Author-Moonlight Memories

Disclaimer-nope,don't own

I Wonder Why

When I'm not with you, I wonder why I stay with you, and still love you. Is it because of your attitude? When you're not around me, you show an ice-cold mask. When you are, though, you break out into a smile. Is it because of those ice-cold blue eyes, which seems to sparkle when you're with me? Is it because of your soft, chestnut brown hair? Is it because many covet you? As a powerful and well-known duelist, that's just natural.

I also wonder, why is it that you don't want our relationship known? Do I bring shame to you? Do I bring down your reputation? Am I not good enough for you? Why do I even allow girls to cluster around you? You don't let boys cluster around me. I don't even know why we're together anymore.

You forced me to choose between yourself and my friends. I chose you. Now I wonder if it was all worth it. I look at them every day. They're still happy, and occasionally ask me to join them for lunch. I have to decline every time. I find myself envying them. You forced me to choose, but didn't even let me join you. I wonder why I didn't mind.I do now.

So you give me expensive presents, but that's not what I want. I keep pleading with you to spend more time with me, but on every occasion you disagree. You have to run your company. That's what you always say. Do you know, sometimes I wish your company just disappeared. Then maybe I'd get more of your time.

When we first got together I was happy with what you could give me-the thoughtful presents, the quick kisses and hugs. I wonder why I am no longer content with that.

I wonder if you know what I like to do, or even what I want. All I want is some of your time… All I want is for you to be with me… for you to care. But do I even get that? All I want is to spend the night watching the stars with you…

It's my birthday, no less! But as usual you're so busy. All you do is shower me with presents. There's not even a single note wishing me happy birthday. Or a simple I love you. It would have lessened my pain. At least you remembered my birthday this year. What about the next? I look up at the stars alone, my eyes brimming with tears.

I tried to call you. I really did try! Your receptionist said you were at a meeting. She asked who I was. Your receptionist didn't even know who I was! I don't know what to do. Not anymore.

You see, if I break up with you, I'd get my life back. Free to interact with my classmates, male or female, without you getting angry and jealous. I won't have to wonder how you feel about me all the time. I won't have to experience this pain. I would get my friends back.

Yet…

If I do, I'll probably never have a second chance. A chance to hold you, and to let you tell me how much you care. I remember you say you were nothing without me, and that you needed me. Did you mean that? I wait for those moments, and I live for them.

Maybe that's the reason why I still care-I still care for the you who cares for me. I guess I have to wait for another one of those moments.

Despite all this, I still don't know if I should stay by you. I no longer wonder why. I know. It's because no matter what all your faults are, I love you.