Transformation

Disclaimer: Middle-earth is all Tolkien's, and I don't claim to own it.

------8--

It was a typical Saturday evening for Megania. She started her day off by opening up her word processor to write a little fan fiction about her favorite Elf, Legolas. Megania fancied herself a fantastic writer, and her latest story was going to be, what she thought, her best to date. Megania began to type.

"Princess Losieaurwen Evenstar, Arwen's sister, was a pretty elf with a beautiful singing voice. She had long, flowing red hair that reached her bottom and shone like the sun on steroids. Her swirling blue orbish eyes complimented this feature. Losieaurwen had tanned skin, because she liked to bathe nude in the river.

The Princess was not happy though. She was the most stunning creature on the face of the planet, but she was abused by her awful father Elrond and her stepmom Abigail. People ignore her all the time. They where so jealous of her! Her other problem was that she had an arranged marriage to an elf named Larry. Losieaurwen didn't want to marry Larry, because is in love with Prince Legolas. Legolas loves Losieaurwen too, but he is abused by King Thrandul.

That day, Prince Legolas and Lady Losieaurwen had sneaked off to make crazy love to one another. If they were caught, they would be killed. (AN: Legolas has an arranged marriage, too. That is why they will be killed if they are caught.) 'Dearest Leggy Pie,' Lady Losieaurwen breathed 'It is too risky! We will be killed!' 'No, lady. We are silent as a moonshadow in the forest in the summertime. And if we were to be caught, our souls could seek vengance. I would rather be killed in your lovely arms then to live this horrible life and bare the abuse of my dad and marry lady Okcshley' (An Okcshley is pronounced ASHLEY).

AN: OMG! First CHAPPY!!! What do u think? Its a cliffy!!!!11 Plz RR. No Flamez."

Megania posted her latest on without so much as a proofread. She was, after all, in a huge hurry to get to the mall.

The day went by as normally as most Saturdays did for Megania. While at the mall, she ogled at hotties (though none of them managed to be as stunning as Orlando Bloom with long blond hair and baby blue eyes) and bought a few things from Hollister. She managed to find the cutest Louis Vuitton knockoff on sale and the only trouble she had all day was in a dressing room at American Eagle when the pink frilly miniskirt she just had to try on was so small she couldn't get it off. The skirt was so small, in fact, that she just had to buy it, despite the fact that it was ridiculously overpriced.

The day was winding down now, and there weren't any big parties to attend that night, so she sat alone in her room, eating popcorn and watching The Fellowship of the Ring.

Megania was a pretty typical teenaged girl. She liked to hang out with her friends, she hated school and she had a lot of normal hobbies, like collecting Orlando Bloom posters and going shopping. She was normal from her waist-length, raven black hair and her pale skin and green eyes to her Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirt. She was normal, that is, except for her freakishly pointed ears and abnormally tall height. And also, her angst.

Aside from her closest friends, people picked on her because of her pointy ears. This despite the fact that she left her long hair down, because it was more "Elvish". This despite the fact that most people don't really pay attention to others' ears. But work with me, I'm trying to make you feel sympathetic towards the character.

Megania had a deep, dark secret that no one knew about. She liked her biology teacher, Mr. Johnson. If anyone were to find out, they'd probably never speak to her again. Megania also had this sparkly blue pendant that she'd had since she was a baby. Her mother claimed to have bought it at one of those cheap, tweeny jewelry stores in the 80s. Megania knew her mother was lying about the whole thing, and she suspected that it would one day take her to her real home in another universe, where she would be the princess and marry some hot guy. Another problem Megania had was that her current boyfriend, Ryan, wasn't the most loyal. She loved him, but she was sick of him cheating on her. As much as she loved him, she knew deep in her heart that their relationship was doomed. Megania had a lot of angst because of all this. She deeply wished to reveal her secrets to someone, and she was tired of everyone lying to her about her identity.

Rather than develop the plot here like a good writer would, I, the author, will tell you more about Megania's striking appearance.

Megania was fairly athletic and had a slender body with a perfect figure. She had lean muscle from all of her archery lessons and ballet classes. She had long legs and people often told her that she could be a model. Not only was she tall, she was absolutely gorgeous!

Megania was pleased with her appearance, and she thought her features almost looked Elvish. I can't stress enough: she was tall, pale and --God forbid anyone forget-- had pointed ears. She assumed that she was part Elvish, much like the girls she always read and wrote about on the internet. After all, her past certainly was mysterious enough, and she was definitely full enough of lame, teen angst.

Megania fancied that she had an Elvish name, as well. Indeed, it was quite exotic compared to the names that legions of self-insertion authors who wrote Legolas smut had. I mean, what kind of Elf name is Idril? Or Elwing?

Megania reached for the bowl of popcorn and munched happily. I love this part, she thought. Megania stopped chewing to stare at Legolas as he bit into a piece of lembas. She grabbed another handful of popcorn and --here's the shocker-- disappeared.

There was a bright flash of light and for a moment, Megania blacked out. When she woke, she was in a forest. A big forest, with lots of trees.

Megania sighed happily. "I knew this would happen. It's my destiny! I'm in Middle-earth and now I can marry Legolas!"

As she looked about her, she pondered which direction Mirkwood was. She figured that no matter where she was, it wouldn't be THAT far away. Middle-earth can't be that big, she reasoned.

The journey wound up being much more difficult than she could have imagined. She kept tripping on tree roots and climbing uphill was difficult. After several hours, she still hadn't come across Mirkwood. So Megania sat down on a log for a break. She thought that maybe if she rested and cleared her mind, she could tell which way to go next.

She hadn't been thinking for long when she heard a rumble in the distance. "What is that?" she asked to no one in particular.

Rising, she saw shadows not far off. The shadows came closer. "Orcs!"

Megania stood in horror, completely shocked and unable to move. What was she to do? She didn't even have her bow with her! She had planned to get one in Mirkwood, but time was pressing and she needed one now. Too bad she hadn't had her own bow with her while she watched the movie.

Before she had any time to react, she was standing next to a large troop of Uruk-hai and Orcs, starring at them, wondering how to kill them all with her Elven "skillz". One of the Uruks was shouting, "hey! What are you doing over there? Hey, you, get over here! You're not supposed to wander off!"

"Me?" Megania asked timidly.

"No, the Elf," the greasy, bald Uruk-hai replied. Sarcasm dripped from his voice as he spoke.

"But I am an Elf. I fell into Middle-earth and now have completed my transformation into an Elf. And you are Evil. In the name of Elbereth, I command you to jump into a chasm and die!"

Orcs and Uruks alike laughed hysterically at Megania's display. Some were even on the ground, pounding their fists into the Earth, they were laughing so hard.

So a single Elf isn't that threatening, I admit. But they don't have to be so rude. Megania's inner monologue seemed to be working overtime that afternoon.

"You are so funny," one of the Orcs was gasping for breath in between laughter. "Wasn't that funny the way he pretended to be an Elf?"

"Pretend? But I am-" Megania paused and looked down at herself for the first time since she'd fallen into Arda. Her skin was dark and caked in mud, and her hair lay in greasy clumps. Black blood flowed from her finger as she felt her sharp, jagged Orc teeth. Worst of all, she realized that she was no longer a she, but a he.

"I'm... I'm an Orc," she (he) sputtered.

She (he) was indeed an Orc, or more specifically, an Uruk-hai. Megania had not realized that the same features that she had assumed were Elvish could also be very Orkish. The long black hair, pointed ears and height made Megania a very suitable Uruk.

Megania knew not what else to do, but follow the troop of Orcs and Uruks. At least they'd accept him better than the other races of Arda.

-----8--