Disclaimer: They aren't mine.

AN: This is just a silly piece of fluff, I have no idea where it came from but I'm trying to prod the muse out to play. Warning for minor bad language. All mistakes are my own, I didn't have a beta on this one.

I woke up a little disoriented and looked around, oh yeah. I spent the night with Morelli. What the heck was I thinking? I know I was horny and so was he. He'd get the wrong idea again, damn. I need to learn some self-control. I needed to be more like Ranger. I was naked, sore and sticky. I pulled myself up and wrapped the sheet around myself making my way to the bathroom. I could tell Morelli had already showered. I took a quick shower; I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

I wrapped a towel around my body and another around my hair. I ran back into the bedroom and found some of my clothes from a previous stay. I grabbed all my things from the room, stuffing them into a duffle bag I'd left behind during one of my attempts at domestic bliss. I quickly made my way downstairs to find Mrs. Morelli standing in the living room with Joe, tying his tie. He must have court today. Seriously, he couldn't do it himself. I know my mother had taught Val and I to do it, it was part of being a perfect Burg wife.

Joe barked out, "What the hell are you staring at Cupcake?"

Gee, I could tell he was happy this morning. For all the orgasms he had last night you'd think he wouldn't be so bitchy this morning. "You don't know how to do that yourself?"

Mrs. Morelli snottily replied, "This is what a good wife does for a happy marriage. She ties the tie, irons all his clothes and linens, cooks and cleans and does whatever a husband needs."

I had a hearty laugh, "Yeah that worked well for me the first time and it sure worked for you didn't it."

Joe nastily said, "If you'd be a real wife I wouldn't have had to get my Ma over here Cupcake. And don't disrespect my mother, she's a saint."

I glared at the both of them, "I know how to tie a tie. I know how to iron and cook and clean. I choose not to and I don't want to be the typical Burg housewife. Besides, how can a man reach the age of 35 and serve in the military and not know how to do this?"

Joe sneered, "How many men do you know can do this and they aren't a lawyer or politician?"

I smiled, "Gee, let's see," I began ticking off on my fingers, "My Dad, Vinnie, Grandpa Mazur, Ranger, Eddie Gazarra, Sally Sweet, Carl Costanza, Tank, Lester, Bobby, and every other Rangeman, including Hector who was a gangbanger."

Joe glared, "I bet Manoso uses a clip on. They hand those out in the military."

I laughed at that, "Sure Joe, he owns a multi-million dollar company and wears a clip on tie with his custom made Armani suits. He has more class than that. I think you are the one who needs to grow up. Do you really think I can't tie that for you, or iron or cook? I can do all that but why should I. Why should I cook for myself every day? Why should I be tied down to a kitchen?"

With that I walked out while Joe and Mrs. Morelli sputter at my departure. I'm glad they never heard the click of my camera as I took a picture. Wonder what kind of spin they'll put on this to look good. You know the tolerant boyfriend who puts up with me because I can't do anything. The wonderful mother who does so much for her son because his girlfriend is so inept he can't marry her until she can be a "proper" wife.

Hours later…

I walked into the police station after testifying in court. I had loosened my tie and unbuttoned the top button of my shirt. Oh yeah, I can breathe again. I heard some murmuring as I made my way to the office but ignored it. There was always talk about me, I'm that good at my job. Let's be honest, I'm the whole package, whether we're talking about my job or my ability to be a good husband.

Everyone knows I'm the best detective on the force. I have a solid rate of convictions and solved cases. No one has a higher rate currently on the force. The Feds are always requesting my help on cases within Trenton and ask for me to go undercover. Ok, so maybe my relationship with the Grizzoli family helps me out there, but I can get info from Teri because she wants me. It's not cheating if I'm doing it for my job. No matter what I'm good at my job so who cares if I use my connections to get ahead, it's what everyone does. I can leap frog to one of the alphabet agencies but I'd be low man on the totem pole and get the worst assignments. I'll stay in Trenton because I'm a god here on the force and in the Burg. Besides, right now, even with all her screw ups Cupcake gives me info and she gets Manoso to give me info or cases because he wants in her pants so bad. They have helped my career and I'm up for a promotion.

Now as far as my love life goes, every single female in the Burg between 18 and 40 want me. I have quite the reputation as a lover. I'm the best around; I mean Cupcake must think so because she came back after screwing Manoso in Hawaii. He must not be as great as the rumors say, besides Jeanne Ellen came to me after he dumped her. I'll sleep with women in that age range but I'm going to have to settle down soon and honestly Cupcake is getting a little old for me. I need someone who will be easily controlled and that's not her. I also need someone who will have a bunch of kids. I want to have four little boys and one little girl. Don't get me wrong I want Cupcake to be my wife but I'm 35 and she's 33. She'd have to marry me fast and have five kids over the next seven years. That's a fast pace, plus I'm concerned she'll pork out like her sister. If I get a younger wife we'll have more time and hopefully she'll keep her looks. The difference is with Steph, she'd help me on my cases if I talk about them.

I know that that I'm a catch in the Burg. I'm good looking, own my own home and have a good career. My wife won't work, but she needs to be able to keep a clean house, not change Aunt Rose's décor but enhance it, I mean I don't want to hear Ma or Grandma Bella complain and raise my kids. I need a wife who can cook and bake. I need to have meals like Ma makes – a full meal with dessert. That isn't Cupcake, no matter what she says.

I walk into my office and stop dead in my tracks. My desk is covered with pacifiers, diapers and baby bottles. WTF! Eddie walks up behind me shoves a picture in my face. It's from this morning with Ma straightening my tie but it had been photo shopped. I had a blue baby bonnet on my head and a pacifier in my mouth. Where the hell did this come from?

Eddie slapped my back as he said, "What's up Cupcake? Did mommy get you ready for your big court appearance today?" He laughed and continued, "Seriously, you never learned to tie your own tie? Christ, Steph could've done it or you could've watched a You Tube video."

I felt my phone vibrate on my hip, a text message from Phil Panchek. I opened up the text which was a video of Stephanie in Manoso's arms and they were kissing; hot and heavy. I heard her softly say, "I love you, Carlos." What was worse was what he said, "I love you too Babe. It's finally Someday."

Damn, today's not a good day for me.