A/n: The concept of the Official Fanfiction University belongs to Camilla Sandman. (Check out the Official Fanfiction University of Middle Earth) I do not intend to claim Doctor Who as my own work.
Picture a galaxy full of shimmering stars. Then picture a single star, a relatively small one that burns very bright. Our story begins on the fourth planet in the small star's system. No, it's not Earth. Earth is the THIRD planet in the SOL system and we are not in the SOL system. But Earth plays a role in this story.
"So where are we going again?" asked Clara. She was leaning against a safety rail casually. Her question was directed towards a youthful looking man, who was really quite old. This man's name? The Doctor.
"I've received a message through my psychic paper," replied the Doctor. He ran over to the console and began to sprint around it, attending to various controls.
"This particular message was odd though. It was more like a summons? No, too dark. Um, maybe an invitation. Oh, but there's a 28.93 percent chance that we'll be attending a party... Ah! It was a request!" exclaimed the Doctor. Clara looked slightly confused. Request? That was a bit odd.
"So what was the request about?" inquired Clara. The Doctor looked up from the TARDIS console.
"Well, it just asked for our presence." he admitted somewhat sheepishly.
"Just our presence?"
"Yes, that's the idea,"
"You know, this could be a trap. The last time something like this happened, I had to ride a giant butterfly to rescue you from being sacrificed to a sentient iceberg."
"I'd rather you not talk about what happened on Graphus IV. And besides, this time it's different. We're going to visit a University!"
"Doctor..." Clara insisted. But he paid her no attention. Instead he grinned and clapped his hands together once.
"We're here! Let's go see what's out there." said the Doctor . The two exited the TARDIS, Clara somewhat reluctantly.
The first thing the Doctor noticed that his TARDIS was surrounded by blue police boxes. Eleven other ones to be exact. Each box was slightly different from the other, but they were pretty much identical.
'That's a bit odd.' thought the Doctor. The second thing he noticed was that the TARDIS and the other police boxes were in the middle of a garden. An extremely lavish and beautiful garden right next to several elegant buildings. It seemed that they were in the right place.
All traces of earlier skepticism vanished from Clara as she climbed up an apple tree to get a better view of the garden. The Doctor didn't see why she would ever want to sit in an apple tree when there was a lovely...banana tree nearby. How the gardener managed to plant a tropical tree in a seemingly temperate zone without any visible greenhouses, irrigation systems, or any other means, the Doctor wasn't sure. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and briefly scanned his surroundings. Nothing unusual showed up. The Doctor pondered what was going on. He was so deep in thought, he didn't hear the quiet footsteps approaching. The owner of said footsteps cleared his throat causing the Doctor to jump a little and point his sonic at the strange young man.
The young man was unfazed when he Doctor pointed his sonic right at him and vaporized the majority of his black tie. He appeared to be a human in his early twenties with light brown hair and blue eyes. He didn't appear to be the previously mentioned gardener as he was wearing a white dress shirt paired with a black vest and black trousers. If he was a gardener, he was a stylish one.
"The Doctor and Clara Oswin Oswald, I presume?" inquired the man. Clara and the Doctor nodded warily from their respective positions.
"Ah. good. We've been expecting you. Please follow me." he requested. The young man turned around and began walking at a leisurely pace towards the university. The Doctor turned to glance at Clara inquisitively. She shrugged in response and jumped down from the apple tree.
"We might as well follow him Doctor. He seems...alright." remarked Clara. The two followed the man, though the Doctor made sure to keep one hand on his sonic. They group entered one of the largest buildings and silently walked through many empty hallways and corridors. When the group reached a particularly uninteresting hallway (the other hallways had strange decorations ranging from tapestries of incredibly ugly colours to battle axes),the young man stopped suddenly causing the Doctor and Clara to bump into each other. The Doctor opened his mouth to inquire why they had stopped, but the man placed a finger to his lips in a 'Be quiet' gesture. The trio listened for moment. At first, there was just silence until a piercing scream broke it for just a few seconds. Then all was quiet once more.
