Summary: Harry, Voldemort and a cup of tea.

Warnings: Serious provocation.

Disclaimer: Not mine… And after reading this you'll know why.

A/N: Today it's been exactly a year since I joined this site. Who would have thought…

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Harry slouched back in his chair at the café and made sure his cap sat nicely in his head, obscuring his forehead from view. Voldemort, sitting opposite to him, sipped his drink and snorted in amusement. Harry blinked. "What?"

"Isn't there some charm to hide that scar?"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe."

"One would think you would have done about anything to find it already."

Harry smirked. "I was thinking of doing it after defeating you. Permanently, I mean."

Voldemort snorted. "Good luck."

"Thanks, though you could do me a favour and STAY dead. Come on, I've killed you at least four times now, but no one cares since you are still here."

Voldemort looked mildly offended, in an amused sort of way. "It's not my fault you have yet to dispose of all of my Horcruxes."

"I can't find those blasted things, and you know it. Besides, it's still cheating."

"Cheating? Hah. Don't your beloved Muggles say that everything is allowed in love and war?"

"They are not my beloved Muggles anymore. Don't you read the newspapers? I burned half of the Muggle London. They think I'm positively evil now, even after I tried to tell them it was a pure accident. Damn I hate the Ministry."

"You do have some darker tendencies, you know."

Harry blinked. "I do?"

Voldemort lifted his eyebrow. "Like casually drinking tea with me."

"Oh, right. Drinking tea is positively evil."

"Brat."

"Snakeface." A smirk.

"Potter… I was just wondering… Since you DO have these tendencies…. Oh, don't look at me like that, you didn't even try to deny them! You DID burn half of London, and you are being ANNOYED because they rightly accuse you from it."

"Fine. What are you implying, then?"

"Would you like to burn the rest of it with me?"

Harry stared. "…Fine. On a few conditions, though."

"Which are?"

"We start with Fudge. And I get both Snape and Wormtail."

"Fudge, okay. Snape I can give you, but I'm afraid Wormtail is a bit different thing."

"Why? Having second thoughts about this allegiance after all?"

"No… it's just that I may have accidentally… disposed of him in a surge of anger a while ago…"

"Oh."

"Sorry."

"It's fine, fine… Just crushed my dark fantasy of slowly tormenting him to death… But I'll live."

A short laugh. "Good."

Harry stopped balancing his chair on two of its legs and stood up. "Shall we, then?"

Voldemort lifted his nonexistent eyebrow in surprise. "Now?"

Harry shrugged. "Why not. Better not waste any time – now I'm most open to your dark and evil plotting and manipulation since my anger at the resentment I've received from my recent actions have left me emotionally vulnerable and therefore I'm in no condition to control my temper and my hurt feelings come out in a violent explosion of deathly magic and power, not caring whether the victims in my way are friends or foes. This happens even though in the end I'll find out I've only been hurting myself. So tragic, you see."

Voldemort looked sceptical. "Brat. You are totally using me as an excuse."

He had never seen anything as innocent as Harry's face was then. "What excuse is that? This is what YOU wanted, after all."

Voldemort stood. "…Whatever. I'll rally up my followers."

"Nah. It's more fun with just the two of us."

"Don't go all Gryffindor on me, brat. We'll get at least a few of them."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Whatever, just hurry up."

And then, with a loud 'crack' both of them disapparated from the café, leaving behind screaming Muggles and giving the soon arriving Ministry wizards a small foretaste of what was to come.