"Aauugh!"The organic blades slammed into the boy, piercing straight through his childish body. For a moment the world froze. Yes, the boy, Raki, stood there, he was injured but had yet to notice the pain. Opposite him stood a ghastly creature, a monster by the name of Yoma. It was fatally injured; it's head sliced partially off. The Yoma collapsed, dead, its blades still stuck in the boy. For a moment the child's face registered one of shock, then disbelief, and finally, pain.
His grip loosened on the sword he held, and it fell with a muted thud. Strength fled his limbs and he collapsed onto his knees. He looked down. Blood blossomed from five neat holes in his chest, too much, he thought vaguely, I'm losing too much… blood. Raki's eyesight blurred, blood rose up into his throat and he coughed it out. Scrabbling weakly at his chest, the boy tried to stop the blood. It was no use. I… can't die here… not yet… I have to… find Clare… I… promised I… would. He collapsed onto the ground, Blood bubbled up from his throat, and drained leisurely from his mouth. He no longer had the strength to cough it out.
I'm going to die.
The thought should have set him into a panic, but the boy was already past that point. His eyesight dimmed around the edges. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. His treacherous heart pumped fresh blood out of his wounds with every beat.
I'm going to die.
He was shutting down. He lay in a pool of his own blood; it soaked into his hair and clothes. The scent filled his dying nose. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. His heart fluttered against his chest.
I'm sorry… I'm so… sorry. Clare… please forgive me. I went and broke my promise. Useless… as always. I can't even… keep… my promises. Tears leaked from his blind eyes, making a clear path down his blood choked face. He was almost dead. I wish… I could have seen you… at least once more. Just… once more… I wanted… to see you smile. Just once more.
I'm going to die.
Ba-dum. Ba- Silence choked the clearing
Oh… that… was my… heart… wasn't… it? I'm… so tired… Clare…
He was already dead.
xxxxx
"Raki."
"Raki."
"Raki." Slowly, uncertainly, Raki opened his eyes and sat up. Where am I? he wondered vaguely.
Raki.
"Huh? Who said that?" Looking around, the boy didn't see anyone, but he came to recognize where he was. "I'm… I'm in the woods… where Clare saved me from that yoma disguised as a warrior." But it wasn't the same. Yes, he was in the woods, but all the colors seemed washed out, and everything was much too still. The branches didn't stir in the wind; the undergrowth didn't rustle from hidden creatures. And, Raki realized, everything was quiet.
"What in the…" he was a bit frightened now. Wait. How did I get here? Let's see… the last thing I remember I was fighting that yoma and… it… killed me. With a gulp, Raki came to a horrifying realization.
"I'm dead aren't I."
"Yes." The voice from earlier said.
"Oh no. No. No. Nononono. No. No! I can't be dead! I… I have to keep my promise to Clare! I promised! I told her I'd survive! I said we'd meet again!" Sinking to the ground, Raki buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Not for himself, but for Clare, who would keep searching for him forever, never knowing that it was he who had broken their promise. "Clare…" Raki cried, "Clare I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry," he whispered.
"Dry your tears, little one" the voice said. Looking up, Raki was finally able to see the person who had spoken. A beautiful woman, with blond wavy hair knelt beside him.
"Who… who are you?" Raki asked drying his eyes. "Are you an angel?"
The woman laughed, it was a beautiful and comforting sound, "I guess you could say that. I've come to take you to heaven Raki."
"To… heaven?"
"Well what humans call heaven anyway." For the first time, Raki realized that this was no woman, this was a warrior. Her eyes were silver, just like Clare's, and although she didn't carry a sword, she stood with the same confidence and sureness about herself that Clare had.
"You… You're a warrior."
"That's right." She said. "And when I was alive, Clare was also a very important person to me."
"Clare…" Raki's face scrunched up and he sobbed again. Drawing him close, the warrior smoothed his hair.
"Hush, child. It will all be okay in the end. You'll see. We'll be together again with Clare soon enough." She stroked his hair softly.
Looking up at her, Raki said, "You… know Clare? What's your name?"
"My name is Teresa. I knew Clare when she was a small human child, much like you were."
"Teresa… and Clare. Just like from the myth."
"Yes." She smiled brightly. "Exactly like from the myth. Now Raki," she said in a serious tone "It's time for you to come with me. We'll wait for Clare on the other side of the bridge together. Are you ready?" She stood up and offered Raki her hand.
