Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters
Chapter 1
A feeling of relief floated trough my body as I saw the blood trickling down my wrist. A tear of blood hit the floor. I smiled while feeling the stinging sensation.
My thoughts disappeared and all I could feel was the small pain I had inflicted upon myself.
Only for a moment.
That little moment of peace from the rest of the world was worth it.
I cut myself again and again…
"Hermione, are you coming?"
She looked up and met Ron's curious face
"I, uh yes, I am" She stood up from the Gryffindor table, grabbed her school bag and joined her two best friends, Ron and Harry.
"Are you okay?" Harry asked giving her a concerned look.
She looked at him and smiled. On the outside Hermione's smile looked genuine, even her eyes didn't give it away.
"Yes, I'm fine Harry. Just a little tired" Her voice responded.
"You just seem a little out of it" Harry wouldn't quite let it go.
"Seriously, Hermione" Ron joined in. "You have been acting strange lately, are you sure nothing is wrong?"
She wanted to tell them. She really did, but she couldn't.
"I appreciate your concern, I do. But there is nothing wrong. I just have a lot on my mind, and I haven't been sleeping very well lately. She smiled again and continued her lying.
"You know I would tell you if there was something wrong."
"Yeah, I suppose you would" Harry said quietly
Ron and Harry both looked at her still not completely convinced. She could see it in their eyes, especially Ron's. He really wore his heart at his sleeve, as she had pointed out to him this summer when he had had a crush on Fleur's cousin. She smiled at the memory. Then more memories entered her head. She really didn't want to think much about this summer. She had made so incredible many stupid decisions. People expected so much from her, and it was her own bloody fault!
She looked over at Harry and Ron
"I am okay, really!" She said trying to sound convincing while giving them a reassuring smile
The three of them walked down to the dungeons in silence.
"Miss Granger, I am so sorry to bother you in what I am sure to be a most intriguing daydream" The potion master's voice dripped with sarcasm.
She snapped out of her thoughts to meet his furious eyes.
"I am sorry, Professor"
He was standing in front of her scowling.
"20 points from Gryffindor for not paying attention in class. Now! Are there any of you idiots who can tell me the importance of fairy dust? "
As always Hermione knew the answer and therefore raised her hand.
Severus Snape looked lazily at her
"Well, well Miss Granger finished with your daydreaming and ready to show of your know it all self" He drawled
She put her hand down and scowled at her professor. She knew better than to say anything. It wasn't that she was afraid of him, and the loss of house points didn't really matter. (She earned more than enough points in her other classes)She just didn't want to draw attention to herself. She felt it as her duty to raise her hand in class. She was obligated to know the answer, and she hated it!
"Mr Malfoy, would you care to give us the answer" Severus Snape asked
"Of course, Professor" He replied
"Fairy dust can be used in different potions such as healing and strengthening potions to give them a stronger and better effect. Its soul purpose though is to repair what is broken. Therefore it is used to treat people who have been exposed to dark magic.
"Very good! 20 points to Slytherin"
Hermione rolled her eyes and scoffed at the Professor's unfair reward given to the Slytherin.
"Do you have a problem Ms. Granger?" The potion master sneered.
"No, Sir I do not" She spat back. Harry and Ron raised their eyebrows at Hermione's behaviour.
"I don't feel well, excuse me" She said grabbing her schoolbag
"Detention at 8'o clock Ms. Granger, do not be late!" Snape said as she reached the door
"Fine!" She said and hurried out of the classroom, leaving her stunned friends and sour potion master behind.
She went straight up to her room, grabbed the little silver knife that was safely tucked under her mattress then went into the bathroom. Tears were running down her cheeks as she made the first cut.
She deserved this…
She cut her arm again right between two white faded scars
Flashback
"Hey pretty thing, what's your name?" A dark haired boy asked measuring her body up and down with hungry eyes. Hermione took a zip of her drink. She could feel the world spinning, a wonderful feeling. She was drunk. She started laughing. Nothing really mattered except "here and now"
"Hermione" She answered in a flirtatious voice.
"Hermione… mmm… "He said tasting her name.
"Well, Hermione, pleased to meet you. I am Greg" He took her hand and gently shook it.
She cut herself again and the memory faded away. All she could think about now was the pain. She sat in the bathroom for what felt like minutes, but really were hours. The world stood still and that was to Hermione the most wonderful feeling in the world. There was a knock on the door and she snapped back to reality.
"Hermione, are you there?" It was Harry, probably Ron too she thought.
She grabbed her wand and did a quick healing charm which made the bleeding stop. The wounds were still there raw and red. It wasn't possible to make them go away. When someone had inflicted pain upon themselves on purpose, magic couldn't heal it completely unless the person sincerely wanted to be healed. Hermione didn't want her wounds to go away. She wanted to be reminded of who she had become.
"Yes, I am in here. Just a minute" She took a deep breath, pulled her sleeve down and opened the door.
"What happened down there, Hermione?" Ron asked as soon as she had stepped outside.
"I am not really feeling well. I have a terrible headache"
"Have you been crying?" Harry sounded so concerned it made her heart hurt.
"I am just very tired. You know how many classes I am taking in addition to being Head Girl"
Harry looked unsure of what to say next, she could tell because he was fumbling with his hands.
"Hermione, I am not sure you are telling us the truth, and we are truly concerned about you. You really haven't been yourself lately" He said
"Thank you" She replied weakly "This is just something I need to figure out on my own" She looked at them.
"Okay, we understand" Harry giving Ron a look
"Yeah, we understand… "Ron said quietly
A/N: Thank you so much: tearzofthestarz, villafo, Trins and Fire Daughter who reviewed my first chapter! Words of inspiration:)