"What the hell was that?" exclaimed Clara. The Doctor's grip on his sonic tightened.
"It is nothing of your concern Miss Oswald," the young man assured. He paused. "At least for now." Despite his reassuring tone, the Doctor and Clara still felt a bit suspicious. The man straightened what was left of his tie, turned to his right and walked through the wall. The Doctor and Clara did likewise with a large amount of hesitation. It wasn't everyday one walked through a wall. They ended up in an office standing next to the man from earlier.
Office was a word too plain and common to describe the room. It was brightly illuminated with several chandeliers and sunlight. The walls were painted burgundy, the floor had many plush rugs arranged about. A mahogany desk with a leather chair that looked more like a recliner throne resided in the corner of the room. Several bookcases lined the perimeter. Oddly enough, they were filled with various items like vials of blue liquid and shiny trinkets along with a myriad of weapons and gadgets. Books lay in piles around the room, as if someone was attempting to build a fort, but got too bored to continue. In the middle of the room was a table lavishly decorated and set with many tea things. A relatively tall Asian woman dressed in a navy blue pant suit stood patiently besides the table seemingly oblivious to the pile of glitter next to her and the fact that she was covered in glitter.
"Ah, I've seen that you've met my assistant, David Rogers. My name is Katherine Pham, though Miss Kat will suffice. Please, do join me for tea."
~~~~~~~~~~~ (11 minutes later)
"So you want us to help teach a fanfriction-"
"Fanfiction."
"Oh, sorry. Fanfiction University?" asked the Doctor. Katheri-Miss Kat nodded.
"From what you've told us so far, it sounds a little dangerous. Those Mary-sues you talked about…" the Doctor trailed off. His normally cheerful expression was replaced by one of concern. Miss Kat swallowed a bite of her chocolate croissant, then cleared her throat.
"It will be very safe. You will be guarded by these." At the end of her statement, Miss Kat produced a whistle from seemingly nowhere. She blew into it, extended her arm, then waited a few seconds. No one at the table heard the whistle due to the frequency being higher than anything a human or Gallifreyan/Time Lord could hear. Suddenly, what looked to be a miniature Reaper entered the room through the invisible portal wall and perched on Miss Kat's outstretched arm. The Doctor and Clara scooted a little farther from Miss Kat. The fact she summoned a miniature reaper and produced a whistle from thin air set off some alarms in the Doctor's mind. Not all of the alarms, because that would be painful; but enough to make him feel uneasy. The Course Coordinator seemed like one of the Mary Sues she mentioned. The Doctor set his thoughts of suspicion aside and focused on the tiny reaper.
"This is a mini-reaper. A mini-reaper is born every time something in the canon is misspelled. While they don't have the abilities of a full grown reaper, rest assured that they make very effective guards." Miss Kat paused and winced as if she had been the one to experience the guarding capabilities of a mini reaper. "This lovely fellow's name is Doktor." Clara sniggered when she heard the name of the Reaper, while the reaper's almost namesake scowled a bit.
"Now, if you don't have any more questions, David will escort you to the Staff section. You're the last of the Staff, though I'm still expecting some more staff to arrive soon," She paused and smiled wryly. "Now, I have business to attend to, shoo. Orientation week is about to begin soon and I still have to deliver the rest of the application forms. I expect you will have fun catching up with the rest of the staff." Miss Kat said cheekily. David got up and began to shoo the Doctor and Clara out of the office.
"Wait, who else is on the staff?" shouted the Doctor as David attempted to shove him into the invisible wall portal.
"Oh, just some of your previous incarnations and companions. Have fun catching up!" Miss Kat yelled back. The Doctor disappeared through the portal and the office was now empty except for Miss Kat and the Doktor.