Trembling, Raki said, "I can't. I can't go. Clare has to know. She has to know to stop looking." Raki grasped Teresa's hand frantically "I have to tell her! She'll keep looking forever! Clare will never give up! She'll continue searching until she dies! She has to know… She has to know that I failed!"
"Raki." Teresa said, "come with me. "Clare will forgive you, when she comes."
"No… you don't understand. Clare has to know that I'm dead or she'll never find peace! She'll continue searching forever! She'll be so unhappy! I can't let her be unhappy!"
Silently, Teresa knelt back down. "Do you want to go back Raki? Do you want to tell Clare what happened?"
"Yes! Clare has to know! Can you take me back?"
"No. I can't take you back, but I can send you there, if you're sure."
Drying his tears Raki said fiercely, "I'm sure!"
"Oh, brave boy." She smoothed his hair back the way a mother would. "You will be in pain. The pain of your wounds will stay with you in death. You will be a lost soul, wandering the earth until you find the one thing that will give you peace. Clare." Looking him in the eyes, she asked, "are you sure you want this? The pain will be immense."
"I'm sure." Raki insisted
"Come back soon, dear child, and don't forget who you are or what you're looking for, or you'll wander forever." Teresa leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Immediately, pain erupted from his chest.
xxxxx
The pain was overwhelming, it consumed him, and for a long time it was all he could think about. Had Teresa been lying? Had she sent him down to hell rather than back to Clare? Eventually, the pain sort of subsided, or he became used to it, and Raki decided to try and sit up, but sort of drifted forward instead. He instinctively checked himself for wounds, but stopped short when he caught sight of his body. His entire being was transparent, and he was hovering slightly above the ground. Silver blood leaked from pale wounds on his chest. The pain, now that he could think clearly again, was unlike anything he had felt before, well, actually he had felt it before, when he died. But this was worse because there was no reprieve from the pain, no death. Teresa was gone, and with a start, Raki realized that he was in the same place where he had died. Then that must mean... Raki turned around slowly, examining the clearing. He saw the Yoma's body first, partly decapitated; it was even uglier in death. Then he saw his own body. It was slumped gracelessly across the roots of an oak tree, like a doll left behind by a careless child. Raki slowly approached his body and peered down sadly. Dead, glassy eyes stared up at its soul. Dried blood caked the body's face and clothes. His sword lay nearby, covered with the yoma's blood, as well as his own. Reaching forward, Raki tried to close his body's eyes, but his white fingers passed through his body. That… was everything I had. All my hopes, all my dreams, everything died with this body. I will never grow up. I will never grow old. This body will never experience anything again. Everything is gone. All that is left is the will to find Clare and apologize. That's all there is. It's all I have left.
Raki stayed by his body for a long while, unwilling to leave. I've never been anywhere without my body. For whatever reason, this thought greatly amused him. He threw back his head and laughed. To his amazement, his laughter rang through the forest as clear as any living persons. "So I can speak then!" he exclaimed. A thrush fled to sky, startled at the sound of his voice. Raki glanced once more at his body. Thank you, he thought. You served me well during my life. Chest throbbing, silver blood leaking from white wounds, Raki left his body behind, moving forward, even after death.
xxxxx
As a ghost, Raki had no perception of time, the scenery changed, but Raki never did. He was always awake, whether it was day or night. His only companion was pain, which never left his side, the silver blood leaked endlessly from his fake body, a constant reminder that he was dead. As he wandered, Raki found that when he talked, he was always heard, but whether or not he was seen was simply a matter of choice. If he focused very hard, then he could touch objects for a short amount of time, before he became intangible again.
When he came across a village, Raki scanned each and every face, looking for the one thing that would end his pain. He wandered across the entire continent, often losing himself to the pain and forgetting what he was doing. Eventually he wandered into the snowy peaks of the north. He floated between mountains, and wandered through decimated towns. The towns made him sad, many people had died in them. While in the mountains, he came across another wanderer. "Hello." Raki said out loud. The transparent figure turned around and stared at Raki with empty eyes.
"Hello," it replied in a monotone.
"What are you searching for?" Raki had come across several wanderers like himself, and that is what they always asked, What are you searching for? With a dismayed howl, the man said, "I don't know! I don't remember! I've been wandering for so long that I don't remember what was so important to me!" The man sobbed, but no tears leaked from his eyes. Ghosts could not cry, no matter how much they want to. They could only bleed.
