny's shoulder in comfort.
"I just wish he could give us a sign. Something. Anything." Ginny lamented.
"I know Gin. I know" She smiled and kissed Ginny's forehead as they turned to walk away. As they walked, they began to feel the ground shake, and they were shrouded in light. They turned to see the sapling on Harry's grave lurching upwards to the sun in great spurts. Seconds later a fully grown tree stood blossoming on the spot where Harry was buried, and the storm clouds had cleared away, lighting their path home.