Disclaimer: Don't own NCIS, or the song... Don't even have NCIS on DVD; I really need to get seasons 1 & 2. -shakes piggy bank-
A/N: Short little oneshot I thought about while listening to the song. (Main lyrics that made me think of it are below, in case you were wondering.) Anyway, hope you enjoy, and as I'm sure you know... I would love it if you left me a review! Whether you loved it, hated it, somewhere in between.. I'd love to know. (:
Void.
"This is the end of what we planned
We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart"
- "Fer Sure", The Medic Droid
He fumbles with the key, not bothering to break away from the body pressed against him. He likes the feeling of her lips on his. They stumble through the unlocked door, him kicking it closed as he slides his jacket off, not once moving his lips from her's. He doesn't want the moment to end, doesn't want it interrupted and he certainly doesn't want it ruined by words. He needs this, just this. Nothing more.
He starts to lead her towards the bedroom, but she doesn't need leading. She knows where it is and she's just as eager to get there as he is. He can feel her smile against his lips; she knows he pushes against her harder in reaction to it. She wishes that for once they could talk, that they could make different memories, that they could make it more special. She wishes they could create more of a bond, make their relationship more than just work and sex.
Once they're on the bed she flips him over, so that he's on his back and she's straddling his stomach. She runs a hand across his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat beneath her fingers. She trails her fingertips across his neck, until her hand reaches his cheek. You shouldn't do this, she thinks, and she knows that the result won't be what she wants. She takes in a deep breath, a nervous smile tugging at her lips. "Tony, I think I love--"
"No." He props himself up on his elbows the best he can, jaw set. "Ziva. No. I thought you knew, this isn't about love." He stares at her, trying to find any emotion in her expression, but her face has hardened and her eyes lose all emotion immediately. He sighs. It never turns out right, no matter what. Somebody always ends up getting hurt. Something always goes wrong, something always falls out of place. "Ziva--"
She swallows hard, before forcing a sultry grin onto her lips. "I know," she says. She does know. She knew before she told him, she knew it would be a mistake, and now her heart's beating faster and she's berating herself for doing it. And he's not lost on the little emotion that still fills her eyes, but he doesn't want to deal with that right now. He's not lost on the way her Middle Eastern accent grows thicker, just like it usually does when something's wrong. He's not lost on the fact that her legs around him have loosened the smallest bit and her hand on his cheek has stiffened. Small, barely noticeable things that he couldn't help but notice. She leans down until her lips reach his, and Tony gives into the kiss just as much as she does.
She's just there to fill the void; he knows it and she knows it. He knows it's wrong, he knows that Kate would yell at him for treating somebody like that, but he can't help it. He needs something, someone. And Ziva's the closest thing he's got. He hates himself for it but he can't pull away. Even now, as he flips her over and regains his position on top, all he can think about is how wrong this is and how Kate must be up in heaven, looking down, highly disappointed in what his life's become.
He thinks that maybe, had the situation been different, he could be in love with her right now, too. He knows that if it weren't for Kate he'd have fallen in love with her.
But right now, he knows he's not falling in love. He's just falling apart, and he's fine with that.