Raki didn't say anything, he just felt sadness. Sadness for this poor man, who stayed behind in pain, for something important, only to forget what would give him peace.
"I'm sure you'll find it. If you keep wandering." Raki assured him.
Sniffling, the man said, "What are you looking for then?"
"I'm not entirely sure." Raki admitted. "I think I may be searching for a person. A girl. Yes. I'm almost certain it was a girl."
Raki wandered through the ice for longer than he normally wandered in places. Maybe, he thought, the person I'm searching for is here, so that's why I'm staying. While drifting through the frozen landscape, Raki often tried to remember. What was my name again? Something… something short and simple probably. Who am I looking for again? It was a girl. She was very beautiful. Yes, she was definitely beautiful. Why did I want to see her? I'm pretty sure… I wanted to apologize about something. What did I want to apologize for?
It was night when Raki found her. The moonlight glistened off the snow, and the girl almost blended into the scenery. He would have wandered on past, but he happened to be singing a song at that moment.
Colors and promise, fade
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid?
Watching you stand so tall,
Watching you stand alone
Take one step closer,
I have died every day
searching for you.
Please, don't be afraid,
I love you
His song, carried by the wind from an intangible body, reached exactly the right ears. A woman walking through the snow, joined by another, suddenly stopped. "Do you hear that?" she asked her companion.
"Hear what?" her long-haired friend asked.
"A voice on the wind… It's… singing."
"I don't hear anything Clare."
"No. I'm sure I heard something just now."
Raki heard the women's voices, and drifted down to see who they were. He peered up-side down, invisible, into the face of one figure. He didn't recognize her. Moving forward, he peered into the face of the second, and stopped short. The moment he saw her face, his lost memories came flooding back, like he had never forgotten them.
"Clare," he murmured. Clare stopped short, searching the empty space in front of her.
"Yuma." Clare said "Go back to camp. I'll be there in a moment."
"Eh? But… Captain said to-"
"Just go! I'll be back in a minute!" The woman, Yuma, turned away uncertainly and ran back the way they came.
Once she was gone, Clare unsheathed her sword steadily. "Come out whoever you are. I know you're there."
"Clare. It's me."
"Raki?" she asked uncertainly.
Concentrating on his appearance before he died, Raki forced his body to become visible, hiding his wounds.
"Yes, Clare. It's me." he said when she could see him.
"Raki!" Clare choked, moving forward as if to embrace him. Raki slinked back out of reach, not wanting to scare her.
"Raki? What are you…"
"Clare." Raki sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Clare. I wanted so badly to be by your side again."
"You're scaring me, Raki." Clare said, a horrible suspicion rising through her chest "Come on, we'll go back to my camp."
"I can't go back with you Clare."
"Of course you can! Don't be stupid!" She reached forward again and before Raki could move out of the way, her hand passed through his chest, breaking his concentration and revealing his wounds.
"R… Raki!" The warrior gasped, and her sword thudded down softly in the snow.
"Clare." Raki said. "I can't come back with you because I broke our promise. I can't come back with you because I'm dead."
"What? No… you can't be…" Slowly, Clare lowered herself onto the ground. "You can't be dead. You're right here. I can see you."
Raki knelt down with her. "But I am Clare. A yoma killed me. I came back as a wanderer to apologize for breaking our promise. Now that I've found you, I don't have much time. I want you to know, Clare, that I love you. So, so much."
Clare covered her mouth with her hand, and let the tears escape from her eyes.
"I was happier traveling with you than I ever could have been without you, no matter how long I lived. I'm not sorry I met you, I'm sorry I couldn't be with you longer. I'll wait for you, Clare, so live a long and happy life, make lots of memories and when you're good and ready, cross the bridge. I'll be there waiting for you, and so will Teresa."
Clare gasped at the mention of Teresa's name.
"I'm being pulled across Clare, I need to go. But I can leave you with this, at least…" solidifying his hands and mouth, Raki cupped her face in his hands and returned the kiss she had given him the day they parted. Now… I can rest.
"I'll wait for you Clare…" His form caught in the wind, and blew upward, scattering against the stars.
Clare sat like that for a while. She stared up at the twinkling lights above her, and she settled into a strange peace, unlike any she had ever felt. Eventually, she stood up, and walked carefully back to camp, where she rejoined the living.