"Doktor, inform the Minis to check the defenses. I will try to see what's wrong with the shields." She paused to glance disdainfully at the pile of glitter next to her. "A Mary-Sue managed to bypass the boundaries and I had to fight her off. I suppose it's one of her agents. We don't want to put our students in that kind of danger. And if you encounter any Sues-" Miss Kat hesitated. "Handle them with extreme prejudice." she finished.
The mini-reaper nodded and flew off, leaving Miss Kat alone. She made her way over to the desk, grabbed a briefcase from behind and strapped a leather wrist strap to her...well, wrist. The flap on the strap was opened to reveal the sleek vortex manipulator underneath. Miss Kat punched in the coordinates and disappeared, leaving behind a small puff of dust.
~~~~~~~~~~~ (Earth, one week later)
Leah Angelica Diamond Sparkle Smith, the ¾ Time Lady and ¼ human gazed into her lover's eyes.
"Oh Doctor (11 of course, he was sooooo hawt), I lurve you!" she cried in a voice as smooth and clear as the purest crystal in a chest of jewels.
"And I lurve you too Lean Angelica Diamond Sparkle Smith!" said the Doctor as he stared into the depths of her sparkling amethyst eyes. The two straed at each other for a moment, then kissed passionately, there lips intertwining.
"I think that's good for now!" declared a teenage girl. She was seated at her desk in her dimly lit room. Piles of clothing, art supplies, sheet music and empty food containers littered the area around her. Judging by her body odor and the amount of half-finished coffee drinks, our teenage girl had spent about 2 days working on her story. She had finished typing the rest of her chapter of part one of her three part romantic saga after spending nearly two days slumped against her desk. She clicked on the "Publish" button. Nothing happened, so she clicked again. And again. And again.
"Why isn't it working?" she screamed. She worked super hard on this chapter. It took her so long to write it! Frustrated, the girl tossed some custom fountain pens with the name Ashley Crawford engraved on them aside. It was a nice present for her 18th birthday, but she was too angry to care. Ashley uttered some profanities as she ranted about the amount of time it took to write her story. Apparently, she didn't seem to realize or mind that she was screaming at the air. She was distracted from her angry curse filled rant by a strange whooshing and a breeze that wafted her body odor into her nostrils. She winced and decided to take a shower as soon as she published her story. A quick glance at the mirror revealed her thick dark brown hair was greasy and unkempt. Maybe two showers would be better. Ashley turned around to find a rather young, tall Asian woman dressed in a navy blue pant suit looking rather grumpy. However, the woman's scariness was diminished by the fact she was partially covered in glitter.
"Miss Crawford, if you are finished with your rather colorful rant, we have some business to attend to." the woman said coolly. Her nose wrinkled at the scent of an teenage girl who spent the past few days typing, eating junk food, but not bothering to shower or put on deodorant.
"Who are you? How do you know my last name? What are you doing in my bedroom?" demanded Ashley.
"That is of little importance. Please fill out this application form. Do be precise but not long-winded. That really screws up registration." The woman pulled some papers out of her briefcase and handed them to Ashley along with a pen. The papers were a horrid color. It was as if blue and pink had an affair and this color was the unholy offspring.
"What is that color?" Ashley gagged.
"Blink."
"Excuse me?"
"That color is Blink. The result of mixing blue and pink. It's the school colour."
"Why do I have to fill out your damn application anyway?"
"If you want to keep writing your fanfiction, you will need a license. To obtain one, you must attend the Official Fanfiction University of Doctor Who. And if you want to continue your writing, you will go." Ashley looked somewhat defeated when Miss Kat replied to her defiant question.
"Fine, I'll fill it out." she sulked. Ashley began to write down information. Her favorite Doctor? 11, 'cause he's sooooo hawt and and all the others are ugly. Classic who? What the heck was that? She continued to write on, while the woman took a seat on her bed. Finally, Ashley finished, paying no heed to the disclaimer as disclaimers were boring and way too long. Miss Kat sniggered a little bit as Ashley handed her the application papers. Silly fanbrat, so eager to meet their lust object. They had no idea what they were in for. Miss Kat placed the papers in her briefcase, then got up and cleared her throat.
