Sincerely Yours

by TangiblyYours

A series of letters written back and forth between James and Logan, gradually mending their irreparably ruined friendship. Perhaps, certain complications are never what they really seem to be. James and Logan slash.

Title: Sincerely Yours

Summary: A series of letters written back and forth between James and Logan, gradually mending their irreparably ruined friendship. Perhaps, certain complications are never what they really seem to be. James and Logan slash.

Warnings: Quite a big of mature language, but that's about it. Oh, and it's a future fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters involved. No copyright infringement intended.

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—&—

April 3rd, 2014
James,

Look, I know that we didn't part on the best of terms, alright? And I know that there's probably nothing that either of us could ever say to stop us from hating each other. It seems inevitable, doesn't it?

Just know that I really don't like you. At all.

However, I don't know if Carlos has contacted you yet, but he wants all of us to meet up this summer. He misses all of us being together (it's beyond me how he could miss you, but I digress), and I'm not going to let our differences ruin that.

So, when June comes along... Stay as far as fucking possible away from me.

-Logan

—&—

April 5th, 2014
Logan,

Good to see you've maintained your diplomacy after all these months. Your wit is as sharp as ever, isn't it?

Also... Kindly fuck off.

Thanks,
James

—&—

May 28th, 2014
Logan,

When I first started trying to writing this letter, I wanted to preserve a level of tact and decency, but you know what? Forget it.

What the hell, Logan?

Did you seriously just call me at three forty five in the morning—drunk—and yell at me? We hate each other. I haven't talked to you in over year; I haven't seen you in over two years, and you think you have the right to call me? Are you really that ignorant?

Yelling at me about Camille, no less. Yes, Logan, I get it. You're still pissed off. And I understand, I really do. But get over it already, would you? It's been almost three years, and you know what? I haven't even talked to her since that night. I valued our friendship over my friendship with her. And what were you even talking about when you said that your anger had nothing to do Camille or being jealous of me, that you were alone?

You're a prick.

I cannot even fathom how it is possible that you have my number in the first place? What the hell is wrong with you?

I can't believe we're meeting again in two week. I regret ever telling Carlos that I would go. I can't stand you, Logan.

-James

—&—

May 30th, 2014
James,

I'm sorry, alright? It was a mistake, and I didn't mean to call you. Forget everything I said... Please, James?

I know that I need to get over it, but you really don't understand... You know what? Never mind.

Kendall gave me your number when you moved to Nevada.

Please forget whatever I said, and... Don't regret saying you'd go... Please?

I'm sorry,
Logan

—&—

June 2nd, 2014
Logan,

...What the fuck?

-James

P.S. I think that's the nicest you've been to me in over three years.

—&—

June 4th, 2014
James,

I'm sorry.

-Logan

—&—

August 12th, 2014
Logan,

Carlos wants all of us to meet up again.

Maybe this time you can actually look at me.

What's wrong with you?"

-James

—&—

August 15th, 2014
James,

I just don't like you. It's as simple as that.

I'll see you on October 3rd.

-Logan

—&—

October 22nd, 2014
Logan,

I know that you already asked me if you had said anything the night before my flight out. You remember? When you and Kendall were both drunk? I told you no.

I lied, and I've just now built up the courage to ask you about it.

You said you missed me.

You hate me.

Why do you miss me?

-James

—&—

November 1st, 2014
Logan,

Avoiding me isn't going to help. We're meeting again in December. I have your phone number.

—&—

November 17th, 2014
Logan,

You're really childish, you know that? I always thought you were the rational one out of the four of us, but I'm really starting to question that. Stop ignoring me.

-James

—&—

December 24th, 2014
Logan,

You won't answer my calls, and you didn't show up for the entire week I was in town. It's a thirty minute drive from your house.

What is wrong with you?

Regardless, Merry Christmas.

-James

—&—

June 14th, 2015
Logan,

I'm visiting for two week in July. It's been a while.

Despite popular belief, I do hope to see you.

I miss you, too, you know.

Sincerely,
James

—&—

June 18th, 2015
James,

I'll be there.

-Logan

—&—

July 31st, 2015
James,

Please don't hate me...

—&—

August 13th, 2015
Logan,

Fuck you. This whole "trying to fix my friendship with you" thing that I've been trying for the past year isn't working out so great in my favor.

You waited until my very last day in town to come see me, avoided me like I was the plague, and then—when you finally have the decency to actually speak to me... you verbally berate me at every turn of the second.

You just keep bringing up my past mistakes, don't you, Logan? I'm sorry that I dated Camille after you two broke up, okay? I didn't know that it would hurt you so much, and I'm sorry. But I can't handle this anymore. I can't fucking fix the irremediable.

You won't have to worry about seeing me for a while. I'm not coming back. Honestly, you're not worth the effort.

