The Things Nick Banned Us to Do

Summary: Each of the members of the Avengers have a list of things they're not supposed to do by Nick Fury. Of course, it doesn't stop them from being the crazy team that they are. How in the world is Fury still sane?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Avengers or other Marvel characters and merchandise and songs that appear. Just little OCs that pop up now and then.

Notes: Well, everyone else did a "things they're not allowed to do" thing, so I wanted to give it a shot. Also, Phil is ALIVE in these. Yeah, yeah, died in the first Avengers, but was in the show. I don't know what came first, I don't care, and Phil is staying. Love Phil, man!

And one more thing to add. This isn't the sequel to "The Hammer Deems You Worthy!". I'm working on that. But this fic does take place after.

Warnings: *groans* I hate doing these things. There's yaoi (Thundershield and Science Bros), mention of mpreg, cussing, Tony and Clint's antics, randomness, mature content, and some violence. Is that it? *thinks* Pretty much.

Avenger 1 – Clint Barton

1. Clint's not allowed to sing any songs that don't pertain to the issue at hand.

The Avengers had another meeting on the Helicarrier. It was to discuss a mission in Seoul about a nuclear attack. There was a new rising of a HYDRA group, something Steve especially didn't appreciate. Nick was going over the plans and routes when there was a soft humming sound at one spot of the table.

"What does the fox say? Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! What does the fox say?!"

"BARTON!"

The archer stopped singing, looking at the one-eyed man with wide eyes. "What? Did I do something?"

"Did you- Really, Agent Barton?"

2. He's not allowed to sing any songs that pertain to Steve, Thor, or their relationship.

The team had now finished their mission, all six dirty from fighting horrid minions and robots. Natasha was laying on the ground, eyes closed as she decided to breathe. Bruce was in Hulk mode, sitting beside her as Tony was laid on his shoulder with his helmet up. Thor and Captain America, who now had his mask ripped off, was sitting beside each other. As for Hawkeye, the dude was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, anyone see Hawkeye?", Steve asked, looking around. Natasha opened her eyes at the question. "I last seen him on the top of one of those buildings. "Maybe he's having one more look over.", Thor guessed, rubbing his forehead. The smaller blonde beside him noticed a cut on his forehead. "Aaahhhh, Thor. You have a cut on your forehead."

The soldier tilted the god's head to him. He swiped away the flowing blood, taking a ripped article of Thor's cape to apply pressure to the cut. The god smiled, placing his hand on Steve's cheek and rubbing his thumb under his eye. "You're so caring, beloved."

"I try.", the other giggled. The two inched closer for a kiss, but was interrupted by a "TAKE ME TO THE OTHER SIDE! I SEE THE SEXY LOOK IN YOUR EYES! JUST TAKE ME TO THE OTHER SIDE!"

Thor took his hammer and threw it towards where Clint was standing. "DAMN YOU, BARTON!"

3. He's not allowed to bring rope to grocery stores anymore.

It was a fairly normal day. Since they ran out of a few things at the Tower, Sam and Steve volunteered to go to the store. Clint went with them.

"Okay. So we have the Pop Tarts, sugar, milk, paper towels…", Steve muttered, reading and checking off the list. Sam stood beside him looking at two different brands of chocolate. "Hmmm…. I can't choose."

"Put the Grand back and get Hersey.", the captain suggested. Sam nodded, doing so. When he walked away, he was stopped by a lasso of rope grabbing onto a box of cereal. "YEAH!"

The duo looked to see Clint standing on top of one of the shelves with a rope in his hand. One of the employees saw. "Um… sir? Can you get down from there?"

"But why, partner?", the archer questioned in a cowboy accent.

Steve face palmed himself.

4. He's not allowed to play songs pertaining to Steve and Thor's relationship.

For once, the archer was quietly sitting down in the den. In his hands was a tablet Tony had gotten him, playing a game on it. Bruce had walked into the den seeing Steve and Thor there as well. The couple was sitting in the loveseat watching something on the TV. "Hey, guys.", the doctor greeted. Steve waved to him before planting himself in the god's lap.

Thor had let out a deep chuckle, snaking his arm around the other's waist. Steve blushed when Thor moved his hips against his own. "Thor…"

"What?"

The soldier leaned up to kiss his boyfriend until a song played.

I can't control the way I'm movin' my hips
Bet you never ever seen it like this

I'm a monster on the floor, I can't quit

Now I know it's automatic, it's automatic

The couple turned to see Clint smirking at them with his tablet playing Nicki Minaj's 'Automatic'.

Thor gave him a death glare.

"Damn... you... Clinton... Barton..."

Bruce had questioned why Clint even had Nicki Minaj on his playlist.

5. Clint's not allowed to make bird sounds while shooting arrows.

The team was fighting off another threat, this time in DC. It was another alien attack by some not-known villian. It wasn't a huge army, but it still tough to defeat.

Steve ducked from a blast, using his shield to sweep the alien from under its feet. Natasha came behind him with one of the guns she had gotten and ended the alien with it. "Still about twenty of these things to go.", she panted, knocking out an upcoming alien.

Cap nodded, dodging one and smashing its head through a window. "Hopefully, that's it."

From behind them, an alien had shrieked to announced its presence, but before it could attack, an arrow went through its head. The duo looked up to see Clinton shooting arrows on an abducted hoverboard. "I'm a bird motherfucker! Caw caw!"

Even Hulk stopped fighting to look at the archer as he continuously shot arrows while cawing like a bird.

So there's the first character list of Clinton Barton aka Hawkeye!

Who shall be next? *gives evil laugh*

Review!