"Now then, that's all settled. I would advise you pack and get some rest. Some people experience some strange side effects from time travel. Good night Miss Crawford." The woman stated. She pressed some buttons on her Vortex Manipulator, then disappeared. Ashley rubbed her eyes. Was that all a dream? Did a random Asian woman break into her bedroom and told her to fill out some forms? Did she just sell her soul? (No, kind of, and technically no.) Maybe she should get some sleep. Eh, she might as well start packing. And so she did. When she went to sleep later that night (after taking care of her personal hygiene), she dreamt of meeting her Doctor and doing some things that I really don't want to give the details about. She was blissfully unaware of the golden energy surrounding her belongings and her person.
"Are you sure they're alright?" asked a man clad in black UNIT attire.
"Yes. We monitored all of their vitals. Some of the students took the travel much better than others, but they should be worst thing that could possibly happen is they might throw up," replied Miss Kat. The Ironic Overpower cackled in the distance. "I think." The man snorted. The two were standing on the stage in a large auditorium. The unconscious forms of students lay around in the auditorium in rather odd poses. Luggage was arranged around them, though it seemed that some of the students were about to be crushed by their own belongings.
"Did you supply barf bags?" the man inquired. Miss Kat smirked and pulled one out of her jacket pocket.
"Yes Arthur, there are plenty for everyone." Miss Kat stated. The microphone picked up her voice, causing it to echo. Some of the students stirred.
"And I believe that would be my cue to wake everyone up. I would plug your ears." the Course Coordinator stated. She sported a pair of grey earplugs. Arthur put on the earplugs that he was given earlier. Miss Kat pulled out an air horn from the same pocket she pulled the barf bag (Bigger on the inside? Perhaps.) and promptly pressed the button.
A screeching noise was emitted by the horn, which caused all of the students to wake up, try to block out the noise, curse, and cringe. Though not necessarily in that order. Miss Kat kept her finger on the button for about 15 seconds before stopping the ear torture. She handed Arthur her airhorn and walked over to the podium on the stage.
"Hello? Is this working?" she asked. The microphone amplified her voice a bit too loud. People clutched their ears.
"Sorry." This time, the volume was bearable. Miss Kat smiled in a rather unnerving manner.
"Hello fanbrats. My name is Katherine Pham, however you will refer to me as Miss Kat. Not Ms. Kate or Miss Katy but Miss Kat. For the next two semesters, I am your Course Coordinator. Now, since most of you ignored the fine print like most people do, I'll explain some ground rules." The Asian woman paused her speech and retrieved a slip of paper from her coat pocket.
"Number One, you will not glomp, stampede, drool over or harass your Lust Object," she read. After hearing the first rule, the auditorium filled with excited whispers.
"Yes, your favorite characters are here. It's nothing spectacular." she drawled. "Now shut up because I'm talking to you. The excitement died down like a campfire being extinguished with a bucket of water.
"Number Two, you will treat everyone, fellow students, staff members, and PPC agents with respect. Even if you don't like a ship or a character or a staff member, that does not mean you will be sarcastic or rude. Please, do try be polite."
"And finally, Number Three. If you see any signs of Glitter or OOC behavior, immediately report that instance to me. If you violate any of these rules, the consequences will not be pleasant." Miss Kat shoved the paper back into her pocket.
"Now then, the Mini-Reapers will show you to your dorms. Don't anger them, for they enjoy fanbrat meat. Breakfast starts in two hours, try not to get killed. If you survive, the tours will begin. Do not be late. Good luck!" The Course Coordinator instructed rather cheerfully. Mini-Reapers appeared and began herding the surprised and terrified students and their luggage out of the auditorium. They were getting over the shock of being teleported to a different world/dimension and were not entirely awake. A screeching Mini-reaper however, was an effective means of waking someone up.
Miss Kat let out a sigh of relief. She turned to face Arthur.
"I think that went well."