-James

—&—

December 5th, 2015
Logan,

Kendall just called me and told me what happened, and Logan, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.

I hope that you're awake by the time this letter reaches you. Please, Logan, wake up.

Everything that I've said to you in the past few years have been lies... I don't hate you, I could never hate you... I miss you. You were my best friend for twelve years, and how could you ever think that I would forget that?

I can't believe you crashed your car. I can't believe your in the ICU in critical condition. Please, wake up.

I've booked the next plane to Minnesota. I'll be there soon, alright?

Love,
James.

—&—

December 14th, 2015
Logan,

...Good to see that you possess the ability to be a jackass even when you're not well. Really, I appreciate it.

Inconsiderate asshole.

-James

P.S. Forget everything I said in my last letter. I've decided that I don't like you on that basis that you're an insufferable prick. I was merely concerned for your well-being.

—&—

December 17th, 2015
James,

See, that's the James I know and love.

However, I do want to say thanks for coming out here... You didn't have to, and I really do appreciate it. I'm sorry I was so bitter and harsh, but all things considered, I was in pain. Crashing ones vehicle can do that to a person.

Sincerely,
Logan

—&—

December 22nd, 2015
Logan,

Understandable... but I still don't like you.

I hope you feel better. Really, I do. And don't ever do that again, Logan. You bastard. I hate that you can affect me so much... I hate that I care so much, and you don't care enough.

Please just be careful, okay? Please?

-James

—&—

December 25th, 2015
James,

I care. More than you could possibly know.

-Logan

P.S. Merry Christmas, James. And thank you.

—&—

February 16th, 2016
Logan,

Why did you react so badly when you found out I was dating Camille, Logan? I've been thinking about this for years, and I'm still not making any progress... I just can't figure it out, because you two had broken up.

And, you know, I would have never been interested in her if you two had still been dating... If I had even known that you still had feelings for her. I mean, I had known all along that you might not be overly pleased to hear about it, but I never... never expected the hurt and betrayal that crossed your face when I first told you. I never expected that, and I never wanted to hurt you.

But then I apologized... I even ended my relationship with her, and you still... You wouldn't even look at me.

Do you know how badly that hurt me?

You were one of my best friends, and you had always been there. Always. And then one day, you stopped being there for me, and I couldn't handle it.

It's been driving me insane for years, Logan... I can't handle not knowing.

Why was she so special, huh? What was it about her that made you completely forget about your friendship with me?

I'm sorry.

Please stop hating me, Logan.

-James

—&—

March 1st, 2016
James,

I don't hate you, James. Despite whatever I've said in the past, I could never really hate you.

-Logan

—&—

March 5th, 2016
Logan,

Why won't you answer my question?

—&—

March 7th, 2016

Because, James... You really won't like the answer. Please don't ask that.

-Logan

—&—

March 12th, 2016
Logan,

You're insufferable.

I'm visiting again in July.

I miss you.

-James

—&—

July 28th, 2016
James,

You kissed me.

Why did you kiss me?

-Logan

—&—

August 1st, 2016
Logan,

Honestly... I don't know.

—&—

September 12th, 2016
Logan,

I've already mentioned it to Carlos and Kendall, so you might have heard... But I won't be able to visit again for a while. The money I've been saving is starting to run a little low, so I'm working at this new coffee shop in Carson City, and the hours aren't as flexible as I'd like.

Other than that, how have you been? I heard that you're going to be starting your residency soon, and that should be interesting. Dr. Logan Mitchell. Sounds good.

Also, I wanted to apologize about July. I shouldn't have done that.

You're still one of my best friends, Logan. Always will be.

Miss you.

-James

—&—

January 17th, 2017

Please come home, James. Please.

Come home and stay.

I miss you so much.

-Logan

—&—

January 18th, 2017

My first letter probably hasn't even reached you yet, but I can't help but write this. I can't handle this anymore.

It's always been about you, James. It's always been about you, and I hate that.

When you first told me that you were dating her, I wasn't upset because I was jealous of you, but because I was jealous of her. Please don't hate me for this...

I remember the exact reason I broke up with her in the first place. It's rather ironic, if you really think about it. I broke up with her because she wasn't you. And then three months later... you were dating her, and I couldn't handle it. I hated you for that. I hated you so much because you didn't understand, and she didn't understand, and no one would empathize with me.

I was alone, and no one knew the truth. That's what I was talking about the night I called you when I was drunk. Do you remember that? Three years ago, maybe?

I'm sorry I never told you the truth, but I was so afraid... I still am. I'm sorry that I hated you for all of those years, but I couldn't handle it. I don't know what else to say. Just please don't hate me, okay?

-Logan

—&—

January 19th, 2017

I love you, James.

Please just come home.

