Life is never fair. Not to anyone. But it's the little things that make it worth it. Sometimes it's hard to go on. But we have to, or else there will be nothing left of us. We have to take everything it gives us and make it work. When life hands you paper, write a letter.
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Dear No one,
Hey. You probably don't know who I am. Heh, not like it matters. I'm just a shadow. Well for the record, my names Harry Potter. It's nice to meet you. I'm not sure why I'm writing these but I suppose it's out of loneliness. For the basics, I'm 16 and I'm an orphan. I go to school and I work hard. Not that it does much good.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Just wandering around aimlessly. I stopped caring the day my friends deserted me for some popular jackass. Sure some great friends. Wanna know what they said to me? 'We're sorry Harry but his father owns the school. And he's powerful. Maybe if we're nice to him, we can get good jobs in the future. If you're our friend you'd understand.' Yeah sure. Guess that shows how much I'm worth to some people doesn't it.
I missed the train to school today; had to walk. On the way some guy threw an egg at me. Must remember to dry clean my clothes. People always do stuff like that to me. I'm not sure why but they like to treat me like shit!
I don't see the point in trying anymore. Nothing I can do; no reason to do it. I've been thinking, you know? Why am I here? What makes me worthy of life? I don't really find an answer. You might find this stuiped, hell you might burn the papers, but to me these are my only escape.
I'm not complaining, by the way. I just need to get this shit off my chest. Need to remember who I am under all this falsehood. I am Harry Potter, outcast of school and hated by everyone. The black sheep. The unwanted child. The only decent fucking person in this whole fucking city. No I lie. There are some nice people here. Just not many. Everyone basically sucks up to the rich bastard that lives in the mansion on the hill. The one that lives to make my life hell.
I'd like to try something else one of these days. Travel. See the world. Get away from here. I don't think I'll ever get out of here, though. Not as long as he's alive. He'll keep me here til I die. It's because he hates me. Because I took the one person he loved. Heh, I guess it was my fault. If I hadn't been so stuiped, she'd still be here. If I hadn't decided to be a selfish little bastard, she'd still be alive.
But I've always been selfish. You know what I mean? I want everything; my parents, a normal life, friends and a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Seriously, I'm not picky. But no, I'm stuck here with him. Feeling guilty because she died.
You know what? Fuck it. Fuck him! I'm not gonna sit here and blame myself. She's dead. I can't change that. Neither can he. We have to accept it. I……… shit! He's coming! I've got to go.
Yours til death,
Black Wings.
Dear No one,
I am currently alone. He's gone. I've got a split lip and a bruise over my eye. Think a few of my ribs might be broken. It hurt. It always hurts. He doesn't care. No one does.
They just laugh. They all say, "Look at the little goth. Finally got what was coming." Ha, like they actually know! They don't understand! No one ever will. The ones who don't laugh give me sympathy. Like I need that. Sympathy won't help. It'll just make what's happening ten times worse. I can live without it.
Can you hear me? Really? Are you even listening? Of course you can't. You're no one. Just a person with no name or face who I write to in the hopes I'll feel a little less lonely. You're my only friend. That's right. I don't have any friends. No one wants to go near the little goth who can't even stop a fat 40 year old. Yeah laugh it up, assholes!
Really can I blame anyone? I'm useless. Not worth shit. Well that's what he says. I do actually know someone. I don't really count her as my friend. She's more of a sympathy giver. She always tells me I'm worth more than any jewel in the world. I tell her she's crazy.
I need to go. I have school tomorrow. Great another day I get beat up by assholes, then come home and get beat up by a drunken, over weight 40 year old man who is completely alone. I might write again tomorrow.
Yours til death,
Black wings.
Dear no one,
It hurts to breathe. My head is swimming. Can't see straight. It's hard to write this. But I need to. So someone will know what I'm going through. Well actually you're no one but at least you listen. At least you won't abandon me.
I've always been alone. Always singled out. Maybe it's my eyes. Or my hair. Or it might be that I'm shorter then all the boys and even some of the girls. It could be that I'm a goth or that I don't wear designer clothes and have huge amounts of money. It could be anything. But all I know is that you are the only thing in my life that listens to me.
You know what? I like you. I really do. Even though you're not real, even though you never answer or write back, I still feel like I can connect. Like you understand. It's kind of like we're kindred spirits; trying to find our way back to each other. That's stuiped isn't it? You're not real.
How can I feel connected to something that doesn't exist? I think I finally cracked. About damn time too. I've been pushed around to much. I need to crack. I need to lose it. I need this. I need you.
What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? I don't understand anything anymore. You're not real. I need to stop pretending. If anyone ever reads this they won't understand anything. They'll think I'm insane. But I'll still have you. All I have is you. I …….
I'm sorry I have to cut this short. I just can't breathe. My hands shaking, I might have a fever. I'll….. see you…. tomorrow.
Yours til death,
Black Wings.
Dear No one,
Today was another day in hell. He got laid off. My back is really sore. Feels like I was run over by a steam roller. I can breathe a little better then I could yesterday, so I suppose that's abit better. Not a lot but, hey, an improvement is an improvement no matter how small.
I didn't eat tonight. Couldn't stomach the food. There was nothing wrong with it, really, I just felt too sick to eat. Came upstairs and vomited. Think I might have the flu. Heh, not like anyone will care. I'll just go to school tomorrow and sit through all my classes like I normally do. Hope I don't pass out.
The school's resident jerk, Draco Malfoy, decided to 'get to know me better'. Yeah, nice wording. Mostly it was just him asking me stupid and extremely personal questions. Stuff like 'which way do you swing' and 'are you still a virgin or have you become a man'. What a bastard. I wonder why all the girls like him? I'll admit he's good looking, in an asshole-ish kind of way. However his personality leaves much to be desired. Not that I like him or anything.
And speaking of jerks, guess who decided to speak to me today? My ex-friends! Isn't it wonderful? Incase you missed the blatant sarcasm in that statement, no it wasn't. They asked me how I'd been like they actually cared and then went into this big rant about how everyone would like me if I stopped 'being the freaky little goth boy and put some proper clothes on'. And if that wasn't enough, one of them hinted that maybe I should go out with Draco Malfoy! As fucking if! I'd rather die and be skull fucked by maggots!
In other news, a new guy came to school today. He scares me. Always staring at me. It's un-nerving. I think his name was Tom or something like that. The moment he entered that classroom all he did was stare. Like I was some kind of art work. Analyzing me. Appreciating the way I look. He doesn't look too bad though….. quite nice actually but his gaze gives me the creeps. Hopefully, he's not one of those stalker type people or I may have more problems then before. Ha, that'll be the day. Nothing could be worse then what I have to go through right now.
I'm being selfish again. This is exactly what got her killed. My selfishness. Of course there are people who have it worse. What about those people in 3rd world countries? Those living on the street? Starving because no one will give them a chance? Or those kids that are sexually abused. At least I'm not like them. At least I have a home, food, clothes and a fairly safe environment.
I'm really selfish, if you hadn't noticed. I always want things to be better for me and never think of anyone else. No wonder no one likes me. I'm a complete selfish bitch. I'll go now. You shouldn't waste your time on a selfish little brat like me. Maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Yours til death,
Black Wings.
TBC...