Waking up to a crazy Asian woman armed with an air horn was not exactly Ashley's idea of fun. Nor was being herded by a mini pterodactyl looking thing to her dorm room. This was not in that application form. The pterodactyl (Wait, it had four arms...and a mouth on its belly…) led her down many halls and corridors decorated with things like battle axes and really ugly banners. The pterodactyl stopped in front of a door with the number 220 painted in pterodactyl screeched and a key dropped onto Ashley's head.
"Um, thanks...I guess." she offered. Ashley was slightly curious about where a miniature pterodactyl looking thing would store a key but decided against debating the possible locations due to not having a clue about pterodactyl anatomy. Said pterodactyl screeched and took off. Ashley set down her belongings: 2 suitcases, a guitar case and a large backpack onto the floor and unlocked the door. She picked up her belongings and made her way inside.
The dorm was rather nice for all she could see. Ashley walked down a short hallway into a cozy kitchenette. There was an adjoining breakfast area with a good sized flat screen TV. A hallway seemed to lead to one of the bedrooms. Ashley decided to claim the bedroom near the breakfast area. She dragged her stuff into the room. (Did she have to pack so much?) There was a comfortable looking queen bed, a dresser, a nightstand, a lamp and a desk in the room. It was connected to a bathroom that looked much nicer than the one she had at home. Ashley was distracted from her thoughts by a knock on the door.
"It's open," she called out. Ashley heard the door open, and then a few thuds. A Catkind girl burst through her door carrying a lot of pink bags. She was dressed rather fashionably.
"Hi! I'm Kitty Eden, what's your name?" she cheerfully inquired. Kitty's fur was golden and rather soft-looking. Ashley fought the temptation to pet her.
"I'm Ashley, Ashley Crawford. Nice to meet you Kitty," she replied. Ashley offered her hand to shake, feeling somewhat plain wearing a blue T-shirt and old jeans. Kitty glanced at her outstretched hand , her blue eyes focused. She shook it enthusiastically.
"Nice to meet you Ashley! So I get the other room?" Kitty questioned. Ashley nodded.
"Sweet. Meet you in the breakfast area in twenty minutes. I need to redo my fur." The Catkind girl skipped out of Ashley's room, leaving behind a confused Ashley. She shrugged and resumed unpacking. Twenty minutes later, Ashley was sitting in the breakfast area at the wooden table reading from her tablet. Apparently, the university had Wi-fi that was 99.9825% guaranteed to not download your souls, but for some reason; Ashley couldn't get to any fanfiction sites. Kitty skipped out of the hallway and placed herself right next to Ashley.
"Is your hair that wavy? Or did you curl it? It's so pretty!" she squealed.
"Thanks! I didn't curl it. Sadly, it's natural. Um, your fur is really shiny?" Ashley offered.
"Aw, thanks. Come on let's go! I don't want to miss out on breakfast!" Kitty squealed. She grabbed Ashley's hand and dragged her out of the dorm.
~~~~~~~~~~( In a far off location)
A woman clad in a sparkling pink dress examined various video feeds. Some of the feeds showed various students meeting each other. One of the feeds displayed a golden-furred Catkind female dragging a dark-haired girl somewhere. But those video feeds were insignificant. The woman studied a particular video feed intently. It was of Miss Kat having a conversation with a several men with odd fashion choices.
"So,"the woman purred. "Kat has started a Fanfiction university." The woman stroked a white cat.
"Well, this ought to be interesting Snoodles. Katherine has dared to stand in the way of my plans." The woman's serene expression changed to one of anger.
"I suppose I will have to get my hands dirty. Pity, I thought she would give up. Perhaps my attempts to convince her otherwise were not good enough," she smirked. "I suppose I'll have to resort to violence. Oh, I hate getting my hands dirty. But won't it be fun to have revenge Snoodles?"
A/N: If you wish to join this OFU, please PM or visit my Tumblr. My username is in my profile. Applications left in reviews will either be deleted or asked to be removed due to site rules.