Yours always,
Logan

—&—

Jame searched his surroundings for a moment, scoping out the unfamiliar area as he walked toward the dark, mahogany door. He found himself staring at it for a moment, his hazel eyes gleaming from the moonlight that was swathed across his features, lighting his surroundings.

It was two thirty-six in the morning on Sunday, January 21st, and James' flight had just landed about two hours ago. He had flown there on a whim, perhaps nothing more than a cruel joke motivating him to fly half-way across the country—however, James took the three letters he held in his hand very seriously.

It was in the moment, as he stood outside Logan's door, that doubt began to creep it's way back into his mind, begging him to run away out of fear and uncertainty. He swallowed hard, his nerves fizzing and shivering like active electricity cable that had just snapped in half.

With a resolute nod to himself, his knocked on the door, feeling the vibrations rumble through his fist, absorbed by his muscles, and quaking every bone in his body. His heart was racing a mile a minute, the steady beat pounding in his head with the precision of a metronome.

After several long moments—of which seemed like an eternity to James—the door cracked open only slightly and Logan's dark brown eyes appeared in the moonlight.

James immediately felt ever nerve in his body settle, every muscle relaxing so suddenly and swiftly that it was inexplicable even to himself. "Logan." And the single word was spoken in a breathy sigh, so much ease and affection saturated in the one name that it rang throughout their surroundings with earth-shattering meaning.

Logan opened the door completely, and James allowed himself a moment to study the other boy. The way Logan's brunette hair stood up in several different directions, disheveled, perpetually messy and untamed, and surely so soft. His chocolate brown eyes were alight with emotion, so much confusion and disbelief evident and almost hiding the relief and pleasure that lingered close behind. "James?" Logan whispered softly, reaching forward only slight as though believing that his gaze was, in fact, deceiving him.

"Did you mean it?" James asked, adamantly. He lifted the three letters so that Logan could clearly see what he was referring too, the words 'I love you' printed in an unmistakable script.

Logan leaned against the door frame for a moment, color creeping up his neck and he dropped his gaze to the ground. He waited there for a moment, looking sheepish and allowing James to, once again, study his features that were highlighted by the moon.

And suddenly, so very slightly—such a hesitant and miniscule gesture that James almost missed it—Logan nodded, not even lifting his gaze to meet James'.

Without further thoughts, James pulled Logan into a tight embrace, trying to escape the chill that filled their surroundings—something he would have to get used to once again, James decided. All things considered, January in Minnesota was much different than January in Nevada.

He buried his face into the Logan's brunette hair and took the moment to just revel in the intimacy of the gesture, allowing heat to consume him fully. When he finally gained control over his rational thought, he guided them into the warmth of Logan's home, closing the door behind them without breaking the embrace for even a moment. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Logan pulled back slightly to look up at James, quirking his eyebrow. "Seriously?" He shrugged, buring his face into the juncture of James' shoulder and neck once again. "I just assumed that you would hate me. It seemed pretty counter-productive, since I was trying to get you to stop hating me in the first place."

"I already told you that I never hated you... I could never hate you."

"And that's why I told you," Logan paused. "Eventually, at least."

"You such a dumb ass," James said, his voice warm and soothing as he chuckled against the top of Logan's head. They both tightened their grips, pulling each other closer, relishing the heat and the intimacy and everything that they had both been sorely missing for the past several years. "I missed you so much."

Logan pulled back once again, studying James for a moment before sighing, his features lost. Resigned. "When do you have to leave again?" he whispered hesitantly, as though afraid to breach the subject.

"I quit my job," James said. "And I called a Realtor before I booked my flight. I miss Minnesota. I miss Kendall and Carlos and my hometown..." A slight pause of lingering silence. "And I miss you. A lot."

Bright and fiery emotion exploded within Logan's brown irises, so much appreciation and warmth kindling in the gaze that it was utterly translucent. He closed the distance between them slowly, his lips lingering against James' before moving gently, applying pressure. The kiss was sweet, slow, gentle, and so very affectionate, and it sent chills down both of their spines. Pleasure mingled with desire, and something solidified between the two of them with the gesture—something they had been missing for far too long.

Yes, James decided, he was very, very happy to be home.

---

Author's Note: Yes, once again, it's very odd. I would say that it's obvious that I'm a bit spontaneous and enjoy creativity. I love to play around with different ideas, styles, and formats, and I really hope you guys don't mind the minor deviations. :) Hopefully the next story I post will be a little more common in regards to style and formatting, and in the meantime, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this! I definitely had fun writing it. :D

Perhaps, I should change my username to SpontaneouslyYours... Just a thought. Hm.

Thanks again to everyone for reading and reviewing! Also, for adding my story to their favorites and alerts list! I cannot tell you how much it means to me, to know that people are reading and enjoying the stories I write. I love you guys! :')

And finally, please review? I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this story and whether the formatting was too much. Did you enjoy the letters and correspondence? How about the playful banter? Thanks again!